I
was sitting here with my morning meal and thought that we never want to
admit. We won't admit, not to ourselves and certainly not to anyone
else, that we need help. We hang on as tight as we can as long as we
can, leading to total destruction of our lives practically, before
admitting we need help. We have to hang on. We have to be "strong", and
"cool". After all, we are teens, adults, whatever you call yourself. We
can manage this.
We
leave whatever struggle even out of our prayers, knowing, just knowing,
that with a little more time, we can manage whatever is about to
completely overwhelm us. It may be school, college, work, marriage....or
some "hidden" sin: porn, a suggestion of/full out extramarital affair,
drinking, inappropriate use of medications, prescribed or otherwise.
Yeah. Right.
There
comes a point when we finally cry out to God, when the struggle to
fight off whatever "has" us has failed so many times there is barely
even the ability to breathe, much less continue to fight it.
With
that cry for help, an honest, full out cry that we cannot manage life,
not even for a millisecond...comes an enormous sense of relief. The
shame being held while fighting off whatever sinful thing has us, or
even not sinful but overwhelming, is gone. There wasn't even much shame
felt when admitting that we have a problem.
He
knows we are sinful. That is not shocking to God, although the act of
sin is, as put by Alcorn, offensive to His very nature....but He knows
that we are sinful. And He knows that we cannot manage everything. How
could we? This world is not the world we were made to live in! But God,
God can handle even the most broken of worlds, and assist us. I may
never manage to get rid of my disease, the manifestation of sin in a
full body attacking itself---not necessarily even my own sin, "my
conscience is clear" as Joni Eareckson {Tada} wrote in her first book
concerning being accosted by those certain God would heal her if she
repented. No. Suffering is not necessarily my sin. Suffering can be from
the sin of others (a woman steals another's husband causing pain, a car
wreck caused by DWI) but suffering can be from these generations upon
generations of being bathed in sin. Sometimes God does not heal us now,
but that merely means our healing will be further on, in Paradise. That
does not mean God has left us alone here now. He sent us the Counselor,
who can fill us with an example of God's love. He knows we can't be
here alone and make it, handle this life. He died on the cross,
embodying all sin, suffering and evil as He struggled to breathe. I have
the great King, Father and Creator to assist me until I see Paradise,
unless He has a plan to heal me before. I am not alone as I struggle in
this broken world.
Rheumatoid Awareness
Friday, August 28, 2015
Monday, August 24, 2015
Exhaustion
With rheumatoid arthritis, and for that matter most autoimmune diseases, comes enormous, unpredictable and thoroughly exhausting exhausted exhaustion. The sort of sleep that makes you sleep nearly 3 days solid. The body is at war with itself.
Without proper spiritual "rest", we too will wither and fall "asleep", making us prey to wandering temptations. I imagine that, considering how very different we are in personalities, spiritual gifts etc., that our version of rest is different. What works for me to rest my spirit and fill it may not be what works for you.
Viewing God's creation gives me a large amount of rest. It fills me with the wonder and majesty that this, although broken, beautiful world. Plants, stars, animals...science wonders like cells and how babies develop drive such wonder into me that it can give me such rest.
After developing this disease, I found that there were more ways that gave me rest...I had read the Bible through in a major spiritual crisis after being poisoned by the arguments of others...and had found the locking verse for me (it is located in the Bible Verses section to the right). And while the Word has always been helpful and empowering....the power in the Word, or studying about the Word is so incredibly powerful that there are no words for me to use. It is the Word. The Word of God, and it is alive and breathes and encircles us, showing God's incredible, dazzling love for us, His commands to help make life a little easier...but that love and power is enough to blast me into orbit. I cannot say why that has changed so, but with the desperation I clung (and cling) to God to survive this disease, it makes me think of how Peter must have clung to Jesus when being pulled from the sea.
I normally do not particularly like paintings of Jesus...mainly for the worry that it gives the wrong impression about who and what the Messiah is. I do not really mind if others have them, but they are not my favorite. Currently, however, as my desktop image, is a piece of art that is all that I can say I feel at this point. It is of Him, standing on the water...but the view is looking up at Him from under the water, as He is bent over, His hand is the only thing truly defined because of the water distortion. He is reaching into the water, where I am drowning, to pull me up.
In times of crisis, particularly the "harder" ones, that image is really what we feel. First we were walking on the water toward Jesus, and then whatever happened happens. It is not so much that we meant to drop our gaze, drop our faith, but the exhaustion of the devastation is such that we fall, so much pain (mental, physical what-have-you) warps our minds and we forget even that He is there. We cry out to Him, and it may seem like forever before He provides assistance...but that is because we are under the water and cannot breathe. If we are still, listening for Him, we know that He is right there, and will be there any moment, reaching down to pull us up, and help us into the boat again. Sometimes the walk to that boat is longer than others, a longer period before the crisis is over. And sometimes....sometimes the crisis is never over, but He helps us like a lame man, and He will never leave us, but carry us on until we reach the boat....or even Paradise.
Without proper spiritual "rest", we too will wither and fall "asleep", making us prey to wandering temptations. I imagine that, considering how very different we are in personalities, spiritual gifts etc., that our version of rest is different. What works for me to rest my spirit and fill it may not be what works for you.
Viewing God's creation gives me a large amount of rest. It fills me with the wonder and majesty that this, although broken, beautiful world. Plants, stars, animals...science wonders like cells and how babies develop drive such wonder into me that it can give me such rest.
After developing this disease, I found that there were more ways that gave me rest...I had read the Bible through in a major spiritual crisis after being poisoned by the arguments of others...and had found the locking verse for me (it is located in the Bible Verses section to the right). And while the Word has always been helpful and empowering....the power in the Word, or studying about the Word is so incredibly powerful that there are no words for me to use. It is the Word. The Word of God, and it is alive and breathes and encircles us, showing God's incredible, dazzling love for us, His commands to help make life a little easier...but that love and power is enough to blast me into orbit. I cannot say why that has changed so, but with the desperation I clung (and cling) to God to survive this disease, it makes me think of how Peter must have clung to Jesus when being pulled from the sea.
I normally do not particularly like paintings of Jesus...mainly for the worry that it gives the wrong impression about who and what the Messiah is. I do not really mind if others have them, but they are not my favorite. Currently, however, as my desktop image, is a piece of art that is all that I can say I feel at this point. It is of Him, standing on the water...but the view is looking up at Him from under the water, as He is bent over, His hand is the only thing truly defined because of the water distortion. He is reaching into the water, where I am drowning, to pull me up.
In times of crisis, particularly the "harder" ones, that image is really what we feel. First we were walking on the water toward Jesus, and then whatever happened happens. It is not so much that we meant to drop our gaze, drop our faith, but the exhaustion of the devastation is such that we fall, so much pain (mental, physical what-have-you) warps our minds and we forget even that He is there. We cry out to Him, and it may seem like forever before He provides assistance...but that is because we are under the water and cannot breathe. If we are still, listening for Him, we know that He is right there, and will be there any moment, reaching down to pull us up, and help us into the boat again. Sometimes the walk to that boat is longer than others, a longer period before the crisis is over. And sometimes....sometimes the crisis is never over, but He helps us like a lame man, and He will never leave us, but carry us on until we reach the boat....or even Paradise.
Losses Again and Again
We have all experienced losses; some small, some great. And it is remarkable how losses, regardless of how small, come back over and over to haunt us. Deep reminders too, that we lost our safe home in Paradise.
Losses and how we respond to them show how we are deeper---are we rooted solidly enough to withstand losses (with God's help, naturally)? If we are not, there is major risk that will lead to total destruction on our part. We cannot take on losses ourselves, because losses are so unnatural to the world, and what it was supposed to be like. It is wrong, it is not how it was supposed to have been. There should have been the sort of life that only dreams now barely touch the surface of.
I think that thus far, rheumatoid arthritis is one of the hardest losses I have encountered. I have lost the ability to function as a nurse due to my inability to drive. I either sleep constantly because of a flare, or cannot sleep at all. I cannot stand car rides most times, and I cannot sleep in a bed even with a foam topper on it. I lost who I was, and doing that is never an easy thing, nor an enjoyable process.
The waves of loss are sometimes more apparent with a physical issue---maybe even to other people. But the losses that are not seen are incredibly hard.
Most of the losses we have that really haunt us are those related to love or other emotions. A lost engagement, divorce, death of a parent, child, spouse. Or even a pet, as I have felt very upset about many of my pets.
Losses that include jobs, homes and other things can also create waves of remorse. And even this is emotional.
We crave something that is permanent, never changing. We do not like the unpredictable, we want to have full control and make sure that every appointment we make, ever commitment to a person we love, remains forever. We do not want to think about the other option: loss. We work our best to make certain that there is this constant, and that everyone follows the program.
It can't happen. There is no consistency on this broken planet. The weather is insane and ever-changing, hurricanes and earthquakes pop up, and we ourselves as humans wreck havoc on the world.
What we really are longing for is Home. We are longing for the time when we are with Him, even if we do not know it, or even think about it in so many words. We long so desperately in our hearts and spirit to be in the Garden once again, strolling in the afternoon by His side. We know, even those who do not have faith, that this world is wrong. It was not meant to be like this.
Even with our worst losses...we are not alone. Those losses mean nothing, and are meaningless when we start focusing in on God.
I have watched a lot of people with RA on support groups...and those with faith appear stronger in spirit. They may be in agonizing pain or a sudden divorce, but they have Him by their sides, they know they will see Paradise.
How are we supposed to be in a position that we, with God, are handling losses? Honestly, I think it is not something that is done, per se, but something that can happen as the relationship between God and ourselves develops. The better you know someone, the better you know if the person should be trusted or kept at arms' length. Each trial that comes by offers two choices: Will you call out to God and make the choice to lean on Him? or will you make the choice that God is obviously not loving since He didn't make the house not burn down? With each successive "lean" choice, the relationship with Trinity deepens, and relying becomes easier. A hardening of the heart away from the slandering tongue or the liar of liars. Make your choice. Stick with it. And those waves of loss will lessen...often to the point that, even when it is hard, the hardest thing to have to face yet.....it barely shows on your mind. The emotions are gone; He is holding you too tight for them to knock you flat.
So. Which choice are you making today?
Losses and how we respond to them show how we are deeper---are we rooted solidly enough to withstand losses (with God's help, naturally)? If we are not, there is major risk that will lead to total destruction on our part. We cannot take on losses ourselves, because losses are so unnatural to the world, and what it was supposed to be like. It is wrong, it is not how it was supposed to have been. There should have been the sort of life that only dreams now barely touch the surface of.
I think that thus far, rheumatoid arthritis is one of the hardest losses I have encountered. I have lost the ability to function as a nurse due to my inability to drive. I either sleep constantly because of a flare, or cannot sleep at all. I cannot stand car rides most times, and I cannot sleep in a bed even with a foam topper on it. I lost who I was, and doing that is never an easy thing, nor an enjoyable process.
The waves of loss are sometimes more apparent with a physical issue---maybe even to other people. But the losses that are not seen are incredibly hard.
Most of the losses we have that really haunt us are those related to love or other emotions. A lost engagement, divorce, death of a parent, child, spouse. Or even a pet, as I have felt very upset about many of my pets.
Losses that include jobs, homes and other things can also create waves of remorse. And even this is emotional.
We crave something that is permanent, never changing. We do not like the unpredictable, we want to have full control and make sure that every appointment we make, ever commitment to a person we love, remains forever. We do not want to think about the other option: loss. We work our best to make certain that there is this constant, and that everyone follows the program.
It can't happen. There is no consistency on this broken planet. The weather is insane and ever-changing, hurricanes and earthquakes pop up, and we ourselves as humans wreck havoc on the world.
What we really are longing for is Home. We are longing for the time when we are with Him, even if we do not know it, or even think about it in so many words. We long so desperately in our hearts and spirit to be in the Garden once again, strolling in the afternoon by His side. We know, even those who do not have faith, that this world is wrong. It was not meant to be like this.
Even with our worst losses...we are not alone. Those losses mean nothing, and are meaningless when we start focusing in on God.
I have watched a lot of people with RA on support groups...and those with faith appear stronger in spirit. They may be in agonizing pain or a sudden divorce, but they have Him by their sides, they know they will see Paradise.
How are we supposed to be in a position that we, with God, are handling losses? Honestly, I think it is not something that is done, per se, but something that can happen as the relationship between God and ourselves develops. The better you know someone, the better you know if the person should be trusted or kept at arms' length. Each trial that comes by offers two choices: Will you call out to God and make the choice to lean on Him? or will you make the choice that God is obviously not loving since He didn't make the house not burn down? With each successive "lean" choice, the relationship with Trinity deepens, and relying becomes easier. A hardening of the heart away from the slandering tongue or the liar of liars. Make your choice. Stick with it. And those waves of loss will lessen...often to the point that, even when it is hard, the hardest thing to have to face yet.....it barely shows on your mind. The emotions are gone; He is holding you too tight for them to knock you flat.
So. Which choice are you making today?
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Production of Fruit
Hudson Taylor: How, then, shall a Christian bear fruit? By efforts and struggles to obtain that which is freely given; by meditation, on watchfullness, on prayer, on action, on temptations and dangers? No: there must be full concentration of the thoughts and affections of Christ; a complete surrender of the whole being to Him; a constant looking to Him for grace.
Distractions come easy in this world. There are electronics that buzz, beep, ring and flash at all hours of the day. There are high-powered jobs that draw people to fight for them like crazed moths. There are family and love lives to fret over. There are too many things to make one proud.
When time allows such things to trickle into the mind and you can think of the many many many things you are suddenly proud of, and quite frankly, treating as little idols that we set around us in a circle that we might see them and feel even more proud....a terrific sense of horror begins to infiltrate the mind.
Pride in being a nurse I see could have been a fault in my makeup. And a tendency to brag of nursing adventures. Too many times going all day without thinking of God.
We all do it. Whatever way it is, we all do it.
It is not wrong to be concerned about family or work, in the sense that it is thought of, and show loves (at least to the family). But. There is that point. An obsessive point.
We love, oh, so much so, to be so focused on things. And it is so incredibly easy! I am currently working through Randy Alcorn's book, 'If God is Good', and passed a section speaking on Satan and the other fallen angels.
He discussed that they can use "good" things as lures away from God. It is, after all, being drawn away from God that allows us to more easily commit sin---and sin, as Alcorn puts it, is anything that hurts God, is offensive to His nature.
Never having looked at sin as hurting God, offending Him, is a big eye opener. Somehow sin was just....sin. Not something even bigger than having considered before.
However, even when we have become massively involved in other things, we can start to do things, and ask God to help us. Devoting a whole day to Him used to be something I did, asking Him to please use me that day. Not so much anymore, mainly from my own evil forgetfulness to ask Him to use my day when I am caught at home, 1/2 bed bound. Yet we should. And not in the check-list version. Did that for the day; asked God to use me; check. No. That is not being in complete surrender to Him, leaning on Him for grace.
The days you can't go on, the job is so horrible, or there is a huge crisis in the family, and that full-out reaching for God, leaning on Him so hard and feeling His Spirit begin to fire again. That is full commitment. That is leaning on full grace.
Practice and "maturity" lead us to a place where we do so on a more every day basis---and truly mean it. The relationship we have with God is that: a relationship. Certainly overwhelmingly more important than any we have here, but as a relationship, it takes time to build up to the level we should live at, and, in my opinion, so long as we are here, we will never fully reach.
So then, how do we begin a relationship with the intention of it getting deeper? A desire must be there, but that desire can be fostered by "forcing" it a little. If we (without it being a check-mark) focus on trying to learn more about God, then we will begin to deepen our relationship. He, after all, knows more about us than we will ever know about ourselves, and we may certainly, with all eternity, not know the vastness of God. [being the researcher I am, I do hope somehow there is a great storehouse of knowledge to learn more about God]
Time builds all relationships. And God is willing and urgently seeking people. His love for us was such to change the entire way worship for Him was going. His death on the cross ripped the curtain in the temple between the Holy of Holies...and that curtain was very think and sturdy. His death made it so we all can have the Spirit, the great Counselor and (wonderful amazing helper for me to take this disease on) all the time...after all, Abraham went 25 years once without hearing a word from God. And between Malachi, the last prophet, nothing was recorded as prophecy from then until Jesus (from what I understand). Yet here we are, with more access to God in the last 2,000 years than was ever before....and we are too busy watching re-runs. Oh, what a sad condition we are in.
Be still. Know God. The power He has is so incredible, and His love is so immense. Be still.
Distractions come easy in this world. There are electronics that buzz, beep, ring and flash at all hours of the day. There are high-powered jobs that draw people to fight for them like crazed moths. There are family and love lives to fret over. There are too many things to make one proud.
When time allows such things to trickle into the mind and you can think of the many many many things you are suddenly proud of, and quite frankly, treating as little idols that we set around us in a circle that we might see them and feel even more proud....a terrific sense of horror begins to infiltrate the mind.
Pride in being a nurse I see could have been a fault in my makeup. And a tendency to brag of nursing adventures. Too many times going all day without thinking of God.
We all do it. Whatever way it is, we all do it.
It is not wrong to be concerned about family or work, in the sense that it is thought of, and show loves (at least to the family). But. There is that point. An obsessive point.
We love, oh, so much so, to be so focused on things. And it is so incredibly easy! I am currently working through Randy Alcorn's book, 'If God is Good', and passed a section speaking on Satan and the other fallen angels.
He discussed that they can use "good" things as lures away from God. It is, after all, being drawn away from God that allows us to more easily commit sin---and sin, as Alcorn puts it, is anything that hurts God, is offensive to His nature.
Never having looked at sin as hurting God, offending Him, is a big eye opener. Somehow sin was just....sin. Not something even bigger than having considered before.
However, even when we have become massively involved in other things, we can start to do things, and ask God to help us. Devoting a whole day to Him used to be something I did, asking Him to please use me that day. Not so much anymore, mainly from my own evil forgetfulness to ask Him to use my day when I am caught at home, 1/2 bed bound. Yet we should. And not in the check-list version. Did that for the day; asked God to use me; check. No. That is not being in complete surrender to Him, leaning on Him for grace.
The days you can't go on, the job is so horrible, or there is a huge crisis in the family, and that full-out reaching for God, leaning on Him so hard and feeling His Spirit begin to fire again. That is full commitment. That is leaning on full grace.
Practice and "maturity" lead us to a place where we do so on a more every day basis---and truly mean it. The relationship we have with God is that: a relationship. Certainly overwhelmingly more important than any we have here, but as a relationship, it takes time to build up to the level we should live at, and, in my opinion, so long as we are here, we will never fully reach.
So then, how do we begin a relationship with the intention of it getting deeper? A desire must be there, but that desire can be fostered by "forcing" it a little. If we (without it being a check-mark) focus on trying to learn more about God, then we will begin to deepen our relationship. He, after all, knows more about us than we will ever know about ourselves, and we may certainly, with all eternity, not know the vastness of God. [being the researcher I am, I do hope somehow there is a great storehouse of knowledge to learn more about God]
Time builds all relationships. And God is willing and urgently seeking people. His love for us was such to change the entire way worship for Him was going. His death on the cross ripped the curtain in the temple between the Holy of Holies...and that curtain was very think and sturdy. His death made it so we all can have the Spirit, the great Counselor and (wonderful amazing helper for me to take this disease on) all the time...after all, Abraham went 25 years once without hearing a word from God. And between Malachi, the last prophet, nothing was recorded as prophecy from then until Jesus (from what I understand). Yet here we are, with more access to God in the last 2,000 years than was ever before....and we are too busy watching re-runs. Oh, what a sad condition we are in.
Be still. Know God. The power He has is so incredible, and His love is so immense. Be still.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Desperation
The Spirit Filled Life. C. Stanley
When we are desperate, we can't do a thing----we are willing to do anything.
Here is the point we might fall off of the track with God. We are so desperate and upset that if we do not fight to grab our Bibles, Bible studies, phone a Christian friend, we just might fall off. I think that it is more likely to happen earlier in our Christian walks, because we have not learned that there are times you physically must force your body to pick up the Bible.
I do not know in those times if we are fighting a spiritual warfare, and that is what is keeping us from wanting our Bibles, but I do know that at those times when it is hardest to pick up the Word....those are the times that the instant those onion-skin thin pages fall open is the moment the Word beings shouting at us. Not in a "you did this wrong!!" shout, but the shouting of love that we use if someone is lost in the woods, the shout to call a loved one back when we want to give that last hug goodbye. The shout of the Word is love, and at those hardest times, the times when it seems impossible to even consider reading it, those are the times tears fall so freely as you read and the Word shouts love at you that you can literally drown. The shout of the Word is love.
Yes, there are commands in the Word, and we need to work on our puny best with God's help, to follow them for the good reason they are good advice...but as Timothy Keller likes to say, religion is advice. And we all know that what we have with God is not religion, it is faith, a relationship.
Now, while I say that I think it is less likely that we are tempted by those other things during times of desperation---divorce, deaths, illnesses, job loss, friends moving on, whatever it may be today---does not mean it is impossible. Each new battle we come across is harder than the last, but, and remember this, we are not alone in those battles, nor do we NOT have the strength with God to take them on. We think that, we poison our minds into believing it, but it is not true. There is nothing stronger than God, for if there were, there would be no battle at all---He would have been defeated (!) and can you even picture that? No, of course not. The idea is so ridiculous when we really ponder it. Randy Alcorn says in his book, "If God is Good" that we tend to consider the battle between the devil and God to be equal....and that is a ridiculous idea. God created EVERYTHING. The devil, accuser, liar of liars, was created by God before he made the choice to leave and fight God. Alcorn says that the devil's equal is Michael, not God. There is a passage in Daniel I find fascinating, for it is Michael speaking of fighting the Prince of Babylon, which is often a reference to Satan.
However, we are getting off topic....Even with many years of battles behind us, if we do not watch, the liar can and will whisper such lies to us as to poison us away from God. He may use other people to poison you--anything, really. We must test what is before us---and you know when it is right, what is said is correct. You have that sense of ease of the Spirit. Now...if what you pick is not right, is not good with the Spirit, you will have that sense of squirming embarrassment.Watch out! If you do not attend this quickly, and change away from following the false shepherd, back to the pen of the Good Shepherd, you will be poisoned into a satisfied glow of delightful evil. A satisfaction of "fixing" someone, without knowing it....you have helped the prince of the world "fix" God, which is as horrifying as it sounds. Alcorn mentions that the only way demons have at "getting back" at God is by deluding us...and we are remarkably stupid about being lead astray, if we are not watching and testing what is told us and laid before us. That evil glow of delight so quickly feels right, and so quickly poisons us.
So in those times of desperation, reach out to God, and as I say, He will more than likely answer back. Maybe not in shouts, because there are times we are so busy shouting ourselves that we do not hear Him until we are quiet...but I find that those times of desperation are times of quiet. Reach out and hear Him calling like a loved one, wanting one last hug, a Shepherd gathering you back into the flock after being led astray by the accuser. And oh! how good and safe we are in our deepest of troubles back in the arms of our Abba Father.
When we are desperate, we can't do a thing----we are willing to do anything.
Here is the point we might fall off of the track with God. We are so desperate and upset that if we do not fight to grab our Bibles, Bible studies, phone a Christian friend, we just might fall off. I think that it is more likely to happen earlier in our Christian walks, because we have not learned that there are times you physically must force your body to pick up the Bible.
I do not know in those times if we are fighting a spiritual warfare, and that is what is keeping us from wanting our Bibles, but I do know that at those times when it is hardest to pick up the Word....those are the times that the instant those onion-skin thin pages fall open is the moment the Word beings shouting at us. Not in a "you did this wrong!!" shout, but the shouting of love that we use if someone is lost in the woods, the shout to call a loved one back when we want to give that last hug goodbye. The shout of the Word is love, and at those hardest times, the times when it seems impossible to even consider reading it, those are the times tears fall so freely as you read and the Word shouts love at you that you can literally drown. The shout of the Word is love.
Yes, there are commands in the Word, and we need to work on our puny best with God's help, to follow them for the good reason they are good advice...but as Timothy Keller likes to say, religion is advice. And we all know that what we have with God is not religion, it is faith, a relationship.
Now, while I say that I think it is less likely that we are tempted by those other things during times of desperation---divorce, deaths, illnesses, job loss, friends moving on, whatever it may be today---does not mean it is impossible. Each new battle we come across is harder than the last, but, and remember this, we are not alone in those battles, nor do we NOT have the strength with God to take them on. We think that, we poison our minds into believing it, but it is not true. There is nothing stronger than God, for if there were, there would be no battle at all---He would have been defeated (!) and can you even picture that? No, of course not. The idea is so ridiculous when we really ponder it. Randy Alcorn says in his book, "If God is Good" that we tend to consider the battle between the devil and God to be equal....and that is a ridiculous idea. God created EVERYTHING. The devil, accuser, liar of liars, was created by God before he made the choice to leave and fight God. Alcorn says that the devil's equal is Michael, not God. There is a passage in Daniel I find fascinating, for it is Michael speaking of fighting the Prince of Babylon, which is often a reference to Satan.
However, we are getting off topic....Even with many years of battles behind us, if we do not watch, the liar can and will whisper such lies to us as to poison us away from God. He may use other people to poison you--anything, really. We must test what is before us---and you know when it is right, what is said is correct. You have that sense of ease of the Spirit. Now...if what you pick is not right, is not good with the Spirit, you will have that sense of squirming embarrassment.Watch out! If you do not attend this quickly, and change away from following the false shepherd, back to the pen of the Good Shepherd, you will be poisoned into a satisfied glow of delightful evil. A satisfaction of "fixing" someone, without knowing it....you have helped the prince of the world "fix" God, which is as horrifying as it sounds. Alcorn mentions that the only way demons have at "getting back" at God is by deluding us...and we are remarkably stupid about being lead astray, if we are not watching and testing what is told us and laid before us. That evil glow of delight so quickly feels right, and so quickly poisons us.
So in those times of desperation, reach out to God, and as I say, He will more than likely answer back. Maybe not in shouts, because there are times we are so busy shouting ourselves that we do not hear Him until we are quiet...but I find that those times of desperation are times of quiet. Reach out and hear Him calling like a loved one, wanting one last hug, a Shepherd gathering you back into the flock after being led astray by the accuser. And oh! how good and safe we are in our deepest of troubles back in the arms of our Abba Father.
Monday, August 17, 2015
The Valley
The Spirit Filled Life. C. Stanley
Many people discover the wonderful Spirit-filled life in the valley than in any other place. God uses sicknesses, financial pressures, whatever it takes. Because once He finally has our attention, He knows the best is yet to come.
I read in passing Paul's words on "light and momentary trials" right before the flare I am in but going out of. I think of those with cancer who have shortened lives, but a (or many) miserable chemo and radiation therapy sessions. I think of parents who lose children to a tragic accident, or children who lose mama or daddy to a tragic accident. Or, as me, suffer a chronic illness for life.
Our life here is as close to hell as we will ever see. We will escape everlasting torment, and be called to stand before the King, our Father.
I wonder so much about our lives had the Fall never occurred; what the world was like. I have greatly increased interest in the fact that God came and walked with Adam and Eve in the evening (one of my favorite times of day). Here was a place that the world's first human sinners were blocked from getting to by a flaming sword...perhaps a near symbolism of those in torment at the End of Days, looking toward Paradise---but instead living in a godless world of brokenness.
We do find the Trinity during the hardest of times...sometimes we start saying He isn't answering us! He is so far away! Why won't He stop this from happening! etc., etc.,...but while we are such a mood of shouting and grieving, moaning and crying, we often do not lay ourselves out and be at peace and at a quiet long enough for us to feel His presence becoming closer. All we have to do is ask, and be willing to be still. I am reminded of the mourners outside the home of the dead girl, and while it was the father (and I assume mother's) wish to have Jesus there to heal her---all the mourners did was laugh. They were all sent away, (although one or two of the gospels has it written that they were professional mourners) and did not see the glory of the Lamb working. They did not believe for one, but nor did they have the patience to wait outside the gates to see what happened. They were not willing to be still, and watch the glory of God.
I have not been as angry about the RA as I have in other things in my life, not mad enough with the RA to be mad at God, although I certainly ask why...but I think that that overwhelming impatience for a quick answer is not from us, nor from God...it is something that will keep us from God, from building a deeper relationship with our Abba, Father, and from being able to tap into the energy of God. When we don't get that quick, snappy "perfect" answer, many leave the faith. Although, I may have to agree with Randy Alcorn, in his book, "If God is Good", wherein he states that he rather a weak Christian, who rarely speaks of godly things, and if the person does, they are wrong, lose his pr her faith rather than provide toxin in the worldview of Christianity. However, and what a large however!, people who have weaker faith are often a "young" Christian...and sometimes young Christians are not taught how to grow, whether or not they face trials.
Any relationship cannot be one sided and survive. So of course if you are reaching out for God He will answer. If you give up, and ignore His stirrings, then neither will "talk" for some time. If you never speak to your spouse, in all likelihood, the spouse will not speak back---and divorce may even become the finality to that relationship. Not speaking to family members will lead to whoever is involved to not be invited to family things. So of course, if you call upon the Lord, and what you wanted to happened did not, and you do not listen to what the Spirit begins trying to tell you, you will feel abandoned, and perhaps give up altogether.
But. If you listen and wait, listen for those stirrings of the Spirit as you think, read the Bible, admire the majesty of the (broken) world, you will find the relationship that is beyond all relationships deepening.
Many people discover the wonderful Spirit-filled life in the valley than in any other place. God uses sicknesses, financial pressures, whatever it takes. Because once He finally has our attention, He knows the best is yet to come.
I read in passing Paul's words on "light and momentary trials" right before the flare I am in but going out of. I think of those with cancer who have shortened lives, but a (or many) miserable chemo and radiation therapy sessions. I think of parents who lose children to a tragic accident, or children who lose mama or daddy to a tragic accident. Or, as me, suffer a chronic illness for life.
Our life here is as close to hell as we will ever see. We will escape everlasting torment, and be called to stand before the King, our Father.
I wonder so much about our lives had the Fall never occurred; what the world was like. I have greatly increased interest in the fact that God came and walked with Adam and Eve in the evening (one of my favorite times of day). Here was a place that the world's first human sinners were blocked from getting to by a flaming sword...perhaps a near symbolism of those in torment at the End of Days, looking toward Paradise---but instead living in a godless world of brokenness.
We do find the Trinity during the hardest of times...sometimes we start saying He isn't answering us! He is so far away! Why won't He stop this from happening! etc., etc.,...but while we are such a mood of shouting and grieving, moaning and crying, we often do not lay ourselves out and be at peace and at a quiet long enough for us to feel His presence becoming closer. All we have to do is ask, and be willing to be still. I am reminded of the mourners outside the home of the dead girl, and while it was the father (and I assume mother's) wish to have Jesus there to heal her---all the mourners did was laugh. They were all sent away, (although one or two of the gospels has it written that they were professional mourners) and did not see the glory of the Lamb working. They did not believe for one, but nor did they have the patience to wait outside the gates to see what happened. They were not willing to be still, and watch the glory of God.
I have not been as angry about the RA as I have in other things in my life, not mad enough with the RA to be mad at God, although I certainly ask why...but I think that that overwhelming impatience for a quick answer is not from us, nor from God...it is something that will keep us from God, from building a deeper relationship with our Abba, Father, and from being able to tap into the energy of God. When we don't get that quick, snappy "perfect" answer, many leave the faith. Although, I may have to agree with Randy Alcorn, in his book, "If God is Good", wherein he states that he rather a weak Christian, who rarely speaks of godly things, and if the person does, they are wrong, lose his pr her faith rather than provide toxin in the worldview of Christianity. However, and what a large however!, people who have weaker faith are often a "young" Christian...and sometimes young Christians are not taught how to grow, whether or not they face trials.
Any relationship cannot be one sided and survive. So of course if you are reaching out for God He will answer. If you give up, and ignore His stirrings, then neither will "talk" for some time. If you never speak to your spouse, in all likelihood, the spouse will not speak back---and divorce may even become the finality to that relationship. Not speaking to family members will lead to whoever is involved to not be invited to family things. So of course, if you call upon the Lord, and what you wanted to happened did not, and you do not listen to what the Spirit begins trying to tell you, you will feel abandoned, and perhaps give up altogether.
But. If you listen and wait, listen for those stirrings of the Spirit as you think, read the Bible, admire the majesty of the (broken) world, you will find the relationship that is beyond all relationships deepening.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Helpless and Hopeless
The Spirit Filled Life. C. Stanley
The Spirit-Filled life begins with an overwhelming realization that we are helpless and hopeless apart from the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.
I love this quote. There is sort of a dawning which tells us (sometimes at multiple times and stages in our lives) that we really are pretty much NOT going to be able to do this alone. Life. Life hurts too much to do it alone. In face, it is impossible to face life alone.
How many people do you know that are addicted to "something". That is their god, their "salvation" in life...the way that they make life work....even though that 'god' is the most unhelpful god that was ever thought up.
We have people dying of drug overdoses, some accidental, some on purpose...attempting to soothe their way through life, stop the overwhelming amount of pain they feel.
We have the people who are compulsive shoppers, or (me) maybe even the possibility of the not shoppers, the best deal hunters, who want to save money for emergencies.
We have the porn addicts, the constant one-night-stand-ers, attempting again to soothe brokenness
We have the hoarders, the depressed, the anxious, the sick. There are so many tough things in this world that people face....and many of the coping mechanisms people try to use just end up with more brokenness.
God is the only way to make it out of this broken world. He created it, and we destroyed it...the only way to handle the sinful world is to dwell on His holiness, and sense the creation we once would have had. His perfection makes it possible to move forward in this world, and avoid things that will cause more difficulties, or become useless "gods".
He is the Good Shepherd, and we are His sheep. Having been in animal husbandry, there is nothing so wonderful as contented animals, looking at you with happy eyes because of the food, care and housing given. How much more must God want to care and see that? We will all be like that when He comes again....but I am certain He wants us as near to that here, on this broken planet, as He can.
When we look deeply and longingly for Him, for all of Him, He will answer the door and invite us into His house to the point that we feel His Spirit with us constantly. We are not alone, not even one minute or second, not with His love with us.
The Spirit-Filled life begins with an overwhelming realization that we are helpless and hopeless apart from the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.
I love this quote. There is sort of a dawning which tells us (sometimes at multiple times and stages in our lives) that we really are pretty much NOT going to be able to do this alone. Life. Life hurts too much to do it alone. In face, it is impossible to face life alone.
How many people do you know that are addicted to "something". That is their god, their "salvation" in life...the way that they make life work....even though that 'god' is the most unhelpful god that was ever thought up.
We have people dying of drug overdoses, some accidental, some on purpose...attempting to soothe their way through life, stop the overwhelming amount of pain they feel.
We have the people who are compulsive shoppers, or (me) maybe even the possibility of the not shoppers, the best deal hunters, who want to save money for emergencies.
We have the porn addicts, the constant one-night-stand-ers, attempting again to soothe brokenness
We have the hoarders, the depressed, the anxious, the sick. There are so many tough things in this world that people face....and many of the coping mechanisms people try to use just end up with more brokenness.
God is the only way to make it out of this broken world. He created it, and we destroyed it...the only way to handle the sinful world is to dwell on His holiness, and sense the creation we once would have had. His perfection makes it possible to move forward in this world, and avoid things that will cause more difficulties, or become useless "gods".
He is the Good Shepherd, and we are His sheep. Having been in animal husbandry, there is nothing so wonderful as contented animals, looking at you with happy eyes because of the food, care and housing given. How much more must God want to care and see that? We will all be like that when He comes again....but I am certain He wants us as near to that here, on this broken planet, as He can.
When we look deeply and longingly for Him, for all of Him, He will answer the door and invite us into His house to the point that we feel His Spirit with us constantly. We are not alone, not even one minute or second, not with His love with us.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Free to Call, Free to Fall
The Spirit-Filled Life. C. Stanley
Two things are essential to understanding and entering into the wonderful-filled life-----total dependence and total surrender.
Total dependence is driven into one. It is not necessarily a choice. We can try to focus by choice, by desire, and often get a stronger relationship than we had before, through effort. The total dependence is learned much like a relationship here with people. A time of learning to trust. The strongest way of learning total dependence is the need for total dependence on God for strength. In my own life, I have had many different things happen at different points that increased my need for God. Each battle with trials made the relationship deeper and stronger. The desire to know God was deeper, stronger. In this account we can thus see how God Himself calls for us each individually, as there is not a logical reason to reach for Him when things are difficult; not in the way of total dependence---perhaps for help, but not dependence.
I recall the September 11 terror attack, and the flood of people to churches....it would seem as a cry for help, a cry of fear, not a cry for someone to depend fully on.
With trials we either lose faith and abandon God, deciding that He is not safe or not loving because of allowing a trial to come, or we lean heavier on God, crying out is desperation for His strength. When He comes closer, giving us that strength through the Spirit, we learn deeper dependence, and find ourselves more aware of the Spirit around and in us.
Total surrender....slavery to the Lord. This one perhaps is harder, as I would consider this one to be the one in which we are willing to give up ourselves, but also willing to stand with the Word and say what is right and wrong. Willing to be ambassadors for the Lord, examples of godliness. This one is the one that may mean giving up sins that we do not want to, because of the evil pleasure that poisons us into enjoying whatever sin. Surrender will likely take more effort in the fact that actions have to be made to stop oneself from appearing ungodly. In other words....we have to be willing to not be "cool" which is a near death-sentence in the world. So which will you and I do?
Two things are essential to understanding and entering into the wonderful-filled life-----total dependence and total surrender.
Total dependence is driven into one. It is not necessarily a choice. We can try to focus by choice, by desire, and often get a stronger relationship than we had before, through effort. The total dependence is learned much like a relationship here with people. A time of learning to trust. The strongest way of learning total dependence is the need for total dependence on God for strength. In my own life, I have had many different things happen at different points that increased my need for God. Each battle with trials made the relationship deeper and stronger. The desire to know God was deeper, stronger. In this account we can thus see how God Himself calls for us each individually, as there is not a logical reason to reach for Him when things are difficult; not in the way of total dependence---perhaps for help, but not dependence.
I recall the September 11 terror attack, and the flood of people to churches....it would seem as a cry for help, a cry of fear, not a cry for someone to depend fully on.
With trials we either lose faith and abandon God, deciding that He is not safe or not loving because of allowing a trial to come, or we lean heavier on God, crying out is desperation for His strength. When He comes closer, giving us that strength through the Spirit, we learn deeper dependence, and find ourselves more aware of the Spirit around and in us.
Total surrender....slavery to the Lord. This one perhaps is harder, as I would consider this one to be the one in which we are willing to give up ourselves, but also willing to stand with the Word and say what is right and wrong. Willing to be ambassadors for the Lord, examples of godliness. This one is the one that may mean giving up sins that we do not want to, because of the evil pleasure that poisons us into enjoying whatever sin. Surrender will likely take more effort in the fact that actions have to be made to stop oneself from appearing ungodly. In other words....we have to be willing to not be "cool" which is a near death-sentence in the world. So which will you and I do?
RA Science Thought
This is my science thought for the day...bone cancers are often known as the more painful of cancers, and are provided adequate antinausea medications due to pain (and chemo therapy). Now, RA is a bone disease by it's massive destruction of joints and the articulating bones, as well as a disease that may attack any organ, up to and including the brain. Therefore, insurances ought to pay for adequate nausea meds, because that is one of the leading posts on my support sites--how to stop nausea.
RA Post: Careers
RA varies between so many people. Many can work, many cry to sleep at night because they want to work...
My support groups are always full of people wishing that they could do their job better or just plain do the job they left.
I am the latter still, and it breaks my heart. I had always planned on becoming a teacher, and maybe even running a nursing program.
This is not a possibility at this time.
I lean on God and ask for strength to bear up under this disappointment. And I know He is there, holding me as I figure on "hanging up my stethoscope" for many years. It always seemed that God wanted me to do nursing, as it always opened up for me...but I think now He has plans for me to study for a fulfillment I am not yet sure of, and help my parents as best I can while we live here...He granted me a husband who is very patient with my RA ups and downs, although like me, it still takes time "getting used to". It would be nearly impossible to face this RA without being married.
My support groups are always full of people wishing that they could do their job better or just plain do the job they left.
I am the latter still, and it breaks my heart. I had always planned on becoming a teacher, and maybe even running a nursing program.
This is not a possibility at this time.
I lean on God and ask for strength to bear up under this disappointment. And I know He is there, holding me as I figure on "hanging up my stethoscope" for many years. It always seemed that God wanted me to do nursing, as it always opened up for me...but I think now He has plans for me to study for a fulfillment I am not yet sure of, and help my parents as best I can while we live here...He granted me a husband who is very patient with my RA ups and downs, although like me, it still takes time "getting used to". It would be nearly impossible to face this RA without being married.
Crying Out
Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am devoted to You. You are my God; save Your servant who trusts in You. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to You all day long. Bring joy to Your servant, for to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to You. Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to You, for You will answer me. Among the gods, there is none like You, O Lord; no deeds can compare to Yours. Ps 86.1-8
This is a psalm that can touch the heart of anyone in any position, whether it be illness, work exhaustion or just a plain bad day.
All the days of our lives we work on and face trials and tribulations. Some of those trials are minor, and some are devastating.
Reading Randy Alcorn's "If God is..." speaks on the fact that we are not often taught in churches (or even Bible studies that I have noticed) how to prepare and face hard times.
Even with preparation, we cannot be ready for things that hit us.
I was and I am devastated with my rheumatoid arthritis. I can do one thing a day. I can water plants or I can clean house. If I do both, I will sleep solid from 24-48 hours....a vast improvement, I admit, from the two week solid sleeping I once had. I miss desperately the person I was, even though I am just as desperately happy with the Bible studies I have been doing...and the information I am gathering about RA to maybe help come up with better comfort in the nausea department for all my RA friends. I am wildly ecstatic about what I have learned about God.
When we call for mercy regarding something...the mercy is not always what we had in mind. My mercy cry was for relief and removal of my RA, to have the life I had back. I still want it back at times. For whatever reason, He has, at this point, still said "No". I wish I had a better understanding of that "No", but His ways are not our ways. (Thank the Lord for that!)
There is a reason for everything...God does not allow hard things to happen to us without a reason. If He created Creation so immense and small (scientists keep finding things that are even smaller than the last thing deemed "the smallest possible matter"), then surely He has a plan and use for the hardest of hard things in our lives.
There is a quote that says a weak faith will be weakened and lost during hard times, while a strong faith will be strengthened. Although in my experience, that strength comes from previous hard times. Perhaps we can, as it is suggested in Alcorn's book, prepare for battle in a trial or in spiritual warfare...we can learn all we can about God with solid authors, and studies, learn from those with higher biblical education, and last and best of all, read the Bible and learn from the Spirit Himself.
Our Lord and Savior is always there, even though the bad things are allowed to happen...He is always there, ready to be leaned on, cried upon, and even carry us. Sometimes we think He isn't there as we shout and cry during prayers...but He is. Once we have cried and shouted out our last complaints, He then begins to speak to us with the Spirit, either through the Bible, a book, a radio program...sometimes even the sky, trees, animals....but He lets us cry out our hurt, as any good Counselor would....and then He begins to speak to us, hold us tighter, show His love running so deep.
This is a psalm that can touch the heart of anyone in any position, whether it be illness, work exhaustion or just a plain bad day.
All the days of our lives we work on and face trials and tribulations. Some of those trials are minor, and some are devastating.
Reading Randy Alcorn's "If God is..." speaks on the fact that we are not often taught in churches (or even Bible studies that I have noticed) how to prepare and face hard times.
Even with preparation, we cannot be ready for things that hit us.
I was and I am devastated with my rheumatoid arthritis. I can do one thing a day. I can water plants or I can clean house. If I do both, I will sleep solid from 24-48 hours....a vast improvement, I admit, from the two week solid sleeping I once had. I miss desperately the person I was, even though I am just as desperately happy with the Bible studies I have been doing...and the information I am gathering about RA to maybe help come up with better comfort in the nausea department for all my RA friends. I am wildly ecstatic about what I have learned about God.
When we call for mercy regarding something...the mercy is not always what we had in mind. My mercy cry was for relief and removal of my RA, to have the life I had back. I still want it back at times. For whatever reason, He has, at this point, still said "No". I wish I had a better understanding of that "No", but His ways are not our ways. (Thank the Lord for that!)
There is a reason for everything...God does not allow hard things to happen to us without a reason. If He created Creation so immense and small (scientists keep finding things that are even smaller than the last thing deemed "the smallest possible matter"), then surely He has a plan and use for the hardest of hard things in our lives.
There is a quote that says a weak faith will be weakened and lost during hard times, while a strong faith will be strengthened. Although in my experience, that strength comes from previous hard times. Perhaps we can, as it is suggested in Alcorn's book, prepare for battle in a trial or in spiritual warfare...we can learn all we can about God with solid authors, and studies, learn from those with higher biblical education, and last and best of all, read the Bible and learn from the Spirit Himself.
Our Lord and Savior is always there, even though the bad things are allowed to happen...He is always there, ready to be leaned on, cried upon, and even carry us. Sometimes we think He isn't there as we shout and cry during prayers...but He is. Once we have cried and shouted out our last complaints, He then begins to speak to us with the Spirit, either through the Bible, a book, a radio program...sometimes even the sky, trees, animals....but He lets us cry out our hurt, as any good Counselor would....and then He begins to speak to us, hold us tighter, show His love running so deep.
Monday, August 10, 2015
One Day
J.E. Tada; More Precious than Silver
The secret to being content is to take one day at a time [and knowing all you need is Jesus].
All I need is Jesus. All I need is Jesus. There are days, like today, where I need to have that playing. I know I am blessed with so many wonderful things, in a place where I can get RA therapy, and have a cool place to relax on bad days.
And yes, I can feel His presence as well as ever...but I do not want to be sick anymore. I feel like the woman in the NT who had been bleeding for 12 years and came to touch His robe.
I know that He could heal me, if He wills it. But I know, too, that His grace should be sufficient...if Paul himself had to keep the "thorn in his side" for the rest of his earthly life, then I should be able to as well. I, too, am guaranteed a place in Paradise. A place of no tears, joy and great light.
Paradise, to me, would be similar to times in my late teens. A hard time in life, yes, because of the anorexia/bulimia, and great anxiety...but the best times of peace were easily found, likely by the grace of God.
Paradise was sitting under a great canopy of trees, the leaves fluttering and causing light to flicker and dance over me. A book would be in my hand, by rarely actually read, as my best dog at the time now lay at my feet after chasing imaginary rabbits and mice. My herd of goats munched happily on vegetation, their little tails wagging to shoo the occasional fly. That was perfection, peace.
When I feature my Terebithia of perfection, I know that it is not actual perfection. It will be better yet in Paradise, with the new heaven and new earth.
While few, if any, worrisome thoughts hit me in my Terebithia, there will be no worrisome thoughts ever in Paradise. No torment of devils and the suffering of a cursed planet. We will be whole.
I take each day as it comes, and while I aim to do things on the next, I never know if I will even be able to stay awake. Last night I cried out "I don't want to be sick anymore." And there was a great peace, still, that landed on me.
I am sure, like it is for broken earthly parents, that seeing us suffer is painful for God as well. We all feel bad making a child stand in a corner for punishment, or fight the ills of a fever. We just have to do the first, and help with the other...sometimes we face hard things. And it is not pleasant by any means...but we do not face them alone. All we must do is rely on Him, cry out to Him. After all, He cares for the sparrows of the field, and we are worth more than many sparrows. He loved us enough, as Timothy Keller described in his book 'Jesus the King', to be without the love of God, on the cross, a love He had never been without. He loved us so much to die on the cross in a description of Hell because He was without the love of the Father. He faced Hell for us, so that we might never be there. That is an incredible, indescribable amount of love.
The secret to being content is to take one day at a time [and knowing all you need is Jesus].
All I need is Jesus. All I need is Jesus. There are days, like today, where I need to have that playing. I know I am blessed with so many wonderful things, in a place where I can get RA therapy, and have a cool place to relax on bad days.
And yes, I can feel His presence as well as ever...but I do not want to be sick anymore. I feel like the woman in the NT who had been bleeding for 12 years and came to touch His robe.
I know that He could heal me, if He wills it. But I know, too, that His grace should be sufficient...if Paul himself had to keep the "thorn in his side" for the rest of his earthly life, then I should be able to as well. I, too, am guaranteed a place in Paradise. A place of no tears, joy and great light.
Paradise, to me, would be similar to times in my late teens. A hard time in life, yes, because of the anorexia/bulimia, and great anxiety...but the best times of peace were easily found, likely by the grace of God.
Paradise was sitting under a great canopy of trees, the leaves fluttering and causing light to flicker and dance over me. A book would be in my hand, by rarely actually read, as my best dog at the time now lay at my feet after chasing imaginary rabbits and mice. My herd of goats munched happily on vegetation, their little tails wagging to shoo the occasional fly. That was perfection, peace.
When I feature my Terebithia of perfection, I know that it is not actual perfection. It will be better yet in Paradise, with the new heaven and new earth.
While few, if any, worrisome thoughts hit me in my Terebithia, there will be no worrisome thoughts ever in Paradise. No torment of devils and the suffering of a cursed planet. We will be whole.
I take each day as it comes, and while I aim to do things on the next, I never know if I will even be able to stay awake. Last night I cried out "I don't want to be sick anymore." And there was a great peace, still, that landed on me.
I am sure, like it is for broken earthly parents, that seeing us suffer is painful for God as well. We all feel bad making a child stand in a corner for punishment, or fight the ills of a fever. We just have to do the first, and help with the other...sometimes we face hard things. And it is not pleasant by any means...but we do not face them alone. All we must do is rely on Him, cry out to Him. After all, He cares for the sparrows of the field, and we are worth more than many sparrows. He loved us enough, as Timothy Keller described in his book 'Jesus the King', to be without the love of God, on the cross, a love He had never been without. He loved us so much to die on the cross in a description of Hell because He was without the love of the Father. He faced Hell for us, so that we might never be there. That is an incredible, indescribable amount of love.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
When Your're Hurting
More Precious Than Silver....J.E. Tada
When you're hurting, life is lived in steps, very small steps. The sufficiency of Christ is more than enough to meet the needs of a lifetime, but life can only be lived one day, one moment, at a time.
I hit a flare. I am still in it. Flares hit so hard, and make me hurt so much physically and mentally. When I flare, I feel the truth of my disease. And if I do not focus on God, cry out to Him and cling to Him with every ounce of strength, Terror reigns so strongly to make the pain, nausea, muscle cramps and sweating worse.
If I listen to my body, RA is terrifying. There are mental diseases, physical diseases...but spiritual diseases are made by our own choices. Do we follow God, lean completely on Him? Or do we act like the once-a-week Christian, who does their "duty" of church attendance, and then that is it for the week, God ought to just be in our spiritual, mental, and physical life to keep everything perfect. Then there is the other extreme; the persons who are at church every single day, and tell everyone about being at church every single day. They have their own selves in mind---to be proud of how very godly they are. Obviously they are so godly God will be with them, spiritually, physically and mentally.
Yeah. It does not work that way. I always love Paul's letter in which he calls himself the worst of the worst of sinners. That to me shows a truly godly person.
We want our worth to be other than that of God---Timothy Keller, in his book Jesus the King, speaks of having God as our Sun, lighting the path around us...however, we often put something else in there as our "sun".
If we have good spiritual health, and know God is with us, feeling His presence....when hard things come to be, it is a little bit easier to take them. As I said, I have hit a flare, and I cried about it. I desperately want to escape my disease (no, not suicidal)...I want a therapy that takes it away, so that I do not have to take every prescribed med before any car ride. But there is no guaranteed fix. I will likely be sick the rest of my life.
What makes anything hard bearable is the fact that we have a loving Father, a perfect Father. The sort of Father who is always there, always sits up all night when we are sick, always says the perfect thing in Word or song, who always shows us love in the way that most touches us the deepest. (Beautiful places outside on my own property gives me that.)
He wants to be there for us, He wants to reach out and touch us. It is almost as if we have been kidnapped by the evil rulers of this world, and He can see us, but we pick following the Evil Ones with their shiny, new toys. He reaches out, calls to us, and we sometimes just ignore.
But that is the thing with our dear Abba, Father. When we see the hurts we have caused ourselves, we can just turn around, cry out our story and ask for forgiveness.
And, like any good Father who has longed to gather us up, as a hen does her chicks, He brings us closer....and the more we reach towards Him, and learn to love Him with a love so different than any other, He starts to show us the love of THE King. A love so vast we will never comprehend. I think, even, that with that deepening relationship, that we almost begin to see the world as it should have been, what it once was...or maybe what it will be. Maybe it is just my imagination.
That love of God is so incredible, and gives so much strength in illness, depression, hard days at work. And all He wants is us to cry out, reach for Him, and "be still" with Him. He will be there, He will never leave.
When you're hurting, life is lived in steps, very small steps. The sufficiency of Christ is more than enough to meet the needs of a lifetime, but life can only be lived one day, one moment, at a time.
I hit a flare. I am still in it. Flares hit so hard, and make me hurt so much physically and mentally. When I flare, I feel the truth of my disease. And if I do not focus on God, cry out to Him and cling to Him with every ounce of strength, Terror reigns so strongly to make the pain, nausea, muscle cramps and sweating worse.
If I listen to my body, RA is terrifying. There are mental diseases, physical diseases...but spiritual diseases are made by our own choices. Do we follow God, lean completely on Him? Or do we act like the once-a-week Christian, who does their "duty" of church attendance, and then that is it for the week, God ought to just be in our spiritual, mental, and physical life to keep everything perfect. Then there is the other extreme; the persons who are at church every single day, and tell everyone about being at church every single day. They have their own selves in mind---to be proud of how very godly they are. Obviously they are so godly God will be with them, spiritually, physically and mentally.
Yeah. It does not work that way. I always love Paul's letter in which he calls himself the worst of the worst of sinners. That to me shows a truly godly person.
We want our worth to be other than that of God---Timothy Keller, in his book Jesus the King, speaks of having God as our Sun, lighting the path around us...however, we often put something else in there as our "sun".
If we have good spiritual health, and know God is with us, feeling His presence....when hard things come to be, it is a little bit easier to take them. As I said, I have hit a flare, and I cried about it. I desperately want to escape my disease (no, not suicidal)...I want a therapy that takes it away, so that I do not have to take every prescribed med before any car ride. But there is no guaranteed fix. I will likely be sick the rest of my life.
What makes anything hard bearable is the fact that we have a loving Father, a perfect Father. The sort of Father who is always there, always sits up all night when we are sick, always says the perfect thing in Word or song, who always shows us love in the way that most touches us the deepest. (Beautiful places outside on my own property gives me that.)
He wants to be there for us, He wants to reach out and touch us. It is almost as if we have been kidnapped by the evil rulers of this world, and He can see us, but we pick following the Evil Ones with their shiny, new toys. He reaches out, calls to us, and we sometimes just ignore.
But that is the thing with our dear Abba, Father. When we see the hurts we have caused ourselves, we can just turn around, cry out our story and ask for forgiveness.
And, like any good Father who has longed to gather us up, as a hen does her chicks, He brings us closer....and the more we reach towards Him, and learn to love Him with a love so different than any other, He starts to show us the love of THE King. A love so vast we will never comprehend. I think, even, that with that deepening relationship, that we almost begin to see the world as it should have been, what it once was...or maybe what it will be. Maybe it is just my imagination.
That love of God is so incredible, and gives so much strength in illness, depression, hard days at work. And all He wants is us to cry out, reach for Him, and "be still" with Him. He will be there, He will never leave.
Friday, August 7, 2015
Grateful
More Precious than Silver. J.E. Tada
2 cor 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
I would say it this way: I would rather be in this wheelchair knowing Him than on my feet without Him. Everything else, everything worldly, pales in comparison.
My life has change 100%. I miss out on a lot of events, because I either cannot make it that day or cannot stay very long. I cannot be a nurse now, and I do not know if I can ever return to the job I loved.
Yet, at this point, nearly a year after I woke up with rheumatoid arthritis, I am nearly ok with not being able to work, not driving, all the many things that I did but do not. I am 25% the person I was.
Yet I am 100% the person I am now...what with spending more time in Bible studies, and a deeper relationship with my RA sister, my non-RA sister, my friends, and all my "parents" and parents. I do not want to be sick, to be limited in what I do. But there are many things that I do now and did not.
I would rather have rheumatoid arthritis and know God, and know Him deeper, than be free of illness and have less of a relationship.
2 cor 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
I would say it this way: I would rather be in this wheelchair knowing Him than on my feet without Him. Everything else, everything worldly, pales in comparison.
My life has change 100%. I miss out on a lot of events, because I either cannot make it that day or cannot stay very long. I cannot be a nurse now, and I do not know if I can ever return to the job I loved.
Yet, at this point, nearly a year after I woke up with rheumatoid arthritis, I am nearly ok with not being able to work, not driving, all the many things that I did but do not. I am 25% the person I was.
Yet I am 100% the person I am now...what with spending more time in Bible studies, and a deeper relationship with my RA sister, my non-RA sister, my friends, and all my "parents" and parents. I do not want to be sick, to be limited in what I do. But there are many things that I do now and did not.
I would rather have rheumatoid arthritis and know God, and know Him deeper, than be free of illness and have less of a relationship.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Internet Down
We just got our internet back, after losing it to the satellite company's crash somehow...yes, we live in the middle of no where, so it is satellite internet or no internet, and yesterday was no internet.
It has me thinking at this moment how much we depend on these sorts of things. We have cell phones with social media added on at purchase or easily downloaded from an "app" store. Most of us cannot wait even an hour or two without checking whichever social media is top, and many lunches and dinners are often viewed with a cell phone taking up part of the time.
I have done it myself. When I worked as a home health nurse, if I was waiting for a patient, the easiest entertainment was the internet.
We watch TV and movies like mad. My husband and I have been watching TV lately, nearly every night, because at this point, that tends to be all I feel up to doing, anyway, by evening.
My main point is thinking on how we have all these "gods" taking up our time. Between our own "mini-godness", we have these whole "gods" bothering our concentration on Christ. I am not saying that we can't use these things, I have loved Facebook because when I am at my worst I can still "see" people. There is just that risk of putting so many things before God. We will think, oh, I will just check this, and then I will go study the Word.....and then we just go to bed, or we go to town, or what-have-you.
We ignore that pull of the Spirit to learn. There is more to learn from the Spirit than ever from anything else...I love science and history....but honestly learning from the Spirit is learning from the One who MADE science and history. Imagine eternity, and worshiping. I do not know...but somehow it seems like learning, from the aspect that God did this (creation) and how things work from His work, would be a form of worship. Anything that is in wonder at the Lord of all should be worship...
So make certain to spend time with God. That time has become so important to me in my illness, even with the increasing ability to do more things in the world. I feel like there is something majorly missing without Him.
It has me thinking at this moment how much we depend on these sorts of things. We have cell phones with social media added on at purchase or easily downloaded from an "app" store. Most of us cannot wait even an hour or two without checking whichever social media is top, and many lunches and dinners are often viewed with a cell phone taking up part of the time.
I have done it myself. When I worked as a home health nurse, if I was waiting for a patient, the easiest entertainment was the internet.
We watch TV and movies like mad. My husband and I have been watching TV lately, nearly every night, because at this point, that tends to be all I feel up to doing, anyway, by evening.
My main point is thinking on how we have all these "gods" taking up our time. Between our own "mini-godness", we have these whole "gods" bothering our concentration on Christ. I am not saying that we can't use these things, I have loved Facebook because when I am at my worst I can still "see" people. There is just that risk of putting so many things before God. We will think, oh, I will just check this, and then I will go study the Word.....and then we just go to bed, or we go to town, or what-have-you.
We ignore that pull of the Spirit to learn. There is more to learn from the Spirit than ever from anything else...I love science and history....but honestly learning from the Spirit is learning from the One who MADE science and history. Imagine eternity, and worshiping. I do not know...but somehow it seems like learning, from the aspect that God did this (creation) and how things work from His work, would be a form of worship. Anything that is in wonder at the Lord of all should be worship...
So make certain to spend time with God. That time has become so important to me in my illness, even with the increasing ability to do more things in the world. I feel like there is something majorly missing without Him.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Circumstances
More Precious than Silver. J.E. Tada
You are not alone in your hardships. You have not been blind sided and ambushed by suffering only to trudge on in senseless disappointment. God is with you. He is deeply concerned in your circumstances.
There is one person who was left alone to suffer...with a suffering horrendous beyond all comparison. And, as I am sure you have figured out, that person did that level of suffering, humiliation and abandonment purely for us. Jesus faced a cross death, refused pain killers (myrrh), and then was left completely along by God.
We feel left alone. When hard things come to be, we shout to God, "Why me? Why now? Don't do this to me!"
We feel like there is no response to this, we continue to suffer. We turn our back in agitation and avoid all things God-related. Really, though...He is acting in good accord with Someone who loves beyond all other loves. He listens to the shouts of anger as would a parent to a child who had been hurt at the hands of another child. The parent is not angry at his/her own child (possibly the other), but feel empathy for the child...then, the child asks the parent what we should ask God. Hold me. Help me.
If after shouting, crying, whatever emotional release we use, we do not call upon God for help as a child would...we are continuing to think much too highly of ourselves. We think, since God did not prevent something from happening that we must be able to fix the problem ourselves. Highly unlikely.
I have found that all of my sufferings in the past have had a reason in the future. Anxiety and anorexia/bulimia made it easier to connect with patients or the general population. Depression was very useful, because most of the world is depressed, so having the knowledge of getting out of depression was useful. I imagine my health experience will be useful...I am not sure how, other than being able to study God so much.
There is a key, though, to handling suffering. One simply cannot handle suffering alone. People commit suicide by feeling too alone in suffering. People help is useful, it helps with some things...but only God can make you truly have the strength needed to conquer a trial. He does not leave us, although we often choose to leave Him and do things our way. Worked so well for the founding fathers in the Bible....so we will do our own things too.
All we have to do is be willing to let our control down...and look for God. You can see Him everywhere, even in this world of brokenness. And He is right here, arms open wide, welcoming us, the prodigal sons.
You are not alone in your hardships. You have not been blind sided and ambushed by suffering only to trudge on in senseless disappointment. God is with you. He is deeply concerned in your circumstances.
There is one person who was left alone to suffer...with a suffering horrendous beyond all comparison. And, as I am sure you have figured out, that person did that level of suffering, humiliation and abandonment purely for us. Jesus faced a cross death, refused pain killers (myrrh), and then was left completely along by God.
We feel left alone. When hard things come to be, we shout to God, "Why me? Why now? Don't do this to me!"
We feel like there is no response to this, we continue to suffer. We turn our back in agitation and avoid all things God-related. Really, though...He is acting in good accord with Someone who loves beyond all other loves. He listens to the shouts of anger as would a parent to a child who had been hurt at the hands of another child. The parent is not angry at his/her own child (possibly the other), but feel empathy for the child...then, the child asks the parent what we should ask God. Hold me. Help me.
If after shouting, crying, whatever emotional release we use, we do not call upon God for help as a child would...we are continuing to think much too highly of ourselves. We think, since God did not prevent something from happening that we must be able to fix the problem ourselves. Highly unlikely.
I have found that all of my sufferings in the past have had a reason in the future. Anxiety and anorexia/bulimia made it easier to connect with patients or the general population. Depression was very useful, because most of the world is depressed, so having the knowledge of getting out of depression was useful. I imagine my health experience will be useful...I am not sure how, other than being able to study God so much.
There is a key, though, to handling suffering. One simply cannot handle suffering alone. People commit suicide by feeling too alone in suffering. People help is useful, it helps with some things...but only God can make you truly have the strength needed to conquer a trial. He does not leave us, although we often choose to leave Him and do things our way. Worked so well for the founding fathers in the Bible....so we will do our own things too.
All we have to do is be willing to let our control down...and look for God. You can see Him everywhere, even in this world of brokenness. And He is right here, arms open wide, welcoming us, the prodigal sons.
Monday, August 3, 2015
RA Post: Considerations About an RA Anniversary.
I was scrolling over Facebook, admiring everyone's babies, trips and what-have-you...and began mulling over things.
I am near my 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I wish I wasn't. I am so very worn out of being sick...and trying to figure out how to force myself to go places when I will start melting into a puddle of nausea and ick and terrible pain. I want to be able to at least (new goal) be able to go see family and friends. Once a week. At this point, while I am greatly relieved to be able to get up and be up almost all day (3 or 4 is my give out time)...when before I spent months and months laying on my couch/bed. It is wonderful to be up, to see people and be able to have visitors...
I am just so tired of being sick. I am mostly patient with it now, having had a year of practice. But I wanted to have children, and at this point I could not adequately take care of them. You can't have a mama that falls asleep in a chair without meaning to.
I want to be able to clean house without having to stop after ten or fifteen minutes and rest another hour to be sure of no joint damage.
But. I am here. I am better. I am 25% of the person I was physically a year ago. Spiritually...much more. And that last part has made the illness and the horrible-ness of this disease worth it. There are just a few things I wish I had.
I will be putting my license on an "inactive" status. My nursing license can be inactive for three years, and then if I reactivate after that, I have to take a renewal course. I don't want to make it inactive, I want to be a nurse. I love nursing. But my body cannot do what is required. Maybe, maybe if I had not worked so hard after school, been a part time nurse...my body may have lasted longer. But it was inevitable. I could see the RA coming. Joint pain was there, mildly, sleeplessness...exhaustion. I just never knew this was such a hard disease, having met patients that were not sick at all.
Again, as I say, I am very grateful for my blessings: parents, siblings, dear dear friends, my most loving husband, and his family are so wonderful to me. God has indeed provided people for me. And I can never thank anyone who has helped, visited, or anything enough. Even my readers make me feel more loved...so thanks for reading, and we will continue with a nurse's rheumatoid and God experience. Peace upon you all.
I am near my 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I wish I wasn't. I am so very worn out of being sick...and trying to figure out how to force myself to go places when I will start melting into a puddle of nausea and ick and terrible pain. I want to be able to at least (new goal) be able to go see family and friends. Once a week. At this point, while I am greatly relieved to be able to get up and be up almost all day (3 or 4 is my give out time)...when before I spent months and months laying on my couch/bed. It is wonderful to be up, to see people and be able to have visitors...
I am just so tired of being sick. I am mostly patient with it now, having had a year of practice. But I wanted to have children, and at this point I could not adequately take care of them. You can't have a mama that falls asleep in a chair without meaning to.
I want to be able to clean house without having to stop after ten or fifteen minutes and rest another hour to be sure of no joint damage.
But. I am here. I am better. I am 25% of the person I was physically a year ago. Spiritually...much more. And that last part has made the illness and the horrible-ness of this disease worth it. There are just a few things I wish I had.
I will be putting my license on an "inactive" status. My nursing license can be inactive for three years, and then if I reactivate after that, I have to take a renewal course. I don't want to make it inactive, I want to be a nurse. I love nursing. But my body cannot do what is required. Maybe, maybe if I had not worked so hard after school, been a part time nurse...my body may have lasted longer. But it was inevitable. I could see the RA coming. Joint pain was there, mildly, sleeplessness...exhaustion. I just never knew this was such a hard disease, having met patients that were not sick at all.
Again, as I say, I am very grateful for my blessings: parents, siblings, dear dear friends, my most loving husband, and his family are so wonderful to me. God has indeed provided people for me. And I can never thank anyone who has helped, visited, or anything enough. Even my readers make me feel more loved...so thanks for reading, and we will continue with a nurse's rheumatoid and God experience. Peace upon you all.
Tenderness
From More Precious Than Silver. J.E. Tada
The Father is tender beyond description. He not only makes His compassion known; He rises to offer His love and mercy. He not only chooses but longs to be gracious to you. That is, He desires, yearns, and even aches to show you the abundance of His care and compassion.
I think that a lot of us, as new "young" Christians do not get told, nor realize, how loving the Father is. After all, He is connected to the Son and the Spirit...how could He not be loving?
Yes....there are many stories in the OT about His commands to make nations move so that Israel can settle in His chosen spot for them. This was, however, an act of protection. He likely knew that they would not pick to live with and worship the true King, and would instead provide a huge link for weaknesses through the worship of their false gods.
The nation did not always listen...and there are many, many times in which the nation fell completely from His love, and picked the deaf, blind, and certainly not loving, bits of stone, wood and gold to love and worship.
If though, if! you really read the OT, you will see how God is loving. There are so many amazing passages speaking of His love towards those who are faithful. His acts of forgiveness in a time without a Savior.
Faith is what is needed. Faith that God will allow things to happen, but that it is ok that they happen, because He is right here, lending us the power that created the heaven and the earth.
I realized the other day that the forefathers of faith saw God. Not all of Him, but saw God. Abraham saw Him (or they seem to say) at a lunch in the desert before Sarah had a child...I believe that He even wanted to build each of the men a tent, but I cannot be sure. If he did want to do this, (as Timothy Keller explains in his book 'Jesus---The King') he was making separate tents, which gives the idea of the tabernacle with its Holy of Holies.
Jacob is told to have wrestled with God.
Moses out and out demanded to "see" God, so God hid him in the cleft of a rock, covered him when He passed by, but Moses did see God.
With the case of Moses, the people could not look at him, and he kept his face covered for some time, as the glory of God shining on his face was too much to bear.
I am not aware of any other stories off the top of my head...but it was faith, I believe, that allowed these men to see Him. They were not perfect by any means...but righteousness was accorded, I think, by faith, as it says about Abraham in the NT.
We are horrible. And horrible things that happen to us are really probably fair....likely not even enough for all the sins that we commit, and the sins that those in the past generations fall forward. Really, speaking as one in a chronic illness condition, it is incredible we aren't all one legged, one armed, blind and deaf from all the sins in the world. God protects us from many sins I have read from different authors, and I think that is true. He really does care a great deal for us. We are worth more than many sparrows, as the Word tells us...and He loves all His creation. Even in its broken state. I am sure He can hardly wait to fix it beyond what it ever was, yet is waiting for the last believer to believe.
The Father is tender beyond description. He not only makes His compassion known; He rises to offer His love and mercy. He not only chooses but longs to be gracious to you. That is, He desires, yearns, and even aches to show you the abundance of His care and compassion.
I think that a lot of us, as new "young" Christians do not get told, nor realize, how loving the Father is. After all, He is connected to the Son and the Spirit...how could He not be loving?
Yes....there are many stories in the OT about His commands to make nations move so that Israel can settle in His chosen spot for them. This was, however, an act of protection. He likely knew that they would not pick to live with and worship the true King, and would instead provide a huge link for weaknesses through the worship of their false gods.
The nation did not always listen...and there are many, many times in which the nation fell completely from His love, and picked the deaf, blind, and certainly not loving, bits of stone, wood and gold to love and worship.
If though, if! you really read the OT, you will see how God is loving. There are so many amazing passages speaking of His love towards those who are faithful. His acts of forgiveness in a time without a Savior.
Faith is what is needed. Faith that God will allow things to happen, but that it is ok that they happen, because He is right here, lending us the power that created the heaven and the earth.
I realized the other day that the forefathers of faith saw God. Not all of Him, but saw God. Abraham saw Him (or they seem to say) at a lunch in the desert before Sarah had a child...I believe that He even wanted to build each of the men a tent, but I cannot be sure. If he did want to do this, (as Timothy Keller explains in his book 'Jesus---The King') he was making separate tents, which gives the idea of the tabernacle with its Holy of Holies.
Jacob is told to have wrestled with God.
Moses out and out demanded to "see" God, so God hid him in the cleft of a rock, covered him when He passed by, but Moses did see God.
With the case of Moses, the people could not look at him, and he kept his face covered for some time, as the glory of God shining on his face was too much to bear.
I am not aware of any other stories off the top of my head...but it was faith, I believe, that allowed these men to see Him. They were not perfect by any means...but righteousness was accorded, I think, by faith, as it says about Abraham in the NT.
We are horrible. And horrible things that happen to us are really probably fair....likely not even enough for all the sins that we commit, and the sins that those in the past generations fall forward. Really, speaking as one in a chronic illness condition, it is incredible we aren't all one legged, one armed, blind and deaf from all the sins in the world. God protects us from many sins I have read from different authors, and I think that is true. He really does care a great deal for us. We are worth more than many sparrows, as the Word tells us...and He loves all His creation. Even in its broken state. I am sure He can hardly wait to fix it beyond what it ever was, yet is waiting for the last believer to believe.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Father
More Precious than Silver. J.E. Tada
The Father is tender beyond description. He not only makes His compassion known; He rises to offer His love and mercy. He not only chooses, but longs to be gracious to you. That is, He desires, yearns and even aches to show you the abundance of His care and compassion.
On my sickest days, at the beginning of my RA and for many, many months after, I cried out so desperately to God. I just could not do this hurt-sick stuff by myself.
When we get to that point....the point that it hits us that our mini-god, ourselves, have no power and cannot do or control anything...we begin to think desperately.
Those of us who know God are likely to turn to Him, and ask for help. When we are at the point of absolute despair, we reach out pleading, as those blind beggars, for help.
God will answer...I had times in my life that it seemed as if God was so far away; He wasn't answering quickly enough. I wanted Him right then.
The problem was that I was not being with God correctly. Maybe sins I had not asked forgiveness for, but I believe when we feel like God just won't get close to us is because we are still wanting to be in control. We want to appear godly, so we can impress our other believers, we want to stand out in the secular world as holy. So very holy. We want to be Pharisees.
No. We must not think about those things. We must want to be holy because God is holy; yet know that we are still horrible, terrible sinners. We must not be proud of how "close" we are to God; yet we can celebrate Him with others in times of worship, praise and discussion. We must want to stand out to others as beacons of light; a person that non-believers are curious about. In other words, we must not have the proud mini-god going on.
As it says in Scripture, 'who can serve two masters?' And while that refers to money, I imagine it applies to any "master" of us, be it mini-god-ness, the best singer at Sunday worship or the porn hidden in a closet. Those masters must go, or God cannot fit in---He is giving you free will.
Then bad times hit. We begin to see through clearer eyes, maybe slightly through the eyes of God, of how horrible we are. We cover our faces in shame as we cry out to God for forgiveness for our multiple speeding tickets, our one night stand of cheating on our husband, our stealing drugs from people's homes, or even the lost temper at a spouse or child.
God's Fatherly arms are around and hold us, as we would a child confessing and crying over a sin. He listens, because He knows what it is like to be tempted, and has already felt those sins on the cross. He forgives us, and as we let go of being the boss, we notice that He was indeed right there, arms around us, loving us....but we were so blinded by our sins and mini-godness we could not see or feel Him, and it appeared that He had abandoned us.
Trials and hard times help us to be closer to God. I wish that we had a different way of this, but God is there to give strength to each of us to handle any battle. And after all, having the strength of the God who just spoke things into creation is a lot of power to help us with. So push through the blindness of mini-god you, and read His Word, study good, solid authors, and pray. Be still; and know that He is God....sometimes that is enough to feel a wave of His love wash over you.
The Father is tender beyond description. He not only makes His compassion known; He rises to offer His love and mercy. He not only chooses, but longs to be gracious to you. That is, He desires, yearns and even aches to show you the abundance of His care and compassion.
On my sickest days, at the beginning of my RA and for many, many months after, I cried out so desperately to God. I just could not do this hurt-sick stuff by myself.
When we get to that point....the point that it hits us that our mini-god, ourselves, have no power and cannot do or control anything...we begin to think desperately.
Those of us who know God are likely to turn to Him, and ask for help. When we are at the point of absolute despair, we reach out pleading, as those blind beggars, for help.
God will answer...I had times in my life that it seemed as if God was so far away; He wasn't answering quickly enough. I wanted Him right then.
The problem was that I was not being with God correctly. Maybe sins I had not asked forgiveness for, but I believe when we feel like God just won't get close to us is because we are still wanting to be in control. We want to appear godly, so we can impress our other believers, we want to stand out in the secular world as holy. So very holy. We want to be Pharisees.
No. We must not think about those things. We must want to be holy because God is holy; yet know that we are still horrible, terrible sinners. We must not be proud of how "close" we are to God; yet we can celebrate Him with others in times of worship, praise and discussion. We must want to stand out to others as beacons of light; a person that non-believers are curious about. In other words, we must not have the proud mini-god going on.
As it says in Scripture, 'who can serve two masters?' And while that refers to money, I imagine it applies to any "master" of us, be it mini-god-ness, the best singer at Sunday worship or the porn hidden in a closet. Those masters must go, or God cannot fit in---He is giving you free will.
Then bad times hit. We begin to see through clearer eyes, maybe slightly through the eyes of God, of how horrible we are. We cover our faces in shame as we cry out to God for forgiveness for our multiple speeding tickets, our one night stand of cheating on our husband, our stealing drugs from people's homes, or even the lost temper at a spouse or child.
God's Fatherly arms are around and hold us, as we would a child confessing and crying over a sin. He listens, because He knows what it is like to be tempted, and has already felt those sins on the cross. He forgives us, and as we let go of being the boss, we notice that He was indeed right there, arms around us, loving us....but we were so blinded by our sins and mini-godness we could not see or feel Him, and it appeared that He had abandoned us.
Trials and hard times help us to be closer to God. I wish that we had a different way of this, but God is there to give strength to each of us to handle any battle. And after all, having the strength of the God who just spoke things into creation is a lot of power to help us with. So push through the blindness of mini-god you, and read His Word, study good, solid authors, and pray. Be still; and know that He is God....sometimes that is enough to feel a wave of His love wash over you.
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RA Awareness Day
