On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”
4 “Woman,[a] why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”
5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”
6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[b]
7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.
8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”
They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine.
He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had
drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and
said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper
wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the
best till now.”
11 What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him. John 2 NIV
Just a bit on Jewish wedding culture, since I have yet to put out my bridal posts. Jewish weddings are celebrated for seven days--a huge party with as many people as possible crowded together celebrating the bride and groom. Imagine doing such a thing today.
As another interesting thing, I can tell you that this bride was most certainly a virgin. The wedding day was on a Wednesday, the day in which virgins got married. Previously married women might get married on Thursday. The reason for this was that if the groom found his bride to not be a virgin, and wished to complain against her, he could because there would be time before shabbat. Thursday did not allow the time needed, and, of course, no one could expect a widow to be a virgin.
Further,
there would be these water jars because of the wine. Water was used
extensively when wine was on the scene. Drunkenness was never acceptable
by Torah law, though any who drink will tell you that they feel some
effect with the first drink, therefore the cheaper wine was brought out
after the better wine had done its job and made the festivities a bit on
the tipsy side.
Wine, however, was watered down in all
cases---though I would expect that any who could afford or were less
scrupulous with the Law, probably did not water down the wine. On the
other hand, it is known that watering down wine today enhances the
flavor of the wine ( New York Times ).
Wine
watered down stretched all the further, and it had some benefits for
the water. The low alcohol level killed off most bacteria, at a ratio of
20:1 or 4:1, depending on the account, allowing the non-so-clean water
to be cleaner yet. While the Jews followed the laws on what water to
use, this process still would assist in maintaining the health of the
water. (Wine Speculator; ) (Wine In The Ancient World )( Fermented or Unfermented)
Barker
makes the point that the translation of alcohol in the Word comes from
the word oinos, which means "grape juice" or "wine", depending on which
the person was speaking on. Ancient articles from Roman times, including
Pliny the Elder, describe in great detail how to store grape juice to
NOT ferment, as well as preventing too much fermentation from occurring
in wines kept. ( Wine in Ancient World )(Wine History,( Forum )
It was consider a social disaster to run out of wine at a wedding. So Jesus' mother goes to Him, which suggests that she was likely a relative of the bride or groom, and states that they have no more wine. Disaster! ( GotQuestions )
Christ's answer seems, perhaps, rude. "Woman" in today's society is often a putdown, a dehumanizing statement. It is more like saying "Madam" in this culture and time. It is a title, it is honorable, and it is certainly not a rude statement. His question of what does this have to do with me and then that His hour has not come might refer to the timeline of His public works--since His active work begins in the next section.(GotQuestions ) Mack suggests that His question and His answer have a way of separating Himself away as a son, that He must leave all behind.( Mack ) Mary is really only mentioned a few times during the Gospels--the times I can remember are the beginning, the wedding scene here, in Matt 12.46-50, when Jesus is told His mother and brothers want to see Him (thinking He had lost His mind), and at His death, when He left John to care for His mother.
The large washing jars were important to Jewish culture--everything demanded cleanliness. Jews were required to wash before meals, wash dishes, and in general be clean. Much as Christ took over the servant's job and washed the feet of His disciples, so did everyone wash the dirt, dust and mud from their feet. Sandals, which were little more than leather tied to one's foot, were not much protection against dust and mud. Then, before meals, between courses (!) one would wash their hands.
Christ ordered the jars filled, then to take a dipper to the master of the banquet. I, like Mack, find this humorous. It was common in pagan temples to use "trick" jars to turn water into wine, so Christ doing so, without touching the jars, is amazing and also quite funny. Somewhat like Aaron's snake eating the Egyptians' sorcerers' snakes. (Mack )
The wine Christ made was taken to the master of the banquet, who called to the Groom (as you recall, his family is required to have enough wine for the wedding banquet) and praised the wine's flavor.
This is the first of seven miracles listed in John's writings.
Rheumatoid Awareness
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Deeper Look into John 1.43-51
43 The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. Finding Philip, he said to him, “Follow me.”44 Philip, like Andrew and Peter, was from the town of Bethsaida. 45 Philip found Nathanael and told him, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.”46 “Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael asked.“Come and see,” said Philip.47 When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.”48 “How do you know me?” Nathanael asked.Jesus answered, “I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you.”49 Then Nathanael declared, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the king of Israel.”50 Jesus said, “You believe[h] because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You will see greater things than that.” 51 He then added, “Very truly I tell you,[i] you[j] will see ‘heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on’[k] the Son of Man.” John 1 NIV
I never really paid much attention to this passage before now. It was important, of course, that Christ had gathered followers, but the depth to what was happening in these verses meant little to me. I read them, hurrying on to the "deeper" sections of the Gospels.
At the opening here we see that Christ came across another person, Phillip, and asked him to join Him. This is the same invitation to become a student of Christ as we saw in our last Deeper John post. This was the common approach of teachers, and it was expected that any teacher would gather about him a body of talmidim. (Mack)
Phillip jumps onto the bandwagon, leaving only to go find Nathaniel. Upon finding Nathaniel, he tells him that the Messiah is found! Nathaniel is not impressed at all by the knowledge that Jesus comes from Nazareth--but it is intriguing that Phillip wisely does not argue with him, but requests he come and see for himself. A technique that would be beneficial for us to remember; it is never wise to try and force someone to believe something. It is better to challenge the person's thinking and make them answer questions and look for answers.
The shunning of anything good coming from Nazareth was because of the location. The town Sepphoris was nearby which held Roman soldiers. It should have--this was the site Herod Anipas chose for his capital, the "ornament of all Galilee". The town of Nazareth was well known for the splash over decadence and sin of being so close to a large group of Gentiles. (Mack; BiblePlaces )
Understandable, then, that Nathaniel held the place in some amount of contempt. Jay Mack makes the pun that it would be like saying the Messiah came from Sin City (Las Vegas). Pretty hysterical thought, really.
An interesting side note: I keep finding that God does this. He calls people, leaders, out of the same places that have been cursed. For example, the Tower of Babel as located in the plains of Shinar, and, as we know, the people were punished for being sinful against God, something that could take me at least two blog posts to explain well. The people were scattered, a sinful place fell. Abram[ham] was called from Ur, which was in the plains of Shinar. God is so awesome.
So here the Messiah comes from a fallen town, that no glory of the town might cling to Him.
Next, Nathaniel meets Christ. I have always thought what He said was strange: “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.” What does that mean? It makes sense in the full context, the full conversation
When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.”48 “How do you know me?” Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, “I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you.”49 Then Nathanael declared, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the king of Israel.”50 Jesus said, “You believe[h] because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You will see greater things than that.” 51 He then added, “Very truly I tell you,[i] you[j] will see ‘heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on’[k] the Son of Man.
Jews then and now are to memorize large amounts of Scripture. More so then, as few would be able to afford a book, and if they did, it would be unlikely that they took it outside with them. Especially the Word. Vear points out that He does not greet Nathaniel by name, but calls him an Israelite--the first to be called Israel, of course, was Jacob; and that Jacob left home because of one act of deceit; now stands a descendant of Jacob and one with no deceit. p 97-98.
Jay Mack(JN) suggests that Nathaniel had been meditating on Gen 28 NIV, where Jacob fell asleep at Beersheba, and saw the angels going up and down stairs to Heaven. Jesus says He saw Nathaniel while he sat under a fig tree; tradition said that if a man meditated on the Word under a fig tree, he would have a better understanding of it, and because of this some rabbis taught under fig trees. How could Christ have guessed that that was where Nathaniel had been? There is a whole world out there! And how could He guess what he had been studying on?
Christ also makes a huge point. He uses Nathaniel's latest meditation on the angels coming up and down on the stairs of Heaven, but He makes a huge point. He says that the angels of God will ascend and descend on the Son of Man (Himself!) , because:( Vear 97-98)
6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. Jn 14 NIV
Since Christ knew where he had been, what he had been doing, Nathaniel could hardly think anything but that Christ was who He was.
I never really paid much attention to this passage before now. It was important, of course, that Christ had gathered followers, but the depth to what was happening in these verses meant little to me. I read them, hurrying on to the "deeper" sections of the Gospels.
At the opening here we see that Christ came across another person, Phillip, and asked him to join Him. This is the same invitation to become a student of Christ as we saw in our last Deeper John post. This was the common approach of teachers, and it was expected that any teacher would gather about him a body of talmidim. (Mack)
Phillip jumps onto the bandwagon, leaving only to go find Nathaniel. Upon finding Nathaniel, he tells him that the Messiah is found! Nathaniel is not impressed at all by the knowledge that Jesus comes from Nazareth--but it is intriguing that Phillip wisely does not argue with him, but requests he come and see for himself. A technique that would be beneficial for us to remember; it is never wise to try and force someone to believe something. It is better to challenge the person's thinking and make them answer questions and look for answers.
The shunning of anything good coming from Nazareth was because of the location. The town Sepphoris was nearby which held Roman soldiers. It should have--this was the site Herod Anipas chose for his capital, the "ornament of all Galilee". The town of Nazareth was well known for the splash over decadence and sin of being so close to a large group of Gentiles. (Mack; BiblePlaces )
Understandable, then, that Nathaniel held the place in some amount of contempt. Jay Mack makes the pun that it would be like saying the Messiah came from Sin City (Las Vegas). Pretty hysterical thought, really.
An interesting side note: I keep finding that God does this. He calls people, leaders, out of the same places that have been cursed. For example, the Tower of Babel as located in the plains of Shinar, and, as we know, the people were punished for being sinful against God, something that could take me at least two blog posts to explain well. The people were scattered, a sinful place fell. Abram[ham] was called from Ur, which was in the plains of Shinar. God is so awesome.
So here the Messiah comes from a fallen town, that no glory of the town might cling to Him.
Next, Nathaniel meets Christ. I have always thought what He said was strange: “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.” What does that mean? It makes sense in the full context, the full conversation
When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.”48 “How do you know me?” Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, “I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you.”49 Then Nathanael declared, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the king of Israel.”50 Jesus said, “You believe[h] because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You will see greater things than that.” 51 He then added, “Very truly I tell you,[i] you[j] will see ‘heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on’[k] the Son of Man.
Jews then and now are to memorize large amounts of Scripture. More so then, as few would be able to afford a book, and if they did, it would be unlikely that they took it outside with them. Especially the Word. Vear points out that He does not greet Nathaniel by name, but calls him an Israelite--the first to be called Israel, of course, was Jacob; and that Jacob left home because of one act of deceit; now stands a descendant of Jacob and one with no deceit. p 97-98.
Jay Mack(JN) suggests that Nathaniel had been meditating on Gen 28 NIV, where Jacob fell asleep at Beersheba, and saw the angels going up and down stairs to Heaven. Jesus says He saw Nathaniel while he sat under a fig tree; tradition said that if a man meditated on the Word under a fig tree, he would have a better understanding of it, and because of this some rabbis taught under fig trees. How could Christ have guessed that that was where Nathaniel had been? There is a whole world out there! And how could He guess what he had been studying on?
Christ also makes a huge point. He uses Nathaniel's latest meditation on the angels coming up and down on the stairs of Heaven, but He makes a huge point. He says that the angels of God will ascend and descend on the Son of Man (Himself!) , because:( Vear 97-98)
6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. Jn 14 NIV
Since Christ knew where he had been, what he had been doing, Nathaniel could hardly think anything but that Christ was who He was.
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
Sobs in the Night
I can't cry with RA. Or, it is not that I cannot, it is that I SHOULD not. If I cry, I will be sicker. I will hurt worse, and will face terrible nausea. Light, sounds and smells become insults added to injury. Voices echo and hurt my body, someone drops something in the house and it is as if they hit me with a hammer. Crying is something to avoid at all costs.
But life gets to be too much. Especially with chronic illness. Especially to a driven, academically inclined soul who would give nearly anything to be at work as a nurse, in school, and with some children floating about in her life. Life just gets to be too much, and the floodgates won't hold back another sob.
Sobs in the night are common for me. Night is when things look the bleakest, when fears about my health and the future settle in to torment me, delaying the sleep that my aching, fevered body needs. Crying at night saves my family from seeing me break again and having to support me (everyone needs a break from caregiving). So sobs are common in the night.
This last week and a half has been so difficult. I just don't feel good, every meal is a chance at feeling ten times worse as food is just too much for my body to handle on top of killing of joint and eye cells. I am leading a Bible study video series which is pulling all my energy out leaving me more tired and more ill. Work has been too hard to get to with the added work of a study. So I lost it last night, and cried harder than I have in years. I finally sat on the floor hugging a load of clean laundry that has been sitting for months, not put away because I've been too sick to care whether it was ever put away. I cried and cried and cried, pouring out the misery I have been saving up. I cried so hard for the things I miss, things I see every day that other young women do with ease. I cried for the dreams that I keep putting aside, figuring to never see them.
The thing is...this is the first time I have ever cried like that, cried so hard that my stomach kept turning over, and felt what I felt. God was with me. I wasn't the sad woman, crying alone on the floor with her not-put-up laundry, refusing to wake her family to witness her woe. I was the sad woman crying on the floor with her laundry NOT alone. God was with me. I was intensely aware of His presence and Spirit as I cried so hard. Normally I feel completely alone, down an empty well even. But He was there, watching me cry, knowing how badly I hurt from all these missing things in my life. He was there, never leaving my side as I mourned these things. He watched the tears fall, the muffled sobs cry out, and He stood watch over me. And it was if He looked at me and said: "These things that are lost are worth it. You cannot see it now, but it is so very worth it. Hold on. Hold on." It was if I got the message out of Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis. Lucy and the others are lost in a nightmare land..and at the darkest moment, Lucy asks Aslan to do something. And his answer was to send a bird with the message "Courage, dear heart."
Nothing was actually said to me. No words actually said, I want that very clear. And I didn't see Him. But He was with me as I cried so very hard. The depth of comfort from Him was more than I have ever had...with a strange...soldierly affect to it. The commanding General, watching a wounded soldier, yet pleased with the efforts of the soldier. The King watching His servant, glad of the efforts put forth--saddened in a way by the distress, but all the same, a leader.
Whether this happened really or my overactive imagination, it all lines up with the Word. .
25For whoever wants to save their lifef will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? 27For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done Mt 16
I sometimes feel as though Satan is dangling a carrot before me. Look, see? If you take this, I will heal you. You can have the life you want. Children, nursing career, education. Every time I say I would do almost anything to be well, it is that which I am cutting off. Never would I bow to him. If I gained my health, my dreams of children, homelife, nursing career, education and lost my soul to darkness, what good would that be? I would be "happy" now, and tormented later. Was Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived happy with his life, his wealth and wishes? No--Ecclesiastes is written with the words "pointless" over and over again.
Thinking of the fact that Christ is the Commander in Chief, the General, the King, made me think of the 5 crowns that we are given at the end of ages. We are, basically, given honor, medals if you will, for what we did on earth. I can't imagine being worthy enough to have such a thing, but imagine if you will that all the hard things that you go through are worth something. Something is being achieved, even if it is "just" for our own selves.
5 Crowns of Honor
Don't start to think about earning crowns. Somehow, reading the verses and descriptions of the crowns it seems that the crowns are won by actions often unknown. Keeping the faith of God alive against all odds, stepping into an area that makes you uncomfortable but you are driven into going, loving God so much---but doing all these things for the SAKE of God, never the sake of medals and honor. After all, we toss these crowns we earn at God's feet, wanting to give to Him all the glory and honor, and giving the only gift we have: Ourselves.
But life gets to be too much. Especially with chronic illness. Especially to a driven, academically inclined soul who would give nearly anything to be at work as a nurse, in school, and with some children floating about in her life. Life just gets to be too much, and the floodgates won't hold back another sob.
Sobs in the night are common for me. Night is when things look the bleakest, when fears about my health and the future settle in to torment me, delaying the sleep that my aching, fevered body needs. Crying at night saves my family from seeing me break again and having to support me (everyone needs a break from caregiving). So sobs are common in the night.
This last week and a half has been so difficult. I just don't feel good, every meal is a chance at feeling ten times worse as food is just too much for my body to handle on top of killing of joint and eye cells. I am leading a Bible study video series which is pulling all my energy out leaving me more tired and more ill. Work has been too hard to get to with the added work of a study. So I lost it last night, and cried harder than I have in years. I finally sat on the floor hugging a load of clean laundry that has been sitting for months, not put away because I've been too sick to care whether it was ever put away. I cried and cried and cried, pouring out the misery I have been saving up. I cried so hard for the things I miss, things I see every day that other young women do with ease. I cried for the dreams that I keep putting aside, figuring to never see them.
The thing is...this is the first time I have ever cried like that, cried so hard that my stomach kept turning over, and felt what I felt. God was with me. I wasn't the sad woman, crying alone on the floor with her not-put-up laundry, refusing to wake her family to witness her woe. I was the sad woman crying on the floor with her laundry NOT alone. God was with me. I was intensely aware of His presence and Spirit as I cried so hard. Normally I feel completely alone, down an empty well even. But He was there, watching me cry, knowing how badly I hurt from all these missing things in my life. He was there, never leaving my side as I mourned these things. He watched the tears fall, the muffled sobs cry out, and He stood watch over me. And it was if He looked at me and said: "These things that are lost are worth it. You cannot see it now, but it is so very worth it. Hold on. Hold on." It was if I got the message out of Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis. Lucy and the others are lost in a nightmare land..and at the darkest moment, Lucy asks Aslan to do something. And his answer was to send a bird with the message "Courage, dear heart."
Nothing was actually said to me. No words actually said, I want that very clear. And I didn't see Him. But He was with me as I cried so very hard. The depth of comfort from Him was more than I have ever had...with a strange...soldierly affect to it. The commanding General, watching a wounded soldier, yet pleased with the efforts of the soldier. The King watching His servant, glad of the efforts put forth--saddened in a way by the distress, but all the same, a leader.
Whether this happened really or my overactive imagination, it all lines up with the Word. .
25For whoever wants to save their lifef will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? 27For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done Mt 16
I sometimes feel as though Satan is dangling a carrot before me. Look, see? If you take this, I will heal you. You can have the life you want. Children, nursing career, education. Every time I say I would do almost anything to be well, it is that which I am cutting off. Never would I bow to him. If I gained my health, my dreams of children, homelife, nursing career, education and lost my soul to darkness, what good would that be? I would be "happy" now, and tormented later. Was Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived happy with his life, his wealth and wishes? No--Ecclesiastes is written with the words "pointless" over and over again.
Thinking of the fact that Christ is the Commander in Chief, the General, the King, made me think of the 5 crowns that we are given at the end of ages. We are, basically, given honor, medals if you will, for what we did on earth. I can't imagine being worthy enough to have such a thing, but imagine if you will that all the hard things that you go through are worth something. Something is being achieved, even if it is "just" for our own selves.
5 Crowns of Honor
Don't start to think about earning crowns. Somehow, reading the verses and descriptions of the crowns it seems that the crowns are won by actions often unknown. Keeping the faith of God alive against all odds, stepping into an area that makes you uncomfortable but you are driven into going, loving God so much---but doing all these things for the SAKE of God, never the sake of medals and honor. After all, we toss these crowns we earn at God's feet, wanting to give to Him all the glory and honor, and giving the only gift we have: Ourselves.
Thursday, February 1, 2018
Why Doesn't God DO Something?
Someone who is also chronically ill, and has a problem with God over this illness asked me "Why doesn't God DO something?!". It was over a text message, which makes answering such a question difficult--so I have delayed my answer.
Really, though, even for me, this is a tough question. The person is angry at God for allowing her to be sick, and to have a disease that will kill her, and after being told for years by others that she would be healed if only she believed enough, and so she is so bitter against God that she honestly doesn't even want to go to Heaven.
I feel at a loss as to what to say. Nothing said, of course, can turn someone's head. We are not so much like horses with bridles that we can turn other people's heads.
I guess that, for me, I feel so much better clutching God's hand that it doesn't matter too much if I am sick. I hate being sick, and it will probably kill me, too, someday. I hate the limitations, the cursed-half life, missing out on having children, a career, normal daily activities...but then there is God. Someone to cry out to in the night, Someone to ask questions of, Someone who loves ME all the time, and never, ever leaves me alone. Someone who is so powerfully full of love.
I guess that the time I spent with anxiety, depression and eating disorders solidified my love for God--or rather, really, the Love that HE had for me. I always doted upon God, leaning on Him as a pre-teen with friend issues, but it wasn't until I spent time praying through every bite of food that entered my mouth that I really began to see the love of God. He never left me alone during one of the worst experiences I had in my life. He was there, walking beside me as I paced in panic attacks, giving me peace as I begged the panic attacks to stop. He was there at night when I was depressed and terrified and didn't want to wake up my mother for assistance. I learned then that God was reliable. I learned then that God was unchanging. I learned then that God was powerful, and could heal you, sometimes through the work of your own effort.
Then, I had a fiance who broke his hold on God. He challenged every verse , saying it wasn't Hebrew--or it wasn't Greek. My faith wobbled the worst that it ever had, and so I read the entire Bible (I did skip Psalms) as I searched for the one verse that would prove a point to myself. I read harder and faster then than I ever had. I hit Col 1.15-19; and it was the final blow to a hot sword, giving me the last needed weapon for my faith. This was truth, God was truth, nothing was wrong with what I had thought of God--it was all truth. This was the last sword needed for me to take on the next battle: chronic illness stripping me away from me.
How do I answer someone who hates God for their illness when I love God for being there with me with my illness---with everything I have faced? To another it is so eclectic to tell them that God is with me, and that is generally enough; only on the sickest, worst days do I mutter why can't I be healed too?
Part of life is being molded into the Creation we were supposed to be. We are born wicked, sinful creatures, a glimmer of who and what we should have been. Our bodies are full of genetic mistakes--I've taken Anatomy and Physiology, we really shouldn't age, get sick, or die. I can see how easy it would be to not have aged or died in the Beginning. So we enter this world wrong, and we leave it wrong. Yet hopefully, spiritually, we have nearly met the goal by the end of our lives.
I wish that God would heal me. I really do. I despise being sick, and there are so many days that, regardless of what works God is handing me during this time, I just don't want to do this any more. I;m tired of hurting, feeling sick, weighing activities and my energy level and my nausea level to see if I can do it. I'm tired of people judging me, not believing me when I say I am so sick at times. I hate the looks in others' eyes when I say I am sick. Those few who do see me when I am bad are so concerned for me that it is a warm blanket of comfort.
I digress. Answering this question has bugged me now for a week and a half. The only thing I can think of is speaking of the above, the times God didn't leave me, and that the strength He gives me is worth more than gold. Yet if this person isn't saved there probably wouldn't be any sensation of God being there, holding onto one as one struggles against the world and the illnesses of it.
The other thing I can think of is agreeing the Joni Eareckson Tada, who said that I may not be healed here and now, but I will someday, and that matches the pray and you will receive verse that people sometimes-unhelpfully-throw at you when you are sick.
The other thing I can think of is Paul, of all people. If Paul of all people was not healed it seems to me that sometimes, for often unknown reasons, God says no. I seem to be being given a no, and being pushed into doing things for God that I never would have considered in a million years.
How would you answer the question? How does anyone answer it?
Really, though, even for me, this is a tough question. The person is angry at God for allowing her to be sick, and to have a disease that will kill her, and after being told for years by others that she would be healed if only she believed enough, and so she is so bitter against God that she honestly doesn't even want to go to Heaven.
I feel at a loss as to what to say. Nothing said, of course, can turn someone's head. We are not so much like horses with bridles that we can turn other people's heads.
I guess that, for me, I feel so much better clutching God's hand that it doesn't matter too much if I am sick. I hate being sick, and it will probably kill me, too, someday. I hate the limitations, the cursed-half life, missing out on having children, a career, normal daily activities...but then there is God. Someone to cry out to in the night, Someone to ask questions of, Someone who loves ME all the time, and never, ever leaves me alone. Someone who is so powerfully full of love.
I guess that the time I spent with anxiety, depression and eating disorders solidified my love for God--or rather, really, the Love that HE had for me. I always doted upon God, leaning on Him as a pre-teen with friend issues, but it wasn't until I spent time praying through every bite of food that entered my mouth that I really began to see the love of God. He never left me alone during one of the worst experiences I had in my life. He was there, walking beside me as I paced in panic attacks, giving me peace as I begged the panic attacks to stop. He was there at night when I was depressed and terrified and didn't want to wake up my mother for assistance. I learned then that God was reliable. I learned then that God was unchanging. I learned then that God was powerful, and could heal you, sometimes through the work of your own effort.
Then, I had a fiance who broke his hold on God. He challenged every verse , saying it wasn't Hebrew--or it wasn't Greek. My faith wobbled the worst that it ever had, and so I read the entire Bible (I did skip Psalms) as I searched for the one verse that would prove a point to myself. I read harder and faster then than I ever had. I hit Col 1.15-19; and it was the final blow to a hot sword, giving me the last needed weapon for my faith. This was truth, God was truth, nothing was wrong with what I had thought of God--it was all truth. This was the last sword needed for me to take on the next battle: chronic illness stripping me away from me.
How do I answer someone who hates God for their illness when I love God for being there with me with my illness---with everything I have faced? To another it is so eclectic to tell them that God is with me, and that is generally enough; only on the sickest, worst days do I mutter why can't I be healed too?
Part of life is being molded into the Creation we were supposed to be. We are born wicked, sinful creatures, a glimmer of who and what we should have been. Our bodies are full of genetic mistakes--I've taken Anatomy and Physiology, we really shouldn't age, get sick, or die. I can see how easy it would be to not have aged or died in the Beginning. So we enter this world wrong, and we leave it wrong. Yet hopefully, spiritually, we have nearly met the goal by the end of our lives.
I wish that God would heal me. I really do. I despise being sick, and there are so many days that, regardless of what works God is handing me during this time, I just don't want to do this any more. I;m tired of hurting, feeling sick, weighing activities and my energy level and my nausea level to see if I can do it. I'm tired of people judging me, not believing me when I say I am so sick at times. I hate the looks in others' eyes when I say I am sick. Those few who do see me when I am bad are so concerned for me that it is a warm blanket of comfort.
I digress. Answering this question has bugged me now for a week and a half. The only thing I can think of is speaking of the above, the times God didn't leave me, and that the strength He gives me is worth more than gold. Yet if this person isn't saved there probably wouldn't be any sensation of God being there, holding onto one as one struggles against the world and the illnesses of it.
The other thing I can think of is agreeing the Joni Eareckson Tada, who said that I may not be healed here and now, but I will someday, and that matches the pray and you will receive verse that people sometimes-unhelpfully-throw at you when you are sick.
The other thing I can think of is Paul, of all people. If Paul of all people was not healed it seems to me that sometimes, for often unknown reasons, God says no. I seem to be being given a no, and being pushed into doing things for God that I never would have considered in a million years.
How would you answer the question? How does anyone answer it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
RA Awareness Day
