But I Just Can't

⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Eph 2

If one is walking through life with a day-to-day -I have-no-idea-how-I-will-feel type of life, it is difficult to have placed over your head the waving banner of works. I thoroughly agree that works are important. However, it is disheartening to those, like me, who struggle to do anything on any given day. Plus paying for any physical or emotional activities as it is. 

We need to remember, that while works are useful, too, it is necessary to remember the MOST important question: what is our faith in Christ? What is the actual relationship between God and myself lately? Am I only doing things in attempt to please a God who is already pleased with me? 

The classic example is often this, the Mary-Martha question, where Christ points out that Mary has chosen the better choice between listening and spending time with Christ versus being the ideal worker:

³⁸ As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10

Time spent with me, even under the dullest circumstances, such as reading a book in the same room, means the most--more than gifts. I can only imagine that the greatest gift we can give our Lord is just that. Time. Memories spent with other people that have passed away are great memories. 
Memories of times spent deepest with God are indeed deep if one stops and considers them. 

⁴ Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Rev 2

The church at Ephesus had many commendations at the very opening of this chapter, for being strong workers. However, they are then told this. They had forsaken their first love, left the relationship with Christ for the important, but less important, activities laid before them.  
 Our faith, our relationship with Christ is THE most important thing in the world. This is helpful when facing a life of physical limitations when, unless God provides, there simply is not enough energy and good health to "do" much.

6Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness. Genesis 15 

1What then shall we say that Abraham, our forefather according to the flesh, discovered in this matter? 2If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about—but not before God. 3What does Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”^a Romans 4

Abraham's faith in God, from the get-go, was what was credited to him as righteousness--not his actions in general, but his faith.

One of the curses of the Fall of Man is that we were unable to be in God's presence because of the sin in our lives. Now, with the gift of His blood covering all our sins eternally, we can have that presence, have a deeper relationship with Him...and yet we leave this relationship to stagnate. We forget to water and feed our plant, as it were, and let it wither away with forgotten love. We say the right words, dance the right steps, act the right parts, but we leave the most important part out. We do not grow in a relationship with God. Sometimes we go through the motions of growing, but are not putting our actual hearts into the work. We might buy a new book, or read a new passage, or whatever it might be, but we may not actually fully put our hearts into it---meaning, are we even really wanting to depend on God, put our faith fully in Him? Or are we still trying to deal with things on our own? Are we too busy still? Or are we now distracted with the works we have lined up and thus forgotten God in our striving to please Him (or please men)? It is often surprisingly hard work to build on one's relationship with God. Though perhaps it shouldn't be, if one considers how hard human relationships can be to grow!

24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.1 Corinthians 9

Olympic athletes train for years in between the games. Athletes in any sport train for hours and hours and hours, forcing their bodies to do things which seem impossibly difficult. If we are running the race, we ought to make certain that we do not forget our first love, Christ. As ridiculous as it might seem for a swimming athlete for the Olympic team to admit he hates water, it is also sad---why would you work so hard on something you disliked? Fame, money, of course, but still, is not the purpose of the game for it to be something one likes?
Our works are very useful, and I applaud all who do so. But we must first and foremost make our first love the most important thing. As strange as the swimmer hating water may sound, a "worker" who has forgotten his love also sounds strange. It is a forgetting of the reason for the good works, since these works should show the world a little of the love of Christ within us and the love we hold for Him. When that is missing, then the work we might do is also hollow and missing.  

I do not think we ought to feel guilty if we are unable to do works. It is with great effort that I manage to do whatever it is in a day, and sometimes feel guilty that I am not doing more. Yet how many of us would begrudge someone who could not walk from not going out and planting trees? How many of us would glare at a mother caring for an ill child who needed constant care? Or a child caring for a parent, a spouse caring for a spouse? If Paul wrote that women ought to be busy at their own homes Titus 2.5, (to be certain gossiping did not happen) then the works presented to us sometimes occur in our own homes. It would appear worse to abandon that person to serve a different person. 
Do the work before you, ask God for the strength to manage, and firstly, make your first love more important than those jobs.

Why So Downcast Oh My Soul

I was thinking of the song we used to sing at my church with the same title (or words anyway) as the title of my post. The last few days have seemed especially trying. My father had a bad reaction to some antibiotics, so is in awful pain from that. I had a reaction myself, so cannot use one of my medications, which means a decrease in what comfort there is...and there is still the eye issue going on that I have little hope of (whether true or imagined) getting into remission. Somehow the world seems to be thumbing its nose at me and my family and cackling gleefully as some deranged maniac might while pouring you a cup of poison. 

2You are God my stronghold.

Why have you rejected me?

Why must I go about mourning,

oppressed by the enemy?

3Send me your light and your faithful care,

let them lead me;

let them bring me to your holy mountain,

to the place where you dwell.

4Then I will go to the altar of God,

to God, my joy and my delight.

I will praise you with the lyre,

O God, my God.

5Why, my soul, are you downcast?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

Psalm 43 NIV 

Yet even so, still I feel God with me, comforting me as only He can. So much of our life cannot be touched and soothed but through the touch of God. Our fevered minds, bleeding hearts and crushed spirits cry throughout the day and the night with the groaning of the earth beneath our feet echoing the stress of a cursed creation. Only the presence of a loving God can make such a life bearable. Thinking of all the pitfalls we humans find to try and soothe that pain of brokenness--drugs, people, sex, things--and how that often leaves us feeling even more shattered than before makes me especially glad that, by the strength of God, I have clung to God. An ironic picture perhaps, but when the going gets incredibly difficult, it seems a momentous effort to reach and hold God. With the harder the effort, the stronger the hold, so asking God for help in holding on seems to be a good answer. 

I have been making more of an effort to study lately, setting the goal of writing through John for my readers, wherever they might be, which has thus made the last few days of difficulties with less of a feeling of abandonment. I do not feel alone in the battle, I do not feel forgotten, distressed beyond strength, nor shattered of hope. I do not feel as low as I had been feeling.

Leaning on God is the only way to survive the things in life, great and small, and know that at all times you are never ever alone. We are never forgotten or forsaken. Learning more and more about God makes Him bigger and bigger all the time, more mind-blowing in the depth of His love, the depth of His wisdom and His strength, His character. The more you learn about God, the less the world and its cares bother, regardless of what they are. I am not saying that cares will not weigh heavy, but instead: 

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11.28-30.

A burden is much easier when carried by two, and with the Spirit with us, we are never carrying a burden alone. And isn't it funny how the modern world tells us every day that we ought to make special time to "rest and relax", and here the Word says He will give us the rest we truly need: spiritual as well as physical. 

Iritis Post: New Meds

Well, I saw the retina specialist in Tacoma today. All sorts of tests done. Basically she thinks I have had RA since childhood, and we discussed my having had some eye symptoms from childhood as well. We will be trying a steroid that is 50 times as potent, keep seeing my local opt., and then, if four months from now we are not seeing much improvement we will drop the Humira. Humira has rarely been implicated in an "allergic" reaction seen as iritis. 
Hopefully one way or another the eyes quiet down. At least this way I didn't learn my eyeballs were going to fall out or something.

A Fascinating Link

The Healing of the Centurion's Servant or The Faith That Astonished Christ. 
Here is an article I found while attempting to find a Jewish subject. It is well written and worth the effort. Click Here

False Teachers

I have been thinking about False Teachers a lot lately. I should, being that we are in a Discernment Class at my church. So this is slightly inspired by that class, though I am looking stuff up myself. 
Firstly, as my teacher at church defined, what IS discernment? It is not a warm, fuzzy feeling. This feels right, so it must be. Discernment is, according to Google, the ability to judge well, as in "an astonishing lack of discernment". 
But wait, we aren't supposed to judge! says the reader. Society tells us not to, some churches tell us not to. Judgement is a synonym for discernment, Google says, with it's meaning to come to a considered conclusion or sensible conclusion. 

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. ² This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, ³ but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.
⁴ You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. ⁵ They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. ⁶ We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit^[a] of truth and the spirit of falsehood 1 John 4

Firstly, those we listen to and read from must agree that Christ has come in the flesh from God. That they will admit that Christ was fully God and fully Man, that He was who He said He was. This must be quite evident---many will say that Christ was just a "man", or that God was only with Him until He went to the cross. God came as a Man, died as a Man and rose as a Man while still being God. Only God could be pure enough to be the sacrifice to take away an entire human race's sins. Only God in that form, born of a virgin and thus not carrying the sin-curse of Adam could do this thing.

14How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death,^c so that we may serve the living God! Hebrews 9

The next thing to consider when listening or reading what people say about God is does it line up with God's Word? Can it be referenced in two or more places? This requires one to believe that every scripture in the cannonized Bible to be God breathed. 
As a side note, many other books are argued about as to whether they should be in the Bible. These books, though written at the same era as other books of Scripture were never considered by the teachers of the time to be Scripture. They are useful as history books, but they are not considered to be part of the Word. This, according to the teacher at my class and her studies, was concluded in finality at the Counsil of Hippo in 300 AD, when heresy was becoming prevalent. 

10As soon as it was night, the believers sent Paul and Silas away to Berea. On arriving there, they went to the Jewish synagogue. 11Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. 12As a result, many of them believed, as did also a number of prominent Greek women and many Greek men. Acts 17

What others teach and say must be checked by the Word. Does it line up? Are the verses used properly in context? It is a favorite ruse to pull a verse out of context, or purposefully add verses to one's teaching as evidence, but never actually read them or turn to them. We do not always check every verse out in a book or sermon, and sometimes we might be pulled into bad teaching because the author/speaker mentions Jesus. If that is our standard, then any heavy metal band, rock band or random swearing person must be a good, solid teacher of the Word. 

Lastly, do we see in them signs of Christ-like behavior? Much like looking for a Deacon See passages here, one must look for signals of a Spirit-filled life. What might that look like? The fruits of the Spirit, one who lives a Christ-like life. One who stands out in the walk of faith. Is this person, a friend, pastor, teacher, growing in faith or stagnating? Is what they say accurate to the Word, and if not are they willing to listen openly and receive gentle correction to Biblical error? 

Use these tools to check the teachers in your life. As with a previous post, not everyone who says "Lord" actually believes.

Three Messianic Healings link

 This is a FANTASTIC link. Do read this---thrilling. How much we miss by being ignorant of the world that once was!

Christ's Three Messianic Healings

Iritis Post: Let's Add This

Well, while iritis is related to RA, I will make separate posts about them. That way, should my reader object to iritis discussions (unlikely), he/she can skip them. 
Got a phone call today from a retina specialist in Tacoma that my rheumatologist likes for an appointment. This appointment will take three hours--what they might do I can only imagine in nightmare like shivers. To think I used to object to the DENTIST! At lease needles and such were in the mouth, not in the eye. 
With that being said, I was not told to refrain from eating, and would consider it somewhat unlikely to have any procedures done. With the exception of medications being places IN THE EYE. Oh, that I only had toothaches! 
Apparently most procedures can be done under general anesthetic if needed. I think I might be the sort that did. Or at least the amnesiacs, those anesthetics used for colonoscopies etc. I shudder to imagine. 

I will be seen on the 10th, should any reader like to pray for peace. Peace is most desired, with no new complications of the eye. I think I'd have a nervous breakdown with another addition. 

RA Post: Iritis 1-2-3

I have been having a really hard time lately. The addition of iritis some six months ago has made things seem dark and gloomy in my heart.  See what iritis is all about here
I am never a very optimistic person about myself, whereas I am usually optimistic about everyone else. As it is, I am waiting for the next shoe to drop. What disease process next? What else will happen that is terrible?
This, of course, is not a good thought process to have, and is not recommended by the Bible. Christ tells us not to worry about tomorrow, yet I am an excellent worrier. I am trying to get it under control, to dwell more in God's light than my own miserable darkness. 

Since the iritis is an "eye thing", that makes it worse. I hate eye things, or the idea of going blind---which is a possibility, since it has to do with my RA, and its lack of complete remission. I feel as if I am scrabbling at the edge of a ravine, trying to stay standing upright, not bowled over by the winds of ill health, depression, personal disasters and crisis. I want to slow time, to try and get a chance to stand up, but I keep being rebuffed by the swirling winds about me. 

I know I am not alone in this battle, God is very near me, not leaving me to fight this battle against my body alone. But I still have been having a really hard time standing up to the storm in my heart over this battle. What I would give to wake up and find this whole time had been a nightmare. That at least the eye problem would go away, settle down, and be a forgotten memory.

"I Never Knew You"

As a young Christian, of which I still am, though further along than I was before, many things in the Word confused and puzzled me. Today I read one of the passages that always worried me as a very young Christian, and yet today, as I passed it over, it no longer concerns me---at least not in the same way. 
Having heard other people find the passage "frightening", I will do a quick discourse on the passage. 

21“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’Matt 7 NIV

Now, for me, as silly as it may be for some readers, and a reality for others, used to frighten me. Mainly, I figured out, because there is a "title" break in most Bibles between this passage and the previous section. The more I study, the more I find those title breaks, even if I do not read them, damaging to the flow of my reading. A new chapter started, the previous section is not immediately connected or some such thing. 

This passage is speaking about false prophets---false teachers. 

The topic at my women's Bible study this quarter is Discernment. Knowing how to see when books, people, teachers, pastors are misled, whether on purpose or by accident. 

We all will make mistakes with the Word, but should, of course, try to limit those. Speaking to other believers, especially those who have studied greatly, listening to sound teaching, checking the Word for what He says assists us in these matters. 

There are many people in the world, though, that search the world for "easy marks" to get money from, fame from, whatever they might want. These people learn how to walk the walk, talk the talk, and then, with their "heart" in their eyes, walk off with their god, money, fame, whatever. 

But they never really did have faith in God. 

It is not, I don't think, this passage's intent to tell us that we who believe are in great danger of being told "I never knew you", no. It is the intent to warn us that not all who teach are honestly teachers. 

The best tool we have to measure teaching by is God's Word. Therefore, we have to know it. We cannot rely too much on other books---and the books we love to read for devotionals etc., must line up with the Word. 

The Bereans listened to Paul as He spoke, but they checked everything He said with scripture first before agreeing with him. It behooves us to do the same. It is too easy for heresy to enter into us from a seemingly "solid" teacher, book, song or what have you. 

How easy was it for Satan to trick Eve into saying things God did not say? (Read Genesis, and note the differences she added to what God said in His actual commands). It is terribly easy for errors, mistakes, misreads, misquotations, out of context verses/passages can be impossible to spot without due diligence.  

Overwhelming Fear

I have been besieged with fear. Fear has been pinning me against the wall, waving its threatening visions before my eyes as I scream. 

I am forgetting myself, and the fear that has me pinned down is not of God--for fear is never sent from Him. 
Fear is an extremely powerful weapon. In military sense, countries wave around their biggest, scariest weaponry, hinting of weaponry they have never shown, to cause other countries to bow before them. They use it against their own populations, to ensure than the population obeys. People threaten other people, using psychological tactics, physical tactics, emotional tactics, to get what they want. People cause such fear as to basically cripple each other---and that is not considering the glee that is done by the Prince of the Earth. 
His fear mongering powers are the swiftest, sneakiest, and most charming. Fear weasels its way into our lives without us noticing that it is there until we are having nightmares constantly--as I am. 
He uses fear to distract from God. Anything and everything to distract from God. The pastor of my church mentioned, brilliantly, that sometimes it is NOT poor health that is to be a distraction from God by the evil one, but instead that everything is perfect. The perfect job, the perfect health, the perfect children, the perfect house, the perfect "stuff". Everything is going "your way" and everything is "good" may not, in fact, be true. 
Anything that can drag our attention from God is a worthwhile step by the enemy, for one, it is dishonoring to God, with our being made in His image. For another, it is a conquering of us, and while the battle is won already, the war is slow to cease. 

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. NIV

 

This, to me, summarizes the battle we fight with fear. When we attempt to take on fear ourselves, fully alone, with "I can handle it" thought process, we are unable to withstand the fear. We turn to other things to try and deal with the fear, all the while the fear before us grows as a cancer, wild and free. The fear becomes past the "I can handle it" level, and is overwhelming.

If we give in, say that no, we cannot handle this battle alone anymore, we then humble ourselves before God, asking for His help. And, (how shocking!) He does. The object of our fear may still exist, whatever it might be, but it has lost its power. The blood flow to the cancerous tumor is cut off.
See, too, how the devil is described. Not even in a very sneaky manner, being described as a roaring lion. If  we are watching closely, we note that temptation is growing---a fear is changing rapidly into a monster, sinful thoughts become more and more obsessive. The lion is roaring, but are we paying attention? Are we climbing into a tall tree, or are we sitting on the ground hoping it will not notice us. 

The battle is already won, lost many years ago. The troops will soon return home, where great healing and restoration will be given. 

Struggle hard against those last rebels who refuse to admit defeat. Utilize the Spirit to stand against these times of distraction, times of fear, worry, or even great joy. Watch unendingly, and seek always of counsel of God.  I say this as much to myself as the reader...