Advice From A Fear Suffering Auto Fear Mongerer on Fear

I am not one to be able to write on not fearing. I fear nearly everything. However, perhaps because of that, I am one of the best resources to write about fearing AND not fearing.
 Fear has greeted me and continues to greet me every day, as I wake from nightmares nearly crying. Fear greets me if I wake normally.
Fear is a black robed monster, sitting astride a black war horse. The horse is blown from the effort of running me down, turning at the end of the run, and coming back. Fear's drawn twin swords drip in blood from striking me again, and again, and again. The horse stands at the ready now, waiting for me to stagger to my feet again, to pick up my paltry, rusty single sword, and to ready for another attack. I am worn out from Fear's attack. "You have been sick--useless!--for nearly 6 years!" the Sword of Fear slashes across my back again. "You could go blind!" ..."You're next doctor's appointment will reveal a WORSE condition--and you will wonder why you dared COMPLAIN about your other "minor" issues."..."You will die alone, forgotten!"...(feel free to change these to whatever fear grips you).
All these slashes hit day after day, week after week, month after month, year...after year. On account of this, I am so very tired of dragging myself to the standing position, taking up my fighting stance again, and lose over and over again. I fear, how apropos, that I will not be able to stand at that battle station, and be trampled under Fear's horse. A sign will be erected:

"Here on this Spot Was Fought a Great Battle...Which, Like Most Great Battles, No One Even Noticed." 

The problem as a Fear-Fighter is that I don't have to be a Fear-Fighter. I won't step away from the battle field. My armor is bent, my helmet is gone now, my shoe has a rock in it. Why do I keep fighting? No one is in the stands, watching. No one is filming this great battle. No one even remembers that there was to be this great battle. 
Except One, who holds all time in His Hand.
I could step aside. Fear slaps his horse's bulging neck, laughing at me, as yet again I use my sword, in terrible technique, to stand again. The laugh is degrading, mocking. "Foolish one," he says to himself, "I will win; we both know it. You cannot live and fight like this. You will not have the strength, the power, the stamina---the BLOOD--to live to the end of this battle. You realize, don't you, that this battle lasts as long as your life lasts?" He laughs again, the horse shifting and causing the bits to rattle, the leather tack to squeak. 
Now, reader, my eye is swollen shut from the efforts. A night of nightmares that woke me at nearly screaming. A night of terror that when I wake, my vision will be gone. A night of terror, knowing that my condition could get worse...that I may never be a live person again; knowing I could be mostly alone, forgotten, the rest of my life. The Fear radiates off of me, feeding Fear to a larger being. The war horse becomes a dragon, blowing poisonous green flame. The rider, Fear, becomes a giant of insurmountable size. 
I shiver, now, reader, in exhaustion, stupidly thinking I must continue the fight. 
I try to straighten myself, trying to raise the sword to a fighting stance. 
A clinking noise sounds to my right, off the fighting field. A shuddering spasm runs through me, as I figure another Fear has joined in on the battle. 
I turn, and it is the Knight. The Knight that has been waiting off the field the entire time, the Knight that will take on Fear the moment I am willing to give up the battle, to ask for the assistance freely given. 
This Knight stands taller than myself, or indeed Fear, with delicate armor, made for show of wealth and power than for protection. The Knight does not need it, as well you would know. 
As stupidly as many of us say, "I am trying to do it myself."
We know it is stupid as we say that in our heads, in our subconscious. How well is it working, to do it myself? 
If I simply ask, step back from the fighting field, and allow that Knight to step on the field in front of me, in place of the battle....the battle stops. 
Fear, seeing  his Master, bows uncomfortably, shrinking in the presence of One so great. The dragon whimpers, becoming a shetland pony. Fear now stands on his own feet over the shetland pony. Fear bows several more times and leaves without a single word, never a single blow or movement being done by the Knight. 

So why do I still, like many of us (perhaps especially with the cornavirus COVID 19 scaring everyone so) continue to fight the fight alone?
It is our immortal battle to be our own little gods. We can do it, and we are sure that we can. We were sure we could generations ago, and we haven't given up yet.
It doesn't work very well, what with the drugs, alcohol, sex, and whatever it is that people are trying to do to comfort themselves in the misery that is this world. Perhaps, even, reader, you are one of those lucky few who have not experienced much fear before this pandemic. For the science and history minded person like myself, I know that pandemics and epidemics have happened many times--the Spanish Flu of 1918 ( CDC ) , which caused my grandmother's whole house to be bedridden but for my two year old grandmother. She was required to bring cups of water to her sickened family. There were many polio epidemics over the years, causing paralysis for many and killed thousands, causing terror for generations as well. (HealthLine )
Fear is a very real problem in this world and has been since sin decimated the world we live in to function as badly as it can without the Sun imploding.

God has many verses on fear, and not wanting us to fear. It can be easier said than done, certainly, as a champion--The main point that He makes with His comments on the subject of fear is that He is in control. The misery and horror we might face here really cannot DO anything to us, the real "us". There is more than meets the eye when we look at one another, or even ourselves in a mirror
Firstly what risk does Fear pose to our actual self, who we really are? Not much, all in all, if we are followers of Christ:
24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26 What good will it be  for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul. Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? 27 For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done. Matt 16 (   NIV)
Basically, we have to give up our own little notion of being so wonderful, so god-like, and not follow our favored sinful behavior whatever than might be. As I say, give up our god-complex. We are not gods, and considering how little we can control our lives, it seems glaringly obvious that we are rather pathetic gods. The worst thing that can happen to us ever is losing our soul by refusing to let God be God and refusing to admit that we think bad thoughts whether we act on them or not. We are not perfect, and have not been so in a very, very long time. If we wait on having a perfect life in this world, we won't have it. Perhaps for a short period, but our best chance is to focus on the future we have.     

 38. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, no anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8 ( NIV )

²⁷ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14 ( NIV )
While this verse is from a chapter dealing on the leaving of Christ from this earth until He calls us home--it applies that we should not fear anything in this world. It is easier said than done, as I well know. Fear is a powerful and sneaky emotion. We should not fear the things that are happening in this world.

28. When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift your heads, because your redemption is drawing near. Luke 21 ( NIV )

The end of the world is closer today than it was yesterday, much like each day in a pregnancy is further along than it was the day before. Each day forward is a day closer to a world that works properly.
Fear and Terror have become the passwords for life; populations and government scream peace, peace, peace--but I fear  (dreadful word choice) that such is not possible . This creates more fear and terror.

Fear is mainly based on suffering, either suffering in and of itself, however short lived, or suffering that leads to mortal death--the destruction of this imperfect body. For those of us assured, with the presence of the Comforter, who teaches us the Scripture as we study it,  we will face death but death has no sting now. Not with the covering of  Christ's sacrifice, for death is sin and sin is death. Since we have a covering of immortal level, a great gift from God, we haven't sin on our breath--not that we can sit back and allow the rot and filth of sin march around in our homes and hearts.

  53For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. 54When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” ^h

55“Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?” ⁱ

56The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

58Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Cor 15 (NIV )  ( This whole chapter via link discusses this process very well, so I urge you to read it in full) 

This whole chapter, via link, discusses this process very well, so I urge you to read it in full)  
 Everyone should recall the comfort given us, by the Spirit, but also with the Word--and, further, by those who suffer alongside us. A battle, whatever it might be with, is easier with the help of one who fights the same, or who has fought and won. 
  
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷ And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. 2 Cor 1 (  NIV )

Fear is a terrible opponent. I well know, but hopefully a few things I jotted down will help in calming the heart, soul and body of you, dear reader. And may He who reigns indeed come soon, maranatha, maranatha, AMEN. 

Health Update: Eye Think, Therefore Eye Am

I just saw my eye doctor for my every three month OCT exam and health check. The OCT is a retinal-optic channel test, and looks for disintegration. 
Up to this point we have been golden. I knew as I took the test, something was a bit off from the tech. I know these people pretty well...I know their hobbies, I know who is married, who has kids, who wants kids. And I am a skilled body language reader. 
I have some optic nerve thinning in the right eye. Admittedly this is "trace, trace, TRACE" to quote the doctor. It is so little that in a month I go back for a retest to make sure that this test is right. "Never trust a first test that is funny." He said, which is true. It is not very fear allaying, though, to someone who is terrified of going blind. 
Optic nerve thinning can be because of age, neurodegenerative diseases (MS and so on), injury or shock, drinking home made alcohol (yeah, since I won't drink store bought anyway that seems likely) and glaucoma (increased eye pressure). 
I have had to use quite a lot of high steroid use over the last three years. Thankfully, it has gone down a bit lately, the least it has been. This has allowed me to VERY slightly increase my light exposure, but not much. I can type for a little bit, maybe half an hour or so a day. I don't know how to make the "white" portions of websites and Word darker to not bother me. Any suggestions, send them my way--I've gotten rid of blue light and dimmed as far as I can go.
I am pretty upset about the eye issue. There are limited things that can be done for these things. It would be a little better if the worst eye was the one that had this nerve thinning. But no, it has cataracts which are making things fuzzy, and the "better" eye has a possible thinning optic nerve. 
I just don't know what to do anymore. If I listen to advice from others on medical choices, it will be the wrong choice. If I DON'T listen to medical advice of others, it is the wrong thing to do. I guess it just really doesn't matter. I wish I wasn't have eye issues. I've spent a lifetime afraid of going blind...and it is more of a reality all the time that I could. Pray for me.

Mimicry, Shadows and Mirrors Part I

Have you ever noticed the mimicry of Satan? The way he twists and turns things, attempting to be God, or be better than God? 
With the madness of today, with the spread of coronavirus making people feel terrified beyond all belief, it sounds so like a repeat of the plagues of Egypt. Locusts, wildfires, increases in earthquakes, wars and rumors of wars, disease and pestilence spreading like wildfires themselves. The wilder the world gets, somehow, the more I see a massive struggle from the men of this earth and, most likely, the fallen ones from heaven, to force a heaven like ruling state for themselves. 
It makes me think of the following passage:
 

¹² “How you have fallen from heaven, 

O ^[a]star of the morning, son of the dawn! You have been cut down to earth. You have weakened the nations!. 13 But you said in your heart 'I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God. And I will sit on the mount of assembly in the recesses of the north. 14 'I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.' Isaiah 14.12-14 ( NIV )

Here you see that Satan fell from heaven, but that his goal is to  get to heaven and overtake God--be himself like the Most High. One, the arrogance of this makes my skin shiver. Secondly, we can see it if we pay attention, the mimicry of Man and Serpent to be the Most High God.
 

I actually like the idea of Communism. If it worked, it would be wonderful. The problem is that we live in a wicked world. It doesn't seem possible to make a system with enough checks that  someone isn't going to take more than his fair share. It just happens. The recent examples of toilet paper hoarding, hand sanitizer hoarding, selling at price gouging prices, and NOT helping one's fellow man is a prime example.( Brothers buy 18,000 Bottles Hand Sanitizer to Sell on Amazon  ) Fear not, though, as help still remains in communities as well ( Visiting Nurses Foundation to switch to Food Delivery )

Communism is, I actually think, supposed to exist. The thing is, it cannot. We were told to share what we had with one another, though I fear, both in the Christian world and the World world, vipers lie in wait for the vulnerable. 
 

7John said to the crowds coming out to be baptized by him, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? 8Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ For I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. 9The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.”

10“What should we do then?” the crowd asked.

11John answered, “Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same.” Luke 3 ( NIV )

Because we live in the fallen world, the idea of socialism and communism is a Man and Demon idea to create Paradise WITHOUT having God be involved at all. "We can be our own gods", as was said at the Fall of Man itself, and repeated at the Tower of Babel:Here, the Fall of Man shows the woman herself changing the words of command that God actually given--the twisting of the words that we people all do to make the Word of God fit our "unique" understanding of Scripture:

² The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, ³ but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
⁴ “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. ⁵ “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Gen 3 ( NIV )

(The word "serpent" here shares a same root word with bronze--perhaps hinting towards his being called an angel of light, the "morning star" section of Isaiah. It is an intriguing anaology if you have ever been up before dawn. Sitting in the early morning chill, looking to the eastern horizon, one can see a morning star--a planet. It is very bright, the last standing star still seen. What happens as the sun rises over the horizon? The morning star vanishes, being replaced with the more powerful spatial body. This is a great analogy for the fact that Satan has a form of power and strength, but it is easily eclipsed by the power of God. ) ( GotQuestions ) 

Here is the true command given to man as found in the previous chapter:

¹⁶ And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; ¹⁷ but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” Gen 2 ( NIV)

 Next seen is the passage of the Tower of Babel:

3They said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks and burn them thoroughly.” And they used brick for stone, and they used tar for mortar. 4They said, “Come, let us build for ourselves a city, and a tower whose top will reach into heaven, and let us make for ourselves a name, otherwise we will be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth.”  Genesis 3 ( NIV )

Take a moment, reader, and consider the words spoken by the Men at the conception of the Tower of Babel...with the words spoken by the Great Serpent in Is 14.12-14.
Do you note some same words and phrases? 

13 But you said in your heart 'I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God. And I will sit on the mount of assembly in the recesses of the north. 14 'I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.' Isaiah 14.12-14


And this, again, from Genesis: 

They said, “Come, let us build for ourselves a city, and a tower whose top will reach into heaven, and let us make for ourselves a name, otherwise we will be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth."

They are mainly aiming for the same thing--to build something, be it a city, a nation or rebellion which will march itself up into the dwelling of the Most High, probably with the direct notion of becoming "God".

It is said among rabbinical teachers that part of the plan to ascend to Heaven, besides forcing entrance into the Paradise, was to attack the heavens with axes, draining it of water so that God could  not bring a Flood about again. There is thought that one group was aiming on climbing to the top of the tower should a flood come to escape the waters, and a second to use it as a shrine for a false god, while the third planned on bringing battle directly to God's door  (  Chabad ). However, this is NOT from the Word of God, so do not put any power in the idea beyond it being interesting.
 The fear of worldwide flooding continues to this day, as heard from terrified lips of the elite.

So why the drive by Man and the fallen angels to create, or force their way into Heaven? One, this is a rather terrible place to live. There is misery, sorrow, pain and illness, not to mention death itself. Two, those who do not like God, in fact HATE Him, cannot bear the fact that He reigns over all, and always will. It is infuriating, maddening. 
And yet, it is surprising, in a way, that Man and Serpent take such offense at having been a Creation that God loved.  They take offense at being servants of God, and give that up to be a slave to the world of sorrows and pain.

Jay Mack points out that, when Adam was placed in the Garden, he was commanded to work in it--but the word used for put means "to rest", and the word work was abad, meaning to serve. ( Mack ). To me, the idea of "resting" in a peaceful place and serving God sounds wonderful. If I had to dig a hole every single day (unlikely, I would think) in a place where I was never sick, never sad, lonely or dealing with all the chronic health conditions I have been collecting with hoarder like intentions, I would be thrilled. Sign me up now, today!
Basically in the Garden of Paradise, God commanded one thing---not to eat the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil."God’s first command to man concerned life and death, good and evil,... Adam was not to assume that because he was given authority over the earth that he was independent of God and exempt from His authority. The question was whether man, like Lucifer (Isaiah 14:12-15) would reject God’s right to rule and declare himself independent of God." ( Mack ) 
Man, too, decided instead to not allow God to reign. Unfortunately for the anti-God men and fallen ones, regardless of the number of times they refuse to honor Him, claiming instead to be gods themselves, God is still VERY much in full control. 
There is a joke that floats around the internet of a Roman Emperor, infuriated by the sinking of some ships, who declared war on Neptune. Supposedly, then, a group of Roman soldiers marched to the Mediterranean's shore, yelled in definance, and stabbed the water with spears. 
While funny, the joke is a great example of what it looks like for man and demons to not honor God. The arrogance of the Tower of Babel and the verses speaking of the fall of Satan are rather like the story of the Emperor of Rome taking on the world's oceans.   

Mimicry, Shadows and Mirrors PART II

Here is the second part of the Mimicry, Shadows and Mirrors post. We are looking at the fact that the fallen angels and man are each determined to create their own false Heaven here on earth...so that we can be our own god. How's that working? 


  In Ezekial, God speaks of Satan, and the status that he had help, much as the Isaiah 14 passage earlier speaks of the same thing.  
Ezekiel 28.14-18
“You were the anointed cherub who ^[a]covers,
And I placed you there.
You were on the holy mountain of God;
You walked in the midst of the stones of fire.
¹⁵ “You were blameless in your ways
From the day you were created
Until unrighteousness was found in you.
¹⁶ “By the abundance of your trade
^[b]You were internally filled with violence,
And you sinned;
Therefore I have cast you as profane
From the mountain of God.
And I have destroyed you, O ^[c]covering cherub,
From the midst of the stones of fire.
¹⁷ “Your heart was lifted up because of your beauty;
You corrupted your wisdom by reason of your splendor.
I cast you to the ground;
I put you before kings,
That they may see you.
¹⁸ “By the multitude of your iniquities,
In the unrighteousness of your trade
You profaned your sanctuaries.
Therefore I have brought fire from the midst of you;
It has consumed you,
And I have turned you to ashes on the earth
In the eyes of all who see you. ( BibleGateway )

Here was a creation who walked in the great Heaven of God, one of God's elite angels, yet he rebelled against God and was removed from the presence of God. 

Funny, isn't it? People generally have the idea that if they "live a good life" and avoid murdering people, they will "make it" into Heaven, or "earn" their way into Heaven. Yet I cannot say I have ever heard one person claim, even on ridiculous movies who claim "good" hearted people go to Heaven, that Satan will go to Heaven, so long as he is good hearted. Never have a I heard that "well, he only made the ONE mistake of wanting to be like God--and who wouldn't want to be like God? I'm sure that, after the whole Fall of Man thing, he stopped doing things, and will make it to heaven. After all, it is all about earning your way, having a good heart."  Or, equally saddening to me is the current ideology that "all paths lead to Heaven"...which they do not. 
But Man is certain that he holds the keys to his own salvation, that he can march into God's presence at the end of time. Never mind all the passages in the Old and New Testament that state otherwise.

  ⁶ Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14 (  NIV)

 Man was made in the image of God, a unique and, perhaps, honoring gift. We were to be the rulers, caretakers and such of the earth. 
 
 ²⁶ Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,^[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” Gen 2 ( NIV )

It wasn't enough to be made in the image of God. We wanted to be God, and in doing so, chose generations of misery and sorrow. We continue to think of ourselves as little gods. Admitting we are unkind, cruel and awful people takes a great deal of courage. The selfishness in our hearts is sometimes well hidden, but is often so obvious that it is startling. 

With the whole world in a state of despair, we try and create paradise...but rather like a house missing 90% of its foundation, we can never create paradise. It takes God to get closest to paradise here on earth. And it will take the completion of evil's final death gasp at the end of the Millennial Kingdom for us to fully reach Paradise.  
***Watch this great Amir Tsarfati episode to understand the Millennial Kingdom, if you are confused about when, where and how the Kingdom comes to pass: Behold Israel)

**Then please read the passage from Revelations 20 to make sure I don't have a mistake--- ( Rev 20 NIV ) 

I think we all somehow feel something is missing in this world...we hear the descriptions of Paradise in Genesis, and we read of the Millennial Kingdom when Jesus stands as King of the World in Jerusalem, and it sounds so good to believing ears. This is why I saw that Communism and Socialism really could work...but only under the reign of Christ. At the end of those Thousand Years, though, Satan goes out to create another war on God. Another attempt at making little gods of everyone. 
 

For those waiting for Christ to gather us to Him, though, remember these words in this hard life--and scary time for many.

 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
John 14 ( NIV ).

Life is very awful here, and I will be the first to say so. But someday it will all end, and end well. Unlike our lives here, or the books we read, nothing ends "happily ever after" without God being in control--which He is. We will walk under the banner of the Most High God, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. His prophecies given us are always right and true, and always come to pass. Look for yourself at the prophecies on Christ's first arrival--and they all have come to pass! That is statistically impossible. I say, trust the King of All over the wanna-bes. Maranatha, oh my King! Maranatha!