I don't often wake with praise songs running through my head. I did more as a "younger" person. I have to admit, though, that days in which one wakes with praise on their hearts for their King are overall "better". They are days that just seem filled with His presence.
"God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us." Acts 17.27
This passage is out of a section in Acts speaking on the holiness of God, but also that He places us each in specific areas and times. Now, this could seem depressing. So I am placed here, in 2016, with RA? Sick and in pain?...?!?!
But when I read this passage I immediately thought "how wonderful!" We are each placed in the time and area that leads to the strongest likelihood to our reaching for God---yes, perhaps because of trials, but perhaps because of the people around us too. The missionaries, the college students, everyone who walks the Way and shines forth His love and goodness.
I would be among the first to cry out that I would rather have an "easy" life, to never have any ailment or trial. Marvelous! (And to be truthful, I think that is what the world attempts to lure people into believing they have as they delve deeper into sin. Oh, and that we are caught into that web!)
And yet, the time and place we are in is the most ideal chance for us to reach out and find God, for "He is not far from each one of us." That is indeed a soothing, incredible and wonderful thing. He is not far from each one of us.
The Old Testament peoples were given the Spirit sporadically. However, we, with the sanctification of the Christ, have the Spirit poured out on us always----not that we do not injure and ignore the Spirit. But He is always close to us. All we have to do is reach out with all of our hearts, that plaintive cry in the night, and He is there with open arms, as the father was in the story of the Prodigal son. How much more does the Shepherd rejoice for finding the one lost lamb?
Rheumatoid Awareness
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Within Natural Life
The time a Christian gives to prayer and communion with God is not meant for natural life, but meant to nourish the life of the Son of God in him.
The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, Discovery House Pub, 2000, pg 103
I disagree with this, only in that the prayer and communion we share with God is meant for natural life because it nourishes the life of the Son of God in us.
Being of a pessimistic nature, I look back on my life and think useless, useless, useless. Everything is useless. I feel exceedingly useless now, because of the limitations I feel physically. What I did, I cannot do without great consequences to health, nor can I serve as easily in the path I thought I would serve--namely nursing.
Thousands of people look to and read Joni Eareckson Tada's books, listen to her on the radio, volunteer and work with her and her Wheels program. One would think, honestly, that someone paralyzed from the neck down for 50 years would be exceedingly "useless".
Yet obviously God has used her in great ways for many thousands of people.
Regardless of our circumstances and trials, it is "useful" that we walk as we do with the Lord. We were, for one, created to do so. For another, those who stand fast to Him, lean on Him, during the hardest moments of their lives, shine forth that He must be real. For who would possibly go through great trials and sufferings without cursing their god for allowing it? We may go through an anger...but we still believe He exists.
I think that is what the meaning of Job is. That throughout the sufferings we face, we should continue to rely on Him---at least that is what stands out to me.
"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." Ps 9.10
Even if we face these great trials, we are, for one very important point, never alone. The worst thing about anything is facing it alone. We are never alone, always have His love and strength. The world's strength comes in drugs of all types---narcotics, alcohol, sex---whatever it is that will numb the pain of a broken world the longest. Only the strength of the Lord gives one the ability to walk through natural life until the fullest part of our life actually comes to be, at the end of the ages when we are within His heaven and earth.
The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, Discovery House Pub, 2000, pg 103
I disagree with this, only in that the prayer and communion we share with God is meant for natural life because it nourishes the life of the Son of God in us.
Being of a pessimistic nature, I look back on my life and think useless, useless, useless. Everything is useless. I feel exceedingly useless now, because of the limitations I feel physically. What I did, I cannot do without great consequences to health, nor can I serve as easily in the path I thought I would serve--namely nursing.
Thousands of people look to and read Joni Eareckson Tada's books, listen to her on the radio, volunteer and work with her and her Wheels program. One would think, honestly, that someone paralyzed from the neck down for 50 years would be exceedingly "useless".
Yet obviously God has used her in great ways for many thousands of people.
Regardless of our circumstances and trials, it is "useful" that we walk as we do with the Lord. We were, for one, created to do so. For another, those who stand fast to Him, lean on Him, during the hardest moments of their lives, shine forth that He must be real. For who would possibly go through great trials and sufferings without cursing their god for allowing it? We may go through an anger...but we still believe He exists.
I think that is what the meaning of Job is. That throughout the sufferings we face, we should continue to rely on Him---at least that is what stands out to me.
"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." Ps 9.10
Even if we face these great trials, we are, for one very important point, never alone. The worst thing about anything is facing it alone. We are never alone, always have His love and strength. The world's strength comes in drugs of all types---narcotics, alcohol, sex---whatever it is that will numb the pain of a broken world the longest. Only the strength of the Lord gives one the ability to walk through natural life until the fullest part of our life actually comes to be, at the end of the ages when we are within His heaven and earth.
RA Post: Well, We'll Try
Today, with much urging on the part of my driver, I went to an interview at the local crisis pregnancy center. This center is to help moms and dads deal with pregnancy--especially those who are unmarried etc. The goal is to help them not pick abortions.
Nurses are needed and useful as educators there...I'd applied some time ago, but with the variance of my illness, I never know when I will make it.
So we will try. I will go Tuesday after next to watch the nurse volunteer that day, and see how things go.
Prayerfully, God will give me the strength and wellness to be able to do this. I really don't see how I possibly can...but, as Paul was told, "...my grace is sufficient for you".
Nurses are needed and useful as educators there...I'd applied some time ago, but with the variance of my illness, I never know when I will make it.
So we will try. I will go Tuesday after next to watch the nurse volunteer that day, and see how things go.
Prayerfully, God will give me the strength and wellness to be able to do this. I really don't see how I possibly can...but, as Paul was told, "...my grace is sufficient for you".
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Fundamental Independence
"Remember what sin is, fundamental independence of God, the thing in my that says, I can do without God, I don't need Him. The hatred of the world has its source there."
The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, Discovery House Pub, 2000, pg 100
How many of us shiver with dread when we think we are getting a phone call to point out some fault? Or when the boss asks to speak with us privately shudder with anticipation of being told a wrong?
And these feelings of dread are infinitely worse when we know there is something to be in trouble for.
Sin is the fundamental independence of God. What was it that happened in the Garden? Eve saw, with little urging of the devil, that the fruit was good to look at...and knowing as much as God, becoming a god! was ever so wonderful. So she ate a bite of that overripe, sickeningly sweet fruit, gave the man the same....and ever since, a wicked seed has settled into all of our hearts.
Some say that the curse over women for her husband could be the equality to him, or that woman wants to be head of the household---to have dominion over her husband. We now all carried (or carry if not forgiven by Him) the curse of wanting to be God. Or, better yet, be a god over the top of God! How wonderful!
And really, how horrid. Look about the local community you live in, the towns nearby, the states, countries and beyond. How happy and peaceful is the world? It is turmoil and disaster, hatred abounds, misery and torture rides the wind. And this is with the Lord putting the damper on the world!
How wretched the world really would be if we were the leading god. I shudder to imagine such a place. Hell on earth indeed.
In the USA, at least, independence is a big thing. We should be independent children, independent teens, and die of shame if not an independent adult. We should rely on no one for much of anything. A good, solid friend is a great achievement, and a good spouse is admirable---assuming you do not need to really rely on that person beyond entertainment. Independence is good. Naturally, there is an independence from God, then, too. Why would someone so well-adjusted need help? there is a range of scorn and laughable nonbelievers, to the other end which out and out hates disciples. Partially, perhaps, is the desire to continue this independence from God, as well we all know, we tend to try and handle disasters ourselves. Partially is the refusal to believe that He exists at all. Lastly...no one wants to admit he or she is sinful.
One hears often, "I'm really a good person." And, to human standards, that is probably true. No actual murders, no actual thefts. Certainly, humans dip their heads in agreement. Not such a bad person. However, that independence from God is sin. That changes the statement to "I'm really a person", and, as we can also assure, we are really a person. We can make huge lists of sins.
And yet, there He stands with open arms. Ready and more than willing to accept us the moment we accept His great gift. We needn't cry alone, keeping our wretched "independence" at all costs. We can join into His love, say with all our hearts "He is GOOD," and lean on Him as our lives change for the better because He is in it.
The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, Discovery House Pub, 2000, pg 100
How many of us shiver with dread when we think we are getting a phone call to point out some fault? Or when the boss asks to speak with us privately shudder with anticipation of being told a wrong?
And these feelings of dread are infinitely worse when we know there is something to be in trouble for.
Sin is the fundamental independence of God. What was it that happened in the Garden? Eve saw, with little urging of the devil, that the fruit was good to look at...and knowing as much as God, becoming a god! was ever so wonderful. So she ate a bite of that overripe, sickeningly sweet fruit, gave the man the same....and ever since, a wicked seed has settled into all of our hearts.
Some say that the curse over women for her husband could be the equality to him, or that woman wants to be head of the household---to have dominion over her husband. We now all carried (or carry if not forgiven by Him) the curse of wanting to be God. Or, better yet, be a god over the top of God! How wonderful!
And really, how horrid. Look about the local community you live in, the towns nearby, the states, countries and beyond. How happy and peaceful is the world? It is turmoil and disaster, hatred abounds, misery and torture rides the wind. And this is with the Lord putting the damper on the world!
How wretched the world really would be if we were the leading god. I shudder to imagine such a place. Hell on earth indeed.
In the USA, at least, independence is a big thing. We should be independent children, independent teens, and die of shame if not an independent adult. We should rely on no one for much of anything. A good, solid friend is a great achievement, and a good spouse is admirable---assuming you do not need to really rely on that person beyond entertainment. Independence is good. Naturally, there is an independence from God, then, too. Why would someone so well-adjusted need help? there is a range of scorn and laughable nonbelievers, to the other end which out and out hates disciples. Partially, perhaps, is the desire to continue this independence from God, as well we all know, we tend to try and handle disasters ourselves. Partially is the refusal to believe that He exists at all. Lastly...no one wants to admit he or she is sinful.
One hears often, "I'm really a good person." And, to human standards, that is probably true. No actual murders, no actual thefts. Certainly, humans dip their heads in agreement. Not such a bad person. However, that independence from God is sin. That changes the statement to "I'm really a person", and, as we can also assure, we are really a person. We can make huge lists of sins.
And yet, there He stands with open arms. Ready and more than willing to accept us the moment we accept His great gift. We needn't cry alone, keeping our wretched "independence" at all costs. We can join into His love, say with all our hearts "He is GOOD," and lean on Him as our lives change for the better because He is in it.
Heavy Hearts
My heart has been especially heavy. One, I have not been as deeply seated in my studies which always has a negative affect on my level of melancholia. Two....I am days away from "celebrating" two years of illness. An entire college degree in illness. I suppose I ought to award or create degrees. ASRA could be my added degree: associate in science, rheumatoid arthritis.
As I say, my heart is especially heavy.
We might think, in the heaviest of heartache, that we remain alone in that sorrow. And yet, we should also recall how His heart ached in Gethsemane. He faced the terrible beyond any we might face. For when He faced the cross, He was forsaken as we deserved.
My own heart may weigh heavy...and often I may mourn the pointlessness of illness. Yet there you are, reader, reading the words I share, and, hopefully, effected for the better.
There are times I long for night. I never was one to long for night. Darkness terrifies me. Yet I now, especially when most miserable, long for night. Then, when the house is quiet with the soft sighs of family sleeping, my mind quiets. Jeanne Guyon writes that the most difficult part of being before God is quieting the mind. She says the mind has a natural (sinful) inclination to be distracted.
How very true. For me, my studying is interrupted because in good days i run until I have no energy and go to sleep. on bad days, I sleep all day. Therefore, I've no "time" to seek God.
Oh, sinful world! How quickly we leave His yoke, running about as we see best! Perhaps what we are doing is not blatantly sinful...and yet it is. For we have neglected to make every action and thought devoted to Him throughout our day. Was everything today done for, and, more importantly, with God?
However, no matter how forgetful we are towards Him, He keeps calling us. At times gently, at others urgently. Often as soon as we open the door, He is there, arms outstretched, glowing with love...and perhaps a hint of sadness at the state of creation.
At all costs we have to make Him the center of our lives. As I know only too well from my decreased studying...my heart begins to suffer mightily. I simply cannot survive the torment of illness, jealousy of other's "alive-ness", and all the rest. When He, the Life of all life, is at the center of my life, i live. Even at my most ill moments, my most miserable hours, when He is the center of every neuronal synapse, I live. I am more alive when asleep for days if He is my main focus than if I were climbing Mt Everest.
The world lies and manipulates what is "life", constantly making us dissatisfied with every portion of our lives. We are not rich enough, smart enough, gadget-filled pockets enough, beautiful enough, thin/fat enough...even if you are not facing a trial per se, something will catch your attention as a god.
The only long-lasting, true happiness is indeed Him. The happiest, most relaxed people I have met, even in the midst of misery, are those who faithfully kept their yoke on. They fought to always keep that connection to God, to point out He was and is their King. Whereas the most miserable people....were those who were covering up their misery with other gods, numbing the pain of no God by using drugs or similar things.
We are made to be with God. It is against our nature to be without Him. So of course we have no strength without Him. Open the door, put on the yoke. It's so soothing and wonderful to be in His presence, to take on His "light and easy" load. For it most assuredly is light and easy in comparison.
As I say, my heart is especially heavy.
We might think, in the heaviest of heartache, that we remain alone in that sorrow. And yet, we should also recall how His heart ached in Gethsemane. He faced the terrible beyond any we might face. For when He faced the cross, He was forsaken as we deserved.
My own heart may weigh heavy...and often I may mourn the pointlessness of illness. Yet there you are, reader, reading the words I share, and, hopefully, effected for the better.
There are times I long for night. I never was one to long for night. Darkness terrifies me. Yet I now, especially when most miserable, long for night. Then, when the house is quiet with the soft sighs of family sleeping, my mind quiets. Jeanne Guyon writes that the most difficult part of being before God is quieting the mind. She says the mind has a natural (sinful) inclination to be distracted.
How very true. For me, my studying is interrupted because in good days i run until I have no energy and go to sleep. on bad days, I sleep all day. Therefore, I've no "time" to seek God.
Oh, sinful world! How quickly we leave His yoke, running about as we see best! Perhaps what we are doing is not blatantly sinful...and yet it is. For we have neglected to make every action and thought devoted to Him throughout our day. Was everything today done for, and, more importantly, with God?
However, no matter how forgetful we are towards Him, He keeps calling us. At times gently, at others urgently. Often as soon as we open the door, He is there, arms outstretched, glowing with love...and perhaps a hint of sadness at the state of creation.
At all costs we have to make Him the center of our lives. As I know only too well from my decreased studying...my heart begins to suffer mightily. I simply cannot survive the torment of illness, jealousy of other's "alive-ness", and all the rest. When He, the Life of all life, is at the center of my life, i live. Even at my most ill moments, my most miserable hours, when He is the center of every neuronal synapse, I live. I am more alive when asleep for days if He is my main focus than if I were climbing Mt Everest.
The world lies and manipulates what is "life", constantly making us dissatisfied with every portion of our lives. We are not rich enough, smart enough, gadget-filled pockets enough, beautiful enough, thin/fat enough...even if you are not facing a trial per se, something will catch your attention as a god.
The only long-lasting, true happiness is indeed Him. The happiest, most relaxed people I have met, even in the midst of misery, are those who faithfully kept their yoke on. They fought to always keep that connection to God, to point out He was and is their King. Whereas the most miserable people....were those who were covering up their misery with other gods, numbing the pain of no God by using drugs or similar things.
We are made to be with God. It is against our nature to be without Him. So of course we have no strength without Him. Open the door, put on the yoke. It's so soothing and wonderful to be in His presence, to take on His "light and easy" load. For it most assuredly is light and easy in comparison.
Saturday, July 23, 2016
Endless Reservoir
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Gal 2.20
Our existence here on earth is that of existing for God. As a gardener (albeit a pathetic one as of late), I figure there is the slimmest view of the joy God has in His creation. In the act of gardening is a deep affection, a sense of being responsible for caring for each individual plant's welfare. Does this plant lack water? I will give it.
This, perhaps, also gives a glimpse into God's sustaining power when we face difficulties and trials. I give the plant water when the hot, terrible sun of August burns the ground. I make the effort of carrying either hose or watering can to the plant, creating a reservoir to let the water drain in over a longer period of time.
Let us look at life then: As the hot sun of a trial burns us, and we wilt before its rays, God brings us water. We can get this water through the Spirit, and through the Scripture we read (check out Psalm 19).
Much like the plant, though, it up to us to reach out and draw the water into our very cells. The plant can sit there with water at its roots...but if the plant does not make the effort to pull in the water, it will be alone under the scorching sun. It will not matter how much water I offer the plant, how much love I give it, it will be alone without making an effort.
The love of God is ready for the taking. There is an endless reservoir waiting to fill our cells with His love, peace and comfort in the midst of life.
Friday, July 22, 2016
A Moral Pigsty
If God has never made known His demands we might have said that every man was a law unto himself---"Whatever I think is right according to my own inner light, must be right." As soon as a may becomes a law unto himself he begins to do what he likes....where will it lead him? to a moral pigsty.
The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, Oswald Chambers, Discover House Pub. 2000, pg 92
I love this---especially since, in the US anyway, the part in quotations is said left and right---even in the court of law.
When I write my posts, I am often writing something that either convicts me or will convict me. Words pour out of me onto these pages, showing me my own faults and shortcomings.
How fortunate it is that we, with the salvation given us, can cry out to God asking for forgiveness, for help against the sins that appear in our lives.
We are as much mistaken that we can handle sin alone in our lives as the idea of earning our salvation. Certainly, be honorable to the Lord, work to please Him by being honorable...but the gift of salvation is just that. A gift. A gift is not a gift if you work to earn it.
Now then, to living here and now with a conscience. We do tend to think things are right and wrong. But we must check what we "think" against what God thinks. This is more easily done if one is literally buried in the word. One, we get the input of God, and two, we can discern about books we may read by "godly" authors who may (or may not) be correct.
If we are in tune with God, listening for His input in life, we will likely get a clue that an action, idea or choice is not godly. Unless we insist upon doing it. We can "silence" God, and more's the pity. He is still there, telling against our sinful actions and thoughts...but we can put our fingers in our ears and run straight for the train tracks if we wish. How this must hurt Him! Hurt comes into our lives with our being in a sinful, wicked, broken world...but when we run towards sin with open arms. Then we may as well be jeering at Him as the soldiers drove the spikes into Him.
We are told to test every spirit. I think this means we are to also test our inclinations. Are they godly? And if not, why not?
The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, Oswald Chambers, Discover House Pub. 2000, pg 92
I love this---especially since, in the US anyway, the part in quotations is said left and right---even in the court of law.
When I write my posts, I am often writing something that either convicts me or will convict me. Words pour out of me onto these pages, showing me my own faults and shortcomings.
How fortunate it is that we, with the salvation given us, can cry out to God asking for forgiveness, for help against the sins that appear in our lives.
We are as much mistaken that we can handle sin alone in our lives as the idea of earning our salvation. Certainly, be honorable to the Lord, work to please Him by being honorable...but the gift of salvation is just that. A gift. A gift is not a gift if you work to earn it.
Now then, to living here and now with a conscience. We do tend to think things are right and wrong. But we must check what we "think" against what God thinks. This is more easily done if one is literally buried in the word. One, we get the input of God, and two, we can discern about books we may read by "godly" authors who may (or may not) be correct.
If we are in tune with God, listening for His input in life, we will likely get a clue that an action, idea or choice is not godly. Unless we insist upon doing it. We can "silence" God, and more's the pity. He is still there, telling against our sinful actions and thoughts...but we can put our fingers in our ears and run straight for the train tracks if we wish. How this must hurt Him! Hurt comes into our lives with our being in a sinful, wicked, broken world...but when we run towards sin with open arms. Then we may as well be jeering at Him as the soldiers drove the spikes into Him.
We are told to test every spirit. I think this means we are to also test our inclinations. Are they godly? And if not, why not?
Thursday, July 21, 2016
RA Post; liver
With any illness comes the constant observation of the liver. Nearly all medications are metabolized, or broken down, by the liver. People have to take enough medication to leak meds past the liver. In other words, overwhelm the liver so that medication has affect on the patient. Doing this without killing the liver.
Naturally this wears on the liver. Mine is fine, but we cannot change my methotrexate dose any higher, for my liver is beginning to show stress. My bimonthly blood tests showed increase in the liver function tests. We will continue to monitor, and make choices based on the tests.
Thing is, I don't even think I have the benefit of better RA control.
Naturally this wears on the liver. Mine is fine, but we cannot change my methotrexate dose any higher, for my liver is beginning to show stress. My bimonthly blood tests showed increase in the liver function tests. We will continue to monitor, and make choices based on the tests.
Thing is, I don't even think I have the benefit of better RA control.
Monday, July 18, 2016
Not Rely on Ourselves
"Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." 2 Cor 1.9
For us in the US, there is such an increase in violence that we may indeed feel the "sentence of death". Lately, there has been a overwhelming level of destruction in what would be called a "first world nation". Medical personal, police have been killed...seemingly, in many cases, for the purpose of killing.
This passage in Corinthians speaks of the difficulties and sufferings that the early church was facing on all side. Rome wasn't necessarily pleased with these newfangled Christians---disturbing the riotous, raunchy fun at the gods' temples. The Jewish leaders were incensed at these people who, to them, were being disrespectful beyond all reason. Not to mention the "stupidity" of the whole idea that some man came back to life after death.
Hardships vary in intensity. Some have us, as the martyr, literally slaughtered for the faithful actions they continued. Some hardships are only those of a bad day. Some are more chronic, such as illness, a difficult-to-break habit, etc. The "lesser" hardships may not lead to death, but still may lead to a type of death----death of faith.
When we are determined to rely on our own abilities, we are soon depleted and discouraged. Consider as an example the fact most businesses have multiple employees. One may answer phones, one may bookkeep, one may build the product, one may handle shipping, etc. The larger the business, the more employees needed to be able to handle the work load.
Now, in our personal lives, there are two choices. We may handle our work load alone, and as time passes, we begin to face more and more anxiety, depression and illness.
Or we may team up with Someone, and have a stronger partner than we might ever hope to find. Only then can we face the difficulties we find in life successfully...only then do we have a chance of avoiding the anxiety and depression of fighting battles alone.
For us in the US, there is such an increase in violence that we may indeed feel the "sentence of death". Lately, there has been a overwhelming level of destruction in what would be called a "first world nation". Medical personal, police have been killed...seemingly, in many cases, for the purpose of killing.
This passage in Corinthians speaks of the difficulties and sufferings that the early church was facing on all side. Rome wasn't necessarily pleased with these newfangled Christians---disturbing the riotous, raunchy fun at the gods' temples. The Jewish leaders were incensed at these people who, to them, were being disrespectful beyond all reason. Not to mention the "stupidity" of the whole idea that some man came back to life after death.
Hardships vary in intensity. Some have us, as the martyr, literally slaughtered for the faithful actions they continued. Some hardships are only those of a bad day. Some are more chronic, such as illness, a difficult-to-break habit, etc. The "lesser" hardships may not lead to death, but still may lead to a type of death----death of faith.
When we are determined to rely on our own abilities, we are soon depleted and discouraged. Consider as an example the fact most businesses have multiple employees. One may answer phones, one may bookkeep, one may build the product, one may handle shipping, etc. The larger the business, the more employees needed to be able to handle the work load.
Now, in our personal lives, there are two choices. We may handle our work load alone, and as time passes, we begin to face more and more anxiety, depression and illness.
Or we may team up with Someone, and have a stronger partner than we might ever hope to find. Only then can we face the difficulties we find in life successfully...only then do we have a chance of avoiding the anxiety and depression of fighting battles alone.
Sunday, July 17, 2016
RA Post: Discouraged
I lay here in the middle of the night....broken hearted. Not nursing, treating people, speaking of God or showing His love as best I can rips my heart out of my chest.
I have no understanding for the change in my life...how my illness just seems to get under control, and then I am tossed into such sickness again. I begin to think this is it, i volunteer now. And again, such sickness hits. I really have no good description of sickness such as I experience. It is horrendous. If I saw myself on a bad day as a patient....considering how I behave, look, and symptoms, I would be tempted to send said patient to hospital. Except that the horrendousness I experience is something I experience again and again and again. And when something like the symptoms Iexhibit are the "norm", it changes when the patient goes to hospital.
There is little point in an RA patient going to the hospital. The best is that you will receive a steroid treatment in a immune suppression attempt. That's all they really can do.
Oh, my heart. Tears flood my face and bed clothes as I think of missing my nursing. The pain of that at times equals that of my disintegrating bones.
Chronic illness takes many things. We lack energy to do things, we are often forgotten because we miss gettogethers. We feel guilty if we have children because we can barely manage to do half of what we dream of doing with them, we feel the crush of not having children for fear of said disease hurting them and crushing our hearts further. We face judgement because we don't look sick when we do go someplace, because we feel well enough to go for an hour.
Yet chronic illness gives one a perspective of dependence upon God different than many people. The closest I can relate it to is to the level I had to battle agoraphobia. And this itself is different, deeper in a way. I do not claim that this breed makes me perfect...in fact too often I forget to call out to God at all! Rather, I am trying to point out that He never leaves us...we are the ones that begin to silence Him without lack of prayers and study...we pick other gods to listen to.
I have had my pain lessened by prayer, from unbearable levels to those which I could stand---- and after I asked in prayer, mind you, not anywhere near to when medication would have time to "kick in". I have gotten such answers of peace, strength and love.
In the midst of pain and misery...we can take in the fact that if we are not healed, we are NOT forsaken. Our sins deserve that at the very least. By the grace and Death of our King, who was forsaken and shunned during His death, shunning we deserve, we are held close and loved with our sins covered to be invisible.
Healing may not be in the plan, as Paul faces his thorn. Struggles melt away imperfections, keeping conceit and such out of our lives----also making us all have an ability to speak to others through our hardships about how God helped us, how we have survived the worst of situations without swaying in faith. Those things are the ones that often make lost think about God. For who would determinedly believe while facing death and still loving those about them? (I describe martyrs here). And yet even the facing and winning with God's great strength over handling pain, depression or whathaveyou makes people think. The patience we face these things with, by the help of our Lord, is indeed something.
I have no understanding for the change in my life...how my illness just seems to get under control, and then I am tossed into such sickness again. I begin to think this is it, i volunteer now. And again, such sickness hits. I really have no good description of sickness such as I experience. It is horrendous. If I saw myself on a bad day as a patient....considering how I behave, look, and symptoms, I would be tempted to send said patient to hospital. Except that the horrendousness I experience is something I experience again and again and again. And when something like the symptoms Iexhibit are the "norm", it changes when the patient goes to hospital.
There is little point in an RA patient going to the hospital. The best is that you will receive a steroid treatment in a immune suppression attempt. That's all they really can do.
Oh, my heart. Tears flood my face and bed clothes as I think of missing my nursing. The pain of that at times equals that of my disintegrating bones.
Chronic illness takes many things. We lack energy to do things, we are often forgotten because we miss gettogethers. We feel guilty if we have children because we can barely manage to do half of what we dream of doing with them, we feel the crush of not having children for fear of said disease hurting them and crushing our hearts further. We face judgement because we don't look sick when we do go someplace, because we feel well enough to go for an hour.
Yet chronic illness gives one a perspective of dependence upon God different than many people. The closest I can relate it to is to the level I had to battle agoraphobia. And this itself is different, deeper in a way. I do not claim that this breed makes me perfect...in fact too often I forget to call out to God at all! Rather, I am trying to point out that He never leaves us...we are the ones that begin to silence Him without lack of prayers and study...we pick other gods to listen to.
I have had my pain lessened by prayer, from unbearable levels to those which I could stand---- and after I asked in prayer, mind you, not anywhere near to when medication would have time to "kick in". I have gotten such answers of peace, strength and love.
In the midst of pain and misery...we can take in the fact that if we are not healed, we are NOT forsaken. Our sins deserve that at the very least. By the grace and Death of our King, who was forsaken and shunned during His death, shunning we deserve, we are held close and loved with our sins covered to be invisible.
Healing may not be in the plan, as Paul faces his thorn. Struggles melt away imperfections, keeping conceit and such out of our lives----also making us all have an ability to speak to others through our hardships about how God helped us, how we have survived the worst of situations without swaying in faith. Those things are the ones that often make lost think about God. For who would determinedly believe while facing death and still loving those about them? (I describe martyrs here). And yet even the facing and winning with God's great strength over handling pain, depression or whathaveyou makes people think. The patience we face these things with, by the help of our Lord, is indeed something.
Friday, July 15, 2016
RA Post: cold
I had a cold or something part of the week. Made me so sick. Getting a cold is the worstwith RA. The RA is much worse with any other sickness. Ever have a toothache? Then have the toothache plus a flu or something. It's really a blast.
Thankfully I am somewhat on the mend. Today I went with my sister to the local thrift store. Had a nice time visiting. Now I am exhausted after shopping and driving.
I am nearly at two years of waking up with a uti and what felt like glass shards in my feet...within hours it was my hands. Then the nausea began to build until i just couldn't work. Everyone day was a day as long as I could stand the building nausea.
Honestly I remember life before this misery as a book. I hardly remember what it was like to be normal, to work and whatnot. The idea of not being ill, having about four hours of day for activity people would expect of someone my age, seems correct, that this is the normal for everyone. How can anyone be not sick?
I wish I remembered better when I wasn't sick...just seems like now being sick is all their i for existence.
Thankfully I am somewhat on the mend. Today I went with my sister to the local thrift store. Had a nice time visiting. Now I am exhausted after shopping and driving.
I am nearly at two years of waking up with a uti and what felt like glass shards in my feet...within hours it was my hands. Then the nausea began to build until i just couldn't work. Everyone day was a day as long as I could stand the building nausea.
Honestly I remember life before this misery as a book. I hardly remember what it was like to be normal, to work and whatnot. The idea of not being ill, having about four hours of day for activity people would expect of someone my age, seems correct, that this is the normal for everyone. How can anyone be not sick?
I wish I remembered better when I wasn't sick...just seems like now being sick is all their i for existence.
Toy Schnauzer Post: selling pups
Amazing. We are already to the selling puppies stage. I don't like selling pets.
At one point I raised pet rabbits, though I suppose you could have eaten them. The best way to sell them was to get a pet store to buy them. However, the pet store might not need them, which made it difficult to sell them.
I wouldn't want to give my puppies to a pet store, somehow that is worse...dogs are so much attached to people.
We've sold one puppy. And it's home will be marvelous, yet it still pulls at my heart.
At one point I raised pet rabbits, though I suppose you could have eaten them. The best way to sell them was to get a pet store to buy them. However, the pet store might not need them, which made it difficult to sell them.
I wouldn't want to give my puppies to a pet store, somehow that is worse...dogs are so much attached to people.
We've sold one puppy. And it's home will be marvelous, yet it still pulls at my heart.
Sunday Behaviorial Syndrome
The authority our Lord obeyed was an internal authority, not an external one, that is, His inner life and the life He exhibited were one in the same, and the purpose of all external authority is to bring us there.
The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, Oswald Chambers, Discovery House Pub, 2000, pg 91
Imagine for a moment (likely with great horror) that everything you do in "secret" is also done in public. The most "private" thoughts, actions and beliefs come surging to the surface in your life that everyone might know. Honestly, most people "guess" what goes on in the secret parts of our lives...but I doubt that every secret is truly known.
Except by that of God.
Some of the most hurtful experiences in my life where those having to do with the Sunday Behaviorial Syndrome. SBS, as we shall henceforth call it, is the wonderful transformation many of us go through on a bright, Sunday morning. We make sure we are cheerful, friendly, loving, caring...we force (at times) the "fruits" to shine forth for appearance sake on Sunday. Never mind the rest of the week when we beat the dog, scream at our employees, or shun those less "worthy".
It is this SBS that makes many people despise disciples of Christ. Why, for goodness sake's, would they want to be like you or me? We, if anything, are worse than "they", for we profess we are saved and holy---and yet our behavior, apparently, is even worse than their own?
"We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." 2 Cor 4.10
I think, considering my own lovely, sinful nature, that we all have moments of SBS. We begin to think how righteous we are, to be sitting in the best spot in the pews (front center, left side four spots in, or whatever), to be singing the best, or being so wonderful to "forgive" that hateful person two rows over. We have our Bible--which to all accounts MUST be underlined, noted in, and adequately (and respectfully) crumpled to prove we read "enough". Oh, yes.
And as we sit with our SBS shining through, we feel the momentarily shadow of sadness pass over us---that rather than be humble, truly exhibiting our King, we chose to exhibit the deeper secret of ourselves.
We must take charge of ourselves, and, when the SBS begins to rise like such noxious venom in the fangs of a snake poised, stop the strike from hitting. We must charm the snake, as it were, by addressing the SBS that moment. Ask to see the sins in one's life---an intriguing experience, even if one we cringe away from doing.
I have been reading "A Nun's Story" by Kathryn Hulme. A rather interesting book--and while I do not think many of the servitude ideas or punishments are exactly what the Word inspires, I do greatly appreciate the behavior of noticing. The sisters in the book are never allowed to ask anything for themselves; that is, if they are not given a fork, they must wait until another sister notices and asks for one for the forkless sister. I do love this, the love for each other that is nourished into the lives of nuns. Our love for our brothers is often sadly tainted, filled with SBS, so that if we run into a person we dislike at the market...we turn the other way to avoid talking to them. Watch and pray against such behavior...Su It is painful to be the shunned one, and wicked to be the shunner.
The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, Oswald Chambers, Discovery House Pub, 2000, pg 91
Imagine for a moment (likely with great horror) that everything you do in "secret" is also done in public. The most "private" thoughts, actions and beliefs come surging to the surface in your life that everyone might know. Honestly, most people "guess" what goes on in the secret parts of our lives...but I doubt that every secret is truly known.
Except by that of God.
Some of the most hurtful experiences in my life where those having to do with the Sunday Behaviorial Syndrome. SBS, as we shall henceforth call it, is the wonderful transformation many of us go through on a bright, Sunday morning. We make sure we are cheerful, friendly, loving, caring...we force (at times) the "fruits" to shine forth for appearance sake on Sunday. Never mind the rest of the week when we beat the dog, scream at our employees, or shun those less "worthy".
It is this SBS that makes many people despise disciples of Christ. Why, for goodness sake's, would they want to be like you or me? We, if anything, are worse than "they", for we profess we are saved and holy---and yet our behavior, apparently, is even worse than their own?
"We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." 2 Cor 4.10
I think, considering my own lovely, sinful nature, that we all have moments of SBS. We begin to think how righteous we are, to be sitting in the best spot in the pews (front center, left side four spots in, or whatever), to be singing the best, or being so wonderful to "forgive" that hateful person two rows over. We have our Bible--which to all accounts MUST be underlined, noted in, and adequately (and respectfully) crumpled to prove we read "enough". Oh, yes.
And as we sit with our SBS shining through, we feel the momentarily shadow of sadness pass over us---that rather than be humble, truly exhibiting our King, we chose to exhibit the deeper secret of ourselves.
We must take charge of ourselves, and, when the SBS begins to rise like such noxious venom in the fangs of a snake poised, stop the strike from hitting. We must charm the snake, as it were, by addressing the SBS that moment. Ask to see the sins in one's life---an intriguing experience, even if one we cringe away from doing.
I have been reading "A Nun's Story" by Kathryn Hulme. A rather interesting book--and while I do not think many of the servitude ideas or punishments are exactly what the Word inspires, I do greatly appreciate the behavior of noticing. The sisters in the book are never allowed to ask anything for themselves; that is, if they are not given a fork, they must wait until another sister notices and asks for one for the forkless sister. I do love this, the love for each other that is nourished into the lives of nuns. Our love for our brothers is often sadly tainted, filled with SBS, so that if we run into a person we dislike at the market...we turn the other way to avoid talking to them. Watch and pray against such behavior...Su It is painful to be the shunned one, and wicked to be the shunner.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Never Knew You
Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’Matt 7.23
Think about the weight of those words. I never knew you. These words always struck me as pretty heavy---a terrible reality.
If we think of this verse in combination with the idea that He cares for the sparrow that falls...being never known by God is a pretty horrendous thing.
And yet we are known to Him. He knew us before we were born, knew the plans He had for us. The point is whether we agree to "let" Him be God.
"Philosophy tries to reduce God to a first mover and science attempts to remove God entirely." Embracing the Love of God, James Bryan Smith, HaperCollins Pub, 1995, pg 16.
The world has long worked to prove that God does not exist (or at least does not exist in the high rank He does)---which conveniently makes it so that we do not exist, either, when we get to hear the words of not being known. If sparrows are known, it is a sad fate to be told that, by our ignorance in belief by insisting on believing on scripturally-incorrect beliefs, we are not known.
The wickedness of the world is at a sickening level, likely to continue on its path to destruction. Everything about us shouts above the other in attempting to say God is not real. People scream in our ears that religion is a notion to be dropped, much like an infant from a pacifier.
Yet our walk is worth more than anything anyone might say against it.
If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. Jn 15.10
Remaining in His love. Can we have even the faintest notion of the depth and meaning of His love? The Word is filled from the beginning of print to the end with descriptions of His great love and what that means...and as well, it is filled with passages that point out the indescribable-ness of God.
"Whatever we are allowed to discover about God, He is more." (Smith, pg 16).
The more I learn about God, either through my limp with illness, reading godly authors, devouring Scripture, the more holes I find in my knowledge. Ignorance is bliss, the saying goes, and to a point it is true. When we are "infants" in Christ, we know very little, but often become too easily satisfied with the little we know. We are easily distracted by the world, by the polished words slipping off the tongues of the evil ones. We listen to pastors and read a few books, memorize a few verses...then we taper off, assuming we have learned enough, learned all there is to know.
No! Consider the very air about you---the chemistry involved, the discoveries science makes every day, reversing the "rules and laws" they swore were truth. Science would consider it foolishness to stop studying. How can we be so dull as to think that we could possibly know everything there is to know of God? The wonders of God stretch out beyond the size of the universe---
In the times we face now, the disarray of the world, its Sodom and Gomorrah attitude, we had better take stock of the learning we have in relation to God. The Word is a blessing for us to be able to read, to know Him, to force our minds to think on Him...and I never want to hear the words "I never knew you" directed at me.
Think about the weight of those words. I never knew you. These words always struck me as pretty heavy---a terrible reality.
If we think of this verse in combination with the idea that He cares for the sparrow that falls...being never known by God is a pretty horrendous thing.
And yet we are known to Him. He knew us before we were born, knew the plans He had for us. The point is whether we agree to "let" Him be God.
"Philosophy tries to reduce God to a first mover and science attempts to remove God entirely." Embracing the Love of God, James Bryan Smith, HaperCollins Pub, 1995, pg 16.
The world has long worked to prove that God does not exist (or at least does not exist in the high rank He does)---which conveniently makes it so that we do not exist, either, when we get to hear the words of not being known. If sparrows are known, it is a sad fate to be told that, by our ignorance in belief by insisting on believing on scripturally-incorrect beliefs, we are not known.
The wickedness of the world is at a sickening level, likely to continue on its path to destruction. Everything about us shouts above the other in attempting to say God is not real. People scream in our ears that religion is a notion to be dropped, much like an infant from a pacifier.
Yet our walk is worth more than anything anyone might say against it.
If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. Jn 15.10
Remaining in His love. Can we have even the faintest notion of the depth and meaning of His love? The Word is filled from the beginning of print to the end with descriptions of His great love and what that means...and as well, it is filled with passages that point out the indescribable-ness of God.
"Whatever we are allowed to discover about God, He is more." (Smith, pg 16).
The more I learn about God, either through my limp with illness, reading godly authors, devouring Scripture, the more holes I find in my knowledge. Ignorance is bliss, the saying goes, and to a point it is true. When we are "infants" in Christ, we know very little, but often become too easily satisfied with the little we know. We are easily distracted by the world, by the polished words slipping off the tongues of the evil ones. We listen to pastors and read a few books, memorize a few verses...then we taper off, assuming we have learned enough, learned all there is to know.
No! Consider the very air about you---the chemistry involved, the discoveries science makes every day, reversing the "rules and laws" they swore were truth. Science would consider it foolishness to stop studying. How can we be so dull as to think that we could possibly know everything there is to know of God? The wonders of God stretch out beyond the size of the universe---
In the times we face now, the disarray of the world, its Sodom and Gomorrah attitude, we had better take stock of the learning we have in relation to God. The Word is a blessing for us to be able to read, to know Him, to force our minds to think on Him...and I never want to hear the words "I never knew you" directed at me.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Shut Tight
God's love comes down to us, fills our hearts, and is then extended to our neighbor...[w]hen this love begins to penetrate our hearts, it will naturally flow out to those around us.
Embracing the Love of God, James Bryan Smith, HarperCollins Pub, 1995, pg 3
I have always liked the verse of Jesus speaking on how even the pagans love their children. That is nothing extraordinary, it is more extraordinary to love those who do not like us, or those who ardently hate us. An impossible feat for us---without the Spirit of God.
God is love as the Scriptures point out in verse upon verse. With the Spirit of God within us, is all to natural for the most unnatural to occur: loving someone "unlovable".
"For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not recieved the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we many understand what God has freely given us." 1 Cor 2.11-12
Think of Jesus reaching out to the lepers, to the Samaritans...to all that was "unlovely" in the world.
I listened to "gossip" the other day, and was offended in finding how quickly people cast judgement. A group of people, speaking against one solitary figure, spread the discord they assume faster than the speed of light. Soon more and more people begin to verbalize how they dislike a certain party...some without having even met the person in question! How dangerous our tongues truly are---how in one moment we speak rot and filth against a fellow disciple, and in the next moment sing praises to God (there is a psalms to this affect, I believe, but naturally cannot find it.)
Oh, that we should watch our wicked mouths and shut them tight, showing by the control we have over it the love of God...that by our actions and very breath there would be such salvation seen as never before.
Embracing the Love of God, James Bryan Smith, HarperCollins Pub, 1995, pg 3
I have always liked the verse of Jesus speaking on how even the pagans love their children. That is nothing extraordinary, it is more extraordinary to love those who do not like us, or those who ardently hate us. An impossible feat for us---without the Spirit of God.
God is love as the Scriptures point out in verse upon verse. With the Spirit of God within us, is all to natural for the most unnatural to occur: loving someone "unlovable".
"For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not recieved the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we many understand what God has freely given us." 1 Cor 2.11-12
Think of Jesus reaching out to the lepers, to the Samaritans...to all that was "unlovely" in the world.
I listened to "gossip" the other day, and was offended in finding how quickly people cast judgement. A group of people, speaking against one solitary figure, spread the discord they assume faster than the speed of light. Soon more and more people begin to verbalize how they dislike a certain party...some without having even met the person in question! How dangerous our tongues truly are---how in one moment we speak rot and filth against a fellow disciple, and in the next moment sing praises to God (there is a psalms to this affect, I believe, but naturally cannot find it.)
Oh, that we should watch our wicked mouths and shut them tight, showing by the control we have over it the love of God...that by our actions and very breath there would be such salvation seen as never before.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
RA Post: Pain
The last several days have been horrid. I can't seem to get my pain under control, and so, as follows with terrible pain...I am living in a fog. Even writing this is taxing. I now understand the dull looks and slow responses I used to get from patients who were dying with terrible pain. Yes, they were medicated to the hilt as well, but somehow I think the pain still dulls the person.
I had a horrible night last night, waking every ten minutes in pain. I am so tired. I dragged myself to the church picnic today, did not arrive until the main portion was completed because I was so tired. We celebrated an elder who has been in service to the church and the local county for 40 years. He had decided to step down as elder, but still plans to operate in discipleship.
I have to stop and think and wonder how many people he has affected, how many have come to Christ. I was glad to get to to talk to him briefly before going home.
This pain is horrible. I will write later.
I had a horrible night last night, waking every ten minutes in pain. I am so tired. I dragged myself to the church picnic today, did not arrive until the main portion was completed because I was so tired. We celebrated an elder who has been in service to the church and the local county for 40 years. He had decided to step down as elder, but still plans to operate in discipleship.
I have to stop and think and wonder how many people he has affected, how many have come to Christ. I was glad to get to to talk to him briefly before going home.
This pain is horrible. I will write later.
Friday, July 8, 2016
Like So Many Cattle
"I have come to believe that God is madly in love with us. God loves us with a passionate love. It is too great for us to comprehend; we do not have the words to describe it fully....But we can know it. And we can feel it.
~Embracing the Love of God, James Bryan Smith HarperCollins Publication, 1995, pg 12
God simply must be mad in His great love for us. For as the Scripture says, who will lay down his life for a bad man? Which of us would consider diving in front of a fast-moving train to save a total stranger? Possibly, yes...but if that person happened to be someone who had raped or killed a family member? That would probably affect the choice we made to leap in front of danger, tossing ourselves on the grenade.
Here then, is Someone willing to die in my place for the dreadful things I have done, do and will do. Not only that, He loves me, lends me His comfort, His strength, His teaching. He is ever there...all I need do is open the door.
It is simply too easy in the world we live in to become blase, self-centered people. We really would much rather do exactly what we want, and never mind anyone else. So often in our lives we begin to walk down this treacherous path. We ignore all the warning signs of our withering spirit, and march happily on to the slaughterhouse like so many cattle.
"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace," Rm 8.6
There are times when I am just too overwhelmed by sickness. Times I just sit and cry because of the misery and the disappointments. A book said it so well, something along the lines of "I disappoint myself, but worse is disappointing someone else." And yet I simply cannot help disappointing someone sometimes. There are times I just lay down on the floor because I feel so sick it is too much effort to get to bed.
Being trapped in illness is an excellent time to be attacked spiritually. You are at a low ebb, and you are alone, miserable. The perfect petri dish for spiritual bacteria. A life of death.
Yet reaching out for God fully, with all my heart, shows me His great love. I have been somewhat lax about it, having not been faithfully sitting and studying. It makes a huge difference in the depth of my devotion and obsession. However, I can still vividly recall one night in particular, when I had taken any medication I could, and still felt so terrible. I just wanted to die. I cried out to God, and there He was! I am not much of "spooky" person, if you want to describe it that way....but it really did feel as if some great arms were holding me, wiping the tears from my face, chasing the evil from the room. I was able to relax, feel somewhat better being "held" and loved so incredibly, fully, completely....and so in the feeling of being in His arms, in His peace, in His love, I fell asleep.
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given to me a thorn in my flesh,a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Cor 12.7-9
~Embracing the Love of God, James Bryan Smith HarperCollins Publication, 1995, pg 12
God simply must be mad in His great love for us. For as the Scripture says, who will lay down his life for a bad man? Which of us would consider diving in front of a fast-moving train to save a total stranger? Possibly, yes...but if that person happened to be someone who had raped or killed a family member? That would probably affect the choice we made to leap in front of danger, tossing ourselves on the grenade.
Here then, is Someone willing to die in my place for the dreadful things I have done, do and will do. Not only that, He loves me, lends me His comfort, His strength, His teaching. He is ever there...all I need do is open the door.
It is simply too easy in the world we live in to become blase, self-centered people. We really would much rather do exactly what we want, and never mind anyone else. So often in our lives we begin to walk down this treacherous path. We ignore all the warning signs of our withering spirit, and march happily on to the slaughterhouse like so many cattle.
"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace," Rm 8.6
There are times when I am just too overwhelmed by sickness. Times I just sit and cry because of the misery and the disappointments. A book said it so well, something along the lines of "I disappoint myself, but worse is disappointing someone else." And yet I simply cannot help disappointing someone sometimes. There are times I just lay down on the floor because I feel so sick it is too much effort to get to bed.
Being trapped in illness is an excellent time to be attacked spiritually. You are at a low ebb, and you are alone, miserable. The perfect petri dish for spiritual bacteria. A life of death.
Yet reaching out for God fully, with all my heart, shows me His great love. I have been somewhat lax about it, having not been faithfully sitting and studying. It makes a huge difference in the depth of my devotion and obsession. However, I can still vividly recall one night in particular, when I had taken any medication I could, and still felt so terrible. I just wanted to die. I cried out to God, and there He was! I am not much of "spooky" person, if you want to describe it that way....but it really did feel as if some great arms were holding me, wiping the tears from my face, chasing the evil from the room. I was able to relax, feel somewhat better being "held" and loved so incredibly, fully, completely....and so in the feeling of being in His arms, in His peace, in His love, I fell asleep.
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given to me a thorn in my flesh,a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Cor 12.7-9
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
How Many of Us are?
"It is not a question of black or white or right or wrong, of being in communion or out of communion; but a question of God taking us by a way which in the meantime we do not understand."
Prayer: A Holy Occupation, Oswald Chambers (a collection from various of his works), Discovery House Pub, 2011, pg 14
At times the worst thing to hear from a listener, no matter how sympathetic, as we ride the turbulence of a storm, is that it is all as it should be. That this is part of a plan. At the lowest ebb of battle, those words feel like a red-hot sword, slicing off one leg.
And yet it is so! and as such, we should rejoice. Regardless of the situation we find ourselves in, we are indeed fully under the watchful eye of the Lord.
I was thinking as I read the opening quote about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. He had the "advantage" we often beg to know...what will happen, what we should do. He knew what would happen, He knew what He should do. In knowing that He sweat drops of blood. There was no "escape" if He were to honor the Father's wishes.
So I consider, then, the various trials and tribulations in my life. Some, as I say, have been extraordinarily useful---the anxiety and such. Some, less perhaps for the population about me, but useful in melting away the impure metals.
James Stalker, in The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ, speaks of Judas Iscariot. Judas, says he, must have had some similar quality to the other 12, that he was made one of the closest rings about the greatest Teacher ever. And yet, Stalker points out, the teachings he received did not seem to melt away the impure metals as it did for the other 12---instead it disappointed him. He had expected a King, a leader to take away the perilous, imposing rule of Roman "pigs". What he found was a man who blatantly refused the kingship the people attempted to place on Him. He knew it was not His time, His kingdom was not ready until after His death. Judas, then, it is thought, began to dip into the money.
My own pastor pointed out in Matthew, at the Last Supper, when the Disciples asked one by one if it was he who would betray, all but Judas called Him "Lord". Judas alone called Him "teacher"...the others were convinced of Who sat before them...but Judas was apparently so discouraged by the lack of his own dreams being fulfilled, he stopped listening. There are passages where Jesus speaks pointed toward Judas...but he does not hear.
Whatever happens, be it the best of new or the worst of news, we must remember that He is indeed beside us. For if we chose to stop up our ears and not listen to what He tells us, just how do we expect to live a life at all? For in Him we live---whether paralyzed for 50 years as Joni Earecson Tada will/has been, life is through Christ and those who love Him as well. Life for me, in great pain, is through Him and those who come close to me. Life is not what the world shouts it is---that life ends up more painful and useless that even being paralyzed could possibly be. Let us not be blind nor deaf! Let us be certain to hear and see the times He points out something to us; it is a shame indeed if we close up and do not heed what is said. How many of us shudder to think of being Judas? And yet how many of us are when we refuse to listen to the promptings of the Spirit?
Prayer: A Holy Occupation, Oswald Chambers (a collection from various of his works), Discovery House Pub, 2011, pg 14
At times the worst thing to hear from a listener, no matter how sympathetic, as we ride the turbulence of a storm, is that it is all as it should be. That this is part of a plan. At the lowest ebb of battle, those words feel like a red-hot sword, slicing off one leg.
And yet it is so! and as such, we should rejoice. Regardless of the situation we find ourselves in, we are indeed fully under the watchful eye of the Lord.
I was thinking as I read the opening quote about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. He had the "advantage" we often beg to know...what will happen, what we should do. He knew what would happen, He knew what He should do. In knowing that He sweat drops of blood. There was no "escape" if He were to honor the Father's wishes.
So I consider, then, the various trials and tribulations in my life. Some, as I say, have been extraordinarily useful---the anxiety and such. Some, less perhaps for the population about me, but useful in melting away the impure metals.
James Stalker, in The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ, speaks of Judas Iscariot. Judas, says he, must have had some similar quality to the other 12, that he was made one of the closest rings about the greatest Teacher ever. And yet, Stalker points out, the teachings he received did not seem to melt away the impure metals as it did for the other 12---instead it disappointed him. He had expected a King, a leader to take away the perilous, imposing rule of Roman "pigs". What he found was a man who blatantly refused the kingship the people attempted to place on Him. He knew it was not His time, His kingdom was not ready until after His death. Judas, then, it is thought, began to dip into the money.
My own pastor pointed out in Matthew, at the Last Supper, when the Disciples asked one by one if it was he who would betray, all but Judas called Him "Lord". Judas alone called Him "teacher"...the others were convinced of Who sat before them...but Judas was apparently so discouraged by the lack of his own dreams being fulfilled, he stopped listening. There are passages where Jesus speaks pointed toward Judas...but he does not hear.
Whatever happens, be it the best of new or the worst of news, we must remember that He is indeed beside us. For if we chose to stop up our ears and not listen to what He tells us, just how do we expect to live a life at all? For in Him we live---whether paralyzed for 50 years as Joni Earecson Tada will/has been, life is through Christ and those who love Him as well. Life for me, in great pain, is through Him and those who come close to me. Life is not what the world shouts it is---that life ends up more painful and useless that even being paralyzed could possibly be. Let us not be blind nor deaf! Let us be certain to hear and see the times He points out something to us; it is a shame indeed if we close up and do not heed what is said. How many of us shudder to think of being Judas? And yet how many of us are when we refuse to listen to the promptings of the Spirit?
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
RA Post: 5 Days
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. All days listed that I was out of the house, in a car, someplace else. I have not managed such a thing in nearly two years.
I have said so many times that "maybe this treatment will work" that I have nearly lost hope in saying it. I am always pessimistic about myself anyway. I usually seem to be the one that has what she expects to have happen, happen. Or, better yet, what I am most afraid of happening, happen.
Thursday I went to one sister's house---45 minutes one way driving, with about two hours of visiting. I have not made it there in nearly two years, either, relying instead on phones.
Friday I went in the evening to my other sister's house, stayed until 10.30pm, something I have also not done.
Saturday, more tired, but forced myself to go to the little local thrift store.
Sunday, church
Monday, quite tired, but forced myself to go to a 4th of July get together for a few hours. It rained.
Today seems to be a more laid-back day, which I will spend in study and writing if it works out so.
I have said so many times that "maybe this treatment will work" that I have nearly lost hope in saying it. I am always pessimistic about myself anyway. I usually seem to be the one that has what she expects to have happen, happen. Or, better yet, what I am most afraid of happening, happen.
Thursday I went to one sister's house---45 minutes one way driving, with about two hours of visiting. I have not made it there in nearly two years, either, relying instead on phones.
Friday I went in the evening to my other sister's house, stayed until 10.30pm, something I have also not done.
Saturday, more tired, but forced myself to go to the little local thrift store.
Sunday, church
Monday, quite tired, but forced myself to go to a 4th of July get together for a few hours. It rained.
Today seems to be a more laid-back day, which I will spend in study and writing if it works out so.
Lost Faith
"We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities and powers of evil...it is a spiritual force----a force of evil----and can only be countered by a greater spiritual force, the Spirit of God."
Tortured for Christ, Richard Wurmbrand, Living Sacrifice Book Co, 2013 pg 38
I think often of Alcoholics Anonymous, or other similar treatment groups. The key workings of AA is the following of 12 Steps. Working through addictions by overcoming an evil with belief in a greater force, one that is good. I went to one such group as an assignment in Nursing School. It was a thrilling adventure because I must say they were among the most friendly people I have ever met.
These people have learned (unless court mandated) that they cannot overcome alcoholism/drug addiction alone. They have had to realize that the "sin" in their lives is a problem, and a very severe problem. How often do any of us honestly realize that?
Wurmbrand, in this section of the book, is speaking about the soldiers that had captured him and other men/women, and were beating them with gleeful abandon. Actually thrilled to be torturing someone---showing the depths to which our sinful natures go if not checked by godliness. We might speak on "cultural" acceptance, here; in other words, human law written to stop certain actions...but most of us can point out in our very own cities where such law has failed.
We alone cannot manage to control our own tempers, tongues, thoughts---these things which are being constantly barraged against by those evil ones which delight in torment. In these very days we see an increase of deaths for being disciples of Christ in what has been called "civilized" society.
In these times of suffering, whether it be RA pain and nausea, or the fear of being in one of the recently bombed cities, one thing must remain clear. We must never lose faith in the Lord our God.
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14.14
As we take notice of our lives and our walks with God, we can become more aware of when things are not "right"...when sin or evil inclinations whisper to us. Then we can make a stand against them, pointing out Scriptures, binding them away from us. We have the armament at our fingertips to know more of God, to be less swayed by the evil about us...but we must make a stand, reaching for and reading the Scriptures, ever developing that we might move away from "milk" but to "meat", growing, not stagnating in our faith.
Tortured for Christ, Richard Wurmbrand, Living Sacrifice Book Co, 2013 pg 38
I think often of Alcoholics Anonymous, or other similar treatment groups. The key workings of AA is the following of 12 Steps. Working through addictions by overcoming an evil with belief in a greater force, one that is good. I went to one such group as an assignment in Nursing School. It was a thrilling adventure because I must say they were among the most friendly people I have ever met.
These people have learned (unless court mandated) that they cannot overcome alcoholism/drug addiction alone. They have had to realize that the "sin" in their lives is a problem, and a very severe problem. How often do any of us honestly realize that?
Wurmbrand, in this section of the book, is speaking about the soldiers that had captured him and other men/women, and were beating them with gleeful abandon. Actually thrilled to be torturing someone---showing the depths to which our sinful natures go if not checked by godliness. We might speak on "cultural" acceptance, here; in other words, human law written to stop certain actions...but most of us can point out in our very own cities where such law has failed.
We alone cannot manage to control our own tempers, tongues, thoughts---these things which are being constantly barraged against by those evil ones which delight in torment. In these very days we see an increase of deaths for being disciples of Christ in what has been called "civilized" society.
In these times of suffering, whether it be RA pain and nausea, or the fear of being in one of the recently bombed cities, one thing must remain clear. We must never lose faith in the Lord our God.
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14.14
As we take notice of our lives and our walks with God, we can become more aware of when things are not "right"...when sin or evil inclinations whisper to us. Then we can make a stand against them, pointing out Scriptures, binding them away from us. We have the armament at our fingertips to know more of God, to be less swayed by the evil about us...but we must make a stand, reaching for and reading the Scriptures, ever developing that we might move away from "milk" but to "meat", growing, not stagnating in our faith.
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Heart Gathers Dust of Misery Alone?
"He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Cor 1.8
"I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak." Ps 31.7-10
"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." Ps 31.24
"But as for you be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded." 2 Chron 15.7
As a small notation, this last verse was a verse I memorized in first grade. It is interesting to me that the verse which has stuck to me the strongest is a verse most fitting for my life. (Or anyone)
We are changed, different people. We are no longer slaves of sin, but free-slaves of Christ. Rather like an indentured slave to a good Master--the sort that allowed the slave to have his own home and garden and such. Sin as a master has much more the attitude of beating us to near death for the slightest fault, rather than, through the covering of our sins, holding us near and dear.
Life is extraordinarily difficult. I cannot explain ever in words how trying I find my present battle---there simply are no words to describe it.
Yet we are told throughout Scripture to be strong, to hold fast, to refuse to give up. The best manner of not giving up is through the strength of God.
Exodus 14.14 is a fascinating verse: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
This makes me think, also, of the verses speaking on being still and knowing God. If we "still" our hearts before God, listening carefully to all He says as we read His words, listening to sound, godly authors and pastors, it is then we find the fullest of strength and peace. The Counselor He sent teaches us the parables of the Word as Christ did for the disciples, shows us the secrets hidden, the secret of Christ:
"No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began." 1 Cor 2.7
Be still, listen strongly with all your strength to the Words of God. His very Words spoke into being all that is about us and ourselves. We need remember that the Bibles we toss onto the kitchen table after piously carrying it to church is among the most valuable things we hold. If the Word of God gathers dust on the bookshelf, one's heart will gather the dust of misery and pain alone with no strengthening love of God pouring strongly through every particle of one's being. Reading the Word, focusing in on God is indeed a powerful, incredible thing. Turn to Him, and be not surprised at the change in attitude as you look about the world.
"I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak." Ps 31.7-10
"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." Ps 31.24
"But as for you be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded." 2 Chron 15.7
As a small notation, this last verse was a verse I memorized in first grade. It is interesting to me that the verse which has stuck to me the strongest is a verse most fitting for my life. (Or anyone)
We are changed, different people. We are no longer slaves of sin, but free-slaves of Christ. Rather like an indentured slave to a good Master--the sort that allowed the slave to have his own home and garden and such. Sin as a master has much more the attitude of beating us to near death for the slightest fault, rather than, through the covering of our sins, holding us near and dear.
Life is extraordinarily difficult. I cannot explain ever in words how trying I find my present battle---there simply are no words to describe it.
Yet we are told throughout Scripture to be strong, to hold fast, to refuse to give up. The best manner of not giving up is through the strength of God.
Exodus 14.14 is a fascinating verse: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
This makes me think, also, of the verses speaking on being still and knowing God. If we "still" our hearts before God, listening carefully to all He says as we read His words, listening to sound, godly authors and pastors, it is then we find the fullest of strength and peace. The Counselor He sent teaches us the parables of the Word as Christ did for the disciples, shows us the secrets hidden, the secret of Christ:
"No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began." 1 Cor 2.7
Be still, listen strongly with all your strength to the Words of God. His very Words spoke into being all that is about us and ourselves. We need remember that the Bibles we toss onto the kitchen table after piously carrying it to church is among the most valuable things we hold. If the Word of God gathers dust on the bookshelf, one's heart will gather the dust of misery and pain alone with no strengthening love of God pouring strongly through every particle of one's being. Reading the Word, focusing in on God is indeed a powerful, incredible thing. Turn to Him, and be not surprised at the change in attitude as you look about the world.
Friday, July 1, 2016
A Crutch
"I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn't be doing this by my own power."
~Forgotten God, Francis Chan, David C Cook Pub, 2007, pg 142
I remember, years ago, a conversation came up with a resident while I was wandering about providing care. We began to discuss if God really did anything for anyone. I told him about how God had given me the strength to battle my depression, anxiety and anorexia. The man argued against my story, demanding an explanation in the form of medication (which I admitted to taking). I was so frustrated that the man did not believe me when I said the medication alone was not enough---but left the conversation due to ethics.
Having lived through the horrors of that time, panic attacks bad enough to keep me from breathing, I know what assistance antidepresant medications provide. They DO help. But only as a crutch helps one to walk with a broken leg. The leg needs to heal...the crutch does not heal the broken leg, the bones of the leg heal the broken leg. It is ridiculous to think the crutch causes healing of the leg (excepting of course that movement does encourage healing of bone)
For me at that time in life, I prayed for help every time I went anywhere. Agoraphobia (fear of public places/people) was extraordinary. I prayed the entire way I drove to college. I prayed in classrooms, outside of classrooms, bathrooms. I prayed everywhere, begging for strength and peace.
I got it.
God answered me...and the times I "failed"were the times I did not ask God for help. The medications are indeed helpful, but they are a crutch. To heal the broken leg, the bones must heal.
For us, as we face the world about us, our medication is this: The Scripture. I memorized Psalm 19.7-14, and suggest that you look it up and read it. (the internet here is failing fast this afternoon and I fear my connection will not allow me to add a link for you). The Psalm says as much concerning the Word---that the word is reviving to the soul.
This "medication" is better than any other; the true healer of "broken legs" comes from the strength and peace of the Lord. It is through Him and Him alone that we can expect to walk peacefully through this life, facing calmly whatever may come. If, through His power, we do this, it becomes glaringly apparent that there is "something" different about us. Have you been asked by strangers if you believe? Have you found other believers randomly...seeing that "something" different in their manner that shouts out to you a fellow disciple? I find such moments as these thrilling---that there is something different about myself and other followers.
Oh, as I say, the number of times I asked for assistance and the number of times He answered so swiftly! Time eased the cause of my fear, but the greatest reduction of fear came from Him.
~Forgotten God, Francis Chan, David C Cook Pub, 2007, pg 142
I remember, years ago, a conversation came up with a resident while I was wandering about providing care. We began to discuss if God really did anything for anyone. I told him about how God had given me the strength to battle my depression, anxiety and anorexia. The man argued against my story, demanding an explanation in the form of medication (which I admitted to taking). I was so frustrated that the man did not believe me when I said the medication alone was not enough---but left the conversation due to ethics.
Having lived through the horrors of that time, panic attacks bad enough to keep me from breathing, I know what assistance antidepresant medications provide. They DO help. But only as a crutch helps one to walk with a broken leg. The leg needs to heal...the crutch does not heal the broken leg, the bones of the leg heal the broken leg. It is ridiculous to think the crutch causes healing of the leg (excepting of course that movement does encourage healing of bone)
For me at that time in life, I prayed for help every time I went anywhere. Agoraphobia (fear of public places/people) was extraordinary. I prayed the entire way I drove to college. I prayed in classrooms, outside of classrooms, bathrooms. I prayed everywhere, begging for strength and peace.
I got it.
God answered me...and the times I "failed"were the times I did not ask God for help. The medications are indeed helpful, but they are a crutch. To heal the broken leg, the bones must heal.
For us, as we face the world about us, our medication is this: The Scripture. I memorized Psalm 19.7-14, and suggest that you look it up and read it. (the internet here is failing fast this afternoon and I fear my connection will not allow me to add a link for you). The Psalm says as much concerning the Word---that the word is reviving to the soul.
This "medication" is better than any other; the true healer of "broken legs" comes from the strength and peace of the Lord. It is through Him and Him alone that we can expect to walk peacefully through this life, facing calmly whatever may come. If, through His power, we do this, it becomes glaringly apparent that there is "something" different about us. Have you been asked by strangers if you believe? Have you found other believers randomly...seeing that "something" different in their manner that shouts out to you a fellow disciple? I find such moments as these thrilling---that there is something different about myself and other followers.
Oh, as I say, the number of times I asked for assistance and the number of times He answered so swiftly! Time eased the cause of my fear, but the greatest reduction of fear came from Him.
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