Here's an interesting subject. Who was this?
"Simon Peter and another disciple were following Jesus. Because this disciple was known to the High Priest, he went with Jesus into the High Priest's courtyard, but Peter had to wait outside the door. The other disciple, who was known to the High Priest, came back, spoke to the girl on duty there and brought Peter in." John 18.15-16
James Stalker, in "The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ", suggests with his sources that this disciple, who went right in with Jesus, was John.
As John rarely speaks of himself in name--calling himself the one Jesus loved etc., it seems likely to me.
If you think about it, really only the closest to Jesus seemed to be the ones the most determined to be with him...even with Peter's denying of Christ. It would seem that the unnamed disciple would have to be John, Andrew or James...and my bet is on John.
It is John, after all, who stood at the base of the cross while his Savior died before his very eyes. Imagine that. Imagine you are there right now...this brave, wonderful, miraculous man is dying for your every day sins before your very eyes. Blood is dried on his face and body from the scourging, blood drips from his wrists and feet, either straight onto the cursed ground (if one considers the ground cursed for accepting Abel's blood) or along the rough beam of wood. The poor, sinless man lifts Himself up on the cross with every breath, more blood pouring from His wounds with every movement...His body systems collapsing one by one as precious blood vanishes from the body.
John stood and watched this...along with a group of other followers and women, according to the accounts of the four gospels.(It should be said that there are variances between the accounts, yet I believe the four as law, as none say that the person(s) were elsewhere).
Whether the disciple was John or not, the accounts of His trials and death should be looked at slowly and with scrutiny. For when you really slow down, use good authors and learned people to help you as well as (most important) the Spirit, it is then that the enormity of what really happened on the hill of Golgatha hits one hardest
.
All glory and honor and majesty to our Lord and Savior. My God, my King, my Rock. Praise be to You among all the nations.
Rheumatoid Awareness
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
The Wickedness
"But for the last one hundred years or so it has been increasingly true of religious questions also: it is becoming evident that everything gets along without "God", and just as well as before. As in the scientific field, so in human affairs generally, what we call "God" is being more and more edged out of life, and losing more and more ground. Catholic and Protestants historians are agreed that it is this development that the great defection from God, from Christ, is to be discerned, and the more they bring in and make use of God and Christ in opposition to this trend, the more the trend itself considers itself to be anti-Christian".
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, 'Letters and Papers from Prison', Macmillian books, 1953, pg 195
I love the way Bonhoeffer writes. Since I also love Anne Frank's diary---I wonder if it is something about German writers...having only read the two authors, I will need to find out.
What he says in the paragraph above hits the nail squarely on the head! I adore science, always have. I have checked out science books from the library ever since I had a library card. I read scholarly journals for fun. But. (!) But I have always thought science was one thing that created a large problem. It gives people the greatest "excuse" of not believing in God. Look how this small bit of dirt became man! Well, it did, just not in the manner we should believe.
Certainly humans have always looked for excused to not believe. Read the Bible! Yet arguing against science is one of the more difficult arguments to make when the other believes in evolution or other scientific theories. While many theories "hold water" , others leak like a rusty sieve.
I have had to make speeches in class that, by the newest "research", proved the professor wrong. Not even by choice (to argue at the teacher), but by blatant research.
Science is incredibly changeable. Yearly, or even monthly, science retracts what it has taught.
"The fool says in his heart, "there is no God." They are corrupt, and their ways are vile; there is no one who does good." Ps 53.1
In my short life, I have not found God changeable. He is what He is, who He is, and that is that. When you read the Old Testament you will discover that there are passages upon passages that speak of His love for us. True, He expected us to be holy (and to ask His help in that, I believe) in the Old Testament, but so does He ask that of us in the New (which of course I cannot find the exact verse I want. I hate that). Science, for me, shows the depths (and the shallowest of depths at that!) of God's glorious creation. The amazing impossibilities that surround us every day. Standing outside, looking about me at the world fills me with wonder at God's hand.
"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" Ps 8.3-4 (the passage goes on to explain the worth of man to God).
God is who He is. The world attempts to shove Him out of existence by their many tricks of anti-religion, forcing sinful unholy behavior upon us, and the list goes on. We must stand firm in our faith in God, and if ever we feel it wavering in a weak moment...cry out to Him. Ask Him for strength and peace. While I may not be cured of RA regardless of asking (at this moment), I have never had Him refuse the gifts of strength and peace when I ask for it---in my recollection.
Grace and peace be among you:
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matt 28.19-20
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, 'Letters and Papers from Prison', Macmillian books, 1953, pg 195
I love the way Bonhoeffer writes. Since I also love Anne Frank's diary---I wonder if it is something about German writers...having only read the two authors, I will need to find out.
What he says in the paragraph above hits the nail squarely on the head! I adore science, always have. I have checked out science books from the library ever since I had a library card. I read scholarly journals for fun. But. (!) But I have always thought science was one thing that created a large problem. It gives people the greatest "excuse" of not believing in God. Look how this small bit of dirt became man! Well, it did, just not in the manner we should believe.
Certainly humans have always looked for excused to not believe. Read the Bible! Yet arguing against science is one of the more difficult arguments to make when the other believes in evolution or other scientific theories. While many theories "hold water" , others leak like a rusty sieve.
I have had to make speeches in class that, by the newest "research", proved the professor wrong. Not even by choice (to argue at the teacher), but by blatant research.
Science is incredibly changeable. Yearly, or even monthly, science retracts what it has taught.
"The fool says in his heart, "there is no God." They are corrupt, and their ways are vile; there is no one who does good." Ps 53.1
In my short life, I have not found God changeable. He is what He is, who He is, and that is that. When you read the Old Testament you will discover that there are passages upon passages that speak of His love for us. True, He expected us to be holy (and to ask His help in that, I believe) in the Old Testament, but so does He ask that of us in the New (which of course I cannot find the exact verse I want. I hate that). Science, for me, shows the depths (and the shallowest of depths at that!) of God's glorious creation. The amazing impossibilities that surround us every day. Standing outside, looking about me at the world fills me with wonder at God's hand.
"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" Ps 8.3-4 (the passage goes on to explain the worth of man to God).
God is who He is. The world attempts to shove Him out of existence by their many tricks of anti-religion, forcing sinful unholy behavior upon us, and the list goes on. We must stand firm in our faith in God, and if ever we feel it wavering in a weak moment...cry out to Him. Ask Him for strength and peace. While I may not be cured of RA regardless of asking (at this moment), I have never had Him refuse the gifts of strength and peace when I ask for it---in my recollection.
Grace and peace be among you:
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matt 28.19-20
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
RA Post: Terrible
I really don't feel well. I did get up and wander out to the garden...but I am so tired, so sweaty from the on-and-off RA fevers, and waves of nausea. I am so tired of this battle...and ironically, the medical world tells you "you will get used to it." No. No one gets used to this. No one gets used to this kind of uncontrollable sickness...
It's not like I can take an aspirin or some antibiotics...the only choices I have are no therapy, herbal things that only, personally, made me feel worse, or the medications to attempt to slow my immune system.
It's not like I can take an aspirin or some antibiotics...the only choices I have are no therapy, herbal things that only, personally, made me feel worse, or the medications to attempt to slow my immune system.
Monday, April 25, 2016
RA Post: Loss
I seem to have picked up a cold. It is not very bad, but I am so tired. I have slept most of each day from Friday on. Some on Thursday, I believe.
So naturally I am flared up. My knees and elbows and jaw, hands and feet are killing me. Imagine knives stuck in each joint.....a bad sprain. That sort of describes it. But with more radiating pain.
This always makes me depressed. I see the years stretching out before me, the additions of other autoimmune diseases. The shortening time I have left to try and work and keep my RN license.
I find life very confusing. Nursing was something that seemed to be forced upon me...........and yet here I am. Half bed ridden. True, i work half heartedly on a research project in hopes of changing the autoimmune world for patients.....but this illness after the seeming goal of nursing. Is very confusing. I really thought I was to be a nurse, yet it seems now that I am not to be.
My purpose is God. My purpose is this blog. My purpose is my husband and family. For there is little more I can manage.....I still find the possible loss of my license heart breaking. Like a literal chunk of my heart is being ripped out.
So naturally I am flared up. My knees and elbows and jaw, hands and feet are killing me. Imagine knives stuck in each joint.....a bad sprain. That sort of describes it. But with more radiating pain.
This always makes me depressed. I see the years stretching out before me, the additions of other autoimmune diseases. The shortening time I have left to try and work and keep my RN license.
I find life very confusing. Nursing was something that seemed to be forced upon me...........and yet here I am. Half bed ridden. True, i work half heartedly on a research project in hopes of changing the autoimmune world for patients.....but this illness after the seeming goal of nursing. Is very confusing. I really thought I was to be a nurse, yet it seems now that I am not to be.
My purpose is God. My purpose is this blog. My purpose is my husband and family. For there is little more I can manage.....I still find the possible loss of my license heart breaking. Like a literal chunk of my heart is being ripped out.
Begging
I have always longed for the second coming of Christ.
I have never begged each night with such urgency that He come, stop the ruins of this world.
It is not even to escape RA (though certainly a bonus!) rather an overwhelming sense of sickly horror of the world. I find the rampaging sin (of course I myself am guilty of sin) nauseating, unsettling. How can we act in these mannerisms, entryway others to follow suit? We are blatantly smearing ourselves in feces, just to show our Creator we can. How do we remain silent...when all about us is poisoned by sin?
Seven strong earthquakes have rocked the earth. Israel has done the first sacrifice in generations. Terror reigns everywhere from gangs, Muslim terrorists....rabbis are claiming the time is nigh for the messsiah....
So, o my Lord, o my King,o my Salvation and Rock! Save us, save us from this wretched broken world! Stop the sin and refuse of Sodom and Gomorrah! Put an end to it all, create the new heavens, earth and Holy City! Let us be free to sing praises all eternity, to walk in the shadow of Your perfection.
I have never begged each night with such urgency that He come, stop the ruins of this world.
It is not even to escape RA (though certainly a bonus!) rather an overwhelming sense of sickly horror of the world. I find the rampaging sin (of course I myself am guilty of sin) nauseating, unsettling. How can we act in these mannerisms, entryway others to follow suit? We are blatantly smearing ourselves in feces, just to show our Creator we can. How do we remain silent...when all about us is poisoned by sin?
Seven strong earthquakes have rocked the earth. Israel has done the first sacrifice in generations. Terror reigns everywhere from gangs, Muslim terrorists....rabbis are claiming the time is nigh for the messsiah....
So, o my Lord, o my King,o my Salvation and Rock! Save us, save us from this wretched broken world! Stop the sin and refuse of Sodom and Gomorrah! Put an end to it all, create the new heavens, earth and Holy City! Let us be free to sing praises all eternity, to walk in the shadow of Your perfection.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
An Exaggerated Self-Importance
So long as we are suffering from an exaggerated sense of our own importance we can never really love our neighbor....To-day I am able to take a calmer view of other people, of their needs and requirements, and so I am able to help them more.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Letters and Papers from Prison, Macmillian Publishers, New York, 1953, pg 162
This is a fantastic quote. Much like it is difficult to focus on God, with any depth at all (and for that matter, I would say impossible and improbable)...I would say that so long as we have our little god-hood going, it is improbable that we will be able to love our neighbor. Why would we care for anyone else? We, after all, are sitting on the throne, directing everyone.
We can watch our neighbors and see the signs of being on the throne, certainly...it can be rather obvious. But what we should think of is what signs we are carrying about. We worry too often (as well I know) about other people.
What signs do we have of being so involved in our little god-hood that we can neither see, hear nor care about anyone else? If, for instance, in conversation we cannot let anyone else speak, or change the conversation back to our important things, is likely a warning sign...however, I think the biggest sign is what we can do for others:
Can we ask about their lives and truly mean it? Can we be concerned about things in their lives enough to want to (and) pray for them? How often is our neighbor in our thoughts? What do we do to help them? For that matter....how often is an "enemy" in our thoughts and prayers?
The basis of the law, as Jesus says, is to love God with all of our being...which I consider to also mean honoring, glorifying, etc. The second basis of the law is to love our neighbor as ourselves. As I have been reading through the Old Testament from the beginning, and I am reading the laws currently, it seems that most are about loving God (honoring, respecting, glorifying), and then the care of the people. The laws are quite fascinating, as really, speaking as a nurse, there are so many laws speaking on health laws...a way of keeping the entire nation healthy. The people, with many conditions, were to go outside of camp and stay out until the condition cleared. I would bet that no other peoples operated that way. Imagine---God providing health care, in a way, that the people likely did not understand. An example that God often asks things of us that we do not understand....but may be the best option for us, even if we do not see it. Many of the laws, when upheld, reminded the people forcibly (stoning) that sin had dire punishments. Today, while we may not be stoned, and have the grace of God's salvation...our sins lead more-often-than-not to worsening life experiences.
The basis of the law is loving God, loving our neighbor.
In Bonhoeffer's case, he was removed from mostly anyone he knew. Yet his being so separated, and for so long, made it so that he was able to better see the needs of his fellow prisoners, and, to an extent the guards.
Yet another reason to abandon our godly little selves. We must make God the focus of our lives...for only then can we have the strength to face life, remember fully to honor and obey. Only then can we honestly remember and care for our neighbors and "enemies", as God's love fills us. Only then are we true examples of People of God.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Letters and Papers from Prison, Macmillian Publishers, New York, 1953, pg 162
This is a fantastic quote. Much like it is difficult to focus on God, with any depth at all (and for that matter, I would say impossible and improbable)...I would say that so long as we have our little god-hood going, it is improbable that we will be able to love our neighbor. Why would we care for anyone else? We, after all, are sitting on the throne, directing everyone.
We can watch our neighbors and see the signs of being on the throne, certainly...it can be rather obvious. But what we should think of is what signs we are carrying about. We worry too often (as well I know) about other people.
What signs do we have of being so involved in our little god-hood that we can neither see, hear nor care about anyone else? If, for instance, in conversation we cannot let anyone else speak, or change the conversation back to our important things, is likely a warning sign...however, I think the biggest sign is what we can do for others:
Can we ask about their lives and truly mean it? Can we be concerned about things in their lives enough to want to (and) pray for them? How often is our neighbor in our thoughts? What do we do to help them? For that matter....how often is an "enemy" in our thoughts and prayers?
The basis of the law, as Jesus says, is to love God with all of our being...which I consider to also mean honoring, glorifying, etc. The second basis of the law is to love our neighbor as ourselves. As I have been reading through the Old Testament from the beginning, and I am reading the laws currently, it seems that most are about loving God (honoring, respecting, glorifying), and then the care of the people. The laws are quite fascinating, as really, speaking as a nurse, there are so many laws speaking on health laws...a way of keeping the entire nation healthy. The people, with many conditions, were to go outside of camp and stay out until the condition cleared. I would bet that no other peoples operated that way. Imagine---God providing health care, in a way, that the people likely did not understand. An example that God often asks things of us that we do not understand....but may be the best option for us, even if we do not see it. Many of the laws, when upheld, reminded the people forcibly (stoning) that sin had dire punishments. Today, while we may not be stoned, and have the grace of God's salvation...our sins lead more-often-than-not to worsening life experiences.
The basis of the law is loving God, loving our neighbor.
In Bonhoeffer's case, he was removed from mostly anyone he knew. Yet his being so separated, and for so long, made it so that he was able to better see the needs of his fellow prisoners, and, to an extent the guards.
Yet another reason to abandon our godly little selves. We must make God the focus of our lives...for only then can we have the strength to face life, remember fully to honor and obey. Only then can we honestly remember and care for our neighbors and "enemies", as God's love fills us. Only then are we true examples of People of God.
Friday, April 22, 2016
Secret Things
The secret things belong to the Lord our God, bu the things revealed belong to us and our children forever, that we may follow the words of this law.
Deut 29.29
There is so much about this universe we do not know. Science makes its guesses about the hows and whys of the world, space and beyond...and yet yearly science announces its mistakes. Theories proven wrong, new theories pop up.
It is a fascinating subject to me, science. Always has been. I love the intricacies of weather, the beauty of space, the wonders of biology and botany. Everything working in connection with everything else...which explains how our sin wrecked the world.
When I took anatomy and physiology, two things came into my mind: one, it is incredible that anyone ever lives, and two, it is really rather strange that anyone actually does get sick, does die...
The human body is so incredibly designed, and what we do know and manage to (maybe) explain is unbelievable.
God knows the secret things. He knows how all of creation works, He knows the ins and outs of "time". He is the past, present and future.
When our lives go wrong---which they have a habit of doing, as we are so great at being sinless---we ask God why. We ask a great many "whys". Why did I get sick, for example. A punishment for sin? A punishment for generational sin? Or just because? Why did I face years of being shunned? Why did I face this, why did I face that? What is the great plan?
We expect to be told these things, because, after all, it is our life, isn't it? We demand answers.
And yet, as Joni Eareckson Tada mentions in her book "Joni", would we be happy with the answer? If I face RA so that I would write a blog on what I learn from Bible studies, would I be satisfied? Probably not.
We don't need the answers. We think we do, but that is our god-syndrome breaking loose. What we need to focus on is God's Word. What He has told us and shown us do belong to us forever...to strengthen us, show us His love, grant us peace. The worst physical and emotional things may seem to happen to us...but in the end, we are not alone, God has not left us. We can cry out into the night in fear, and His presence responds. We need only worship and glorify God, regardless of our troubles, for He will guide us through the hardest of times.
"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut 31.8
Deut 29.29
There is so much about this universe we do not know. Science makes its guesses about the hows and whys of the world, space and beyond...and yet yearly science announces its mistakes. Theories proven wrong, new theories pop up.
It is a fascinating subject to me, science. Always has been. I love the intricacies of weather, the beauty of space, the wonders of biology and botany. Everything working in connection with everything else...which explains how our sin wrecked the world.
When I took anatomy and physiology, two things came into my mind: one, it is incredible that anyone ever lives, and two, it is really rather strange that anyone actually does get sick, does die...
The human body is so incredibly designed, and what we do know and manage to (maybe) explain is unbelievable.
God knows the secret things. He knows how all of creation works, He knows the ins and outs of "time". He is the past, present and future.
When our lives go wrong---which they have a habit of doing, as we are so great at being sinless---we ask God why. We ask a great many "whys". Why did I get sick, for example. A punishment for sin? A punishment for generational sin? Or just because? Why did I face years of being shunned? Why did I face this, why did I face that? What is the great plan?
We expect to be told these things, because, after all, it is our life, isn't it? We demand answers.
And yet, as Joni Eareckson Tada mentions in her book "Joni", would we be happy with the answer? If I face RA so that I would write a blog on what I learn from Bible studies, would I be satisfied? Probably not.
We don't need the answers. We think we do, but that is our god-syndrome breaking loose. What we need to focus on is God's Word. What He has told us and shown us do belong to us forever...to strengthen us, show us His love, grant us peace. The worst physical and emotional things may seem to happen to us...but in the end, we are not alone, God has not left us. We can cry out into the night in fear, and His presence responds. We need only worship and glorify God, regardless of our troubles, for He will guide us through the hardest of times.
"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut 31.8
Thursday, April 21, 2016
RA Post: The Highest to the Lowest
I hate RA. In case you have not noticed. I feel as if I am imprisoned by my own body---I look back past this 1 year, 9 months of harsh RA-reality to my past "life"...and cannot even imagine doing what I did then. I desperately miss it. I was limited then, too, by exhaustion, but how I long to be free.
I now have a greater love, as I have said before, of Anne Frank's diary. I read it every day, or nearly. Now I am reading Bonhoeffer's letters and papers from prison, and how they speak to me. The idea of imprisonment is very real to me. Naturally, I am not facing death threats (unless my body succeeds in killing me), but there is the limiting effects of disease upon me.
I had a mild flare last night. We had a weather change, and fairly obvious "dead" thunderstorms above us. I imagine the pressure change was enough to cause the misery I was in last night. Little sleep came my way, as I fought my feet, knees, hands, elbows and shoulders. Oh! How my shoulders hurt! I awoke every hour to two hours throughout the night....yet not awake enough to be able to read a book, just awake enough to be irritated at being awake. I needed medication every four hours on the dot, while normally I sleep through the night.
Flares, or weather-change-days, are very trying. They swoop down upon my spirit, attacking my mood to a deep point of melancholy. I then bemoan my existence, bemoan every aspect of my life...it takes a great deal of effort to not snap at everyone and everything for being irritating, grating, exhausting. And then, with any hint of flare, is a sense of horror. How long will this one last? A few days? A week? A month? Two?
There are four types of flares. I have the one (without being on meds) that is a steady flare, with mild ups and downs. Some people will have flares and remissions. I do not, not without therapy.
Also....as a finishing side note: I cannot eat nuts. They make me hurt. So apparently eggs and nuts are out.
I now have a greater love, as I have said before, of Anne Frank's diary. I read it every day, or nearly. Now I am reading Bonhoeffer's letters and papers from prison, and how they speak to me. The idea of imprisonment is very real to me. Naturally, I am not facing death threats (unless my body succeeds in killing me), but there is the limiting effects of disease upon me.
I had a mild flare last night. We had a weather change, and fairly obvious "dead" thunderstorms above us. I imagine the pressure change was enough to cause the misery I was in last night. Little sleep came my way, as I fought my feet, knees, hands, elbows and shoulders. Oh! How my shoulders hurt! I awoke every hour to two hours throughout the night....yet not awake enough to be able to read a book, just awake enough to be irritated at being awake. I needed medication every four hours on the dot, while normally I sleep through the night.
Flares, or weather-change-days, are very trying. They swoop down upon my spirit, attacking my mood to a deep point of melancholy. I then bemoan my existence, bemoan every aspect of my life...it takes a great deal of effort to not snap at everyone and everything for being irritating, grating, exhausting. And then, with any hint of flare, is a sense of horror. How long will this one last? A few days? A week? A month? Two?
There are four types of flares. I have the one (without being on meds) that is a steady flare, with mild ups and downs. Some people will have flares and remissions. I do not, not without therapy.
Also....as a finishing side note: I cannot eat nuts. They make me hurt. So apparently eggs and nuts are out.
No Religion At All
"We are proceeding towards a time of no religion at all: men as they are not simply cannot be religious anymore. Even those who honestly describe themselves as "religious" do not in the least act up to it, and so when they say "religious" they evidently mean something quite different."
"Letters and Papers from Prison", Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Macmillian Books, New York 1953, pg 162
One disturbing thing I have noted upon social media...is the seemingly enormous disintegration of faith. At all. I have found, surprisingly, an increase in the bashing of any and all faiths. In my limited experience it had mainly seemed as though those of the Christian faith were the most "hated" of faiths.
How can we, as believers of the one true God, adopted into the People, saved by the grace of the Savior, possibly speak of the faith to those who have none at all? If faith in anything is completely obliterated by, I suppose, science, how can we speak of faith in Someone spiritual?
I adore science, seeing the wonders of God in greater and greater detail. The deeper science goes, the more unbelievable it gets (for me) to even understand how evolution could possibly work. For example...a human baby starts out as a flat disc of cells, then into a tube, and then on and on until it is the baby born into the world. The human heart is at first itself a tube, blood entering from the bottom and out the top. While pumping, the heart twists and divides into what we see in biology books. In one day. Incredible.
But to digress...how can we possibly reach people who have no idea of faith at all? Speaking to those I know who were non-believers in their youth, every faith seemed ridiculous, except for the fact that Christianity was a "hated" faith. I assume that is because we really feel, in our souls, that it is Truth. It seems easier, and even Bonhoeffer as that opinion, to point out the Truth to those who have had faith is something---even if it is not the right something.
It is particularly a conundrum if we ourselves are not living a life that is especially different from that of the world. Why be a follower if we are no different? If we show the largest of hypocrisy? We must be different, be godly.
Truly, only those touched by the Spirit are able to see God, hear Him, and come near to Him. But we are charged, in whatever way we can, to reach out to others in faith, showing them God's love. We are to obey Him, honor Him, glorify Him. Sadly I fear most of us (and all of us at times for certain) are so involved in the world that He is forgotten.
"I should like to speak of God not on the boarders of life, but at its centre, not in weakness but in strength, not, therefore, in man's suffering and death but in his life and prosperity." (p 165-6)
Oh, that we would keep God at the center of our lives, at all times and all moments! If we had that deepest of connections that we generally only "want" to forge when life is at its worst! To walk side by side with God, yoked evenly, at all times would indeed have us living differently than the world about us---watching our steps as the laws are then written in fire on our hearts, tongues and minds. If God is at our center at all times then (!), oh then, we shout to the world that this faith, this relationship is different. We must strive, fight our sinful nature that is to have been put off and died, reach for God at the fullest of happiness, that we might rejoice together. It is indeed a hard job in this fast-paced, poisonous world to reach daily, moment by moment for God, but it must become our priority. For how much better will our relationship with God be in the worst of times when our relationship is strong in the best of times?
"Letters and Papers from Prison", Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Macmillian Books, New York 1953, pg 162
One disturbing thing I have noted upon social media...is the seemingly enormous disintegration of faith. At all. I have found, surprisingly, an increase in the bashing of any and all faiths. In my limited experience it had mainly seemed as though those of the Christian faith were the most "hated" of faiths.
How can we, as believers of the one true God, adopted into the People, saved by the grace of the Savior, possibly speak of the faith to those who have none at all? If faith in anything is completely obliterated by, I suppose, science, how can we speak of faith in Someone spiritual?
I adore science, seeing the wonders of God in greater and greater detail. The deeper science goes, the more unbelievable it gets (for me) to even understand how evolution could possibly work. For example...a human baby starts out as a flat disc of cells, then into a tube, and then on and on until it is the baby born into the world. The human heart is at first itself a tube, blood entering from the bottom and out the top. While pumping, the heart twists and divides into what we see in biology books. In one day. Incredible.
But to digress...how can we possibly reach people who have no idea of faith at all? Speaking to those I know who were non-believers in their youth, every faith seemed ridiculous, except for the fact that Christianity was a "hated" faith. I assume that is because we really feel, in our souls, that it is Truth. It seems easier, and even Bonhoeffer as that opinion, to point out the Truth to those who have had faith is something---even if it is not the right something.
It is particularly a conundrum if we ourselves are not living a life that is especially different from that of the world. Why be a follower if we are no different? If we show the largest of hypocrisy? We must be different, be godly.
Truly, only those touched by the Spirit are able to see God, hear Him, and come near to Him. But we are charged, in whatever way we can, to reach out to others in faith, showing them God's love. We are to obey Him, honor Him, glorify Him. Sadly I fear most of us (and all of us at times for certain) are so involved in the world that He is forgotten.
"I should like to speak of God not on the boarders of life, but at its centre, not in weakness but in strength, not, therefore, in man's suffering and death but in his life and prosperity." (p 165-6)
Oh, that we would keep God at the center of our lives, at all times and all moments! If we had that deepest of connections that we generally only "want" to forge when life is at its worst! To walk side by side with God, yoked evenly, at all times would indeed have us living differently than the world about us---watching our steps as the laws are then written in fire on our hearts, tongues and minds. If God is at our center at all times then (!), oh then, we shout to the world that this faith, this relationship is different. We must strive, fight our sinful nature that is to have been put off and died, reach for God at the fullest of happiness, that we might rejoice together. It is indeed a hard job in this fast-paced, poisonous world to reach daily, moment by moment for God, but it must become our priority. For how much better will our relationship with God be in the worst of times when our relationship is strong in the best of times?
Monday, April 18, 2016
When You Crash
In His wisdom and sovereignty, He decides the perfect times to respond to your cries of distress, to deliver you, and to display His greatness. God doesn't have to respond at all, nor everytime, nor even in the same way every time. He acts because He is merciful and because He is food. He longs for you to get to know Him when you crash. Ingrim, "God, as you long to know Him"
I have found that there are times when the answer is just "No." No in a loving sense, but a no. We sometimes don't get saved from a hard thing---a death, diseases, or just a difficult time in life. We sometimes just have to go forward with our honoring God.
I think of Abraham, going forward willingly to sacrifice his son, and got stopped from facing a horror because of his faith in God. I think of Paul, whose letters we read deeply to this very day...and the trials he faced.
Imagine what God must say to these fine and faithful servants! Those willing to do whatever God has commanded!
I am reading in Dueteronomy---making my way through the whole Bible, as it has been too long since I have done so. Moses is also becoming a hero of faith in my eyes. This man sat and spoke face-to-face with God. He carried such a brilliance after these conversations that the Israelites begged him to cover up his face until the radiance passed. And yet, like we do so easily, they sinned right under the glory of God. What fools we mortals be! To return to Moses: here was a man who did not want the banner of leadership. Surely he felt some of that pressure as a prince of Egypt...I would assume they had them do something. He begged God to pick someone else...and yet was the leader in the sense of saying what God told him to. He was even punished because of the sin of the people to not see the Holy Land...and asked God time and again to please let him see it.
And God said, "No."
Even those listed as the greatest were, at times, told no. We can't always know why something does not turn out the way that we think it ought to go. We can, however, take some comfort in knowing that God is in control, regardless.
I have found in my near 30 years of life, and with most of my life as a believer (honestly I do not remember a time when there was no God. God was always there; a fact, like rain or sunshine), that God does answer the asking for peace, the asking for strength, the asking for wisdom. He will indeed send those gifts, and quickly, as His Spirit envelopes us with His great love. The issue is whether we pay attention and notice them, and whether we accept them. We can go about life in a perpetual "upset" or we can focus on God and His love. Accepting God for His leadership in life is among the hardest things of Christianity. Therefore, we must work at it, let go the reins, and let the Lord be the Lord...only then are the hard things of life minuscule, as we are then overwhelmed by the strength of God.
I have found that there are times when the answer is just "No." No in a loving sense, but a no. We sometimes don't get saved from a hard thing---a death, diseases, or just a difficult time in life. We sometimes just have to go forward with our honoring God.
I think of Abraham, going forward willingly to sacrifice his son, and got stopped from facing a horror because of his faith in God. I think of Paul, whose letters we read deeply to this very day...and the trials he faced.
Imagine what God must say to these fine and faithful servants! Those willing to do whatever God has commanded!
I am reading in Dueteronomy---making my way through the whole Bible, as it has been too long since I have done so. Moses is also becoming a hero of faith in my eyes. This man sat and spoke face-to-face with God. He carried such a brilliance after these conversations that the Israelites begged him to cover up his face until the radiance passed. And yet, like we do so easily, they sinned right under the glory of God. What fools we mortals be! To return to Moses: here was a man who did not want the banner of leadership. Surely he felt some of that pressure as a prince of Egypt...I would assume they had them do something. He begged God to pick someone else...and yet was the leader in the sense of saying what God told him to. He was even punished because of the sin of the people to not see the Holy Land...and asked God time and again to please let him see it.
And God said, "No."
Even those listed as the greatest were, at times, told no. We can't always know why something does not turn out the way that we think it ought to go. We can, however, take some comfort in knowing that God is in control, regardless.
I have found in my near 30 years of life, and with most of my life as a believer (honestly I do not remember a time when there was no God. God was always there; a fact, like rain or sunshine), that God does answer the asking for peace, the asking for strength, the asking for wisdom. He will indeed send those gifts, and quickly, as His Spirit envelopes us with His great love. The issue is whether we pay attention and notice them, and whether we accept them. We can go about life in a perpetual "upset" or we can focus on God and His love. Accepting God for His leadership in life is among the hardest things of Christianity. Therefore, we must work at it, let go the reins, and let the Lord be the Lord...only then are the hard things of life minuscule, as we are then overwhelmed by the strength of God.
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Consuming
For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. Deuteronomy 4.24
I've always thought of this verse only in the jealous way. Yet as I read it a thought came over me.
The study of God is consuming. God is consuming. To have a fruitful relationship with God is one that is consuming. Knowing God is to have the fire of God raging in one's spirit, to have all thoughts rotating wildly about the central thought of God.
I've always thought of this verse only in the jealous way. Yet as I read it a thought came over me.
The study of God is consuming. God is consuming. To have a fruitful relationship with God is one that is consuming. Knowing God is to have the fire of God raging in one's spirit, to have all thoughts rotating wildly about the central thought of God.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
It Is Not Good To Be Alone
....It is infinitely easier to suffer with others than to suffer alone....Christ suffered as a free Mangalore, apart and ignominy, in body and in spirit, and since that day many Christians have suffered with Him.
Letters and Papers from Prison. Bonhoeffer. Page 31,Macmillan Publisher, New York.
Speaking as one who faced the terror of anxiety disorders and eating disorders relatively alone (I will not be so foolhardy as to forget the saving graces of my parents, my counselor, nor least of all God), fighting a battle alone is nearly overwhelming. To consider that Christ fully was alone in His battle....the only glimmering of help was that of Mary and John his disciple watching Him die, and later, the thief on the cross asking Him to remember him, He was very alone. He took on more suffering than can honestly be computed by the human mind. And while being shunned by God.
Now, unless we have continued to shun God, or to not ask forgiveness of a sin in our heart, i have had little experience in which God leaves us alone. Admittedly, I have a short life span thus far compared.to many.....I have been told of having more misery than others have had at a greater lifespan. So again I say, unless one is shunning God out of a rage at one's suffering (often understandable, but often foolish as well) I cannot see God leaving one alone.
Thinking on rage at God, someone has come to my mind. Abraham. He was ordered to kill his son. And so, likely feeling very confused, he prepared to do so....complete to the point of knife raised as his son lay tied before him. An angel stopped him...and Abraham was surely blessed. His children would be innumerable. Most importantly, a saving grace would come from his line. (Genesis 19 deals with this story). This man was so faithful to God that, without anger, he complied to a very hard order. And that order was removed to a blessing for his faith.
I cannot say that our sufferings would all turn out that way here, I am certain that with faith, we will be elsewhere. However, I have found blessings hidden in the depths of sufferings. One might not find it at the time, but later...God does not leave us alone at the darkest times. He is the light we can use, the house to go to in the storm. Otherwise we might be swept away, for the times of suffering are also the times when we can be swayed by the Dragon if we do not watch out. It is terribly easy to become in a rage against God for allowing our suffering. What an image that would have been....Christ raging for carrying our sins. Instead, He gave us an example of obediently accepting the weight, and coming out the other side. Better it is for us, for He will lend us His strength and peace during hard times.
Letters and Papers from Prison. Bonhoeffer. Page 31,Macmillan Publisher, New York.
Speaking as one who faced the terror of anxiety disorders and eating disorders relatively alone (I will not be so foolhardy as to forget the saving graces of my parents, my counselor, nor least of all God), fighting a battle alone is nearly overwhelming. To consider that Christ fully was alone in His battle....the only glimmering of help was that of Mary and John his disciple watching Him die, and later, the thief on the cross asking Him to remember him, He was very alone. He took on more suffering than can honestly be computed by the human mind. And while being shunned by God.
Now, unless we have continued to shun God, or to not ask forgiveness of a sin in our heart, i have had little experience in which God leaves us alone. Admittedly, I have a short life span thus far compared.to many.....I have been told of having more misery than others have had at a greater lifespan. So again I say, unless one is shunning God out of a rage at one's suffering (often understandable, but often foolish as well) I cannot see God leaving one alone.
Thinking on rage at God, someone has come to my mind. Abraham. He was ordered to kill his son. And so, likely feeling very confused, he prepared to do so....complete to the point of knife raised as his son lay tied before him. An angel stopped him...and Abraham was surely blessed. His children would be innumerable. Most importantly, a saving grace would come from his line. (Genesis 19 deals with this story). This man was so faithful to God that, without anger, he complied to a very hard order. And that order was removed to a blessing for his faith.
I cannot say that our sufferings would all turn out that way here, I am certain that with faith, we will be elsewhere. However, I have found blessings hidden in the depths of sufferings. One might not find it at the time, but later...God does not leave us alone at the darkest times. He is the light we can use, the house to go to in the storm. Otherwise we might be swept away, for the times of suffering are also the times when we can be swayed by the Dragon if we do not watch out. It is terribly easy to become in a rage against God for allowing our suffering. What an image that would have been....Christ raging for carrying our sins. Instead, He gave us an example of obediently accepting the weight, and coming out the other side. Better it is for us, for He will lend us His strength and peace during hard times.
Monday, April 11, 2016
A Prison of Time
Ten years is a long stretch in a man's life. Time is the most precious gift in our possession, for it is the most irrevocable. This is what makes it so disturbing to look back upon time we have lost. Time lost is time when we have not lived a full human life, time unenriched by experience, creative endeavor, enjoyment and suffering. Time lost is time we have not filled, time left empty. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer, "Letters and Papers From Prison", page 1, 1953 by The Macmillian Company, New York.
I feel often a prisoner of time. Thankfully, as I have said countless times, overall my RA/PsA/Fibro has lessened its death-grip on my life. I am able to do something for a couple of hours a day before my body fails me into sleep, wraith-like staring at the wall, or miserable nausea.
Time remains a prison. I watch time slip away from me, opportunities and chances of adventure fly by me like so many hummingbirds zipping past feeders chasing one another.
What, pray tell, is one to do with one's life? How are we best productive? Even looking back on my life BEFORE my disease sunk its teeth into me, I find gaping holes of uselessness. Our days are filled, mainly, with uselessness...possibly more so with the advent of so many electronics and other things to entertain.
Entertainment is good (or can be). I am grateful every day for the electricity that flows into the house and runs my TV and DVD player. Being horribly nauseated is not enjoyable but let me assure you that the droning on of some innocent, well-loved TV show is very soothing to those of us with RA or other AI diseases.
But useless. How useless I often feel at home. The miniscule housework I do now in comparison to pre-RA days is laughable. My RN work is even more laughable. I must have a purpose!
Thus, this dear blog, and you, my dear reader, follow along in the only thing that I find has meaning. It has meaning enough to stamp out the heart-wrenching disappointment of not being an RN at this time; it smothers the self-rage at being physically limited beyond what I ever expected in my 20s.
My journey into the Word, the good authors that have written on the Word and their experiences with God is my purpose. I cannot do what I once did, what I now (although nursing still haunts me) see as useless work, work with no real point. God is my purpose. God is your purpose. The world distracts us, time pulls at us, leading us on quests for which we do not need to wander. We were created for one purpose: serving God.
I considered myself serving God when working as a nurse. Surely, of all things, being a nurse would serve God! Do not think me doubting that such a thing is indeed true---I consider many people who are working at whatever job they are to be serving God. We are, after all, to work as if we are working for God.
Now, consider that all your physical capabilities are stripped from you. Or, as in my case, 70% function lost due to pain (I can "work" through that; movement lessens it) and nausea (forget it. Worst nausea in the world. Ughrhgh). What do you do? There is little service you can do outside your home. Little service you can do at your home. You cannot even necessarily stand social media due to Pride. (Let us say that RA is one of the best methods of crushing Pride).
You turn to God. Or you go completely mental. There is no half way. You turn to God. You delve into study of God, and see how overwhelming the chance to study God is. The more I learn, the more I see I have to learn.
I love learning. I love science. Studying God is more intoxicating that anything else I have studied---and I went to college for 7 years. God is our purpose. Everything we do here is for God. If it is not, we are vastly fooling ourselves in the importance of what it is we are doing.
I feel often a prisoner of time. Thankfully, as I have said countless times, overall my RA/PsA/Fibro has lessened its death-grip on my life. I am able to do something for a couple of hours a day before my body fails me into sleep, wraith-like staring at the wall, or miserable nausea.
Time remains a prison. I watch time slip away from me, opportunities and chances of adventure fly by me like so many hummingbirds zipping past feeders chasing one another.
What, pray tell, is one to do with one's life? How are we best productive? Even looking back on my life BEFORE my disease sunk its teeth into me, I find gaping holes of uselessness. Our days are filled, mainly, with uselessness...possibly more so with the advent of so many electronics and other things to entertain.
Entertainment is good (or can be). I am grateful every day for the electricity that flows into the house and runs my TV and DVD player. Being horribly nauseated is not enjoyable but let me assure you that the droning on of some innocent, well-loved TV show is very soothing to those of us with RA or other AI diseases.
But useless. How useless I often feel at home. The miniscule housework I do now in comparison to pre-RA days is laughable. My RN work is even more laughable. I must have a purpose!
Thus, this dear blog, and you, my dear reader, follow along in the only thing that I find has meaning. It has meaning enough to stamp out the heart-wrenching disappointment of not being an RN at this time; it smothers the self-rage at being physically limited beyond what I ever expected in my 20s.
My journey into the Word, the good authors that have written on the Word and their experiences with God is my purpose. I cannot do what I once did, what I now (although nursing still haunts me) see as useless work, work with no real point. God is my purpose. God is your purpose. The world distracts us, time pulls at us, leading us on quests for which we do not need to wander. We were created for one purpose: serving God.
I considered myself serving God when working as a nurse. Surely, of all things, being a nurse would serve God! Do not think me doubting that such a thing is indeed true---I consider many people who are working at whatever job they are to be serving God. We are, after all, to work as if we are working for God.
Now, consider that all your physical capabilities are stripped from you. Or, as in my case, 70% function lost due to pain (I can "work" through that; movement lessens it) and nausea (forget it. Worst nausea in the world. Ughrhgh). What do you do? There is little service you can do outside your home. Little service you can do at your home. You cannot even necessarily stand social media due to Pride. (Let us say that RA is one of the best methods of crushing Pride).
You turn to God. Or you go completely mental. There is no half way. You turn to God. You delve into study of God, and see how overwhelming the chance to study God is. The more I learn, the more I see I have to learn.
I love learning. I love science. Studying God is more intoxicating that anything else I have studied---and I went to college for 7 years. God is our purpose. Everything we do here is for God. If it is not, we are vastly fooling ourselves in the importance of what it is we are doing.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Entertainment Sunday
Reading a new book again--well, really I am reading several at once. Switching it around keeps one busy mentally. Or makes one mental, I am not certain which. (In a jovial mood, you see).
'The benchmark of success in church services has become more about attendance than the movement of the Holy Spirit. The "entertainment" model of church was largely adopted in the 1980s and '90s." Francis Chan, "Forgotten God" introduction section, page 15
How many times do we "go to church" as entertainment? To see people? I am not saying fellowship is bad--far from it! Indeed, it is of great importance that we are about fellow Christians. One can stagnate alone, with little discussion of God, what God is doing, how He is working. Yet there is the danger too of making church little more than a shopping center to chat in. The movie theater lobby.
How many times to we "go to church" because it is something we should do, another checklist on out weekly to-do list? We dress our children up, round up scattered Bibles, maybe even a journal to take along (either to use or to look especially pious).
We need to look at church (and church need provide!) as a way to worship God fully, but also as a chance to learn more about Him. A set, special time for God...not for us to necessarily mingle with others (again, this is an important thing!), but to grow in God.
I had the opportunity today to actually attend church. Let me describe the joy that I have to go to church. Do not think me "spiritually better"---for I feel among the least of the least...but the joy and rapture I have at going to church is something I have never had before. The lessons learned (and learning) while facing chronic pain/illness are indeed enlightening.
The ability to be able to go ANYWHERE is cause for celebration, but the chance to go to church for me is now one of distinct thrill. I get to listen to one speak who has studied longer than I. I get to converse with men and women who have studied longer than I. I get to discuss things I have recently found and be steered in new, good direction by the experiences of others.
Take charge of the chances of church. The blessings of it is incredible. The chances we have, in the USA, at this point to speak to others fairly openly and learn is incredible. I am still ecstatic. Do not let church become "Sunday Entertainment"...as I myself have known before.
'The benchmark of success in church services has become more about attendance than the movement of the Holy Spirit. The "entertainment" model of church was largely adopted in the 1980s and '90s." Francis Chan, "Forgotten God" introduction section, page 15
How many times do we "go to church" as entertainment? To see people? I am not saying fellowship is bad--far from it! Indeed, it is of great importance that we are about fellow Christians. One can stagnate alone, with little discussion of God, what God is doing, how He is working. Yet there is the danger too of making church little more than a shopping center to chat in. The movie theater lobby.
How many times to we "go to church" because it is something we should do, another checklist on out weekly to-do list? We dress our children up, round up scattered Bibles, maybe even a journal to take along (either to use or to look especially pious).
We need to look at church (and church need provide!) as a way to worship God fully, but also as a chance to learn more about Him. A set, special time for God...not for us to necessarily mingle with others (again, this is an important thing!), but to grow in God.
I had the opportunity today to actually attend church. Let me describe the joy that I have to go to church. Do not think me "spiritually better"---for I feel among the least of the least...but the joy and rapture I have at going to church is something I have never had before. The lessons learned (and learning) while facing chronic pain/illness are indeed enlightening.
The ability to be able to go ANYWHERE is cause for celebration, but the chance to go to church for me is now one of distinct thrill. I get to listen to one speak who has studied longer than I. I get to converse with men and women who have studied longer than I. I get to discuss things I have recently found and be steered in new, good direction by the experiences of others.
Take charge of the chances of church. The blessings of it is incredible. The chances we have, in the USA, at this point to speak to others fairly openly and learn is incredible. I am still ecstatic. Do not let church become "Sunday Entertainment"...as I myself have known before.
RA Post: Anne Frank
I received at Christmas time a copy of Annne Frank's diary. How this little book is being loved to death!
I read a line: Believe me, if you have been shut up a year and half, it can get to be too much some days!
Truer words are not often spoken.
Finally, after an entire fall and winter of barely managing a month of shots......I hit numbers five on Thursday. Today I can note the increased pain in lesser joints, such as hands and feet, which always meant swelling was lessening enough to let them scream. Knees and ankles popping loudly, asserting too their lessening pressure.
So then, might I finally expect a relief in exhaustion and illness? Might I no longer decide whether an activist is worth the five or more sick days but be free to just go?
Oh, lazy soul! cries the world. Surely you have planned to remain on bed or chair? Little can be more boring, unless it is to stare stupidly at the wall! I would not wish this experience on the worst enemy one might ever have!
I did go to town with my husband. A short trip, of course, and even such more temper was flaring by the end from exhaustion. It found me apologizing to him for unkind words which were not deserved in the least!
I did, however, find a moving sale while he was mailing a package. I clipped along happily, scouring through the books. What treasures! A whole armload of Christian study books, including Bonhoffier. An added surprise, they would not charge me for the books because.of what I selected! I am quite excited to read (and have indeed begun) these books too.
Life continues on. Whether we are in prison in Nazi Germany as Bonhoffier was, hiding from danger as Anne Frank was, facing the world, or fighting a painful, sickening disease. Time moves on...and in one way or another, we ought to make the best of it. The best being, in all truthfulness, to focus not on ourselves...but on God and all His glory. It is then that we have more than we otherwise could ever dream of. We are not to just be "happy" with who were are in some manner.....we are to delve deeper into God. For goodness sakes!!! We are, many of us (!) in parts of the world that easily offer such a thing by the aid of study tools for the Spirit's work in others to help also teach us....and yet we would rather dawdle before the computer, phone or whatever. Strive deeper....for relying purely on the words of someone else is among the most dangerous of practices. Unintentional or intentional steering the wrong direction can and does happen. Test everything by Scripture. For what He says and what He led the Apostles to write are what we are to measure with.
I read a line: Believe me, if you have been shut up a year and half, it can get to be too much some days!
Truer words are not often spoken.
Finally, after an entire fall and winter of barely managing a month of shots......I hit numbers five on Thursday. Today I can note the increased pain in lesser joints, such as hands and feet, which always meant swelling was lessening enough to let them scream. Knees and ankles popping loudly, asserting too their lessening pressure.
So then, might I finally expect a relief in exhaustion and illness? Might I no longer decide whether an activist is worth the five or more sick days but be free to just go?
Oh, lazy soul! cries the world. Surely you have planned to remain on bed or chair? Little can be more boring, unless it is to stare stupidly at the wall! I would not wish this experience on the worst enemy one might ever have!
I did go to town with my husband. A short trip, of course, and even such more temper was flaring by the end from exhaustion. It found me apologizing to him for unkind words which were not deserved in the least!
I did, however, find a moving sale while he was mailing a package. I clipped along happily, scouring through the books. What treasures! A whole armload of Christian study books, including Bonhoffier. An added surprise, they would not charge me for the books because.of what I selected! I am quite excited to read (and have indeed begun) these books too.
Life continues on. Whether we are in prison in Nazi Germany as Bonhoffier was, hiding from danger as Anne Frank was, facing the world, or fighting a painful, sickening disease. Time moves on...and in one way or another, we ought to make the best of it. The best being, in all truthfulness, to focus not on ourselves...but on God and all His glory. It is then that we have more than we otherwise could ever dream of. We are not to just be "happy" with who were are in some manner.....we are to delve deeper into God. For goodness sakes!!! We are, many of us (!) in parts of the world that easily offer such a thing by the aid of study tools for the Spirit's work in others to help also teach us....and yet we would rather dawdle before the computer, phone or whatever. Strive deeper....for relying purely on the words of someone else is among the most dangerous of practices. Unintentional or intentional steering the wrong direction can and does happen. Test everything by Scripture. For what He says and what He led the Apostles to write are what we are to measure with.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Slow Down
I have been working through "The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ" by James Stalker. Highly recommend it, and it is free on e-book.
Anyway, while I am still at the trial portion of the sacrifice of Christ, his writing style has me pondering other sections to come. The purpose of a good Christian author, on speaking on such subjects, is to slow us down from "rote" memory and think about what it is we are reading and hearing. Stalker does this well.
Again, I am still in the trial section of the commentary...but I began to think suddenly of the large Passover crowds. Not just Jew, but gentile----political and military force, vendors etc. A regular flood of persons from all areas of the Roman world!
Jesus dies. Right there, with I am certain a large group watching. One, they would have to see this man who had done miracles (so they heard), but most importantly had so upset the Jewish priests.
Stalker says that history relates that these men were greatly disliked and equally feared. I imagine that the crowds half loved that Jesus said to their faces what they had often thought. But now He was hanging on a cross...and the world watched and jeered.
Secondly, people had no TV. Have you not heard of the Hanging Parties of the U.S.? Picnic baskets and children abounded as someone swung with broken neck from the gallows----great entertainment! Considering the history of film, humans have not lessened in their thirst for gore.
So there was this crowd watching in semi delighted horror as three men suffocated in agony from crosses. Soldiers cast lots for clothing, not doubt laughing drunkenly. The great classic The Robe stated the soldiers were drunk to stand doing their duty----whether true or not, it gives a great picture for us.
As Jesus hangs there, there is an earthquake and darkness for three hours (I believe). No doubt science would state it was some volcanic eruption. It might have been, but what timing! It also mentions, with great importance, the tearing of the curtain in the temple. This, of course, suggests that we no longer relied upon the priests but upon our High Priest forevermore, Jesus (Yeshua).
However, I want to point out that I am certain this curtain was not the drapes we often have. The origin curtain was doubled woven goat-hair. Thick and hard to rip. This was a desperation of the Holy of Holies, so that some poor soul did not "accidentally" get into the room and die. Instantly. There were sons of Aaron who approached the area with unauthorized fire, and died. Bang.
My husband, who went to Bible college, tells me that the bells woven to the base of the priestly robes were to let those outside know if he had died. Apparently, the men also wore a rope, to be pulled out by if they died. Have you read the procedures for standing in that room? So lengthy and pointed in detail that the priest went in once a year.
It means a lot that this curtain tore. And, Herod liking to show off, I imagine this curtain may have been more elaborate. Do not quote me, as I have not looked that detail up.
So, all these things happen, Jesus is laid away, rises and is even seen about the countryside for 40 days.
Thousands of Jews and gentiles. I imagine they carried home this tale and told everyone on the way. No TV, remember? I am sure it spread like wildfire...and then the Apostles went to confirm it.
Fascinating what hits the mind if we slow down and consider what we are reading in the Word. For it is truly magnificent.
Anyway, while I am still at the trial portion of the sacrifice of Christ, his writing style has me pondering other sections to come. The purpose of a good Christian author, on speaking on such subjects, is to slow us down from "rote" memory and think about what it is we are reading and hearing. Stalker does this well.
Again, I am still in the trial section of the commentary...but I began to think suddenly of the large Passover crowds. Not just Jew, but gentile----political and military force, vendors etc. A regular flood of persons from all areas of the Roman world!
Jesus dies. Right there, with I am certain a large group watching. One, they would have to see this man who had done miracles (so they heard), but most importantly had so upset the Jewish priests.
Stalker says that history relates that these men were greatly disliked and equally feared. I imagine that the crowds half loved that Jesus said to their faces what they had often thought. But now He was hanging on a cross...and the world watched and jeered.
Secondly, people had no TV. Have you not heard of the Hanging Parties of the U.S.? Picnic baskets and children abounded as someone swung with broken neck from the gallows----great entertainment! Considering the history of film, humans have not lessened in their thirst for gore.
So there was this crowd watching in semi delighted horror as three men suffocated in agony from crosses. Soldiers cast lots for clothing, not doubt laughing drunkenly. The great classic The Robe stated the soldiers were drunk to stand doing their duty----whether true or not, it gives a great picture for us.
As Jesus hangs there, there is an earthquake and darkness for three hours (I believe). No doubt science would state it was some volcanic eruption. It might have been, but what timing! It also mentions, with great importance, the tearing of the curtain in the temple. This, of course, suggests that we no longer relied upon the priests but upon our High Priest forevermore, Jesus (Yeshua).
However, I want to point out that I am certain this curtain was not the drapes we often have. The origin curtain was doubled woven goat-hair. Thick and hard to rip. This was a desperation of the Holy of Holies, so that some poor soul did not "accidentally" get into the room and die. Instantly. There were sons of Aaron who approached the area with unauthorized fire, and died. Bang.
My husband, who went to Bible college, tells me that the bells woven to the base of the priestly robes were to let those outside know if he had died. Apparently, the men also wore a rope, to be pulled out by if they died. Have you read the procedures for standing in that room? So lengthy and pointed in detail that the priest went in once a year.
It means a lot that this curtain tore. And, Herod liking to show off, I imagine this curtain may have been more elaborate. Do not quote me, as I have not looked that detail up.
So, all these things happen, Jesus is laid away, rises and is even seen about the countryside for 40 days.
Thousands of Jews and gentiles. I imagine they carried home this tale and told everyone on the way. No TV, remember? I am sure it spread like wildfire...and then the Apostles went to confirm it.
Fascinating what hits the mind if we slow down and consider what we are reading in the Word. For it is truly magnificent.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Maybe If We Ask On This Couch Instead
Then Balak said to Balaam, "Come, let me take you to another place. Perhaps it will please God to let you curse them for me from there." Num 23.27
Here is a perfect example for us today. Balak was the King of the Moabites. The Israelites had been traveling along, asking permission to go through various kingdoms---and usually the kingdoms seemed to decide it would behoove them to attack and kill the Israelites. However, this did not work well, as the Israelites were completely destroying any kingdom that attempted the feat.
Balak was worried, and all of Moab with him; therefore, he contacted Balaam. Balaam came, and having been warned by an angel (remember Balaam's donkey talking?) to only say what God had said, refused each time and place that Balak took him to curse the Israelites.
This, as I said, is a perfect example for us today. As we march about in life, we ask God for certain things. Now, we may not get an answer right away, or we may not get the answer we like, so we ask again and again--changing our words, or the way in which we ask to "force" God's hand, much as Balak did by asking Balaam to simply move to another location.
We may even be behaving in a sinful manner, and be completely aware of the sinfulness, yet we will figure that if we just shift it around in some secret, special way, we too will get the answer of "Yes! That is ok! It is no longer a sin!" to our sin. (Hate to say it, but it never works that way...the sin will catch up to you, and yes, it remains a sin...) Let us just say such-and-such about our sins, or let us change this, or let us pray that way and it will all be sinless.
We may even go about things which are overall good...but not, as we even know in the deepest parts of our souls, the part of life that is our area of work. We will just work harder, force it! It is what must happen! Let us arrange the altars and the cattle for sacrifice just so, and it will be right!
We know, really, that all prayers are answered (just keep a prayer journal and you will indeed be surprised at the answers---also in relief that some things WERE NOT answered as you wished!), yet we, feeling "trapped" in time become infinitely impatient and strive to force a quick answer. Or worse, make an answer. We know God is listening, deep in our hearts...yet we rush headlong into things without hardly a second-glance.
We know, really, the sins that haunt us and that they are sins. Those things that make us cringe, either in defiance and stouthoodedness that it is righteousness after all, or those sins that make us cringe in fear someone will find them out.
We know, really, that this particular thing we are trying to achieve is not in our gifts, yet by pride want praise for filling a hole in service, or else want praise for being "so amazing, why didn't you before?". We know...we just do not think of God.
God is a just, holy, loving Father. And as such, He answers prayers as what is best for us, even if it does not seem like it. I certainly cannot understand why God does not remove and heal my RA, yet it has crushed much (if not all) of my pride, smashed my independence, obliterated my self-righteousness in knowledge, and destroyed my wordly dreams (to an extent, of course). I have had more time for Bible studies than ever in my life...strangely, as I have said, something I prayed for right out of RN school...
God sends us that cringing-feeling so that we may honor Him by upright lives. Ignoring that is shunning the Spirit...Another time of choosing to be our own little gods, sitting on His throne. Which, of course, works so very well.
God sends us all gifts, so that we may work in the world and body well for Him. He does change and send people on missions they do not want to do (Moses, for example, dreaded having to go get the Israelites, and had a horrid time being the leader until his death). We are often stretched, and this is indeed a good thing. However, as I know of myself...we LOVE to stuff ourselves into holes we do not belong. I am not, for example, a great leader. I am not one to command respect or attention. Perhaps someday, but not now. I am, instead, a good helper; a side-line worker. The quiet one. And if I do try and stuff myself, a circle, into that triangle hole, I end up looking a fool, and the whole thing flops. We need to pay attention to our gifts, and things we naturally gravitate too---all the while paying attention for times to stretch and grow. For God uses us in places we never expected to be; all the while we were looking in one door, He was leading us to another.
Praise Him that He knows where we best fit!
Here is a perfect example for us today. Balak was the King of the Moabites. The Israelites had been traveling along, asking permission to go through various kingdoms---and usually the kingdoms seemed to decide it would behoove them to attack and kill the Israelites. However, this did not work well, as the Israelites were completely destroying any kingdom that attempted the feat.
Balak was worried, and all of Moab with him; therefore, he contacted Balaam. Balaam came, and having been warned by an angel (remember Balaam's donkey talking?) to only say what God had said, refused each time and place that Balak took him to curse the Israelites.
This, as I said, is a perfect example for us today. As we march about in life, we ask God for certain things. Now, we may not get an answer right away, or we may not get the answer we like, so we ask again and again--changing our words, or the way in which we ask to "force" God's hand, much as Balak did by asking Balaam to simply move to another location.
We may even be behaving in a sinful manner, and be completely aware of the sinfulness, yet we will figure that if we just shift it around in some secret, special way, we too will get the answer of "Yes! That is ok! It is no longer a sin!" to our sin. (Hate to say it, but it never works that way...the sin will catch up to you, and yes, it remains a sin...) Let us just say such-and-such about our sins, or let us change this, or let us pray that way and it will all be sinless.
We may even go about things which are overall good...but not, as we even know in the deepest parts of our souls, the part of life that is our area of work. We will just work harder, force it! It is what must happen! Let us arrange the altars and the cattle for sacrifice just so, and it will be right!
We know, really, that all prayers are answered (just keep a prayer journal and you will indeed be surprised at the answers---also in relief that some things WERE NOT answered as you wished!), yet we, feeling "trapped" in time become infinitely impatient and strive to force a quick answer. Or worse, make an answer. We know God is listening, deep in our hearts...yet we rush headlong into things without hardly a second-glance.
We know, really, the sins that haunt us and that they are sins. Those things that make us cringe, either in defiance and stouthoodedness that it is righteousness after all, or those sins that make us cringe in fear someone will find them out.
We know, really, that this particular thing we are trying to achieve is not in our gifts, yet by pride want praise for filling a hole in service, or else want praise for being "so amazing, why didn't you before?". We know...we just do not think of God.
God is a just, holy, loving Father. And as such, He answers prayers as what is best for us, even if it does not seem like it. I certainly cannot understand why God does not remove and heal my RA, yet it has crushed much (if not all) of my pride, smashed my independence, obliterated my self-righteousness in knowledge, and destroyed my wordly dreams (to an extent, of course). I have had more time for Bible studies than ever in my life...strangely, as I have said, something I prayed for right out of RN school...
God sends us that cringing-feeling so that we may honor Him by upright lives. Ignoring that is shunning the Spirit...Another time of choosing to be our own little gods, sitting on His throne. Which, of course, works so very well.
God sends us all gifts, so that we may work in the world and body well for Him. He does change and send people on missions they do not want to do (Moses, for example, dreaded having to go get the Israelites, and had a horrid time being the leader until his death). We are often stretched, and this is indeed a good thing. However, as I know of myself...we LOVE to stuff ourselves into holes we do not belong. I am not, for example, a great leader. I am not one to command respect or attention. Perhaps someday, but not now. I am, instead, a good helper; a side-line worker. The quiet one. And if I do try and stuff myself, a circle, into that triangle hole, I end up looking a fool, and the whole thing flops. We need to pay attention to our gifts, and things we naturally gravitate too---all the while paying attention for times to stretch and grow. For God uses us in places we never expected to be; all the while we were looking in one door, He was leading us to another.
Praise Him that He knows where we best fit!
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
RA Post: Terrors
One of the terrors of chronic illness is that of being alone. The last few weeks have had me in the grips of this monster; the one which finds me elderly, sick, alone. No one in the house. No one to get supplies if I am too ill to get them. It is a terrorizing, overwhelming, consuming thought process----one that has devoured me at any moment I was alone. I have learned to not cry, not longer than a minute, for that guarantees a flare. It is trying to be so afraid and not be allowed to cry.
A solution was hit upon, should I be in that situation. A quick text message to one of my dearest of friends and it was agreed. If we are in such a peril, however silly it may be to rest of the world, but indeed a terrifying peril when one is facing it, we shall join forces. Then there shall be two ill people under one roof.
It was, however, agreed that we must alternate days being sick, so that someone can make meals. Ha!
A solution was hit upon, should I be in that situation. A quick text message to one of my dearest of friends and it was agreed. If we are in such a peril, however silly it may be to rest of the world, but indeed a terrifying peril when one is facing it, we shall join forces. Then there shall be two ill people under one roof.
It was, however, agreed that we must alternate days being sick, so that someone can make meals. Ha!
Monday, April 4, 2016
Signing Up with the Mob
It is always dangerous when a follower of Christ is sitting among Christ's enemies without letting it be known what he is.
...It is more than probable that when Peter sat down [among the others at the fire after Christ's arrest] the air was ringing with jest and laughter about Jesus; but he did not interrupt: he kept silence and tried to look as like one of the scorners as he could. But not to confess Christ is the next step to denying Him. ~ The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ: A Devotional. James Stalker.
I had never considered the fact that Peter was likely surrounded with an air of jest and laughter over Christ. This puts me in the mind of something that we do, which, all in all, is as harmful to Christ as it is to blatantly joke about Him.
I was thinking how easy it is for us to, in one way or another, make a laughingstock of others. Generally speaking, I have heard (and been guilty of, naturally) people make sport of whomever is not present in the room---or, with the wit of sarcasm, make good fun of the people who are in the room.
To an extent, this is not perhaps always harmful. But then again, the sport of teasing can quickly have the sting of truth and mutate into something destroying----especially if the person can hear it, and especially if people take the torment to heart if the subject is not there. The act of having someone be a laughingstock is not honorable.
I have heard it said from non-believers a great amount of shock when they hear that someone they were listening to was indeed professing to be a believer. They could not hear it in the person's words; the spirit of life in their actions. Then, of course, there are those that non-believers know, without a doubt, of God's touch in their lives.
Let us consider Jesus' walk on earth. Who did He treat with sarcasm, scorn and frankly mocking words? Who did He treat with kind, compassionate words, gentle words to turn the person from the wrong heading?
If we desire to treat people poorly, to not monitor our words, gauge the words' actions against someone in (or out) of the room, we are more than deserving of the words poured out against the Pharisees. We might love to claim that we would not forsake Jesus that night as the 12 did---or that we, gracious creatures, would stand up against the crowd about the fire and speak that yes, we are a follower. We are, in most likelihood, lying through our teeth...
Do you recall the saying, "look not to how a man treats his superiors, but his inferiors"? If we are treating those about us with sarcasm and contempt...we may as well sign up to be in the mob that arrested Jesus.
Watch yourself...as I will watch myself.
...It is more than probable that when Peter sat down [among the others at the fire after Christ's arrest] the air was ringing with jest and laughter about Jesus; but he did not interrupt: he kept silence and tried to look as like one of the scorners as he could. But not to confess Christ is the next step to denying Him. ~ The Trial and Death of Jesus Christ: A Devotional. James Stalker.
I had never considered the fact that Peter was likely surrounded with an air of jest and laughter over Christ. This puts me in the mind of something that we do, which, all in all, is as harmful to Christ as it is to blatantly joke about Him.
I was thinking how easy it is for us to, in one way or another, make a laughingstock of others. Generally speaking, I have heard (and been guilty of, naturally) people make sport of whomever is not present in the room---or, with the wit of sarcasm, make good fun of the people who are in the room.
To an extent, this is not perhaps always harmful. But then again, the sport of teasing can quickly have the sting of truth and mutate into something destroying----especially if the person can hear it, and especially if people take the torment to heart if the subject is not there. The act of having someone be a laughingstock is not honorable.
I have heard it said from non-believers a great amount of shock when they hear that someone they were listening to was indeed professing to be a believer. They could not hear it in the person's words; the spirit of life in their actions. Then, of course, there are those that non-believers know, without a doubt, of God's touch in their lives.
Let us consider Jesus' walk on earth. Who did He treat with sarcasm, scorn and frankly mocking words? Who did He treat with kind, compassionate words, gentle words to turn the person from the wrong heading?
If we desire to treat people poorly, to not monitor our words, gauge the words' actions against someone in (or out) of the room, we are more than deserving of the words poured out against the Pharisees. We might love to claim that we would not forsake Jesus that night as the 12 did---or that we, gracious creatures, would stand up against the crowd about the fire and speak that yes, we are a follower. We are, in most likelihood, lying through our teeth...
Do you recall the saying, "look not to how a man treats his superiors, but his inferiors"? If we are treating those about us with sarcasm and contempt...we may as well sign up to be in the mob that arrested Jesus.
Watch yourself...as I will watch myself.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Running Off a Cliff
Rather than constantly worrying about what you will face, your great challenge is to continually release every area of your life to God's control.---Experiencing God devotional, Henry Blackby
My greatest fear and semi-constant worry is thus: that I shall grow elderly, more ill than I am now due to the course of disease and the likely addition of more autoimmune disease...and be utterly alone. To face days alone and in bed alone, no one at all to check and see if I might want water. No one to help me get to a doctor. No one to help me in the grocery store or to cook if I am too sick to even stand being up long enough to boil water. That fear envelopes me, especially at night, but to the point of crying jags of terror at facing that thought.
As a younger person that thought, although illness hits nearly every elderly person, is often far from our minds. Life is too busy and full of goals to even much have hit upon the thought.
I have hit on it, and I have hit on it hard. Very hard. It is one of my constant companions.
Yet I know that it is all in God's hands. I find that we face more "psychological" misery the more we are "against" (in other words forget) God. I do not think that this is so much, or necessarily, sent by God, but more the fact that if we are not constantly in thought of Him. We were created to be constantly in thought of Him, in His presence, in the safety of His garden.
Much like that time in the garden, however, we "decide" whether consciously or unconsciously to march across our time-line without "being still and knowing He is God". It is, after all, so much more fun that way, right? If living like this, we are in complete "freedom"---one with our dreams and aspirations.
Yeah. Right.
We then also have absolute delight of facing terror, trials and worries without God. No, do not mistake me; He is still there, walking beside us, waiting to help us (and probably doing so)...but He is waiting too for us to call on Him, to remember, yet again, that to walk without God is to taste the fires of Hell.
Forget about the false freedom we think that we have, the false freedom we think we are seeking. The only true freedom, the freedom from fears, worries, the help with trials and troubles, comes only when walking in step with God----not pulling sideways against the yoke like an untrained ox or green-broke colt. And, as a life-long farm girl, let me be succinct. There is little as stubborn or stupidly dangerous (like running off a cliff to do what it wants) as a young steer or horse.
My greatest fear and semi-constant worry is thus: that I shall grow elderly, more ill than I am now due to the course of disease and the likely addition of more autoimmune disease...and be utterly alone. To face days alone and in bed alone, no one at all to check and see if I might want water. No one to help me get to a doctor. No one to help me in the grocery store or to cook if I am too sick to even stand being up long enough to boil water. That fear envelopes me, especially at night, but to the point of crying jags of terror at facing that thought.
As a younger person that thought, although illness hits nearly every elderly person, is often far from our minds. Life is too busy and full of goals to even much have hit upon the thought.
I have hit on it, and I have hit on it hard. Very hard. It is one of my constant companions.
Yet I know that it is all in God's hands. I find that we face more "psychological" misery the more we are "against" (in other words forget) God. I do not think that this is so much, or necessarily, sent by God, but more the fact that if we are not constantly in thought of Him. We were created to be constantly in thought of Him, in His presence, in the safety of His garden.
Much like that time in the garden, however, we "decide" whether consciously or unconsciously to march across our time-line without "being still and knowing He is God". It is, after all, so much more fun that way, right? If living like this, we are in complete "freedom"---one with our dreams and aspirations.
Yeah. Right.
We then also have absolute delight of facing terror, trials and worries without God. No, do not mistake me; He is still there, walking beside us, waiting to help us (and probably doing so)...but He is waiting too for us to call on Him, to remember, yet again, that to walk without God is to taste the fires of Hell.
Forget about the false freedom we think that we have, the false freedom we think we are seeking. The only true freedom, the freedom from fears, worries, the help with trials and troubles, comes only when walking in step with God----not pulling sideways against the yoke like an untrained ox or green-broke colt. And, as a life-long farm girl, let me be succinct. There is little as stubborn or stupidly dangerous (like running off a cliff to do what it wants) as a young steer or horse.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Always Right
Philip Yancey, in his book "Disappointment with God", writes an intriguing line. He says that he small prayers that we make that are not answered make us think that God does not care--that praying for small (or big) things do not matter.
While I am not a great prayer-warrior, I have been debating this the last two days and have come to think this.
We should keep a prayer journal. When you read over the journal, you find that either the prayer you asked for was incredibly silly, selfish, angry or whathaveyou, while at the same point, you find great and enormous answers to those small prayers. You just missed them.
I do not always write my prayers. Indeed, I am, as I said, a poor prayer warrior. My mind wanders when I pray, which is why I do have many older journals with some prayers in them.
When we pray, or even when we ask for answers, sometimes we set limitations; that is, we will say to God, please let me know if I am supposed to do X, Y, or Z.
Ha!
Yes, I am laughing. I am laughing at myself and my own history. The biggest prayer I made of this sort, and made constantly...was as constantly giving me an answer. I just did not WANT that answer. The answer was no. A good, solid no...and while at the time that no was devastating, and nearly poisoned my faith in connection with a certain person, the answer God was always saying was indeed the correct answer. A good and solid NO. No, flee, run away child!
Yet, oh, how I did not want to. Prayers all day, every day...hope upon hope...with an answer of NO! by the actions of the other person involved.
So yes. I am laughing at myself. We ask God for things, put limits on our words, thinking we can force God into doing what we want, all the while missing the fact that He has our best interest at heart.
I have read in those same prayer journals the huge answers God gave me. Sometimes (very often) it was not what I thought I would get...but what I did get was infinitely better. God does gather us under His wings as a mother hen does her chicks. All depends on if we are the stupid sort of chick who likes to explore and faces the chance of predators (spiritual and human) and death by freezing (lack of God). Up to us to make that choice, and to continue to speak with God, waiting humbly (however hard that is) for His loving answer. His answers may be hard at times, and answers we do not understand....but in my experience, my limited experience, His answers are always the better option.
While I am not a great prayer-warrior, I have been debating this the last two days and have come to think this.
We should keep a prayer journal. When you read over the journal, you find that either the prayer you asked for was incredibly silly, selfish, angry or whathaveyou, while at the same point, you find great and enormous answers to those small prayers. You just missed them.
I do not always write my prayers. Indeed, I am, as I said, a poor prayer warrior. My mind wanders when I pray, which is why I do have many older journals with some prayers in them.
When we pray, or even when we ask for answers, sometimes we set limitations; that is, we will say to God, please let me know if I am supposed to do X, Y, or Z.
Ha!
Yes, I am laughing. I am laughing at myself and my own history. The biggest prayer I made of this sort, and made constantly...was as constantly giving me an answer. I just did not WANT that answer. The answer was no. A good, solid no...and while at the time that no was devastating, and nearly poisoned my faith in connection with a certain person, the answer God was always saying was indeed the correct answer. A good and solid NO. No, flee, run away child!
Yet, oh, how I did not want to. Prayers all day, every day...hope upon hope...with an answer of NO! by the actions of the other person involved.
So yes. I am laughing at myself. We ask God for things, put limits on our words, thinking we can force God into doing what we want, all the while missing the fact that He has our best interest at heart.
I have read in those same prayer journals the huge answers God gave me. Sometimes (very often) it was not what I thought I would get...but what I did get was infinitely better. God does gather us under His wings as a mother hen does her chicks. All depends on if we are the stupid sort of chick who likes to explore and faces the chance of predators (spiritual and human) and death by freezing (lack of God). Up to us to make that choice, and to continue to speak with God, waiting humbly (however hard that is) for His loving answer. His answers may be hard at times, and answers we do not understand....but in my experience, my limited experience, His answers are always the better option.
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