My pastor at church had set a challenge to win a new Bible. So I will set a challenge---more in the "can you do it?" way. I have memorized Psalm 19.7-14. I challenge you to do the same. It takes a lot of work...but we are poorly mistaken if we think we do not need to memorize Scripture. Reciting the words at times of trial and tribulations is extraordinarily soothing. And this passage proves that fact by the very words printed.
One memorization trick is to post pieces of paper about the house where you are the most---by the fridge etc., so you see it. Then you can run over that section while you build a sandwich or what-have-you.
Rheumatoid Awareness
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Bolting Through the Gate
But the only response to his appeal was "Crucify Him, Crucify Him." It is to be noted, however, that these cruel words now came from the chief priests and officers.
James Stalker, The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ (free on Kindle)
I have heard the crucifixion story for years. But, like many of us, I missed this part of the story.
But the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and to have Jesus executed. Matt 27.20
But the chief priests stirred up the crowd to have Pilate release Barabbas instead. Lk 15.11
As soon as the chief priests and their officials saw Him, they shouted, "Crucify! Crucify!" Jn 19.6
Now then, this leads us into a couple of directions. One, we need to be very careful as we study the word. Here are three verses I quickly found that say the same thing---that the fear of the elders lead the people to shout down Pilate into a state of fear, making his allowance for the death of Christ. (Although we know it was planned since before the beginning of time---see my verse at the top of blog page). As we read and study the Scriptures, we must be mindful of all that we read and absorb. Not making a time limit of it, or I must read so many passages. I find it beneficial to read and re-read the same passage, seeing what God shows me each time. Each to his own, however; a practice that works for you and has the Spirit showing you what is righteous is indeed a good practice.
A second concern is how the drive of fear works in the world. The fear and envy of the elders caused great hatred toward Jesus. He said things to them, as He does in Scripture to us, that pointed out blatant sins. This is why today (and always) people can have a hatred towards the word. It points out, soundly and without concerns of "political correctness" the sins we do, have done, or may do. It shouts down more loudly than the mob before Pilate the evilness of our sin nature.
What is often missed by non-believers is the love from God covering those sins that resounds so loudly as to cover the faintest whisper of those sins.
Fear is a great tool. Fear of Jews created World War II. Fear of "Indians" (Americans) lead to massacres of tribes---even those than ran to escape. Fear, Fear, Fear.
What is especially intriguing, if you will consider my happy rambling, is that fear can be a false fear. False fear: For me a false fear is a fear of the dentist. A fear of most of my doctors even before RA, that they would tell me something was wrong with me; something terribly wrong with me. Fear of being alone. False fears control us possibly more than true fears. How many of us know someone who plainly showed signs of cancer, yet would not go to to doctor for fear of confirmation...thus making treatment more difficult?
Fear is a very real creature, devouring us daily over a variety of things.
There is a "fear" (if that is the word) of God, regarding sin nature, that makes those not of the fold hide away. This fear drives them to find ways of creating sinlessness...but only creates more sin through the constant twisting of His words This is the fear of the non-believer, the one who hides away from Him and sins by ignoring them both.
We have fears, even while knowing God. We fear the world about us, worrying what we can say, when we can say it, how we can say it. Worrying about health status and what will happen, worry worry worry. Rather than rely on the gift before us and around us, we focus on the fear and sin teasing us just beyond the fold-gate. And rather than listen to the voice of the steady, calm Shepherd, we sometimes bolt into the mouths of fear. Terror washes over us as Fear laughs in our faces, rejoicing in the evil being spread.
Oh, thank the Lord---He shouts as we wrestle with Fear, the sound of His voice heard over the roar of Fear. Since all creation worships Him, we are able to call out to Him as we see Him...and He strikes Fear into releasing us, shivering and tired, back into His arms. We are not alone battling Fear and the other "monsters" of this world.
We must fight the good fight as Paul speaks of. Remain strong in Him, reading His Scriptures, testing everything. Remain in Him, praise Him this day. Come soon, Lord, Amen.
James Stalker, The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ (free on Kindle)
I have heard the crucifixion story for years. But, like many of us, I missed this part of the story.
But the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and to have Jesus executed. Matt 27.20
But the chief priests stirred up the crowd to have Pilate release Barabbas instead. Lk 15.11
As soon as the chief priests and their officials saw Him, they shouted, "Crucify! Crucify!" Jn 19.6
Now then, this leads us into a couple of directions. One, we need to be very careful as we study the word. Here are three verses I quickly found that say the same thing---that the fear of the elders lead the people to shout down Pilate into a state of fear, making his allowance for the death of Christ. (Although we know it was planned since before the beginning of time---see my verse at the top of blog page). As we read and study the Scriptures, we must be mindful of all that we read and absorb. Not making a time limit of it, or I must read so many passages. I find it beneficial to read and re-read the same passage, seeing what God shows me each time. Each to his own, however; a practice that works for you and has the Spirit showing you what is righteous is indeed a good practice.
A second concern is how the drive of fear works in the world. The fear and envy of the elders caused great hatred toward Jesus. He said things to them, as He does in Scripture to us, that pointed out blatant sins. This is why today (and always) people can have a hatred towards the word. It points out, soundly and without concerns of "political correctness" the sins we do, have done, or may do. It shouts down more loudly than the mob before Pilate the evilness of our sin nature.
What is often missed by non-believers is the love from God covering those sins that resounds so loudly as to cover the faintest whisper of those sins.
Fear is a great tool. Fear of Jews created World War II. Fear of "Indians" (Americans) lead to massacres of tribes---even those than ran to escape. Fear, Fear, Fear.
What is especially intriguing, if you will consider my happy rambling, is that fear can be a false fear. False fear: For me a false fear is a fear of the dentist. A fear of most of my doctors even before RA, that they would tell me something was wrong with me; something terribly wrong with me. Fear of being alone. False fears control us possibly more than true fears. How many of us know someone who plainly showed signs of cancer, yet would not go to to doctor for fear of confirmation...thus making treatment more difficult?
Fear is a very real creature, devouring us daily over a variety of things.
There is a "fear" (if that is the word) of God, regarding sin nature, that makes those not of the fold hide away. This fear drives them to find ways of creating sinlessness...but only creates more sin through the constant twisting of His words This is the fear of the non-believer, the one who hides away from Him and sins by ignoring them both.
We have fears, even while knowing God. We fear the world about us, worrying what we can say, when we can say it, how we can say it. Worrying about health status and what will happen, worry worry worry. Rather than rely on the gift before us and around us, we focus on the fear and sin teasing us just beyond the fold-gate. And rather than listen to the voice of the steady, calm Shepherd, we sometimes bolt into the mouths of fear. Terror washes over us as Fear laughs in our faces, rejoicing in the evil being spread.
Oh, thank the Lord---He shouts as we wrestle with Fear, the sound of His voice heard over the roar of Fear. Since all creation worships Him, we are able to call out to Him as we see Him...and He strikes Fear into releasing us, shivering and tired, back into His arms. We are not alone battling Fear and the other "monsters" of this world.
We must fight the good fight as Paul speaks of. Remain strong in Him, reading His Scriptures, testing everything. Remain in Him, praise Him this day. Come soon, Lord, Amen.
RA Post: Coloring in Journals
I write a lot. I write here, I write down quotes from biblical authors, Bible verses, and I write in a journal. Writing gets rid of the angst of illness, the frustrations of trying to learn how to be this way.
I have picked up a book on decorating journals---both the pages and the covers. Some of the art work suggested is very interesting, and some is stuff I just wouldn't do. Some of the examples I think are rather hideous, but it is simply not my "style" of art. Really it is a scrapbook like idea. If I traveled a lot it would be a handier way of putting away postcards. I pick up postcards when I travel(ed). Currently I put postcards in my scrapbook. This book has all sorts of ways of using paints, pens, glues, and telling you about the various types of pains and glues. (It is called The Complete Decorated Journal by Gwen Diehn if anyone is interested in looking at it).
I attempted doodling in my journal last night, picking paragraphs to sketch behind---not sure if I like the look/idea or not. Probably would be better, too, if my journal was not lined, but I generally do not like unlined journals. My handwriting rarely slants, but I hate it when it does.
Just a tidbit into a slightly not RA (while RA because I am someone with it) part of me.
I have picked up a book on decorating journals---both the pages and the covers. Some of the art work suggested is very interesting, and some is stuff I just wouldn't do. Some of the examples I think are rather hideous, but it is simply not my "style" of art. Really it is a scrapbook like idea. If I traveled a lot it would be a handier way of putting away postcards. I pick up postcards when I travel(ed). Currently I put postcards in my scrapbook. This book has all sorts of ways of using paints, pens, glues, and telling you about the various types of pains and glues. (It is called The Complete Decorated Journal by Gwen Diehn if anyone is interested in looking at it).
I attempted doodling in my journal last night, picking paragraphs to sketch behind---not sure if I like the look/idea or not. Probably would be better, too, if my journal was not lined, but I generally do not like unlined journals. My handwriting rarely slants, but I hate it when it does.
Just a tidbit into a slightly not RA (while RA because I am someone with it) part of me.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
RA Post: Every symptom of RA that I feel---edited 5.29.16
My post on RA pain symptoms is quite popular. So here is a slightly expanded version.
Beyond the pain, which is dreadful at times, there is a great deal of heat involved. Every joint is too warm, fevers abound. I will have times of sweating to the point it drips off of the hair on my head, soaked blankets, drenched clothes...all while sitting or lying in bed. I may change pajamas three times in a night.
Nausea comes with the pain and fevers. If the fever begins to abate, the nausea lightens. Pretty much you are in miserable pain that makes even a wrinkled sheet feel like a knife blade while having the worst of influenza. There is an overwhelming exhaustion with this higher level of pain. Pain is exhausting to the body according the medical personal I have spoken to. Also, because my body is out to kill my joints, there is an "infection" raging in my body at all times. The exhaustion one has with a really bad case of flu or a bad infection---the same I have.
When I was first sick, I managed to work for a little while. Then the exhaustion and nausea began to build, and build, and build. Then I slept for months...lost 35 pounds in six weeks because I could not eat anything.
The medications I take (or can take) to "control" RA work by trying to stop these overzealous cells from killing my body. When they work, I am in less pain, which in turn makes me less nauseated, less tired.
Beyond the pain, which is dreadful at times, there is a great deal of heat involved. Every joint is too warm, fevers abound. I will have times of sweating to the point it drips off of the hair on my head, soaked blankets, drenched clothes...all while sitting or lying in bed. I may change pajamas three times in a night.
Nausea comes with the pain and fevers. If the fever begins to abate, the nausea lightens. Pretty much you are in miserable pain that makes even a wrinkled sheet feel like a knife blade while having the worst of influenza. There is an overwhelming exhaustion with this higher level of pain. Pain is exhausting to the body according the medical personal I have spoken to. Also, because my body is out to kill my joints, there is an "infection" raging in my body at all times. The exhaustion one has with a really bad case of flu or a bad infection---the same I have.
When I was first sick, I managed to work for a little while. Then the exhaustion and nausea began to build, and build, and build. Then I slept for months...lost 35 pounds in six weeks because I could not eat anything.
The medications I take (or can take) to "control" RA work by trying to stop these overzealous cells from killing my body. When they work, I am in less pain, which in turn makes me less nauseated, less tired.
Belittle God
May we grow in relationship with the Spirit more and more, and belittle and ignore Him less and less.
~Forgotten God. Francis Chan, 2009, David C Cook publisher, USA, page 77.
According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary (just to really make us think about it) belittle means a variety of things...but the first one is to make a person or a thing seem small and unimportant.
Sickening to consider putting the Lord into that category, isn't it. As we go through our day to day lives, our belittling and ignoring of God could, to ourselves not happen. We believe in Him, after all, don't we?
As many have said before, if we treated our friends or family in the same manner we sometimes treat our Lord, our Savior, our Counselor (!), we would have no contact with said friends or family. They either would want nothing to do with us, or we would just sit and stare at the floor, unable to think of anything to talk of.
We ignore God for periods of time in our lives: a scattering of time during the day, days at a time, weeks at a time....and assuredly those caught up in some sin-enslavement , months to years at a time. We choose "important" things of the world over God. Sometimes blatant sin-practices, sometimes (then becoming a sin by being a god) things such as education, careers, family, friends, entertainment. The list goes on!We get sucked into the world's level of importance----not that the items listed are not important (minus sin-slave lives)! They are a blessing; but like all blessings, they can be a gift, or we can turn them into slave-masters. If they pull our attention from God SO much that we belittle or ignore God in our lives we have a MAJOR problem.(1 Jn 2.15-17; Rom 6.15-23)
The word belittle is not an overly common word in English---at least in the day-to-day conversation on social media that I see. And yet this word leaves a very bitter taste in the mouth as we say it. We ourselves do not take being ignored well in general, but very few people I've met take being belittled easily.
How infinitely worse is it then if we belittle God's importance in our lives? We are speaking of the One who all creation (nature) actively worships! (Rom 1.20; Ps 19.1-4 The One Who was, is and is to come! Who created all of us and all about us! ho died the worst death ever to be seen in time....for us! And yet we need to watch the series finale of our favorite TV show.
Now, obviously, as I have a side panel on my blog that has TV shows I recommend...I enjoy entertainment. This is my worry: We must consider as we go through each day what our motives are. We must be listening to the Spirit----not ignoring His calling for us to pray, "be still" before Him, read His words, read/listen to learned men taught by the Spirit. Ignoring those calls are indeed belittling God. Think of the time you last put off the nudge to read the Scripture to do what was important to you? I have done it...I am ashamed to admit it, but yes. Which was truly more important?
I do not think that we are not supposed to do other things in our lives; that is, not necessarily a monk in a monastery. We were supposed to tend the garden in the beginning of time...so doing things with the idea of honoring God is key. Directly ignoring those nudges from the Spirit...is indeed pitiful on our behalf.
~Forgotten God. Francis Chan, 2009, David C Cook publisher, USA, page 77.
According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary (just to really make us think about it) belittle means a variety of things...but the first one is to make a person or a thing seem small and unimportant.
Sickening to consider putting the Lord into that category, isn't it. As we go through our day to day lives, our belittling and ignoring of God could, to ourselves not happen. We believe in Him, after all, don't we?
As many have said before, if we treated our friends or family in the same manner we sometimes treat our Lord, our Savior, our Counselor (!), we would have no contact with said friends or family. They either would want nothing to do with us, or we would just sit and stare at the floor, unable to think of anything to talk of.
We ignore God for periods of time in our lives: a scattering of time during the day, days at a time, weeks at a time....and assuredly those caught up in some sin-enslavement , months to years at a time. We choose "important" things of the world over God. Sometimes blatant sin-practices, sometimes (then becoming a sin by being a god) things such as education, careers, family, friends, entertainment. The list goes on!We get sucked into the world's level of importance----not that the items listed are not important (minus sin-slave lives)! They are a blessing; but like all blessings, they can be a gift, or we can turn them into slave-masters. If they pull our attention from God SO much that we belittle or ignore God in our lives we have a MAJOR problem.(1 Jn 2.15-17; Rom 6.15-23)
The word belittle is not an overly common word in English---at least in the day-to-day conversation on social media that I see. And yet this word leaves a very bitter taste in the mouth as we say it. We ourselves do not take being ignored well in general, but very few people I've met take being belittled easily.
How infinitely worse is it then if we belittle God's importance in our lives? We are speaking of the One who all creation (nature) actively worships! (Rom 1.20; Ps 19.1-4 The One Who was, is and is to come! Who created all of us and all about us! ho died the worst death ever to be seen in time....for us! And yet we need to watch the series finale of our favorite TV show.
Now, obviously, as I have a side panel on my blog that has TV shows I recommend...I enjoy entertainment. This is my worry: We must consider as we go through each day what our motives are. We must be listening to the Spirit----not ignoring His calling for us to pray, "be still" before Him, read His words, read/listen to learned men taught by the Spirit. Ignoring those calls are indeed belittling God. Think of the time you last put off the nudge to read the Scripture to do what was important to you? I have done it...I am ashamed to admit it, but yes. Which was truly more important?
I do not think that we are not supposed to do other things in our lives; that is, not necessarily a monk in a monastery. We were supposed to tend the garden in the beginning of time...so doing things with the idea of honoring God is key. Directly ignoring those nudges from the Spirit...is indeed pitiful on our behalf.
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Righteous Enslavement
When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? These things result in death!
Rom 6.20-21
Free from the control of righteousness. In other words, free to be free. The world today (as always) screams loudly that everyone ought to do whatever it is he/she thinks is right....with the peculiar clause that that "right" mustn't hurt/offend anyone else. Somehow, I have yet to find any behavior, choice of words, or what-have-you that does not hurt/offend someone.
Free to be free. An intoxicating phrase. I, myself, a desperate for the freedom to be "free" from RA; free to be a nurse, free to be a more active house-wife, free to see friends and family when I want to---not when my disease activity is lessened enough to make it bearable to visit (and not sit in a miserable heap or cry or lay down in the car).
Yes, free to be free is intoxicating. Yet, "what fools these mortals be"(!); we have infinite freedom through Christ:
"The death He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus"." Rom 6.10-11
The "freedom" we seek we already hold through the salvation of Christ; the true "life" to live we already hold. The only finishing step to our freedom from the sin-enslaved life we once lived to the Christ-love enslaved life we now have is the step in which we receive our crowns of righteousness at the End of Days:
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day---and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing." 2 Tim 4.7-10
We fight many hard battles in this sin-ravaged land---some people seem to have a heavier load that others, when I hear their stories. Yet the important thing is to stand firm in our faith, stand firm in our bonds of righteous slavery. For what life is there in the "freedom" the world claims it has? There is no life there, only a death that ends in worse-than-life death. The "joys" of the world may appear to be fulfilling, yet as I see now, they are but empty, dead grasses whispering in the wind. I may often be sick, suffering great pain like many, many people in the world, and my heart may break at facing this battle at times...but there is nothing so fulfilling as the love, joy and grace of the Lord. I desperately long for those things I mentioned in the second paragraph...but those pale to mere hints of a ghost in the overwhelming, indescribable radiance and glory of the King of kings.
The world is intoxicating; like all alcoholics, we must "avoid" the world to not become lost to our addiction---this can only be done with righteous enslavement. It must be the first and foremost goal in our daily lives to honor, obey, worship and glorify our Redeemer. For without that constant study, we are easy pray to the wolves of the world's poison; soon we are scattered in the bondage of sin-slavery again.
Rom 6.20-21
Free from the control of righteousness. In other words, free to be free. The world today (as always) screams loudly that everyone ought to do whatever it is he/she thinks is right....with the peculiar clause that that "right" mustn't hurt/offend anyone else. Somehow, I have yet to find any behavior, choice of words, or what-have-you that does not hurt/offend someone.
Free to be free. An intoxicating phrase. I, myself, a desperate for the freedom to be "free" from RA; free to be a nurse, free to be a more active house-wife, free to see friends and family when I want to---not when my disease activity is lessened enough to make it bearable to visit (and not sit in a miserable heap or cry or lay down in the car).
Yes, free to be free is intoxicating. Yet, "what fools these mortals be"(!); we have infinite freedom through Christ:
"The death He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus"." Rom 6.10-11
The "freedom" we seek we already hold through the salvation of Christ; the true "life" to live we already hold. The only finishing step to our freedom from the sin-enslaved life we once lived to the Christ-love enslaved life we now have is the step in which we receive our crowns of righteousness at the End of Days:
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day---and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing." 2 Tim 4.7-10
We fight many hard battles in this sin-ravaged land---some people seem to have a heavier load that others, when I hear their stories. Yet the important thing is to stand firm in our faith, stand firm in our bonds of righteous slavery. For what life is there in the "freedom" the world claims it has? There is no life there, only a death that ends in worse-than-life death. The "joys" of the world may appear to be fulfilling, yet as I see now, they are but empty, dead grasses whispering in the wind. I may often be sick, suffering great pain like many, many people in the world, and my heart may break at facing this battle at times...but there is nothing so fulfilling as the love, joy and grace of the Lord. I desperately long for those things I mentioned in the second paragraph...but those pale to mere hints of a ghost in the overwhelming, indescribable radiance and glory of the King of kings.
The world is intoxicating; like all alcoholics, we must "avoid" the world to not become lost to our addiction---this can only be done with righteous enslavement. It must be the first and foremost goal in our daily lives to honor, obey, worship and glorify our Redeemer. For without that constant study, we are easy pray to the wolves of the world's poison; soon we are scattered in the bondage of sin-slavery again.
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Gathering Dust on a Shelf
We go about the world in an often wrong manner. We want to rely on our own wisdom, our own abilities.
While I missed the service this Sunday, I heard that our pastor challenged the church----pointing out that we needed to be in the Word. He does not often do this, set a challenge as this. He requested fifteen minutes a day spent in Scripture, with thought spent on the section read.
I know. It is a physical struggle to read the Bible. The sin nature runs deep...and any notion towards godliness is followed by a notion of sin.
If we have no conscience but our own...we follow the pattern of sin. We follow the wisdom of the world, the abilities of the world. We ignore our Bibles, our Bible studies, our churches.....and shorlty, very shortly, our God.
We were created in fellowship with each other and God. We should have a relationship with God important enough that we can fight off tv, cell phones, even other books, to read the Scripture. As it says in Romans (chap 4 I think), the very word of God. Think how incredible this really is. The very word of God in our homes. Is it collecting dust in the bookcase?
With our acceptance of God, we receive the Spirit...with continued focus on God, we avoid the sin of diminishing the Spirit. We allow our great Counselor to point out the wise choice, the best abilities. Our own conscience is fraught with sinful inclinations;that is, the ability to ignore what is the righteous choice. The Spirit, the Scriptures included, steer us towards righteousness as we follow His lead in faith.
So then, will we leave our Bibles to gather dust? Remain ignorant if verses are misused, out of context? Will we continue to follow our follies, and worse, shelving God away as though He does not exist while we catch up on the latest episode of a tv show?
While I missed the service this Sunday, I heard that our pastor challenged the church----pointing out that we needed to be in the Word. He does not often do this, set a challenge as this. He requested fifteen minutes a day spent in Scripture, with thought spent on the section read.
I know. It is a physical struggle to read the Bible. The sin nature runs deep...and any notion towards godliness is followed by a notion of sin.
If we have no conscience but our own...we follow the pattern of sin. We follow the wisdom of the world, the abilities of the world. We ignore our Bibles, our Bible studies, our churches.....and shorlty, very shortly, our God.
We were created in fellowship with each other and God. We should have a relationship with God important enough that we can fight off tv, cell phones, even other books, to read the Scripture. As it says in Romans (chap 4 I think), the very word of God. Think how incredible this really is. The very word of God in our homes. Is it collecting dust in the bookcase?
With our acceptance of God, we receive the Spirit...with continued focus on God, we avoid the sin of diminishing the Spirit. We allow our great Counselor to point out the wise choice, the best abilities. Our own conscience is fraught with sinful inclinations;that is, the ability to ignore what is the righteous choice. The Spirit, the Scriptures included, steer us towards righteousness as we follow His lead in faith.
So then, will we leave our Bibles to gather dust? Remain ignorant if verses are misused, out of context? Will we continue to follow our follies, and worse, shelving God away as though He does not exist while we catch up on the latest episode of a tv show?
RA Post: If I Just Did These Things, I'd Be Fine
I tried to go to church this am, but my pain was so out of control that I couldn't sit still, couldn't stop big, slow tears from falling, and didn't want to try and explain why I was crying in church...nor did I want to be swaying in the seats or walking up and down the foyer in pain.
I remember thinking, when my RA first hit me, that it would go away, be managed. That was just my understanding as a nurse from the textbooks I had read on it. You did these things, took such and such medications, and voila! instant remission! Like antibiotics, only it took longer.
"Took longer" indeed. I am nearing two years of mainly housebound, mainly bed bound life. While I am indeed overall "better", it is not as well as I could hope.
Some days I am so angry at my body for malfunctioning. One does not expect to be ill in their 20s...one expects to be ill later in life.
The pain makes me so tired. My body is fighting a never-ending "infection" with itself. That makes me tired too...this massive "infection" that my white blood cells recognize as foreign in every joint.
I am trapped in a prison of my own making, one that was never my idea.
I remember thinking, when my RA first hit me, that it would go away, be managed. That was just my understanding as a nurse from the textbooks I had read on it. You did these things, took such and such medications, and voila! instant remission! Like antibiotics, only it took longer.
"Took longer" indeed. I am nearing two years of mainly housebound, mainly bed bound life. While I am indeed overall "better", it is not as well as I could hope.
Some days I am so angry at my body for malfunctioning. One does not expect to be ill in their 20s...one expects to be ill later in life.
The pain makes me so tired. My body is fighting a never-ending "infection" with itself. That makes me tired too...this massive "infection" that my white blood cells recognize as foreign in every joint.
I am trapped in a prison of my own making, one that was never my idea.
Saturday, May 21, 2016
A Christian is Fearless
He wants those who belong to Him to be brave and fearless. He Himself shows how weakness of the flesh is overcome by courage of the Spirit. This is the testimony of the apostles and in particular of the representative, administrating Spirit. A Christian is fearless. Turtelli
Forgotten God. Francis Chan. page 45
How many times are we truly fearless? Most of the time we walk through the trials of life (at least as they begin) refusing to ask for help.
I am not fearless. There are a great many days in which I am terrified of the future with my illness---whether I end up sick and alone in some nursing home, desperate for my medication pass, desperate for some relief.
Yet I know from experience at my weakest, sickest, saddest moments that if I cry out to God, He answers. He provides me with the strength, courage and peace to go on with the day, even if I am sick in bed. I also know that, much like an iceberg at sea, the strength and such I receive is just the beginning of what is possible for me from Him.
We should not be afraid to ask God for things---for His strength, wisdom, courage. Nor should we be afraid to ask for healing, jobs. He cares for us. Sometimes the answers are no--though I have never had a "no" for the courage and strength and peace. I still have RA. Whether or not I am healed or enter remission is in God's hands...whether I am able to be a nurse in the field again is what God wills.
Chan asks more or less.....The question is if, whatever happens, are we going to remain God's child? Am I, today, whether sick and asleep in bed, or awake and doing what I can, God's child? Do I make that choice that no matter what happens He is my King, Savior and Lord?
That choice is what makes the difference in trials, persecution and suffering. For with the choice to be God's though and through means we can have the ability to face whatever without fear. The opposite choice is one of insistent terror, one of no hope; a life of endless destruction.
Forgotten God. Francis Chan. page 45
How many times are we truly fearless? Most of the time we walk through the trials of life (at least as they begin) refusing to ask for help.
I am not fearless. There are a great many days in which I am terrified of the future with my illness---whether I end up sick and alone in some nursing home, desperate for my medication pass, desperate for some relief.
Yet I know from experience at my weakest, sickest, saddest moments that if I cry out to God, He answers. He provides me with the strength, courage and peace to go on with the day, even if I am sick in bed. I also know that, much like an iceberg at sea, the strength and such I receive is just the beginning of what is possible for me from Him.
We should not be afraid to ask God for things---for His strength, wisdom, courage. Nor should we be afraid to ask for healing, jobs. He cares for us. Sometimes the answers are no--though I have never had a "no" for the courage and strength and peace. I still have RA. Whether or not I am healed or enter remission is in God's hands...whether I am able to be a nurse in the field again is what God wills.
Chan asks more or less.....The question is if, whatever happens, are we going to remain God's child? Am I, today, whether sick and asleep in bed, or awake and doing what I can, God's child? Do I make that choice that no matter what happens He is my King, Savior and Lord?
That choice is what makes the difference in trials, persecution and suffering. For with the choice to be God's though and through means we can have the ability to face whatever without fear. The opposite choice is one of insistent terror, one of no hope; a life of endless destruction.
Monday, May 16, 2016
RA Post: Exhaustion Yet Again
Exhaustion is the theme. Lately I have two, maybe three, good days, and then I am asleep the rest of the week.
It had gotten to where taking my shots did not knock me out, but they have been doing so again. I don't know if that means my disease is "quieter" so making the medication more overwhelming, or if my disease is "noisier", making the medication stop my body from killing itself.
Anyway, more just to say that is what is going on...and that with the exhaustion comes a great many tears because I just can't. I just can't do anything else. And I hate that more than I could ever describe.
It had gotten to where taking my shots did not knock me out, but they have been doing so again. I don't know if that means my disease is "quieter" so making the medication more overwhelming, or if my disease is "noisier", making the medication stop my body from killing itself.
Anyway, more just to say that is what is going on...and that with the exhaustion comes a great many tears because I just can't. I just can't do anything else. And I hate that more than I could ever describe.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Go Home
Jesus did not let him, but said," Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how He has had mercy on you." Mark 5.19
A fascinating verse, fascinating story of what Jesus had and has power over. This was the man, if you will recall, who called himself Legion for his demons were many. The demons begged to not be sent away from the area, finally asking to be allowed into a herd of 2,000 pigs. Jesus allowed this, and the herd of pigs careened into the lake to drown.
Apparently demons will torture animals as well.
Firstly, it is interesting to note that Jesus did not want this man to go with him...although I would imagine he was told so kindly. This shows an example that for the time being, our wishes may have to be put on hold. This man, healed from demonic presences, begged to go along; in a similar manner I have begged to be healed of pain. Yet thus far, the answer has not been what I want.
Let's consider the second part of the verse, which answers why the first could not happen. This man, healed of demons, was to go home, to tell what had happened, how the Lord was merciful.
From what I have heard of demon possession practices of the time, the person possessed first saw a rabbi, then may do a Nazarene oath...which seems to be a month long time of silence, prayers and studying Torah. Then, if that failed, the person often went out into the wilderness in an attempt to fend off the demons. Bear in mind I am not certain how true these tactics are. I would imagine that the person possessed, with mind wandering, leaves the family also in the hope the demons do not spread and they do not hurt loved ones by accident.
Anyway, the family likely thought he was dead, or at least all hope gone for his possession.
For him to return home, free of demons, to those who had watched them take over his body, would be quite astounding. He then would relate the story of how he was freed of them! The word would spread like wildfire---anyone freed of demons was news.
As we face our trials, tribulations, healings, mercies and wonders, we must remember, regardless to give glory to God. To see the mercy and wonder of what He has and is doing. That He loves us so much He not only suffered and conquered death, but He, like the Perfect Father, Master, Teacher, gives us so many other gifts. Peace and strength to face trials, wonder at His creation and majesty, the incredible blessings in the midst of trial.
A fascinating verse, fascinating story of what Jesus had and has power over. This was the man, if you will recall, who called himself Legion for his demons were many. The demons begged to not be sent away from the area, finally asking to be allowed into a herd of 2,000 pigs. Jesus allowed this, and the herd of pigs careened into the lake to drown.
Apparently demons will torture animals as well.
Firstly, it is interesting to note that Jesus did not want this man to go with him...although I would imagine he was told so kindly. This shows an example that for the time being, our wishes may have to be put on hold. This man, healed from demonic presences, begged to go along; in a similar manner I have begged to be healed of pain. Yet thus far, the answer has not been what I want.
Let's consider the second part of the verse, which answers why the first could not happen. This man, healed of demons, was to go home, to tell what had happened, how the Lord was merciful.
From what I have heard of demon possession practices of the time, the person possessed first saw a rabbi, then may do a Nazarene oath...which seems to be a month long time of silence, prayers and studying Torah. Then, if that failed, the person often went out into the wilderness in an attempt to fend off the demons. Bear in mind I am not certain how true these tactics are. I would imagine that the person possessed, with mind wandering, leaves the family also in the hope the demons do not spread and they do not hurt loved ones by accident.
Anyway, the family likely thought he was dead, or at least all hope gone for his possession.
For him to return home, free of demons, to those who had watched them take over his body, would be quite astounding. He then would relate the story of how he was freed of them! The word would spread like wildfire---anyone freed of demons was news.
As we face our trials, tribulations, healings, mercies and wonders, we must remember, regardless to give glory to God. To see the mercy and wonder of what He has and is doing. That He loves us so much He not only suffered and conquered death, but He, like the Perfect Father, Master, Teacher, gives us so many other gifts. Peace and strength to face trials, wonder at His creation and majesty, the incredible blessings in the midst of trial.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Withstanding
"But the Nazi times had one great advantage. They taught us [he and his wife] that physical beatings could be endured, and that the human spirit with God's help can survive horrible tortures."
Tortured for Christ, Richard Wurmbrand, Living Sacrifice Book Co.,2003 reprint, page 12
I am not being beaten for my faith; at least not per se. However, this quote has a great deal of meaning for me, and I hope for the reader.
Men and women have taken on incredible amounts of suffering in the work of spreading the Word, refusing to give in when told to either shut up or be killed. Their stories are told over and over---and well should they be.
Yet as I read these words penned by a fascinating character, I consider my own life. While, as I say, facing RA is not being beaten by men for my faith, it is being beaten nearly every day by my own body. It is a form of torture, a form of a wretched existence. And because of my faith, I might either go on praising Him with my every breath, or, as Job's friends and wife encouraged him to do, curse God and die.
As we face our individual lives, we all have something that, while not being beaten to near death for our faith (or perhaps we are! Depending on where we live), is a form of torture. Anxiety, depression, eating disorders, self mutilation, physical/mental/emotional abuse, health issues or even a really disagreeable job. These things may feel absolutely unbearable, something that will never be overcome.
But we should fear not, nor be disheartened! With God, who has overcome the world and its Prince, no suffering can overwhelm overtake us. We have infinite help from our Lord, our dearest Savior and King. The Spirit with us, when called upon is willing to comfort. Was not this one of the words Jesus used to describe the other counselor? Our prayers are always answered....though we may miss the answer if we forget our prayer, or it may not be quite what we thought was the best and instead receive what is the best.
Why must we continue to suffer? Why is it necessary to God's work? I would never dare pretend I knew the answer....but do we not find courage also in the stories of martyrs? Do we not then have more courage to face what we have to face, more determination to call on God, rely on Him? Therefore we are able to learn more about the incredible things God did, and does, to this very day in those about us.
Tortured for Christ, Richard Wurmbrand, Living Sacrifice Book Co.,2003 reprint, page 12
I am not being beaten for my faith; at least not per se. However, this quote has a great deal of meaning for me, and I hope for the reader.
Men and women have taken on incredible amounts of suffering in the work of spreading the Word, refusing to give in when told to either shut up or be killed. Their stories are told over and over---and well should they be.
Yet as I read these words penned by a fascinating character, I consider my own life. While, as I say, facing RA is not being beaten by men for my faith, it is being beaten nearly every day by my own body. It is a form of torture, a form of a wretched existence. And because of my faith, I might either go on praising Him with my every breath, or, as Job's friends and wife encouraged him to do, curse God and die.
As we face our individual lives, we all have something that, while not being beaten to near death for our faith (or perhaps we are! Depending on where we live), is a form of torture. Anxiety, depression, eating disorders, self mutilation, physical/mental/emotional abuse, health issues or even a really disagreeable job. These things may feel absolutely unbearable, something that will never be overcome.
But we should fear not, nor be disheartened! With God, who has overcome the world and its Prince, no suffering can overwhelm overtake us. We have infinite help from our Lord, our dearest Savior and King. The Spirit with us, when called upon is willing to comfort. Was not this one of the words Jesus used to describe the other counselor? Our prayers are always answered....though we may miss the answer if we forget our prayer, or it may not be quite what we thought was the best and instead receive what is the best.
Why must we continue to suffer? Why is it necessary to God's work? I would never dare pretend I knew the answer....but do we not find courage also in the stories of martyrs? Do we not then have more courage to face what we have to face, more determination to call on God, rely on Him? Therefore we are able to learn more about the incredible things God did, and does, to this very day in those about us.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Hatred
Reading the book Tpurtured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand. Fascinating. Only about 20 pages in this far---RA making for a sleep overwhelmed day.
However, a quote interests me. He speaks on page 3 of my copy of his atheist beginnings. Raised an atheist, he was unable to pass a church without entering; intriguing considering this statement: "it was not that I did not believe in God or Christ----I hated these notions, and considered them harmful to the human mind". What a way with words!
I have of course heard other once atheists state such things. I, who do not recall a time God and Christ was not as real to me as air, find such thoughts fascinating. How the human mind can hate something it must know, deep down, is real.
While along a slightly different track, let us consider the poisoning of the Word. I am thinking of a time before my RA hit when my faith was nearly destroyed, obliterated. This happened by the poisoning of the Word by another. While I KNEW what I read was fact, was the Light, Truth...the great deceiver found a way to work his way between me and God----though only on one side of my house frame. So while this is not a story of hatred of God, it gives an example of how that deception can continue for the lost.
The rot that set in sounds, as I retell it, so much like the story of Eve and the serpent. Literally, the poison said to every word I read of Scripture, though I knew it to be truth, "Is that REALLY what He said? Is that really what He MEANT?"
In desperation to fight it, along with fitful praying, I read through the Scripture for the first time in my life from beginning to end...arguing with the poisoned side of me. That wretched side fought hard, making each word and letter a point of debate. Sounds a great deal like most atheists, and many believers who have side stepped...
Finally, praise the Lord! I found the verse that is the heading at the top of my blog page. While I passed numerous verses that say the same thing, it was that one which was so solid, so real, so incredibly profound, irrefutable, that the poisoned part of me was forever snipped off.
However, while I never hated god during this time, and desperately clung to Him, it gave me, I think, the slightest glimpse into what my fellows had before their faith. A time of terror and unrest.
We must, as we walk with our King, watch ourselves closely. We must, as we are extorted by the epistles, test every spirit to see where it comes from. We must study His great scripture, beginning to end, that we might know when we are being led astray, to refute poor choices. We must watch for wolves in sheep's clothing, for indeed it is frighteningly easy to be led off the right path. It is no wonder we are given so many warnings against such things! We must pray often, worship mightily, and never forsake the company of others, helping each other through life.
However, a quote interests me. He speaks on page 3 of my copy of his atheist beginnings. Raised an atheist, he was unable to pass a church without entering; intriguing considering this statement: "it was not that I did not believe in God or Christ----I hated these notions, and considered them harmful to the human mind". What a way with words!
I have of course heard other once atheists state such things. I, who do not recall a time God and Christ was not as real to me as air, find such thoughts fascinating. How the human mind can hate something it must know, deep down, is real.
While along a slightly different track, let us consider the poisoning of the Word. I am thinking of a time before my RA hit when my faith was nearly destroyed, obliterated. This happened by the poisoning of the Word by another. While I KNEW what I read was fact, was the Light, Truth...the great deceiver found a way to work his way between me and God----though only on one side of my house frame. So while this is not a story of hatred of God, it gives an example of how that deception can continue for the lost.
The rot that set in sounds, as I retell it, so much like the story of Eve and the serpent. Literally, the poison said to every word I read of Scripture, though I knew it to be truth, "Is that REALLY what He said? Is that really what He MEANT?"
In desperation to fight it, along with fitful praying, I read through the Scripture for the first time in my life from beginning to end...arguing with the poisoned side of me. That wretched side fought hard, making each word and letter a point of debate. Sounds a great deal like most atheists, and many believers who have side stepped...
Finally, praise the Lord! I found the verse that is the heading at the top of my blog page. While I passed numerous verses that say the same thing, it was that one which was so solid, so real, so incredibly profound, irrefutable, that the poisoned part of me was forever snipped off.
However, while I never hated god during this time, and desperately clung to Him, it gave me, I think, the slightest glimpse into what my fellows had before their faith. A time of terror and unrest.
We must, as we walk with our King, watch ourselves closely. We must, as we are extorted by the epistles, test every spirit to see where it comes from. We must study His great scripture, beginning to end, that we might know when we are being led astray, to refute poor choices. We must watch for wolves in sheep's clothing, for indeed it is frighteningly easy to be led off the right path. It is no wonder we are given so many warnings against such things! We must pray often, worship mightily, and never forsake the company of others, helping each other through life.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Foolish Works
But Samuel replied: Does the Lord delight in burnt sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To o eyes is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.
1 Sam 15.22
Samuel was speaking against Saul's actions. He had been told by God to destroy everything within the city they attacked: men, women, infants, all possessions. Paul's men, however,saved those things they liked, planning apparently to give them to God...Perhaps as a guilty escape for refusing to obey.
This last action by Saul, as I recall, was the one that lead him to lose kingship of Israel. First the whole David and Saul things must happen...but Saul, worryingly for he himself, is removed from the Spirit's presence.
This evening as I read a new novel, it came over me how many in this world are sadly astray with the thought that "if I am good, try hard, I will be saved". This is as foolish as the idea that worrying can put hair on one's head!
If God prefers we listen to and obey Him to begin with, why would the "gift" of a "good" work be better to cover our sins? I do not doubt that He loves to see our working as He asked of us....but there is another key notation----we are already told to care for widows, orphans, those in need. How then, by attending to something we were told to do, can we possibly cover a sin? Since a sin is not listening to the Lord and morning Him to begin with, listening to good works will not absolve us of a gaping hole in another area of obedience.
Yet, praise Him, we can ask forgiveness for our faulty obedience. We can ask for strength to obey and honor Him. We just need to know, remember and reinforce that our works cannot save us, we are only able to be saved by the death of the most perfect Son, and that obedience is one of the greatest ways of honoring Him.
I read various verses speaking on grieving the Lord. Somehow I was suddenly stunned. We, wicked creatures so often, make poor choices that not only make our own lives more miserable, our friend's and family's lives more miserable....but we hurt our King and Savior. It as though we stand before Him as He smothers on the cross...jeering up at Him. Oh! It is enough to make one want to hide in shame and cry.
If we continue to think we can earn salvation, it is indeed standing and jeering. We are telling Him we don't need Him, which is the biggest lie I can think of at this moment.
Salvation is a gift of love from the Lord. A way to allow us into a deep, lasting relationship. So let us honor and obey, accepting His great gift, and understanding that the good we do was asked of us to start with---it is not a way of paying our life debt.
1 Sam 15.22
Samuel was speaking against Saul's actions. He had been told by God to destroy everything within the city they attacked: men, women, infants, all possessions. Paul's men, however,saved those things they liked, planning apparently to give them to God...Perhaps as a guilty escape for refusing to obey.
This last action by Saul, as I recall, was the one that lead him to lose kingship of Israel. First the whole David and Saul things must happen...but Saul, worryingly for he himself, is removed from the Spirit's presence.
This evening as I read a new novel, it came over me how many in this world are sadly astray with the thought that "if I am good, try hard, I will be saved". This is as foolish as the idea that worrying can put hair on one's head!
If God prefers we listen to and obey Him to begin with, why would the "gift" of a "good" work be better to cover our sins? I do not doubt that He loves to see our working as He asked of us....but there is another key notation----we are already told to care for widows, orphans, those in need. How then, by attending to something we were told to do, can we possibly cover a sin? Since a sin is not listening to the Lord and morning Him to begin with, listening to good works will not absolve us of a gaping hole in another area of obedience.
Yet, praise Him, we can ask forgiveness for our faulty obedience. We can ask for strength to obey and honor Him. We just need to know, remember and reinforce that our works cannot save us, we are only able to be saved by the death of the most perfect Son, and that obedience is one of the greatest ways of honoring Him.
I read various verses speaking on grieving the Lord. Somehow I was suddenly stunned. We, wicked creatures so often, make poor choices that not only make our own lives more miserable, our friend's and family's lives more miserable....but we hurt our King and Savior. It as though we stand before Him as He smothers on the cross...jeering up at Him. Oh! It is enough to make one want to hide in shame and cry.
If we continue to think we can earn salvation, it is indeed standing and jeering. We are telling Him we don't need Him, which is the biggest lie I can think of at this moment.
Salvation is a gift of love from the Lord. A way to allow us into a deep, lasting relationship. So let us honor and obey, accepting His great gift, and understanding that the good we do was asked of us to start with---it is not a way of paying our life debt.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Welcome Portugal!
Just a hello to my new reader(s) from Portugal! Glad to have had you visit, hope what I have written was used by God. Blessings to all of my readers.
Quiet
"Perhaps at this point I need to share with you the greatst difficulty you will have in waiting upon the Lord. it has to do with your mnd. The mind has a very strong tendency to stray away from the Lord. Therefore, as you come before your Lord to sit in His presence, beholding Him, make use of the Scripture to quiet your mind.~Jeanne Guyon, Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ
SeedSower Press 1965, pg 9
Another example of the world being a noisy place. Consider, too, that the publication date for this book is for this book. Ms. Guyon penned thse words in 1685 for friends. In 1685, the world was noisy. How much more noisy is it now?
By noisy, I mean distracting. Now most people I know have at least two TVs, more than one computer. internet services, and sometimes every soul in the family, including children (under 12) have th newest iPhones. We live in a noisy, rather Sodom-and-Gomorrah type society, unless with great effort we focus on honoring God.
However, I digress to the subject o being quiet before the Lord. Now, as a child Christian (young in the faith) we feel often that we must be the ones speaking. We pray, we end the prayer, and while we may pray multiple times a day (depending on the day or what have you), we are uncomfortable sitting in silnce bfore God.
I believe this may be lilke the quote I heard of which says that if you can sit for half an hour in silence with another person, you are truly comfortable with them, a deeper relationship.
We should be able to get to a point of being silent in the presence of God----enjoying His presence,
Now. as Guyon points out, Scripture beforehand; that is, at the beginning of studying the Lord "time" it is easier to drive all noise from the mind. I believe that that has to do with the fact that no evil one is going to go near a mind that is actively, recently saturated with the Word. How did they behave before the Savior? None too calmly. So then, it is likely that studying the Word and spendin times of silence with the Lord are easier when paired.
I personally have a difficult time praying without my mind wandering. Oh, I need to do this, I need to do that (maybe "try" is better), or depression because of the RA is interferring with prayer . My mind wanders less after spending more time in the Word. My mind wanders less if I write the prayers out---but still my mind wanders the least when I have been spening an adequate-for-me-time with the Word and godly authors. What is thrilling for me is how my mind wanders even less than before with a new step in prayer/praise: a more or less listing the names of God I know..My Rock, my Savior, my King, my Lord.
What is important is being with God. Reading the Word, being determined to focus on God, these things help clear your mind so that you are more able to spend quality time with Him. The benefits of the time spent studying, determined to be with God is the fact that the things meant to drive us apart from Him, the tortures of today (RA and depression because of for me at this moment) are lessened, We get to experience the peace, strength and joy---not to mention life---that comes from being fully in His presence. A much better alternative to the terror of living alone and handling the world alone.
SeedSower Press 1965, pg 9
Another example of the world being a noisy place. Consider, too, that the publication date for this book is for this book. Ms. Guyon penned thse words in 1685 for friends. In 1685, the world was noisy. How much more noisy is it now?
By noisy, I mean distracting. Now most people I know have at least two TVs, more than one computer. internet services, and sometimes every soul in the family, including children (under 12) have th newest iPhones. We live in a noisy, rather Sodom-and-Gomorrah type society, unless with great effort we focus on honoring God.
However, I digress to the subject o being quiet before the Lord. Now, as a child Christian (young in the faith) we feel often that we must be the ones speaking. We pray, we end the prayer, and while we may pray multiple times a day (depending on the day or what have you), we are uncomfortable sitting in silnce bfore God.
I believe this may be lilke the quote I heard of which says that if you can sit for half an hour in silence with another person, you are truly comfortable with them, a deeper relationship.
We should be able to get to a point of being silent in the presence of God----enjoying His presence,
Now. as Guyon points out, Scripture beforehand; that is, at the beginning of studying the Lord "time" it is easier to drive all noise from the mind. I believe that that has to do with the fact that no evil one is going to go near a mind that is actively, recently saturated with the Word. How did they behave before the Savior? None too calmly. So then, it is likely that studying the Word and spendin times of silence with the Lord are easier when paired.
I personally have a difficult time praying without my mind wandering. Oh, I need to do this, I need to do that (maybe "try" is better), or depression because of the RA is interferring with prayer . My mind wanders less after spending more time in the Word. My mind wanders less if I write the prayers out---but still my mind wanders the least when I have been spening an adequate-for-me-time with the Word and godly authors. What is thrilling for me is how my mind wanders even less than before with a new step in prayer/praise: a more or less listing the names of God I know..My Rock, my Savior, my King, my Lord.
What is important is being with God. Reading the Word, being determined to focus on God, these things help clear your mind so that you are more able to spend quality time with Him. The benefits of the time spent studying, determined to be with God is the fact that the things meant to drive us apart from Him, the tortures of today (RA and depression because of for me at this moment) are lessened, We get to experience the peace, strength and joy---not to mention life---that comes from being fully in His presence. A much better alternative to the terror of living alone and handling the world alone.
Friday, May 6, 2016
A World of Noise
"The scripture has served its purpose; it has quieted your mind; it has brought you to Him" Jeanne Guyon. experiencing the depths of Jesus Christ. 1965, seed shower publishing Florida. Pg 10.
One of my favorite Psalms, I believe it is 19, but my Bible is upstairs and my feet are hot and killing me, so I shan't go get it. Regardless, the verse in the Pslams goes to tell us how healing, quieting and uplifting the Lord is, by His laws statutes.
The world is noisy. Being a country girl, there is little I like better than a summer day, standing in the middle of a tree edged field, closing my eyes and enjoy the sound of the earth breathing. The trees rustling in the breeze; hot, bread-like smells rising from the field of grasses; ravens swooping and creaking coarsely above on the wind, playing in their own way. That is a silence that, while not silent, fills me with wonder at the Lord.
A similar glory fills me with wonder, and that is a jet black star filled night. Incredible.
But normally we are overwhelmed with stimuli. Television, radio, cell phones, the day to day things to be done.
I do not write this to say stop living. I use TV to help me deal with the nausea of RA. It is wonderful for days when I cannot hold even a kindle upright in my hands from pain. No, do not stop living. Instead, make your life alive.
Few could say I have an exciting, fulfilled life. Being a newlywed nurse who can neither work nor do many of the dating things she once did is a rather empty life in the standard of the world---especially if she is housebound and half bedbound. No, few would say that she was alive.
And yet, by the strength and grace of God, there are days and times in which I feel more life alive in me than before when I was working full time, going out on dates with my husband, visiting friends. The breath of the Spirit in us is true life, a hint of the eternal life we have started, but only complete, in a sense, when we are in Paradise.
Feeling alive while trapped and limited by disease is a desperate longing. So long as I try in a physical sense to be alive, I continue to be disappointed...trying to force myself to do things rarely works out well. Like many of us trying to do something alone, like battling sin and needing God's help after all, I have to have God to feel alive.
Read the Word, devour the gift sitting in your bookcase, let the words pour into every molecule of your soul. There are so many answers; help leaps from the pages to revitalize body, mind and soul.
One of my favorite Psalms, I believe it is 19, but my Bible is upstairs and my feet are hot and killing me, so I shan't go get it. Regardless, the verse in the Pslams goes to tell us how healing, quieting and uplifting the Lord is, by His laws statutes.
The world is noisy. Being a country girl, there is little I like better than a summer day, standing in the middle of a tree edged field, closing my eyes and enjoy the sound of the earth breathing. The trees rustling in the breeze; hot, bread-like smells rising from the field of grasses; ravens swooping and creaking coarsely above on the wind, playing in their own way. That is a silence that, while not silent, fills me with wonder at the Lord.
A similar glory fills me with wonder, and that is a jet black star filled night. Incredible.
But normally we are overwhelmed with stimuli. Television, radio, cell phones, the day to day things to be done.
I do not write this to say stop living. I use TV to help me deal with the nausea of RA. It is wonderful for days when I cannot hold even a kindle upright in my hands from pain. No, do not stop living. Instead, make your life alive.
Few could say I have an exciting, fulfilled life. Being a newlywed nurse who can neither work nor do many of the dating things she once did is a rather empty life in the standard of the world---especially if she is housebound and half bedbound. No, few would say that she was alive.
And yet, by the strength and grace of God, there are days and times in which I feel more life alive in me than before when I was working full time, going out on dates with my husband, visiting friends. The breath of the Spirit in us is true life, a hint of the eternal life we have started, but only complete, in a sense, when we are in Paradise.
Feeling alive while trapped and limited by disease is a desperate longing. So long as I try in a physical sense to be alive, I continue to be disappointed...trying to force myself to do things rarely works out well. Like many of us trying to do something alone, like battling sin and needing God's help after all, I have to have God to feel alive.
Read the Word, devour the gift sitting in your bookcase, let the words pour into every molecule of your soul. There are so many answers; help leaps from the pages to revitalize body, mind and soul.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
An Example of Fellowship
I have been trying to attend a Bible study every Wednesday morning. I've made it to quite a few, and desperately wanted to make it to today's. Despite my white face and building exhaustion, I tried.
Naturally within an hour nausea was also beginning to build, as well as the painful hot flush I get over my face. The study is two hours long, so after conferring about my health with my mother, prepared to leave....
We are charged in many portions of Scripture to be in fellowship with other believers. The Apostles ordered congregations with the encouraging, praying, loving and disciplining one another. People are, sadly, often weak at these behaviors alone, but when we have a relationship with Christ and the Father, we have His Spirit poured out on us, making such things a sign of His presence. (See 1 John for examples and suggestions to this end.)
Today I was blessed by such fellowship. As I left the leader for today caught me and prayed over me. As I walked through the hallway a fellow sister in the Spirit caught me to mention something I had said in the study----how my RA has taught me that I must release anger, fear, sadness, in other words sins, because they otherwise make my illness worse by making flares happen/worsen----but noticing I was leaving, prayed over me with two other women.
We need such fellowship. For one, I have been greatly encouraged by listening to those about me; many have been solid believers for longer than I have, and what knowledge and wisdom we can partake of from them! Further, especially as women, but men too,we need to be able to discuss the hard trials of life. Paul, if we think about it, mentioned the thorn in his side to a congregation...even though he had accepted his thorn, accepted that Christ's grace was sufficient, such acceptance still often means the thorn digs deeper at certain times.
It is foolishness to walk the earth alone in faith, to have no contact with other believers. Even our missionaries, when in a new place, can write in some manner to those above them at the organization, to home churches, to family and friends, and many seem to shortly find believers to cluster to. We do not expect our military members to have no contact with family at home...why should we expect to walk in faith with no contact with "family"?
God created us, man first you recall....and then said man should not be alone, making a help meet for the first man. I would imagine our fellow believers are very like that help meet.
I do believe that while I have slept a lot today, I do not feel as ill as I often do. Jesus listens to prayers, certainly, as I have found often in my life. Sometimes they are not answered right then, nor as we consider the right way. But, today, I have had an easier time than some days. I am grateful to the Lord for that, but also for the women who prayed with me and for me.
One person said to me that my RA was a blessing in a way. I, still crying softly from the prayers, wiped my eyes and replied that RA is one of the most extraordinary blessings and extraordinary curses. For I have the "time" to study the Word and the desperate need to lean on God's strength that in my pre RA days was there, but not always as overwhelming a need.
Take advantage of health to praise God, take advantage of illness to shout glory and honor, take advantage of the lack of time in many cultures to show God your love by refusing something in order to put Him first by having the time to spend with Him. Learn to think of God all day, to pray without ceasing. I write this to you, but also to myself.
Above other things, make certain fellowship with the Church happens in some order or manner. For a walk alone in faith can be done...but there is not much like having loving arms about you as others in your Bible study pray for you, giving you another glimpse at the overwhelming love of Christ for you, and knowing He whispers through them you are not alone even when you write a blog post late at night while the house sleeps.
Naturally within an hour nausea was also beginning to build, as well as the painful hot flush I get over my face. The study is two hours long, so after conferring about my health with my mother, prepared to leave....
We are charged in many portions of Scripture to be in fellowship with other believers. The Apostles ordered congregations with the encouraging, praying, loving and disciplining one another. People are, sadly, often weak at these behaviors alone, but when we have a relationship with Christ and the Father, we have His Spirit poured out on us, making such things a sign of His presence. (See 1 John for examples and suggestions to this end.)
Today I was blessed by such fellowship. As I left the leader for today caught me and prayed over me. As I walked through the hallway a fellow sister in the Spirit caught me to mention something I had said in the study----how my RA has taught me that I must release anger, fear, sadness, in other words sins, because they otherwise make my illness worse by making flares happen/worsen----but noticing I was leaving, prayed over me with two other women.
We need such fellowship. For one, I have been greatly encouraged by listening to those about me; many have been solid believers for longer than I have, and what knowledge and wisdom we can partake of from them! Further, especially as women, but men too,we need to be able to discuss the hard trials of life. Paul, if we think about it, mentioned the thorn in his side to a congregation...even though he had accepted his thorn, accepted that Christ's grace was sufficient, such acceptance still often means the thorn digs deeper at certain times.
It is foolishness to walk the earth alone in faith, to have no contact with other believers. Even our missionaries, when in a new place, can write in some manner to those above them at the organization, to home churches, to family and friends, and many seem to shortly find believers to cluster to. We do not expect our military members to have no contact with family at home...why should we expect to walk in faith with no contact with "family"?
God created us, man first you recall....and then said man should not be alone, making a help meet for the first man. I would imagine our fellow believers are very like that help meet.
I do believe that while I have slept a lot today, I do not feel as ill as I often do. Jesus listens to prayers, certainly, as I have found often in my life. Sometimes they are not answered right then, nor as we consider the right way. But, today, I have had an easier time than some days. I am grateful to the Lord for that, but also for the women who prayed with me and for me.
One person said to me that my RA was a blessing in a way. I, still crying softly from the prayers, wiped my eyes and replied that RA is one of the most extraordinary blessings and extraordinary curses. For I have the "time" to study the Word and the desperate need to lean on God's strength that in my pre RA days was there, but not always as overwhelming a need.
Take advantage of health to praise God, take advantage of illness to shout glory and honor, take advantage of the lack of time in many cultures to show God your love by refusing something in order to put Him first by having the time to spend with Him. Learn to think of God all day, to pray without ceasing. I write this to you, but also to myself.
Above other things, make certain fellowship with the Church happens in some order or manner. For a walk alone in faith can be done...but there is not much like having loving arms about you as others in your Bible study pray for you, giving you another glimpse at the overwhelming love of Christ for you, and knowing He whispers through them you are not alone even when you write a blog post late at night while the house sleeps.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
List of Sins
"Do not be afraid," Samuel said. "You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart." 1 Sam 12.20
I cannot imagine reading a list of sins I have committed. Every day little things that I have done, said or thought, every day occurrences of my sinning against God.
Sometimes, when we have sinned or realize our sins, we react in a manner similar to Adam and Eve. In other words, as God walks through the Garden in the cool of the evening, we huddle in the bushes, thinking He cannot see us. We hide as a child would with a stolen cookie, or after a broken dish.
We should not hide from our sins, for where will we go that God does not know? It is better to turn from them, confess and apologize to our Savior, and walk again in the Light.
How do we know that we are walking in the Light? 1 John 2 goes over this some, but in comparison, one should consider all the Scriptures. Have we been confronted by fellow believers for sins? Are we reading the Scripture and following it for what is written? Is our life following a life that was walked by Jesus? Overall, are we honoring God with our behaviors and thoughts?
Even with our sins, it says this in the Scripture:
"For the sake of His great Name the Lord was pleased to make you His own. As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. But be sure to fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all you heart; consider what great things He has done for you. Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will be swept away." 1 Sam 12.22
I cannot imagine reading a list of sins I have committed. Every day little things that I have done, said or thought, every day occurrences of my sinning against God.
Sometimes, when we have sinned or realize our sins, we react in a manner similar to Adam and Eve. In other words, as God walks through the Garden in the cool of the evening, we huddle in the bushes, thinking He cannot see us. We hide as a child would with a stolen cookie, or after a broken dish.
We should not hide from our sins, for where will we go that God does not know? It is better to turn from them, confess and apologize to our Savior, and walk again in the Light.
How do we know that we are walking in the Light? 1 John 2 goes over this some, but in comparison, one should consider all the Scriptures. Have we been confronted by fellow believers for sins? Are we reading the Scripture and following it for what is written? Is our life following a life that was walked by Jesus? Overall, are we honoring God with our behaviors and thoughts?
Even with our sins, it says this in the Scripture:
"For the sake of His great Name the Lord was pleased to make you His own. As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. But be sure to fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all you heart; consider what great things He has done for you. Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will be swept away." 1 Sam 12.22
RA Post: Just A Little Depression
I have been having a lot of ups and downs with my RA--flares for about 4 days, "health" for 3. I am trying so desperately to do something else with my life besides be home, struggling to do even the simplest things...things I used to do with ease, things that I did without contemplating the effort needed.
I have looked into the schooling I will likely need if ever I go back to nursing. Giving up nursing has to be one of the hardest things of RA. I so heart-wrenchingly do NOT want to stop...I figured I would manage to get enough control of RA, like someone with diabetes, that I could do more things and not have the worst sickness overwhelming me as I try. I stopped nursing nearly 2 years ago...and my time is nearly up for holding a license and not working. I was so sure that I would be "free" of RA, or have it under control, by now. It does not seem to be happening.
I want to help in my family. Take care of my family. Take care of others like I trained so hard to do. I spent two years working so hard in nursing school...and now it seems like such a waste of time. Worked so hard, and now I cannot seem to do it. I nearly wish that I had not bothered paying to keep my license this last year and already went to "inactive" status. While I could do so now...I am gripping so hard to not loose that slip of paper. Perhaps if I had already given up (and I could "reactivate" it) I would not feel so desperate to somehow manage to work as an RN. I so love nursing. I just cannot do it. And I hate the judgement from the world because I am not working.
If I had children, I would have some relaxation against not working...but as it is, the world sees me as a lazy person, who collects free money (which I don't). I worked so hard to be a nurse...and it has been ripped from my hands. I can't even drive a car on a day-to-day basis. How can I be a nurse? I can't drive to a job site. And as far as I have looked, no telecommunication job as a nurse will hire me because I only got to work a year as a nurse.
So I think I will go have a good cry...
I have looked into the schooling I will likely need if ever I go back to nursing. Giving up nursing has to be one of the hardest things of RA. I so heart-wrenchingly do NOT want to stop...I figured I would manage to get enough control of RA, like someone with diabetes, that I could do more things and not have the worst sickness overwhelming me as I try. I stopped nursing nearly 2 years ago...and my time is nearly up for holding a license and not working. I was so sure that I would be "free" of RA, or have it under control, by now. It does not seem to be happening.
I want to help in my family. Take care of my family. Take care of others like I trained so hard to do. I spent two years working so hard in nursing school...and now it seems like such a waste of time. Worked so hard, and now I cannot seem to do it. I nearly wish that I had not bothered paying to keep my license this last year and already went to "inactive" status. While I could do so now...I am gripping so hard to not loose that slip of paper. Perhaps if I had already given up (and I could "reactivate" it) I would not feel so desperate to somehow manage to work as an RN. I so love nursing. I just cannot do it. And I hate the judgement from the world because I am not working.
If I had children, I would have some relaxation against not working...but as it is, the world sees me as a lazy person, who collects free money (which I don't). I worked so hard to be a nurse...and it has been ripped from my hands. I can't even drive a car on a day-to-day basis. How can I be a nurse? I can't drive to a job site. And as far as I have looked, no telecommunication job as a nurse will hire me because I only got to work a year as a nurse.
So I think I will go have a good cry...
Monday, May 2, 2016
Don't Throw Rocks
Then they got rid of the foreign gods among them and served the Lord. And he could bear Israel's misery no longer. Judges 10.16
Here, in black and white, if we ever have doubt of God's concern for our lives, is a statement of His inability to bear watching suffering.
God's love is so intense, I cannot imagine the heartbreak that our sins cause Him. Here He is, Master of all, Teacher of all, King of kings, Lord of lords, Majesty upon majesty...and we wander about insulting His very Name with our profane mouths.
He cares so much for us that He decided, before time began, that He would have to be a living sacrifice. Even if we have to face hard trials, He is never away from us, especially if we walk as we should in the world.
In Judges 14.4, Samson is the topic...and he desired a Philistine woman as his wife. The family was distressed...but what is interesting is that it is said that God was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines. So while it was really actually sinful for him to take a foreign wife, God had plans for it. I imagine, then, that in our sins, and in our trials, God has glorious uses for them. We might not see it...but think of the people you know. How many, when you know they have faced a certain trial, become a lighthouse when you face the same thing? They become a person to help (although only with God is the help full) us through trials, to know we are not alone in such things. Then, you see, the lighthouse now is greatly useful because of what the Lord guided her through.
I find these verses, scattered throughout Judges as looking at our world through a magnifying glass:
In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit. Judges 21.25
This world shouts such words at us daily: everyone should get to do what they feel is right. It just doesn't work that way. If we are not focusing on God to the nth degree, we are easily manipulated by the world. We must watch ourselves, keep worldly things at a distance so we are not tempted from God's side. For then, like Peter, we will fall beneath the waves---and the more we sin, the longer we do not focus on God, the deeper beneath the waves we become.
God wishes us to be in communion with Him. He made each of us, and walks with us...let us not throw rocks at our King, but instead cry with shouts of joy at His presence, doing as He sees fit.
Here, in black and white, if we ever have doubt of God's concern for our lives, is a statement of His inability to bear watching suffering.
God's love is so intense, I cannot imagine the heartbreak that our sins cause Him. Here He is, Master of all, Teacher of all, King of kings, Lord of lords, Majesty upon majesty...and we wander about insulting His very Name with our profane mouths.
He cares so much for us that He decided, before time began, that He would have to be a living sacrifice. Even if we have to face hard trials, He is never away from us, especially if we walk as we should in the world.
In Judges 14.4, Samson is the topic...and he desired a Philistine woman as his wife. The family was distressed...but what is interesting is that it is said that God was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines. So while it was really actually sinful for him to take a foreign wife, God had plans for it. I imagine, then, that in our sins, and in our trials, God has glorious uses for them. We might not see it...but think of the people you know. How many, when you know they have faced a certain trial, become a lighthouse when you face the same thing? They become a person to help (although only with God is the help full) us through trials, to know we are not alone in such things. Then, you see, the lighthouse now is greatly useful because of what the Lord guided her through.
I find these verses, scattered throughout Judges as looking at our world through a magnifying glass:
In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit. Judges 21.25
This world shouts such words at us daily: everyone should get to do what they feel is right. It just doesn't work that way. If we are not focusing on God to the nth degree, we are easily manipulated by the world. We must watch ourselves, keep worldly things at a distance so we are not tempted from God's side. For then, like Peter, we will fall beneath the waves---and the more we sin, the longer we do not focus on God, the deeper beneath the waves we become.
God wishes us to be in communion with Him. He made each of us, and walks with us...let us not throw rocks at our King, but instead cry with shouts of joy at His presence, doing as He sees fit.
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RA Awareness Day
