Today I "wept a little weep" as is described in one of my all time favorite books, Little Women (Louisa May Alcott). In the case of Little Women, the character Beth wept over her trials of housework, shyness uncooperative piano. I believe there was something else inthere, but do not recall it at this moment.
My weeping had more to do with the sadness of seeing a near-normal day, seeing blue sky in the storm...and then having the eye of the hurricane close again. In many ways having a good day at all isworse than just being sick constantly. For then the loss of normalcy stings anew.
One might, in reading about Beth's trials of housework or the uncooperative piano as amusing. So trivial, say, than that of cancer, homelessness, death-threats that abound about the world. And yet is it really?
I have been fighting RA nearly two years, and say this is a harder battle than the depression, anxiety anorexia I fought many years ago. To the outsider, my battle is less than cancer, etc., and while I do not fight those battles and thus cannot say for certain.... I have learned this .We must never belittle another's cross. The cross which is cutting into another is, for that person, horrendous.
I was reading the Trial and Death of Jesus Christ byJames Stalker the other day, and came to a section considering the man who carried the cross for Christ. The book vaguely mentioned what it may have been like for him to be forced to carry a symbol of death for another, pointing out that this would have made him ceremonially unclean. I lay here and consider though, what it must have been like. the jeering, whooping crowds that likely pushed in on Him, pushing also against Christ. Soldiers mocking. Worse, I personally would have had the fear rolling in my gut that at the end of this procession.....the soldiers and people would decide it was great fun to put me on a cross! Hang the law, as it were, and add another! I do not recall ever reading if the man in question became a believer....but regardless, consider the haunting visions of carrying someone else's burden to the very point of death.
We ought to consider each other this way, not laughing or scoffing severity of suffering. True, some things are more frightening than an uncooperative piano, but the trial is still a trial.
Each day we continue forward, whether facing death threats, facing pain from disease, facing some small irritation and remember Christ---and act accordingly (!) is an honorable day for Him. Do we remember to ask for His strength, to dedicate the day to Him? Do we remember we carry His cross each day by remembering Him, and showing through our behavior His person?
I may be pulled from the servitude of nursing I expected to follow, but, I need remind myself, am I working as I am physically, mentally, spiritually able to honor and glorify the Lord? That is the most important aspect of our existence, along with loving one another. Ask for strength for your own trial...and yet be willing, when the moment presents itself, to carry someone else's cross. Listen to the broken hearted moan over an out of tune piano, soothe a new widow, assist the ill. Moments present themselves, answer them wisely.
Rheumatoid Awareness
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Challenge Post
Here's something for you to do.
I want you to try writing out your prayers. See the answers you are given. See when you were praying things that, at the time seemed right, but later seem either selfish/not godly. Thing is, you'll have to do this for some time before you can read back. I am trying to write out mine, mainly as a way to focus my attention on God as I pray, but also to see later the answers He gives out.
I want you to try writing out your prayers. See the answers you are given. See when you were praying things that, at the time seemed right, but later seem either selfish/not godly. Thing is, you'll have to do this for some time before you can read back. I am trying to write out mine, mainly as a way to focus my attention on God as I pray, but also to see later the answers He gives out.
RA Post: Blessed Day
I was quite blessed yesterday to have one of the healthiest days I have had in nearly two years. I went to visit my sister who lives the furthest from me---which makes for at least a 45min drive. A beautiful drive. But...car rides are killer for RA joints.
All that jarring, bounding, jerking and the way we brace ourselves in the car at turns and stops. The steering wheel can be extraordinarily painful, as the elbow, wrist and finger joints ache and throb like the worst of sprained ankles...that are then bounced.
I digress.
A delightful drive to and from my sister's house. My nieces all chattered to me, so I heard more about their childhood experiences than what my sister was seeing and facing---but I enjoyed the chatter. My nieces all have rabbits, and so brought in in various waves of rabbitry their pets. I miss rabbits, having owned them myself.
I must say, yet again, how wonderful it was to have such a healthy, normal day yesterday. The last month especially, but all these many months have been so very trying. It is so difficult to just feel so terrible when most of those about you are not facing health issues. Also it remains difficult that few people but my immediate family see me on my worst of the worst days. When the general public sees me I may be limping or leaning, but my face is normal, a smile may be present. They don't see the shadows black under my eyes, stretching well into the cheeks, the white skin, the sweat-dampened clothes worn for a week straight because I feel too terrible from pain, fevers and nausea to even care what I look like.
I miss being "normal". Having good conversation with those my age about things I used to talk about. But for one day...I at least was blessed to have a normal day. I didn't even take a nap after my drive. And I don't recall that ever happening in the last 1 yr 11 months. Thank the Lord for strength and a breather!
All that jarring, bounding, jerking and the way we brace ourselves in the car at turns and stops. The steering wheel can be extraordinarily painful, as the elbow, wrist and finger joints ache and throb like the worst of sprained ankles...that are then bounced.
I digress.
A delightful drive to and from my sister's house. My nieces all chattered to me, so I heard more about their childhood experiences than what my sister was seeing and facing---but I enjoyed the chatter. My nieces all have rabbits, and so brought in in various waves of rabbitry their pets. I miss rabbits, having owned them myself.
I must say, yet again, how wonderful it was to have such a healthy, normal day yesterday. The last month especially, but all these many months have been so very trying. It is so difficult to just feel so terrible when most of those about you are not facing health issues. Also it remains difficult that few people but my immediate family see me on my worst of the worst days. When the general public sees me I may be limping or leaning, but my face is normal, a smile may be present. They don't see the shadows black under my eyes, stretching well into the cheeks, the white skin, the sweat-dampened clothes worn for a week straight because I feel too terrible from pain, fevers and nausea to even care what I look like.
I miss being "normal". Having good conversation with those my age about things I used to talk about. But for one day...I at least was blessed to have a normal day. I didn't even take a nap after my drive. And I don't recall that ever happening in the last 1 yr 11 months. Thank the Lord for strength and a breather!
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Toy Schnauzer Post: Walking, Growling and Pouncing
The puppies are a month old already. Their eyes all opened at two weeks, with the largest male's eyes opening the next day. Now we are walking about, wagging out little tails, and trying our voices.
Today was the first day we really liked and ate our softened puppy food. House training is going well, too, as we rarely get our little bed dirty.
Yesterday only one pup was awake and trying desperately to paw and play with a sibling. I used one finger to gently paw the pup playing, and she acquiesced by pawing me back a couple of times. We love to try to pounce and jump. So adorable.
Today was the first day we really liked and ate our softened puppy food. House training is going well, too, as we rarely get our little bed dirty.
Yesterday only one pup was awake and trying desperately to paw and play with a sibling. I used one finger to gently paw the pup playing, and she acquiesced by pawing me back a couple of times. We love to try to pounce and jump. So adorable.
Why Questions
"But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what has formed me say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?" Rom 9.20-21
"You turn things upseide down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'He did not make me'? Can the pot say of the potter, 'He knows nothing'?"Is 29:16
"Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds of the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, "He has no hands'? Is 45.9
"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand." Job 30.4
(see also the whole of Chapter 30)
I love how, when one reads Scripture, something almost always pops out at one. It may require shuffling around in a few different books of the Bible on certain days to find something...but it really is rare to find absolutely nothing. I fear that those "nothing" days have more to do with our sin nature than much else. Perhaps our hearts are not open to hearing and seeing; perhaps we do not ask for wisdom when we see "nothing".
These last weeks have been especially trying because I just melt. I get up, start to do something for the day, and within 4 hours, find myself laying down. I almost cannot help it---if I don't GO and lay down, I just start half laying down in "my" chair at the kitchen table. Usually staring miserably at the wall, the table, or the floor. May as well lay down, there is some hope a quick nap will restart me.
Such a life is trying. I like to be social, I like to be busy, I loved nursing.
I find myself begging and begging God for healings, for reasons of this magnitude of pain (and sometimes nausea). Why? Why? Why?
Funnily enough, I found the opening verse again on Sunday, after thinking why questions all week. I don't think, necessarily, God minds us asking questions...but the thing is these questions are not the ones that are important. They are the questions that become their own version of a god.
For instance, if I spend my days asking why I am sick, scouring the Scriptures for a reason, I am most likely missing the bigger picture. And I doubt that I ever completely stop asking why on my worst days, or that I stop asking for healing---if nothing else, some relief!
When we ask these why questions, who are we focused on? "Why do I have RA?" etc.
Ourselves. We are then fully occupied with our own little beings. To an extent we need to be, but it cannot overtake our worship and glorification of the Lord. If I spent every day all day for the rest of my earthy days asking about only my RA, never praying for anything nor anybody else, I would be extraordinarily selfish. How much of our prayers, in general, are worshipful anyway? We often just pray for what we want, "need", or feel guilty about.
There is more to a life relationship with God than why questions. And while my why questions of ten years ago have been answered, I doubt my why questions of today are answered immediately.Greater wisdom is available than the answer to such why questions. The point is to walk in faith, "remember[ing] you will never be fatherless" (Little Women, L.M. Alcott, in regards to their sick father and the fact God is always there).
"You turn things upseide down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'He did not make me'? Can the pot say of the potter, 'He knows nothing'?"Is 29:16
"Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds of the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, "He has no hands'? Is 45.9
"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand." Job 30.4
(see also the whole of Chapter 30)
I love how, when one reads Scripture, something almost always pops out at one. It may require shuffling around in a few different books of the Bible on certain days to find something...but it really is rare to find absolutely nothing. I fear that those "nothing" days have more to do with our sin nature than much else. Perhaps our hearts are not open to hearing and seeing; perhaps we do not ask for wisdom when we see "nothing".
These last weeks have been especially trying because I just melt. I get up, start to do something for the day, and within 4 hours, find myself laying down. I almost cannot help it---if I don't GO and lay down, I just start half laying down in "my" chair at the kitchen table. Usually staring miserably at the wall, the table, or the floor. May as well lay down, there is some hope a quick nap will restart me.
Such a life is trying. I like to be social, I like to be busy, I loved nursing.
I find myself begging and begging God for healings, for reasons of this magnitude of pain (and sometimes nausea). Why? Why? Why?
Funnily enough, I found the opening verse again on Sunday, after thinking why questions all week. I don't think, necessarily, God minds us asking questions...but the thing is these questions are not the ones that are important. They are the questions that become their own version of a god.
For instance, if I spend my days asking why I am sick, scouring the Scriptures for a reason, I am most likely missing the bigger picture. And I doubt that I ever completely stop asking why on my worst days, or that I stop asking for healing---if nothing else, some relief!
When we ask these why questions, who are we focused on? "Why do I have RA?" etc.
Ourselves. We are then fully occupied with our own little beings. To an extent we need to be, but it cannot overtake our worship and glorification of the Lord. If I spent every day all day for the rest of my earthy days asking about only my RA, never praying for anything nor anybody else, I would be extraordinarily selfish. How much of our prayers, in general, are worshipful anyway? We often just pray for what we want, "need", or feel guilty about.
There is more to a life relationship with God than why questions. And while my why questions of ten years ago have been answered, I doubt my why questions of today are answered immediately.Greater wisdom is available than the answer to such why questions. The point is to walk in faith, "remember[ing] you will never be fatherless" (Little Women, L.M. Alcott, in regards to their sick father and the fact God is always there).
Monday, June 27, 2016
RA Post: Well Here We Are
I can't say I feel much better than I did before. I have had a few good days...but most have not been well. Hence my few posts.
I am going to try and be "better" about writing posts.
Maybe my change in medication will surprise me, but as I am always pessimistic about myself......I doubt it. How is that for positive thinking?
Fascinated by the actions in Israel---the Levites have been performing the sacrifices....which is mentioned in prophecy.
I am going to try and be "better" about writing posts.
Maybe my change in medication will surprise me, but as I am always pessimistic about myself......I doubt it. How is that for positive thinking?
Fascinated by the actions in Israel---the Levites have been performing the sacrifices....which is mentioned in prophecy.
True Repentance
"True repentance is not the mere horror and excitement of a terrified conscience: it is the call of God; it is letting go the evil because the good has prevailed; it includes faith as well as fear."
The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ: A Devotional Study; James Stalker
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." Jm 4.16
"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus." Rom 6.11
"What benefit did you reap at that time from things you are now ashamed of?" Rom 6.21
"Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that He may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you---even Jesus." Acts 3.19-20
Passage upon passage upon passage speak of our letting go our sin-god for the love and perfect salvation of the true God. I would need to copy out the entire Scripture practically to point out the examples of pain and misery sin has brought to all generations---and to point out the incredible moments of God's undying grace an forgiveness.
Chronic illness has this point: you contemplate a lot. Contemplate what you did, should have done, could have done, wish you had done, wish you could do---both past and present (and some future). Time weighs heavily on these things...sins you never saw before leap out at you as shadows of some cruel specter come to haunt. Sins you cover your head with shame.
Our conscience does indeed remind us to come to God, fear being another strong call. The world attempts and fails miserably to hide from "conscience", nearly fulfilling the 'hiding and begging rocks to fall on them to hide them from Him' verses. Drugs, sexual activities, electronics, books, the "passions" of the world are all tried---attempts to hide from those pricks of conscience, but also the attempt to blunt the pain of being alone in the world. A sort of blindness.
Life becomes more miserable, sins mounting upon sins, spreading like an epidemic throughout those around us; the ebola of the spirit. What sinful thing did you chose to do, ignoring perhaps that conscience signaling, and see that it was useless? The sins we commit are not truly "fun and enjoyable"...they lead to more dissatisfaction an brokenness; like as not we try and cover that emptiness with more sins.
It is a hard thing to ask, but do ask to be shown your sinful life. Ask forgiveness and find the joy of a lightened heart. We do not belong to sin any longer, but instead belong to Christ...and ought to remember that we do not worship the sin-god, but the true King.
The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ: A Devotional Study; James Stalker
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." Jm 4.16
"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus." Rom 6.11
"What benefit did you reap at that time from things you are now ashamed of?" Rom 6.21
"Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that He may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you---even Jesus." Acts 3.19-20
Passage upon passage upon passage speak of our letting go our sin-god for the love and perfect salvation of the true God. I would need to copy out the entire Scripture practically to point out the examples of pain and misery sin has brought to all generations---and to point out the incredible moments of God's undying grace an forgiveness.
Chronic illness has this point: you contemplate a lot. Contemplate what you did, should have done, could have done, wish you had done, wish you could do---both past and present (and some future). Time weighs heavily on these things...sins you never saw before leap out at you as shadows of some cruel specter come to haunt. Sins you cover your head with shame.
Our conscience does indeed remind us to come to God, fear being another strong call. The world attempts and fails miserably to hide from "conscience", nearly fulfilling the 'hiding and begging rocks to fall on them to hide them from Him' verses. Drugs, sexual activities, electronics, books, the "passions" of the world are all tried---attempts to hide from those pricks of conscience, but also the attempt to blunt the pain of being alone in the world. A sort of blindness.
Life becomes more miserable, sins mounting upon sins, spreading like an epidemic throughout those around us; the ebola of the spirit. What sinful thing did you chose to do, ignoring perhaps that conscience signaling, and see that it was useless? The sins we commit are not truly "fun and enjoyable"...they lead to more dissatisfaction an brokenness; like as not we try and cover that emptiness with more sins.
It is a hard thing to ask, but do ask to be shown your sinful life. Ask forgiveness and find the joy of a lightened heart. We do not belong to sin any longer, but instead belong to Christ...and ought to remember that we do not worship the sin-god, but the true King.
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Power of Spirit pt II
To finish off my previous post (feeling slightly less dreadful at the moment) I will re-write the quote:
"In any given moment, it is impossible to live in the power of the Spirit and sin at the same time", Francis Chan, "Forgotten God" (etc on last posting).
Let us add to this train of thought:
"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging way against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." Rom 7.21-23
There is an ever-constant battle reigning. Whichever you feed will win over you---a seemingly filled life of sinful behaviors that honestly and actually leave us more empty than we began, or a fulfilled life contented in the Lord whatever may come.
The issue is fighting off that sin-nature. Now, we know that that nature is dead, as Scripture tells us it is. It does seem to pursue a haunting love-affair with us, however, floating in and about us in a aphrodisiac-like fog of perfume, intoxicating us at every feasible moment.
Mine is, with this dreaded RA, a sinking depression and terror at my condition...the unrelenting pattern of disease I never thought I would see, the wish to be free and not constrained to house nor bed out of ridiculously exhausted exhaustion, but to "live" as the world expects one in their 20s to live. To not be "caught" in a trap I have little hope of escaping medically.
It is all too easy to allow thoughts to begin circling, circling, circling, much like any carrion-eater circles a dying creature in the desert. The tighter (and faster) the circling thoughts are, the deeper I sink into the depths of despair---wondering just how long I can physically, mentally and emotionally stand my prison of ill health.
Different sins may affect the reader---sexual sins seem to the biggest, most outspoken in the world today, but also those of money, drugs, drinking...gluttony, too, is big.
We indeed cannot act upon these things without ignoring the prompting of the Spirit. Even as we act on them, we feel the displeasure. We may fool ourselves by saying we deserve whatever it is. We work hard, we should be able to afford a prostitute, just this one time. We had a really bad day at work, why not buy a 6 pack (or more) and drink it to forget? We remembered the hurt of years ago, so why not have our cake and eat it?
Momentary "satisfaction" which leads to more sadness all around. We get an STD, we get a hangover and eventually cirrhosis, we get a larger waistline. We are more miserable than we were before, but are too near-sighted to see it.
Listen to the urging of the Spirit to avoid those circling thoughts. Cut them short with a prayer---the groanings of the Spirit as it says in Scripture, if we do not even know what to say. End the sinful thoughts which do not belong to us; dwell instead on what is better and true.
"In any given moment, it is impossible to live in the power of the Spirit and sin at the same time", Francis Chan, "Forgotten God" (etc on last posting).
Let us add to this train of thought:
"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging way against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." Rom 7.21-23
There is an ever-constant battle reigning. Whichever you feed will win over you---a seemingly filled life of sinful behaviors that honestly and actually leave us more empty than we began, or a fulfilled life contented in the Lord whatever may come.
The issue is fighting off that sin-nature. Now, we know that that nature is dead, as Scripture tells us it is. It does seem to pursue a haunting love-affair with us, however, floating in and about us in a aphrodisiac-like fog of perfume, intoxicating us at every feasible moment.
Mine is, with this dreaded RA, a sinking depression and terror at my condition...the unrelenting pattern of disease I never thought I would see, the wish to be free and not constrained to house nor bed out of ridiculously exhausted exhaustion, but to "live" as the world expects one in their 20s to live. To not be "caught" in a trap I have little hope of escaping medically.
It is all too easy to allow thoughts to begin circling, circling, circling, much like any carrion-eater circles a dying creature in the desert. The tighter (and faster) the circling thoughts are, the deeper I sink into the depths of despair---wondering just how long I can physically, mentally and emotionally stand my prison of ill health.
Different sins may affect the reader---sexual sins seem to the biggest, most outspoken in the world today, but also those of money, drugs, drinking...gluttony, too, is big.
We indeed cannot act upon these things without ignoring the prompting of the Spirit. Even as we act on them, we feel the displeasure. We may fool ourselves by saying we deserve whatever it is. We work hard, we should be able to afford a prostitute, just this one time. We had a really bad day at work, why not buy a 6 pack (or more) and drink it to forget? We remembered the hurt of years ago, so why not have our cake and eat it?
Momentary "satisfaction" which leads to more sadness all around. We get an STD, we get a hangover and eventually cirrhosis, we get a larger waistline. We are more miserable than we were before, but are too near-sighted to see it.
Listen to the urging of the Spirit to avoid those circling thoughts. Cut them short with a prayer---the groanings of the Spirit as it says in Scripture, if we do not even know what to say. End the sinful thoughts which do not belong to us; dwell instead on what is better and true.
Power of the Spirit
In any given moment it is impossible to live in the power of the Spirit and sin at the same time.
Francis Chan, Forgotten God, David Cook pub, 2009, pg 129
I am not well...but read this and wanted all to consider this. I will try and write later.
Francis Chan, Forgotten God, David Cook pub, 2009, pg 129
I am not well...but read this and wanted all to consider this. I will try and write later.
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
RA Post/ Regular Post: A Challenge
Not been terribly well this last two weeks...raising Methotrexate seems to really knock me flat.
So I issue a challenge instead of writing a message.
The first challenge follows that of my pastor's: read the Scripture 15 minutes a day. Honestly, turn off the cell phones, TVs and etc. Which is the more important god in your life? The real and glorious King or the fake tinkling, blinking of electronics? I fear I am behind at the moment on this...
The second challenge is of my own: buy for free The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ: A devotional by James Stalker as an eBook on Amazon.com...read that as well.
So I issue a challenge instead of writing a message.
The first challenge follows that of my pastor's: read the Scripture 15 minutes a day. Honestly, turn off the cell phones, TVs and etc. Which is the more important god in your life? The real and glorious King or the fake tinkling, blinking of electronics? I fear I am behind at the moment on this...
The second challenge is of my own: buy for free The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ: A devotional by James Stalker as an eBook on Amazon.com...read that as well.
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Not Something to Just "Add" To Our Lives
The God of the universe is not something we can just add to our lives and keep on as we did before.
--Francis Chan, Forgotten God, David C Cook pub, 2009, pg 122
We walk like this so often, distracted by "life". Come along, we tell our imaginary god of the universe, let us do what I want. We do not consider that it is more of an honoring, respecting God type of deal, rather than a for-hire guardian angel.
Our old self is dead; this is what we read in various places in the New Testament. Once we have made that choice to agree to believe that Jesus is indeed the Son of God, walked this earth in Spirit, and died on the cross, we have this to consider:
4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.” (here for alt. version)
18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. 23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.” Matt 13
Which will we be in our lives? The one who falls away quickly? That is what we will become if we do not treat the Scripture as solidly from the Lord, and create our own "god" who follows us about as the for-hire angel.
God is incredibly loving, indescribably so. But as such, He is worthy of so much honor, praise, glory and wonder---more than we could ever give, but much more than we often give here on earth. I shudder to think of the ways I have put God into a box, the ways I am not yet aware of. I shudder to see the ways about me God has been put into a box. This is the King of kings! Lord of lords! The One who spoke and it was done, the One who has done great miraculous signs long ago, then, and even now---I know a girl who is a missionary, solidly before God, and has prayed for healings and had those healings come to be.
Let us not put God into a box, but open that box, destroying that box, and look with amazement into His Word, the action of the Counselor within us, the grace and strength He pours out upon us.
--Francis Chan, Forgotten God, David C Cook pub, 2009, pg 122
We walk like this so often, distracted by "life". Come along, we tell our imaginary god of the universe, let us do what I want. We do not consider that it is more of an honoring, respecting God type of deal, rather than a for-hire guardian angel.
Our old self is dead; this is what we read in various places in the New Testament. Once we have made that choice to agree to believe that Jesus is indeed the Son of God, walked this earth in Spirit, and died on the cross, we have this to consider:
4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.” (here for alt. version)
18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. 23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.” Matt 13
Which will we be in our lives? The one who falls away quickly? That is what we will become if we do not treat the Scripture as solidly from the Lord, and create our own "god" who follows us about as the for-hire angel.
God is incredibly loving, indescribably so. But as such, He is worthy of so much honor, praise, glory and wonder---more than we could ever give, but much more than we often give here on earth. I shudder to think of the ways I have put God into a box, the ways I am not yet aware of. I shudder to see the ways about me God has been put into a box. This is the King of kings! Lord of lords! The One who spoke and it was done, the One who has done great miraculous signs long ago, then, and even now---I know a girl who is a missionary, solidly before God, and has prayed for healings and had those healings come to be.
Let us not put God into a box, but open that box, destroying that box, and look with amazement into His Word, the action of the Counselor within us, the grace and strength He pours out upon us.
RA Post: Change in Meds
Saw the rheumatologist yesterday (completely flattened me the rest of the day, and don't feel too well today. Great thing, long car rides). Managed to actually talk, most of the time I have a hard time describing how I am doing.
Anyway, we will up the chemo drug, Methotrexate, and after a month give him a call back if it is not working any. Then we may or may not up it one last time, and after that, go on to different medications altogether.
The problem is with autoimmune diseases is that there are only so many medications. Then once you are done, unless a new one pops out of the drug companies pockets, you are kinda done. Probably stick you on one in hopes of providing some sort of bone protection. At least that is my thought on it.
Anyway, we will up the chemo drug, Methotrexate, and after a month give him a call back if it is not working any. Then we may or may not up it one last time, and after that, go on to different medications altogether.
The problem is with autoimmune diseases is that there are only so many medications. Then once you are done, unless a new one pops out of the drug companies pockets, you are kinda done. Probably stick you on one in hopes of providing some sort of bone protection. At least that is my thought on it.
Monday, June 13, 2016
Eventually Grateful
"In both the Old and New Testaments He tells us this [the care for and plan for our lives] is true. The key is that He never promises to reveal these purposes all at once in advance. We do know we are called to keep in step with the Holy Spirit.
Francis Chan, "Forgotten God", David C Cook pub, 2009, pg 121
I love this---something we always ask for is "what am I supposed to do?" "When am I supposed to do this?" The key is just walking with Him and doing as He would wish.
Yet this group of sentences might be discouraging. Especially when one is in the midst of a trial. What good is this for, this struggle I am facing?
While I often say such a thing to myself in my sicker moments...I also know from experience the incredible things God uses the trials we fight through.
When I was on the other side of my anxiety and depression of many years ago, I was amazed at the amount of other people who were in the middle of the same battle. Those who would come to and open up to me about their struggle.
The classic verse for struggles is James 1.2-3:
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Click here for other versions
The perseverance of faith is worth so very much. For at that achievement, like the graduation of one from a University program, is the knowledge that with God we can indeed face whatever test is thrown at us from the prince of lies. As we walk through our short lives, we can utilize the strength gained from the last trial to bolster up our battle-line, knowing to call on the Lord (remembering may be an issue at times) for His strength and peace. Consider then, your latest trial, and what perseverance techniques you had learned, and now carry with you. It may be too soon for you...but eventually I was grateful for the things that led to my anxiety and depression...for those "demons" can never capture me again
Francis Chan, "Forgotten God", David C Cook pub, 2009, pg 121
I love this---something we always ask for is "what am I supposed to do?" "When am I supposed to do this?" The key is just walking with Him and doing as He would wish.
Yet this group of sentences might be discouraging. Especially when one is in the midst of a trial. What good is this for, this struggle I am facing?
While I often say such a thing to myself in my sicker moments...I also know from experience the incredible things God uses the trials we fight through.
When I was on the other side of my anxiety and depression of many years ago, I was amazed at the amount of other people who were in the middle of the same battle. Those who would come to and open up to me about their struggle.
The classic verse for struggles is James 1.2-3:
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Click here for other versions
The perseverance of faith is worth so very much. For at that achievement, like the graduation of one from a University program, is the knowledge that with God we can indeed face whatever test is thrown at us from the prince of lies. As we walk through our short lives, we can utilize the strength gained from the last trial to bolster up our battle-line, knowing to call on the Lord (remembering may be an issue at times) for His strength and peace. Consider then, your latest trial, and what perseverance techniques you had learned, and now carry with you. It may be too soon for you...but eventually I was grateful for the things that led to my anxiety and depression...for those "demons" can never capture me again
Just a Verse
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. 2 Pt 1.3
I am not doing well these last few days---but in order to think that I have not forgotten you, reader, here is a verse I found today and liked. Hopefully you will as well. I will try to expand on this tomorrow.
I am not doing well these last few days---but in order to think that I have not forgotten you, reader, here is a verse I found today and liked. Hopefully you will as well. I will try to expand on this tomorrow.
Friday, June 10, 2016
Drink the Cup
"Jesus said to them, 'You will drink the cup I drink and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with," Mark 10.39
A verse that grabs my attention. In this passage, Jesus is speaking to John and James, who have asked that when Jesus comes to His kingdom, they might sit on His right and left. He, of course, denies this, as it is not in His power to give such things, and they know not what they asking. (So that you have context)
I think that this verse, however, like all verses in the Scriptures, has meaning for us. I think that this verse somewhat applies to the sufferings and trials we face today:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything." James 1.2-4
"who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time." 1 Pt 1.5
The trials we face lead to our maturity, much like the growing pains of infants and teens. Further, trials give us the opportunity to prove our obedience to God. Jesus said many times that He did and said only what the Father told Him to do and say. Sadly, I doubt many of us manage the same. Trials, as it is written, are like the purifying process of gold or silver---to strain out the impurities (sins) of us all.
Think on your last (or current trial). How have you handled it? Did/Are you handling it by yourself, refusing to ask for the help of your Abba Father? What did you learn, what are you learning? What did you find of God in it?
Let us think on the fact of how much Jesus went off by Himself to pray. What He must have said and understood, being without sin, full of the Spirit (being God in form as well)! The more prayer said, the more connection one has with God, the more strength one has from the Father.
Trials will come---they are guaranteed to come, which makes sense especially considering we are not of this world. I am certain, too, that it gives the evil one great delight in attempting to pry us from the Father. Trials will come. Trials came to our Savior, and, according to the opening verse, we will drink of His cup...I assume that to be the cup of suffering He asked the Father to remove. We will face suffering, yes.
But do you see the last part? The last part of the verse that is so important to see and remember? We are baptized in His baptism. That is the Holy Spirit; never alone, never abandoned, never fighting trials alone...never being unsure what to say if even in courts for our faith. The Spirit is ever with us---and that is an incredible thing.
Francis Chan, in "Forgotten God" which focuses on the Spirit being forgotten in 'modern' culture, points out the fact that we rarely consider that the Spirit of God dwells in us. Dwells in us! At all times, we are carrying the Spirit, the great love of God (!) with us!
Turn to God in the midst of trials, when the idea of turning to Him seems pointless from the pits of despair we slump in. Reach, force your hand, hold and read the Scripture, absorb it; reach out in prayer, cry out to Him in the watches of the night. He is indeed there, dwelling in us, waiting to wipe the tears of our trials from our faces, to gather us in His holy arms. Reach out; He does not disappoint in answering with Love.
A verse that grabs my attention. In this passage, Jesus is speaking to John and James, who have asked that when Jesus comes to His kingdom, they might sit on His right and left. He, of course, denies this, as it is not in His power to give such things, and they know not what they asking. (So that you have context)
I think that this verse, however, like all verses in the Scriptures, has meaning for us. I think that this verse somewhat applies to the sufferings and trials we face today:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything." James 1.2-4
"who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time." 1 Pt 1.5
The trials we face lead to our maturity, much like the growing pains of infants and teens. Further, trials give us the opportunity to prove our obedience to God. Jesus said many times that He did and said only what the Father told Him to do and say. Sadly, I doubt many of us manage the same. Trials, as it is written, are like the purifying process of gold or silver---to strain out the impurities (sins) of us all.
Think on your last (or current trial). How have you handled it? Did/Are you handling it by yourself, refusing to ask for the help of your Abba Father? What did you learn, what are you learning? What did you find of God in it?
Let us think on the fact of how much Jesus went off by Himself to pray. What He must have said and understood, being without sin, full of the Spirit (being God in form as well)! The more prayer said, the more connection one has with God, the more strength one has from the Father.
Trials will come---they are guaranteed to come, which makes sense especially considering we are not of this world. I am certain, too, that it gives the evil one great delight in attempting to pry us from the Father. Trials will come. Trials came to our Savior, and, according to the opening verse, we will drink of His cup...I assume that to be the cup of suffering He asked the Father to remove. We will face suffering, yes.
But do you see the last part? The last part of the verse that is so important to see and remember? We are baptized in His baptism. That is the Holy Spirit; never alone, never abandoned, never fighting trials alone...never being unsure what to say if even in courts for our faith. The Spirit is ever with us---and that is an incredible thing.
Francis Chan, in "Forgotten God" which focuses on the Spirit being forgotten in 'modern' culture, points out the fact that we rarely consider that the Spirit of God dwells in us. Dwells in us! At all times, we are carrying the Spirit, the great love of God (!) with us!
Turn to God in the midst of trials, when the idea of turning to Him seems pointless from the pits of despair we slump in. Reach, force your hand, hold and read the Scripture, absorb it; reach out in prayer, cry out to Him in the watches of the night. He is indeed there, dwelling in us, waiting to wipe the tears of our trials from our faces, to gather us in His holy arms. Reach out; He does not disappoint in answering with Love.
RA Post: Mini Flare Up
Spent the last day in bed. Seem to be able to hold my own today---but very tired. I tried four times to get up this morning and kept falling asleep before I managed it.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
There is Only Room For One Love
The other day I had the shame of feeling an old anger burning within me. I did not want it, I wanted to be rid of it---as I thought I had lost it some time ago.
Old wounds sting deeply, heal slowly. Part of the issue with that is that we hang onto those old wounds. We enjoy holding onto the anger, the "self-righteousness" of pulling the scab off of the wound and airing the wrongs done against us. Making the wound deeper, deeper, deeper.
So, I made a different choice for me---rather than pulling off the scab and reopening a wound, I went to Him immediately.
I must say I had the most remarkable experience, one I have never had before.
As I asked Him to take the rage from me, the rage that I knew was not from Him for such as this is never from Him...I felt a sense of relaxation. The anger began to leave me. That I have had before. What was different was that I asked for His love for this person. There is where a big change happened.
This happened Sunday, so I am sitting in service (no one was there I was angry at, in case my readers are from my church), and suddenly I am being filled with such love for these people. All of these people. Not just the ones I know, the ones I love already as family or dear friends, but the people in all the rows who I have never even met. I would have jumped up and grabbed any of them to tell them I loved them----and sincerely meant it.
As I explained this to my mother on the drive back, I cried the whole way. Tears of great joy. For I felt then, as I do now, that it was a powerful answer to prayer; an example of asking Him for something that is in line with His wishes! I asked to have an unholy anger taken from me, to love, and love is what happened---love as I have never felt. Glory and honor to God!
I think I got to see the tiniest of the smallest examples of what God's love for His people really is. How much He loves His children. I probably would have been prostrate on the floor sobbing with the joy of it all had it been any more intense---tears poured from me as it was! So if what I felt that day in church for those about me really was the smallest of smallest examples of His great love, His love is indeed great! We should never feel that we are alone, unloved, despised. His love is beyond all description, for our minds and hearts cannot fully put into words even the beginnings of His love. Let us all pray for His love to be with us, that we might love those in the body, that petty things might not matter, that all corrections would be completed with love. If the love we felt, as in the great commandment, towards others came as fully as those moments I was blessed to feel, we would stand out as shining beacons towards those lost.
The book of 1 John, having just been studied, talks a great deal on loving one another in the body. We may "act" on such love, fulfilling the letter of the law...but I think we should pray on being filled with love for those with us. That we might be overwhelmed with the love of Christ for those with us. Hypocrisy is one of the main things I hear against Christians...yet if our love for the body was to its fullest extent, our corrections made in love, there could be little hypocrisy. For with the fullness of God's love in us, there is no room for Satan's meddling, as he cannot stand the glory of God's love. There is only room for one love: God's or the evil one's. Which do you want? Raging anger of "self righteousness" or an overwhelming love for those with you and a sorrow for those lost?
Old wounds sting deeply, heal slowly. Part of the issue with that is that we hang onto those old wounds. We enjoy holding onto the anger, the "self-righteousness" of pulling the scab off of the wound and airing the wrongs done against us. Making the wound deeper, deeper, deeper.
So, I made a different choice for me---rather than pulling off the scab and reopening a wound, I went to Him immediately.
I must say I had the most remarkable experience, one I have never had before.
As I asked Him to take the rage from me, the rage that I knew was not from Him for such as this is never from Him...I felt a sense of relaxation. The anger began to leave me. That I have had before. What was different was that I asked for His love for this person. There is where a big change happened.
This happened Sunday, so I am sitting in service (no one was there I was angry at, in case my readers are from my church), and suddenly I am being filled with such love for these people. All of these people. Not just the ones I know, the ones I love already as family or dear friends, but the people in all the rows who I have never even met. I would have jumped up and grabbed any of them to tell them I loved them----and sincerely meant it.
As I explained this to my mother on the drive back, I cried the whole way. Tears of great joy. For I felt then, as I do now, that it was a powerful answer to prayer; an example of asking Him for something that is in line with His wishes! I asked to have an unholy anger taken from me, to love, and love is what happened---love as I have never felt. Glory and honor to God!
I think I got to see the tiniest of the smallest examples of what God's love for His people really is. How much He loves His children. I probably would have been prostrate on the floor sobbing with the joy of it all had it been any more intense---tears poured from me as it was! So if what I felt that day in church for those about me really was the smallest of smallest examples of His great love, His love is indeed great! We should never feel that we are alone, unloved, despised. His love is beyond all description, for our minds and hearts cannot fully put into words even the beginnings of His love. Let us all pray for His love to be with us, that we might love those in the body, that petty things might not matter, that all corrections would be completed with love. If the love we felt, as in the great commandment, towards others came as fully as those moments I was blessed to feel, we would stand out as shining beacons towards those lost.
The book of 1 John, having just been studied, talks a great deal on loving one another in the body. We may "act" on such love, fulfilling the letter of the law...but I think we should pray on being filled with love for those with us. That we might be overwhelmed with the love of Christ for those with us. Hypocrisy is one of the main things I hear against Christians...yet if our love for the body was to its fullest extent, our corrections made in love, there could be little hypocrisy. For with the fullness of God's love in us, there is no room for Satan's meddling, as he cannot stand the glory of God's love. There is only room for one love: God's or the evil one's. Which do you want? Raging anger of "self righteousness" or an overwhelming love for those with you and a sorrow for those lost?
Saturday, June 4, 2016
"Toy" Schnauzer Post: Docking Tails
Today the puppies get the joy of having their tails docked. We are not doing ears, though, as we love or schnauzers' long ears! Adds a lot to the dog, having their ears fall up and open as they grin up at you.
The kennel, if we call our dogs that, has been stricken, however. All but the male, Mister, have a bacterial intestinal infection. I have had to clean up the floor more times in the last few days than when we first got Zoe. (Zoe came from an out-and-out puppy mill, though at the time it did not seem like it. We took her to the vet so many times. She had, we eventually found, four different intestinal parasites, and the irritation from those caused a lot of trouble.The parasites, too, each required a different antihelmith medication...making treatment hard until we all (vet included) knew that).
However, we have antibiotics, a mild dewormer, as apparently helmiths take advantage of these illnesses (and puppies) by breeding/multiplying rapidly. Everyone seems to be on the mend.
The kennel, if we call our dogs that, has been stricken, however. All but the male, Mister, have a bacterial intestinal infection. I have had to clean up the floor more times in the last few days than when we first got Zoe. (Zoe came from an out-and-out puppy mill, though at the time it did not seem like it. We took her to the vet so many times. She had, we eventually found, four different intestinal parasites, and the irritation from those caused a lot of trouble.The parasites, too, each required a different antihelmith medication...making treatment hard until we all (vet included) knew that).
However, we have antibiotics, a mild dewormer, as apparently helmiths take advantage of these illnesses (and puppies) by breeding/multiplying rapidly. Everyone seems to be on the mend.
Why Do You Want To Be Healed?
"Why do you want to be healed? Why do you want to stay on this earth?" [Chan asked a man who requested the elders pray and anoint him with oil as he was dying from cancer] The man...seemed a bit surprised that I would ask such a blunt question. The reason I probed like this is because in the epistle of James, we are reminded that we often don't receive the answers to our prayers because we ask for the wrong reasons.
"3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." James 4.3 (NIV BibleGateway for different version click here)
Our desire to live should be for the sake and glory of the God who put us on this earth in the first place.
"Forgotten God", Francis Chan, David C Cook Publishing, Colorado USA, 2009, pg 84
This strikes hard. When I think of the times I have asked to be healed from RA...I have asked purely for myself. To be free of the pain, nausea and depression of RA. To enter the workforce as a nurse again, have the honor involved in being a nurse at all. To go and do things with my husband for dates, rather than our always sitting (me laying) on a couch watching an old release movie. To do things with my friends. To drive a car when and where I want. To have children when I want. To do what I want when I want. Me, Me, Me. The Me god.
I do not recall a single time I asked God to heal me that I might go forth into the world in a manner of fully honoring Him. I will not deny that it was often a goal while I was in the working world to honor God with my work...but I still have not asked God to heal me in this manner. While He still may not provide healing, depending on His will...think of how Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane:
"Going a little farther, He fell with His face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as You will." Matt 26.39
He was willing, regardless of the cost, to do what God wished.
I have accepted, to the best of my abilities, that healing/remission of RA may not be in the plan of the Lord, much as the crucifixion of Christ still had to happen, Paul kept the thorn in his side, etc. Sometimes these hard, difficult, terrible things must happen. Harsh realities in life mature us, make our discipleship under Christ stand out to those lost---for who would remain loyal to Someone that was not an indescribably perfect, loving God while facing the worst of times? Logically, no one; thus our staying power when facing trials is a good witness for Him.
Regardless of what happens, healing or no, we can be assured of His love. I have found that even the hardest things I have faced have led to greater understanding of Him, a greater ability to face future trials...so even when things seem incredibly difficult, He does indeed know what is best, and does what is best for us. His love was enough to face the torture of His death that we might dwell in His presence evermore.
"3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." James 4.3 (NIV BibleGateway for different version click here)
Our desire to live should be for the sake and glory of the God who put us on this earth in the first place.
"Forgotten God", Francis Chan, David C Cook Publishing, Colorado USA, 2009, pg 84
This strikes hard. When I think of the times I have asked to be healed from RA...I have asked purely for myself. To be free of the pain, nausea and depression of RA. To enter the workforce as a nurse again, have the honor involved in being a nurse at all. To go and do things with my husband for dates, rather than our always sitting (me laying) on a couch watching an old release movie. To do things with my friends. To drive a car when and where I want. To have children when I want. To do what I want when I want. Me, Me, Me. The Me god.
I do not recall a single time I asked God to heal me that I might go forth into the world in a manner of fully honoring Him. I will not deny that it was often a goal while I was in the working world to honor God with my work...but I still have not asked God to heal me in this manner. While He still may not provide healing, depending on His will...think of how Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane:
"Going a little farther, He fell with His face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as You will." Matt 26.39
He was willing, regardless of the cost, to do what God wished.
I have accepted, to the best of my abilities, that healing/remission of RA may not be in the plan of the Lord, much as the crucifixion of Christ still had to happen, Paul kept the thorn in his side, etc. Sometimes these hard, difficult, terrible things must happen. Harsh realities in life mature us, make our discipleship under Christ stand out to those lost---for who would remain loyal to Someone that was not an indescribably perfect, loving God while facing the worst of times? Logically, no one; thus our staying power when facing trials is a good witness for Him.
Regardless of what happens, healing or no, we can be assured of His love. I have found that even the hardest things I have faced have led to greater understanding of Him, a greater ability to face future trials...so even when things seem incredibly difficult, He does indeed know what is best, and does what is best for us. His love was enough to face the torture of His death that we might dwell in His presence evermore.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
RA Post: Feelin' Good
After about 4 hours of taking the first antibiotic and antifungal medications, I started to feel so much better. I still feel better; less tired. Hopefully that lasts....and the skipping of shots is not too much of a burden on my poor body.
Took a long nap yesterday afternoon (as usual), and felt so good that Mark and I went to some friends' house. It was fun to watch their little toddler and baby doing what toddlers and babies do. Had some laughs, then headed home.
Had a bit of a heavy heart just because....I still miss out on so much. I am trying so hard to get out anyway, even if I feel bad. I just finished up the last ladies' Bible study for the summer, which I will greatly miss. I am going to try the exercise class that is at the church all summer, so that one, I get exercise from a great trainer who really understands when a person is doing something "wrong" or overdoing it; two, that I continue to work on learning how to go places when I am exhausted or feel poorly.
Unfortunately...that seems to be what has to happen with RA. You need to learn how to "grin and bear it". The worst thing to be told with these diseases, besides the infamous "you don't look sick", is that "you'll get used to it." When does one get used to a limb amputation, or paralysis or the death of beloved one? One really never gets over it.
Took a long nap yesterday afternoon (as usual), and felt so good that Mark and I went to some friends' house. It was fun to watch their little toddler and baby doing what toddlers and babies do. Had some laughs, then headed home.
Had a bit of a heavy heart just because....I still miss out on so much. I am trying so hard to get out anyway, even if I feel bad. I just finished up the last ladies' Bible study for the summer, which I will greatly miss. I am going to try the exercise class that is at the church all summer, so that one, I get exercise from a great trainer who really understands when a person is doing something "wrong" or overdoing it; two, that I continue to work on learning how to go places when I am exhausted or feel poorly.
Unfortunately...that seems to be what has to happen with RA. You need to learn how to "grin and bear it". The worst thing to be told with these diseases, besides the infamous "you don't look sick", is that "you'll get used to it." When does one get used to a limb amputation, or paralysis or the death of beloved one? One really never gets over it.
"Toy" Schnauzer Post: Puppies
I have a "toy" Schnauzer---which by AKC standards does not exist. However, there is a growing group of people who are attempting to create the breed. They mixed in a little poodle, which gives the dogs a different coat that the mini, standard and giants. Those terriers are meant to hunt, and the coat, when stripped, is very coarse. The "toys" have soft, silky coats, with the occasional coarse hair--depending on the dog.
Our male, Mister, has what is referred to as a "super coat". This coat is extraordinarily thick; burrowing into soft clean sheep wool. Also makes for a dog that is very HOT if the temp is above 75*F.
Zoe, my black female, with soft silky fur, just had 5 puppies. There are three males, two females, one chocolate female, one black female, two chocolate males and one back male. They are so fat and healthy. Zoe is being a fabulous mother. She is perfectly happy to go outside and do her business, but she loves to come back and see her puppies.
I've never had puppies before. Technically I guess I did not "have them", and never will "have them" myself. But it is an interesting experience. I love dogs, always have, and even was in dog 4H for several years.
If I felt better...I think I would go ahead and do what I had always said I would do when I had outgrown the age of 4H. Show in obedience trials. There is, however, a ratting club that has started up---don't worry, the rats are kept from injury, and know it---and Zoe would love it. I know someone who is competing in this new (for the USA) dog showing, and I should ask her.
That is what is up with the pups for now.
Our male, Mister, has what is referred to as a "super coat". This coat is extraordinarily thick; burrowing into soft clean sheep wool. Also makes for a dog that is very HOT if the temp is above 75*F.
Zoe, my black female, with soft silky fur, just had 5 puppies. There are three males, two females, one chocolate female, one black female, two chocolate males and one back male. They are so fat and healthy. Zoe is being a fabulous mother. She is perfectly happy to go outside and do her business, but she loves to come back and see her puppies.
I've never had puppies before. Technically I guess I did not "have them", and never will "have them" myself. But it is an interesting experience. I love dogs, always have, and even was in dog 4H for several years.
If I felt better...I think I would go ahead and do what I had always said I would do when I had outgrown the age of 4H. Show in obedience trials. There is, however, a ratting club that has started up---don't worry, the rats are kept from injury, and know it---and Zoe would love it. I know someone who is competing in this new (for the USA) dog showing, and I should ask her.
That is what is up with the pups for now.
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
The Non-Christian's Fear of God
Someone asked me about a post I had a few days back, concerning a non-Christian's fear of God. I had attempted to point out what I think the non-Christian thought about God, but apparently did not succeed.
My thought was this: We ourselves do not like seeing our sins laid out before us. When we read the Scriptures, the Spirit (and our own eyes I think at times) sees lists of things where we went "wrong". We are then prompted to apologize to God, ask forgiveness, and often ask for reminders to not make that same mistake again.
I think that, again, even clouded eyes would be able to see some of the sins that are listed in the Bible. There is the crux of the "fear" I speak of. I think that those not of the faith have a different fear of God...our fear is often based on the enormous awe and wonder, glory and love that we hold for God. The fear of the lost sheep is a fear of seeing themselves as they are, facing the fact that God is indeed righteous and holy above all else. Facing that fact is devastating to the ego, to the self-god throne. Fearing a loss of self.
While even a believer, being sinful like any other man, hates losing the self-god throne, we should, by our faith and love for the Lord, be willing to move from sitting in the false throne to worshiping before the true throne. The lost ones fear above all else that they will be proven sinners, proven incapable of managing every moment of life (we do this one often ourselves). The lost ones fear above all that God will be shown to be real---for then there is no excuse.
And yet there is no excuse. Scripture speaks of Creation worshiping God, telling all man that He is real.
We are merely fooling ourselves, and not very well at that, in hiding from our sins. We may even stoop to the point of search the Scripture of God with guilt burning a hole in our hearts as we look for passages (not in context) to serve as proof for what we do as righteous behavior. Now, if you want to check the Scripture to see what God has to say about something, or to know if what you have been saying is backed, that is something else; at least, I hope that it is, that you are looking in context and understanding, to know that your life is honorable before the Lord. In the latter account, there is not that stirring of guilt which is being ignored.
My thought was this: We ourselves do not like seeing our sins laid out before us. When we read the Scriptures, the Spirit (and our own eyes I think at times) sees lists of things where we went "wrong". We are then prompted to apologize to God, ask forgiveness, and often ask for reminders to not make that same mistake again.
I think that, again, even clouded eyes would be able to see some of the sins that are listed in the Bible. There is the crux of the "fear" I speak of. I think that those not of the faith have a different fear of God...our fear is often based on the enormous awe and wonder, glory and love that we hold for God. The fear of the lost sheep is a fear of seeing themselves as they are, facing the fact that God is indeed righteous and holy above all else. Facing that fact is devastating to the ego, to the self-god throne. Fearing a loss of self.
While even a believer, being sinful like any other man, hates losing the self-god throne, we should, by our faith and love for the Lord, be willing to move from sitting in the false throne to worshiping before the true throne. The lost ones fear above all else that they will be proven sinners, proven incapable of managing every moment of life (we do this one often ourselves). The lost ones fear above all that God will be shown to be real---for then there is no excuse.
And yet there is no excuse. Scripture speaks of Creation worshiping God, telling all man that He is real.
We are merely fooling ourselves, and not very well at that, in hiding from our sins. We may even stoop to the point of search the Scripture of God with guilt burning a hole in our hearts as we look for passages (not in context) to serve as proof for what we do as righteous behavior. Now, if you want to check the Scripture to see what God has to say about something, or to know if what you have been saying is backed, that is something else; at least, I hope that it is, that you are looking in context and understanding, to know that your life is honorable before the Lord. In the latter account, there is not that stirring of guilt which is being ignored.
Make A Choice
Here's a verse to make us think:
10 David was conscience-stricken after he had counted the fighting men, and he said to the Lord, “I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, Lord, I beg you, take away the guilt of your servant. I have done a very foolish thing.”
11 Before David got up the next morning, the word of the Lord had come to Gad the prophet, David’s seer: 12 “Go and tell David, ‘This is what the Lord says: I am giving you three options. Choose one of them for me to carry out against you.’”
13 So Gad went to David and said to him, “Shall there come on you three[b] years of famine in your land? Or three months of fleeing from your enemies while they pursue you? Or three days of plague in your land? Now then, think it over and decide how I should answer the one who sent me.” 2 Sam 24
Mainly I wanted us to read this passage and consider if we were given choices for sinning against God. Picking the punishment for the sins we have done would be an impossible choice. When I read this passage aloud, I was asked which I would pick if it was myself in this situation. Goodness. How can you pick? I might have picked running for three months, since it was the shortest time frame that didn't seem to openly involve anyone else---yet undoubtedly if I was the king and running from enemies, I would then bring enemies into my country and there would be desolation from them regardless. What a choice.
So think quick to the last sin...what choice would you pick (not necessarily out of the above list) and go with? A horrible prospect, isn't it.
10 David was conscience-stricken after he had counted the fighting men, and he said to the Lord, “I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, Lord, I beg you, take away the guilt of your servant. I have done a very foolish thing.”
11 Before David got up the next morning, the word of the Lord had come to Gad the prophet, David’s seer: 12 “Go and tell David, ‘This is what the Lord says: I am giving you three options. Choose one of them for me to carry out against you.’”
13 So Gad went to David and said to him, “Shall there come on you three[b] years of famine in your land? Or three months of fleeing from your enemies while they pursue you? Or three days of plague in your land? Now then, think it over and decide how I should answer the one who sent me.” 2 Sam 24
Mainly I wanted us to read this passage and consider if we were given choices for sinning against God. Picking the punishment for the sins we have done would be an impossible choice. When I read this passage aloud, I was asked which I would pick if it was myself in this situation. Goodness. How can you pick? I might have picked running for three months, since it was the shortest time frame that didn't seem to openly involve anyone else---yet undoubtedly if I was the king and running from enemies, I would then bring enemies into my country and there would be desolation from them regardless. What a choice.
So think quick to the last sin...what choice would you pick (not necessarily out of the above list) and go with? A horrible prospect, isn't it.
RA Post: Hold That Shot!
I now have an infection...which means that I get to hold my Enbrel shots until 1 week after antifungal medication is done (and I feel better). I will need to hold methotrexate only if infection if NOT improving. So guess that means I will hit the pcp today or tomorrow...as it does not seem to be clearing up. Now, most oral antifungal medications are taken for a month. So Enbrel shots will be out of the question for a month and a week. Which means I will shortly be more ill RA wise, while "better" in the other way.
So, what little freedom I have had may vanish like the wind...for what effects Enbrel has is removed from the body after one month. I pray to God that these symptoms of basically untreated RA (with exception to being able to take MTX) do not happen...if it enters your mind, dear reader, please hold the same for me in prayer. Or...an even better thought could be that this fungal infection was "underlying" for some time, and that if treated, helps put me in remission. Unlikely...but considering the first antibiotics I had for an infection knocked the RA out for a couple of weeks gives me the slightest hope for a similar action.
At this point planning on going to my primary's walk in this AM, so as to start some sort of therapy now. One day sooner starting equals one day sooner hitting the shots. However...I still intend to possibly, as my rheumy agrees, to change biologic medications.
So, what little freedom I have had may vanish like the wind...for what effects Enbrel has is removed from the body after one month. I pray to God that these symptoms of basically untreated RA (with exception to being able to take MTX) do not happen...if it enters your mind, dear reader, please hold the same for me in prayer. Or...an even better thought could be that this fungal infection was "underlying" for some time, and that if treated, helps put me in remission. Unlikely...but considering the first antibiotics I had for an infection knocked the RA out for a couple of weeks gives me the slightest hope for a similar action.
At this point planning on going to my primary's walk in this AM, so as to start some sort of therapy now. One day sooner starting equals one day sooner hitting the shots. However...I still intend to possibly, as my rheumy agrees, to change biologic medications.
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