Thousands of Hours

From Coping with Chronic Illness by Norman Wright

Isolation may be another experience forced upon you. Confinement isn't a pleasant exerience. You may spend thousands of hours by yourself. Many people are uncomfortable being around those who are sick and would rather be around those who are healthy.
[Others] can't tap into what you're experiencing or how you feel. This may result in you feeling alone, abandoned and trapped---with no way out and no help. 
So what do you do? You hang onto hope and concentrate on what you're able to do. You learn to turn your life over to God's care and seek His comfort and strength.

Let's do a little math. I've spent an estimated 4,800 hours alone. But then that is not true either. Because I have had visitors. And we are renting out of my parents' home. So that is not true.
What is more infinitely true is that I have not been alone, because God has been right here. 

I had once tossed a sweatshirt over the back of the couch I generally lay/sleep/sit on when I was first ill. My hands would be so hot and swollen from inflammation I would clutch the sleeves of the sweatshirt, and move my hands periodically to "cooler" areas of fabric. Ice packs were "too" cold. 
I sometimes caught myself imagining that it was God's hand I was clutching onto...or even pull the sleeves closer to myself in a fevered stupor, crying out to God. Please...any relief. Any strength. As I have said, most times He gave the breathing space I needed from pain and nausea. 
I certainly do not think that that sweatshirt is in any way God...but it is an interesting thing that I wanted (and still desperately want) to touch God. To have Him hold my hand in the hardest moments of RA. 
The Christian authors of the day often speak of the death Adam and Eve faced....eventual physical death, "instant" spiritual death because God was no longer with them, walking in the evening...but there would have been an "instant" physical death too...the best friend, safest and most wonderful Being ever....was no longer there. Could not be there. I imagine, while Adam and Eve could not stand to face God (hiding in the bushes always sounds really ridiculous when God is in the picture--although we all do it with our little sins)...they felt like those dogs do whose owners toss a ball and drive rapidly away. A look of stark abandonment...although we picked it. Like a marriage break-up that seemed like a good idea until the papers were actually signed.