I was reading a book by Josiah Tidwell (highly recommend him, and he has free public domain books on Amazon!) and he mentioned as a Messianic prophecy the rock that Moses hit in the desert for water. Just in a list to study--he pointed out nothing that I will share with you. 2. The rock in the desert was practically what he wrote.
I have never heard anyone use that as a pointer to Christ--which all the Scripture points towards Him. Read the passage in Numbers, chapter 20.
If you think about it, that rock in the desert makes perfect sense. The people of Israel were wandering, without water, and desperate. God instructed Moses to command a certain rock, which he struck, and then the rock spewed forth water. As an aside, because Moses hit the rock rather than commanding it, he was punished to never enter the land of the Israelites God had prepared. (I cannot imagine the despair of Moses.)
Jesus was struck physically by the Jewish leaders, physically by the Romans, and physically by the stakes impaled into His arms and feet. He was struck verbally by these people also. The Rock, the true Rock, "The Lord is my Rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn (strength) of my salvation, my stronghold." Ps 18.2
Also interesting is how the Rock was struck by the leaders of Israel, just as Moses was the leader of the People. The passage of Numbers points out how the leaders would strike the one true Rock.
Before the Rock was struck, He prepared His followers. "If you love Me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever---the Spirit of Truth." John 14.15-16.
Read this: "Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and Who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water." John 4.10
The Rock, Christ, beaten and crucified, died and risen, sent us all Living Water, the Holy Spirit.
What a wonderful, incredible gift.
I love the links of the Old Testament that point out so very clearly that Christ fits as Savior of the world. The seemingly smallest verse screams out that He is indeed the Messiah. It is incredible, as I have done although got distracted eventually, to read the Word from the Beginning with the idea of looking for signs of Christ. I highly suggest it.
Rheumatoid Awareness
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
In Training
A different way of looking at life, and it's hardships, is to look at them as a form of training.
It is mentioned that we are to put on the armor of God. For what use if not that we are to be in battle?
Every difficulty, I have decided, is a training program. God allows Satan to send horrible things against us, that we may indeed show perseverance
5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 2 Pt 5
3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Rom 5
Oh, that we stand up through our trainings. Having a chronic illness which wounds one's hope all too easily, I think often of trainings I have already gone through. Those battles, when I could have "cursed God and died" seemed impossible at the time. Endless, impossible, cruel. And yet now those battles are endlessly useful.
More importantly, hope truly entered into life. Not hope of being better, of bettering anorexia, or agoraphobia. No. Hope of the Lord. The knowledge that He doesn't ever leave His beloved ones.
Think also of the passage of the armor of God. Soldiers are very often in training, passing certain tests is a requirement. Who are we fighting in this armor? Human nature, both our own and others...but also the battle we do not even see.
We are in training for a battle we can see, and a battle we cannot.
Somehow taking life's hardships in the form of training makes it easier for me. All new jobs are difficult because everyone goes through a training process, learning the ropes of how the business wants workers to work. Through our hardships we are given different jobs. Sometimes the job only has to do with our own life and walk, sometimes it is in preparation for a future duty with other people. I bet often it has to do with both.
Read your training manual. There is no manual ever written which is better.
It is mentioned that we are to put on the armor of God. For what use if not that we are to be in battle?
Every difficulty, I have decided, is a training program. God allows Satan to send horrible things against us, that we may indeed show perseverance
5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 2 Pt 5
3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Rom 5
Oh, that we stand up through our trainings. Having a chronic illness which wounds one's hope all too easily, I think often of trainings I have already gone through. Those battles, when I could have "cursed God and died" seemed impossible at the time. Endless, impossible, cruel. And yet now those battles are endlessly useful.
More importantly, hope truly entered into life. Not hope of being better, of bettering anorexia, or agoraphobia. No. Hope of the Lord. The knowledge that He doesn't ever leave His beloved ones.
Think also of the passage of the armor of God. Soldiers are very often in training, passing certain tests is a requirement. Who are we fighting in this armor? Human nature, both our own and others...but also the battle we do not even see.
We are in training for a battle we can see, and a battle we cannot.
Somehow taking life's hardships in the form of training makes it easier for me. All new jobs are difficult because everyone goes through a training process, learning the ropes of how the business wants workers to work. Through our hardships we are given different jobs. Sometimes the job only has to do with our own life and walk, sometimes it is in preparation for a future duty with other people. I bet often it has to do with both.
Read your training manual. There is no manual ever written which is better.
Sunday, December 11, 2016
No Longer Alive
My human life has stopped. At any moment of any day, I might be struck with such sickness and nausea as to be literally incoherent. My life has stopped.
Yet I am alive. I am so alive. Every moment is dear beyond description---and not because of human life accomplishments: careers, volunteer jobs, children and family. Such as this has been torn from my hands.
Yet I am alive. So very alive. This life I live and have is in Christ. Every moment is a breath He breathes. Every millisecond is a breath that He gives for some purpose---to worship Him, give Him glory. Perhaps other reasons, too...the reasons now shown me for the years of suffering earlier in my life. That time of terror left me with a stronger grasp onto the hand of Christ...Life could not be lived without Christ.
I am alive. Not in the human sense. I see Christ on the cross...and do not see the sins I have committed hung on His list of "crimes". No, I see a Man who died in agonies, while being FORSAKEN by God. A Man who died while in misery. Forsaken. And I sob in gratefulness, because I am not forsaken, He never will leave me
I am alive because I am not forsaken. God stands with me, carrying me when the weight of constant sickness is too much. I am ill. Yet I do not face suffering alone, as Christ did. I am greatly alive,not forsaken, in the midst of my not living a human life.
I cannot begin to describe being sick all the time. I cannot describe what it feels like, either, to cry out to God and feel His instant response. I cry for strength, His strength pours into my veins and soul--as if I was suddenly given IV medication. I cry for peace, and His great, incredible peace pours over my aching heart as if a flood of sweet molasses was covering me. I cry for help, and He lifts me up, holding me as literally as I can describe--as literally as someone touching my arm---holding me so close.
Oh, dear reader---I wish I could speak with words that impressed upon you the great, incredible love of God. The Bible, oh, the Word, screams the love of God. I feel that my words are so empty of what I need to describe. Do reach out to Him. Read everything, check everything to get a deeper understanding of God. Ask Him for knowledge...as I am doing this moment. The wonders shown are beyond description...
Yet I am alive. I am so alive. Every moment is dear beyond description---and not because of human life accomplishments: careers, volunteer jobs, children and family. Such as this has been torn from my hands.
Yet I am alive. So very alive. This life I live and have is in Christ. Every moment is a breath He breathes. Every millisecond is a breath that He gives for some purpose---to worship Him, give Him glory. Perhaps other reasons, too...the reasons now shown me for the years of suffering earlier in my life. That time of terror left me with a stronger grasp onto the hand of Christ...Life could not be lived without Christ.
I am alive. Not in the human sense. I see Christ on the cross...and do not see the sins I have committed hung on His list of "crimes". No, I see a Man who died in agonies, while being FORSAKEN by God. A Man who died while in misery. Forsaken. And I sob in gratefulness, because I am not forsaken, He never will leave me
I am alive because I am not forsaken. God stands with me, carrying me when the weight of constant sickness is too much. I am ill. Yet I do not face suffering alone, as Christ did. I am greatly alive,not forsaken, in the midst of my not living a human life.
I cannot begin to describe being sick all the time. I cannot describe what it feels like, either, to cry out to God and feel His instant response. I cry for strength, His strength pours into my veins and soul--as if I was suddenly given IV medication. I cry for peace, and His great, incredible peace pours over my aching heart as if a flood of sweet molasses was covering me. I cry for help, and He lifts me up, holding me as literally as I can describe--as literally as someone touching my arm---holding me so close.
Oh, dear reader---I wish I could speak with words that impressed upon you the great, incredible love of God. The Bible, oh, the Word, screams the love of God. I feel that my words are so empty of what I need to describe. Do reach out to Him. Read everything, check everything to get a deeper understanding of God. Ask Him for knowledge...as I am doing this moment. The wonders shown are beyond description...
Friday, December 9, 2016
Laying Down
Someone mentioned living as if you were living in Heaven to me the other day---
and I said that I live in Heaven often.
I may not volunteer enough, be enough places or do a great many other things that are important. But I do often live in Heaven.
20 Once, on being asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, “The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, 21 nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is in your midst. Luke 17 (Biblegateway)
He has already come, the Spirit is within us, the Kingdom is here now. The main question is, are we going to be "in" the Kingdom, or merely residents sitting and squandering our time?
I do not mean that we are not active in the community---that is indeed important. But what is also important, more important, is one's own activity in the Kingdom.
People will see a difference in each of us based on the activity we have in the Kingdom. Are we sitting and channel surfing? Are we reading x amount of minutes, praying down a list for so many minutes a day?
I am in the Kingdom. Some days I am more in the Kingdom than others; some days I am barely in the gate, sitting only because the price has been paid. Outside is the gnashing of teeth which poisons thoughts. Inside is peace and safety regardless of the life we walk.
When I am most in the Kingdom, at this point in my life, I am ill and in bed. And I feel, like a small child of three or four, that I lay in the arms of my Father. That His great hand smooths the hair on my weary, fevered head. That His fingers wipe the tears of my illness away, and that He speaks softly to me with Words from His book. Words written so long ago can be wrapped around me in a blanket of love so deep that I would not even be seen could the love be visible.
Be in the Kingdom. Reach for God with everything you own and possess. Being saved is incredible, being in the Kingdom and knowing God more and more every day is indescribable.
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." Matt 13.44
Nothing is worth more than God, the Kingdom. Reach and call, see what wonders He has for you---even as "little" and incredibly grand as telling the sick little girl of 28 that she is not alone, is loved so dearly, and every tear is wiped away.
and I said that I live in Heaven often.
I may not volunteer enough, be enough places or do a great many other things that are important. But I do often live in Heaven.
20 Once, on being asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, “The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, 21 nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is in your midst. Luke 17 (Biblegateway)
He has already come, the Spirit is within us, the Kingdom is here now. The main question is, are we going to be "in" the Kingdom, or merely residents sitting and squandering our time?
I do not mean that we are not active in the community---that is indeed important. But what is also important, more important, is one's own activity in the Kingdom.
People will see a difference in each of us based on the activity we have in the Kingdom. Are we sitting and channel surfing? Are we reading x amount of minutes, praying down a list for so many minutes a day?
I am in the Kingdom. Some days I am more in the Kingdom than others; some days I am barely in the gate, sitting only because the price has been paid. Outside is the gnashing of teeth which poisons thoughts. Inside is peace and safety regardless of the life we walk.
When I am most in the Kingdom, at this point in my life, I am ill and in bed. And I feel, like a small child of three or four, that I lay in the arms of my Father. That His great hand smooths the hair on my weary, fevered head. That His fingers wipe the tears of my illness away, and that He speaks softly to me with Words from His book. Words written so long ago can be wrapped around me in a blanket of love so deep that I would not even be seen could the love be visible.
Be in the Kingdom. Reach for God with everything you own and possess. Being saved is incredible, being in the Kingdom and knowing God more and more every day is indescribable.
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." Matt 13.44
Nothing is worth more than God, the Kingdom. Reach and call, see what wonders He has for you---even as "little" and incredibly grand as telling the sick little girl of 28 that she is not alone, is loved so dearly, and every tear is wiped away.
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Strength of Faith
Lately I have been fascinated by the parable of the seeds--the one in which Christ describes seeds being tossed onto a variety of soils. It fascinates me because I feel as if someone is attempting to "pull" me up via a rototiller.
Each day is our choice, the choice to send our taproot down further into the Word, gathering light from the true Light and growing while leaning against the strength of One stronger.
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8
The strength of our trials shall equal the strength of faith we have in God---although in my experience my faith in God was stronger after the trial, regardless of how "terrible" the trial was. Look! Read again that good verse! Nothing shall separate us from the love of God!
Christ tells us: 9“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Luke)
Oh, do ask your Father for help when you see or feel a rototiller attempting to rip your faith from under you, give you doubts, or just make you feel tired from the strain of fighting a battle so long. He does not desire we do these things alone, we were not even created to be alone in the perfect world.
Then why am I not healed? Or my many friends who are sick, or their children ill?
Healing may yet come in this life, or just in Paradise, or just with His second coming. In the meantime are chances to stand out to those fully lost. For what sense is it to believe in someone who seems to not heal you? To believe so strongly that you are not shaken from your stand, but, as Jesus said of the candle, continue to give light to the world.
Each day is our choice, the choice to send our taproot down further into the Word, gathering light from the true Light and growing while leaning against the strength of One stronger.
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8
The strength of our trials shall equal the strength of faith we have in God---although in my experience my faith in God was stronger after the trial, regardless of how "terrible" the trial was. Look! Read again that good verse! Nothing shall separate us from the love of God!
Christ tells us: 9“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Luke)
Oh, do ask your Father for help when you see or feel a rototiller attempting to rip your faith from under you, give you doubts, or just make you feel tired from the strain of fighting a battle so long. He does not desire we do these things alone, we were not even created to be alone in the perfect world.
Then why am I not healed? Or my many friends who are sick, or their children ill?
Healing may yet come in this life, or just in Paradise, or just with His second coming. In the meantime are chances to stand out to those fully lost. For what sense is it to believe in someone who seems to not heal you? To believe so strongly that you are not shaken from your stand, but, as Jesus said of the candle, continue to give light to the world.
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Hang On
I will try and write---I have been struck by RA flares or some related joy. I apologize if it does not make a lot of sense....
I was thinking today about when we are told to carry our crosses and follow Christ...how all the things that happen to us which are "bad" do not come from Him.
Some we cause ourselves, choosing to have an affair, driving over speed limits, and then finding that we are in a worse mess than had we stuck with our first marriage, facing paralysis by speeding and wrecking.
Some things we do not choose to do--I did not choose to have RA, and, as far as I know, did nothing to cause it.
Yet regardless of the bad things that swirl into our lives, we have to pick up our cross.
After more than two years of illness and study, I see hardships in the light of someone doing their best to pry us away from our faith, from our God. How often does it work? Most of us know a few people that with some tragedy or even a not-so-terrible tragedy melted them away from Christ. Some to the point of cursing Him. (shudder, I cannot fathom this).
Every trial and difficulty, every bad spot in a day is a time for you to make a powerful, incredible choice. A choice that causes angels to rejoice and evil to scream in rage. Every time we make the choice to say to an angry, unpleasant check-out clerk at the grocery store something that makes them laugh rather than snapping back at them is a choice toward the better. Every time we shun questionable websites, every time we literally (or actually) state we will not give up God is a great victory.
Every moment of every day can be a moment that the evil ones attempt to break us away from God. Every moment of my illness is a moment that I could (shudder) curse God for allowing me to be sick---allowing me to be sick how long? allowing me to miss so much of life.
Life is more than what we think it should be. Carrying our cross that we might walk beside Christ, listen to His voice teach us through Scripture, hear His answers to questions in prayers---that is life. And it is a life that is very difficult to "accept" when all about us shines neon lights of achievements, adventures, "wonders", whatever is your weakness.
Life comes from God...what is here is so fleeting, though it certainly doesn't feel like it at the time. We have been promised an eternal, perfect life, one which makes this momentary troubled time seem laughable.
Hang onto Him with every ounce of strength. Cry out to Him for strength, for patience, for wisdom---He will indeed answer.
I was thinking today about when we are told to carry our crosses and follow Christ...how all the things that happen to us which are "bad" do not come from Him.
Some we cause ourselves, choosing to have an affair, driving over speed limits, and then finding that we are in a worse mess than had we stuck with our first marriage, facing paralysis by speeding and wrecking.
Some things we do not choose to do--I did not choose to have RA, and, as far as I know, did nothing to cause it.
Yet regardless of the bad things that swirl into our lives, we have to pick up our cross.
After more than two years of illness and study, I see hardships in the light of someone doing their best to pry us away from our faith, from our God. How often does it work? Most of us know a few people that with some tragedy or even a not-so-terrible tragedy melted them away from Christ. Some to the point of cursing Him. (shudder, I cannot fathom this).
Every trial and difficulty, every bad spot in a day is a time for you to make a powerful, incredible choice. A choice that causes angels to rejoice and evil to scream in rage. Every time we make the choice to say to an angry, unpleasant check-out clerk at the grocery store something that makes them laugh rather than snapping back at them is a choice toward the better. Every time we shun questionable websites, every time we literally (or actually) state we will not give up God is a great victory.
Every moment of every day can be a moment that the evil ones attempt to break us away from God. Every moment of my illness is a moment that I could (shudder) curse God for allowing me to be sick---allowing me to be sick how long? allowing me to miss so much of life.
Life is more than what we think it should be. Carrying our cross that we might walk beside Christ, listen to His voice teach us through Scripture, hear His answers to questions in prayers---that is life. And it is a life that is very difficult to "accept" when all about us shines neon lights of achievements, adventures, "wonders", whatever is your weakness.
Life comes from God...what is here is so fleeting, though it certainly doesn't feel like it at the time. We have been promised an eternal, perfect life, one which makes this momentary troubled time seem laughable.
Hang onto Him with every ounce of strength. Cry out to Him for strength, for patience, for wisdom---He will indeed answer.
Monday, December 5, 2016
Small Words
Fear.
What a small word that honestly does not describe the depths of what fear feels like.
When I am last my sickest, delirious from fever swings, pain and nausea, fear builds and swoops in at my most logical moments.
I begin to fear being alone. That my family dies, abandons me for some reason. That. I lay alone for days, no food even in the house because I've been too sick to go out myself for food, medication gone that gives me at least some relief. Absolute terror fills my very soul until I lay shivering in my bed, tears soaking my pillows and blankets. I cannot describe the terror of this.
I did imagine, once, the terror that would be magnified if I had been or became paralyzed. Home alone, no way for me to eat, no way for me to move should a fire break out.
I am a champion of fear. Always have been.
I remember being around six. I loved, as I do now, to sing. I sat on the bumper of my father's work truck in the late summer afternoon belting out my own more-than-likely-dreadfully-done song. I sang over and over and over and over this:
"What would I do without Jesus? What would I do without Jesus? what would I do without Jesus? What would I do without Jesus?......I would be afraid! Oh, what would I do without Jesus, what would I do without Jesus? I would be afraid!"
Honestly I don't know what.it was I would be afraid of, then, that prompted my song. Death and no heaven? Or...what I mean towards, fear in general. I was terrified often even then in life, OCD working overtime in most parts of my life.
Incredible, though, that God influenced a six-year-old to sit and sing the same words for over an hour, until my voice gave out. Perhaps He sent me a message, since that memory is emblazoned on my soul as if in fiery letters.
The Word tells us from the Old Testament to the New not to fear anything. The only thing we are to fear is God; I tend to think that is a fear-respect type fear. Like what we might have for our earthly father. This is God, the creator of all, of course we should fear Him. Yet the littlest children wanted (I always thought) in the story to climb on Christ's lap, lean against Him, tell Him their little child stories of their lives, the kitty next door, the way they gather eggs, or "help" mama or papa with whatever work as they grow and learn to do those jobs. He obviously wants us near, respecting Him, but oh! talking to Him about every little detail, trusting Him with our whole being. Are we not told to come to Him as little children? Do we not in faith, but also in our knowledge of Him and the scriptures? Oh, to lean against Him, cry tired joyful tears of being by His marvelous side, to tell Him things or say nothing at all; best of all, hear Him speak, explain the wonders of creation we do not know, or the works He did that were not written down. (See the last verse in the book of John).
We are not to fear, but fear or worry or stress or whatever word you pick is altogether too easy to start. It's as if there is a broken record, skipping, skipping, skipping. The stress continues, the fear builds, the worry changes to a different worry or adds a worry.
Those things come from the evil ones. Much like one cannot serve two masters, God or money, as Christ tells us, we cannot serve two masters, fear/worry/stress and God.
How often has stress become a full focus? Worse, maybe for women, as stress comes out differently for most men 've met. But as a woman, and one with OCD, I will think something like "the boss 's going to be mad at me. The boss will be mad at me---the deadline is tomorrow, I won't make it. Oh no! I've got to go back and get groceries. Did I remember to pay that Bill? I better check. Oh, I need to make an appointment for a checkup. There's the phone ringing---hello? The car has a flat? No jack. Ok, I will come get you, but I need to come get groceries. And stop at your office?..." see? No where in that thought process or dialogue was God.
Fear is a distraction. Fear will overwhelm us until we stop thinking about God.
The incredible thing is, so often our stress and fear will be relieved---at least diminished---if we talk to God. If we go lean against the side of our heavenly Father, tell Him how scared we are. He knows of course...but what parent doesn't listen to the dearest of children when scared? Even when they know what the child is scared of? And this is our perfect Father!
Oh, dear reader, speak to Him. Ask for help with the stress, worry or out and out fear. Fear has no power in the realm of God, fear does not come from God. He is so very willing to lend strength to fighting fear, or He will banish the Fear that very instant. He loves us so much, more than we can understand...
Fear has so often just left me, as if it went out a door and drove home. When I remember to ask for help against these things, the results are wonderful. Do not give up hope, or let worry destroy you. As much as we live in a cursed world...the medical world is linking more and more disease to stress and worry. Scientifically it is a bad thing. Spiritually it is a very bad thing.
Call upon Him. He answers.
What a small word that honestly does not describe the depths of what fear feels like.
When I am last my sickest, delirious from fever swings, pain and nausea, fear builds and swoops in at my most logical moments.
I begin to fear being alone. That my family dies, abandons me for some reason. That. I lay alone for days, no food even in the house because I've been too sick to go out myself for food, medication gone that gives me at least some relief. Absolute terror fills my very soul until I lay shivering in my bed, tears soaking my pillows and blankets. I cannot describe the terror of this.
I did imagine, once, the terror that would be magnified if I had been or became paralyzed. Home alone, no way for me to eat, no way for me to move should a fire break out.
I am a champion of fear. Always have been.
I remember being around six. I loved, as I do now, to sing. I sat on the bumper of my father's work truck in the late summer afternoon belting out my own more-than-likely-dreadfully-done song. I sang over and over and over and over this:
"What would I do without Jesus? What would I do without Jesus? what would I do without Jesus? What would I do without Jesus?......I would be afraid! Oh, what would I do without Jesus, what would I do without Jesus? I would be afraid!"
Honestly I don't know what.it was I would be afraid of, then, that prompted my song. Death and no heaven? Or...what I mean towards, fear in general. I was terrified often even then in life, OCD working overtime in most parts of my life.
Incredible, though, that God influenced a six-year-old to sit and sing the same words for over an hour, until my voice gave out. Perhaps He sent me a message, since that memory is emblazoned on my soul as if in fiery letters.
The Word tells us from the Old Testament to the New not to fear anything. The only thing we are to fear is God; I tend to think that is a fear-respect type fear. Like what we might have for our earthly father. This is God, the creator of all, of course we should fear Him. Yet the littlest children wanted (I always thought) in the story to climb on Christ's lap, lean against Him, tell Him their little child stories of their lives, the kitty next door, the way they gather eggs, or "help" mama or papa with whatever work as they grow and learn to do those jobs. He obviously wants us near, respecting Him, but oh! talking to Him about every little detail, trusting Him with our whole being. Are we not told to come to Him as little children? Do we not in faith, but also in our knowledge of Him and the scriptures? Oh, to lean against Him, cry tired joyful tears of being by His marvelous side, to tell Him things or say nothing at all; best of all, hear Him speak, explain the wonders of creation we do not know, or the works He did that were not written down. (See the last verse in the book of John).
We are not to fear, but fear or worry or stress or whatever word you pick is altogether too easy to start. It's as if there is a broken record, skipping, skipping, skipping. The stress continues, the fear builds, the worry changes to a different worry or adds a worry.
Those things come from the evil ones. Much like one cannot serve two masters, God or money, as Christ tells us, we cannot serve two masters, fear/worry/stress and God.
How often has stress become a full focus? Worse, maybe for women, as stress comes out differently for most men 've met. But as a woman, and one with OCD, I will think something like "the boss 's going to be mad at me. The boss will be mad at me---the deadline is tomorrow, I won't make it. Oh no! I've got to go back and get groceries. Did I remember to pay that Bill? I better check. Oh, I need to make an appointment for a checkup. There's the phone ringing---hello? The car has a flat? No jack. Ok, I will come get you, but I need to come get groceries. And stop at your office?..." see? No where in that thought process or dialogue was God.
Fear is a distraction. Fear will overwhelm us until we stop thinking about God.
The incredible thing is, so often our stress and fear will be relieved---at least diminished---if we talk to God. If we go lean against the side of our heavenly Father, tell Him how scared we are. He knows of course...but what parent doesn't listen to the dearest of children when scared? Even when they know what the child is scared of? And this is our perfect Father!
Oh, dear reader, speak to Him. Ask for help with the stress, worry or out and out fear. Fear has no power in the realm of God, fear does not come from God. He is so very willing to lend strength to fighting fear, or He will banish the Fear that very instant. He loves us so much, more than we can understand...
Fear has so often just left me, as if it went out a door and drove home. When I remember to ask for help against these things, the results are wonderful. Do not give up hope, or let worry destroy you. As much as we live in a cursed world...the medical world is linking more and more disease to stress and worry. Scientifically it is a bad thing. Spiritually it is a very bad thing.
Call upon Him. He answers.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
Beyond Love
I am very weary. Sickness is something we figure will happen to someone else. Then we think that it will be like a simple infection; take some medicine and everything will be fine.
Trials have the advantage of solidifying our faith. The trials we face lead us into a deeper reach for God. We cling to Him, finding strength and peace from Him which is stronger and more powerful than any we might find from sedatives or antidepressants. (Please, do take these meds if you need them. They are a crutch and as needed as a cast on a broken leg if your Dr says you need them!)
Trials and hardships are referred to as a refining process in scripture. It is then that we drop sinful behaviors, selfishness, pride, etc.
Few can manage to be prideful, etc., when they are in the worst of situations.
The problem is many feel that God has abandoned them. Or that He is punishing them. Perhaps the latter if no mentioning of apology is found...but as to the first my life says different.
God is only distant when we have been distant. We either have made no effort to know Him or, worse, we have made so much h effort it has become a prideful pious movement. We aren't trying to grow a relationship with God! We are making sure we know more than everyone else. We are making sure we are pious enough.
No. Those are the only times I've noticed God truly seeming far----but "far" as in ten feet away rather than two. He's still watching, still loving.
He knows man's heart. After all, He made man. Therefore, when we first call to Him when a trial hits, it depends on where we stand. Are we calling with the pious "snob" attitude? "I've prayed thirteen hours, done twelve pages in bIble study. he has to answer me." Or are we drowning in guilt over some sin?
Make a clean breast of the sin. Oh, how quickly He gathers you up! If filled with pious pride, destroy it. Make yourself a child...apologize for the snobbery.
He doesn't leave us in trials, but for those things that I have noticed. Trials are allowed to train us, to show us our need for God, how very willing He is to take on most of the load of the trial. Oh, His love and comfort is just beyond description. I wish I could explain the feeling of love, tenderest and kindest love and worry I've ever known.He is so loving----the word does not do it justice.
Trials have the advantage of solidifying our faith. The trials we face lead us into a deeper reach for God. We cling to Him, finding strength and peace from Him which is stronger and more powerful than any we might find from sedatives or antidepressants. (Please, do take these meds if you need them. They are a crutch and as needed as a cast on a broken leg if your Dr says you need them!)
Trials and hardships are referred to as a refining process in scripture. It is then that we drop sinful behaviors, selfishness, pride, etc.
Few can manage to be prideful, etc., when they are in the worst of situations.
The problem is many feel that God has abandoned them. Or that He is punishing them. Perhaps the latter if no mentioning of apology is found...but as to the first my life says different.
God is only distant when we have been distant. We either have made no effort to know Him or, worse, we have made so much h effort it has become a prideful pious movement. We aren't trying to grow a relationship with God! We are making sure we know more than everyone else. We are making sure we are pious enough.
No. Those are the only times I've noticed God truly seeming far----but "far" as in ten feet away rather than two. He's still watching, still loving.
He knows man's heart. After all, He made man. Therefore, when we first call to Him when a trial hits, it depends on where we stand. Are we calling with the pious "snob" attitude? "I've prayed thirteen hours, done twelve pages in bIble study. he has to answer me." Or are we drowning in guilt over some sin?
Make a clean breast of the sin. Oh, how quickly He gathers you up! If filled with pious pride, destroy it. Make yourself a child...apologize for the snobbery.
He doesn't leave us in trials, but for those things that I have noticed. Trials are allowed to train us, to show us our need for God, how very willing He is to take on most of the load of the trial. Oh, His love and comfort is just beyond description. I wish I could explain the feeling of love, tenderest and kindest love and worry I've ever known.He is so loving----the word does not do it justice.
Saturday, December 3, 2016
What is Done and What Is
All that a man is and does depends, in the last resort, on what he knows and believes. The Preacher, James Stalker
In the parable of the seeds, Christ discussed the faith of the world. The seeds fell on a variety of soils---some seeds were eaten by birds, some grew quickly and faded from lack of soil, and some were smothered by weeds.
The seed that grew and lasted, withstood the strugggles of life were those that landed on good soil.
Stalker throws out an interesting theory, that intelligence has to do with keepingg faith.
Not saying that only the smartest "make" it...but rather that those who think about the Word, think about the importance of faith.
When the worst of times hit, our faith becomes the most important. What I know an believe about God is the anchor that holds me in place in this storm of sickness. If we sever the rope to that anchor, we will be tossed about beyond our ability to survive the storm. Strengthen the rope with more studying, more contemplation of God. Then what we do and who we are actually matters, there is true purpose in our lives. The storms of life may hit, but He is standing to pull us back into walking on the water beside Him.
In the parable of the seeds, Christ discussed the faith of the world. The seeds fell on a variety of soils---some seeds were eaten by birds, some grew quickly and faded from lack of soil, and some were smothered by weeds.
The seed that grew and lasted, withstood the strugggles of life were those that landed on good soil.
Stalker throws out an interesting theory, that intelligence has to do with keepingg faith.
Not saying that only the smartest "make" it...but rather that those who think about the Word, think about the importance of faith.
When the worst of times hit, our faith becomes the most important. What I know an believe about God is the anchor that holds me in place in this storm of sickness. If we sever the rope to that anchor, we will be tossed about beyond our ability to survive the storm. Strengthen the rope with more studying, more contemplation of God. Then what we do and who we are actually matters, there is true purpose in our lives. The storms of life may hit, but He is standing to pull us back into walking on the water beside Him.
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Magnifies
I've been so sick. I still never knew people could feel so terrible all the time. Not without facing cancer treatments or death. I haven't even been able to read...sick enough to not understand what I am reading. Too much effort to hold a book. Kindle light too bright for tired eyes. Worn out body and spirit with sick, sick, sick.
Went to the hospital with terrible stomach pain and sickness. I figured my gall bladder was going. So did the drs. All tests came back ok. So I am on carefate, which coats the stomach. Helps a lot. Until I eat.
The point I'm making is I feel terrible most of the time. My thoughts are scattered, tears fly easily to my eyes from it all. I feel terrible, and the strain of my sickness hits my housemates hard.
Even with all this, unable to hold or read the Bible--only recently been able to understand what I am reading, even in the most often read books----my "soul magnifies the Lord".
I read of the prophets of old looking forward to the time of Christ. Looking forward and dreaming of the sights and sounds they might have seen and heard. And I dream of hearing His voice, seeing those things as however we might in Paradise as living glorification...videos if you will. All the miracles He did, the stories not told as mentioned in the last verse of the book of John. Can you imagine hearing His voice? Seeing Him? Oh! That we might hear and see today! That paradise, His second coming was this very millisecond!
My dreams for this are strong, probably because of my illness and suffering. My soul magnifies the Lord. If I could but tell the world in so many words what has been done in my own small life---what blessings. And those are only the ones I've seen and noticed! How many blessings do we have we do not see? I never saw the terrors of panic attacks and anorexia as being useful, ever...and yet they were extraordinary useful to this day. For myself and other people. I look forward to seeing what blessings and wonders have been done since the beginning of man someday, assuming we get to see such things.
I feel like the woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years (can you imagine how ill she might have been!). If I could but touch the hem of His robe. Not even so much to be healed. But to touch the firstborn of all creation. To touch the Master of my soul, the King of my life, the Shepherd of my thoughts. To hear His voice calling to me, have the tears I've shed wiped dry.
This world is difficult, often beyond words. But there is Something so incredible with us, Something so wonderful, amazing, powerful. And Something that rewards us for sticking with Him through the suffering of the world. Satan tries to break us. Get us to "join" his side...whether through heartbreak, sickness, whathaveyou. Read the parables on the grain, the sowing of wheat. Everything is thrown at us to try and drive us from God. The stronger we hold onto God, the stronger that grip gets, an unbreakable bond. He spilled blood for us, and when we hold on, ask for help to hold on...we are lifted from sinking in the sea. Never alone, never forgotten. Were any of the disciples lost from Christ? Barring Iscariot, who had long loosed his grip on Him. Nothing separated them from the love of God.
Went to the hospital with terrible stomach pain and sickness. I figured my gall bladder was going. So did the drs. All tests came back ok. So I am on carefate, which coats the stomach. Helps a lot. Until I eat.
The point I'm making is I feel terrible most of the time. My thoughts are scattered, tears fly easily to my eyes from it all. I feel terrible, and the strain of my sickness hits my housemates hard.
Even with all this, unable to hold or read the Bible--only recently been able to understand what I am reading, even in the most often read books----my "soul magnifies the Lord".
I read of the prophets of old looking forward to the time of Christ. Looking forward and dreaming of the sights and sounds they might have seen and heard. And I dream of hearing His voice, seeing those things as however we might in Paradise as living glorification...videos if you will. All the miracles He did, the stories not told as mentioned in the last verse of the book of John. Can you imagine hearing His voice? Seeing Him? Oh! That we might hear and see today! That paradise, His second coming was this very millisecond!
My dreams for this are strong, probably because of my illness and suffering. My soul magnifies the Lord. If I could but tell the world in so many words what has been done in my own small life---what blessings. And those are only the ones I've seen and noticed! How many blessings do we have we do not see? I never saw the terrors of panic attacks and anorexia as being useful, ever...and yet they were extraordinary useful to this day. For myself and other people. I look forward to seeing what blessings and wonders have been done since the beginning of man someday, assuming we get to see such things.
I feel like the woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years (can you imagine how ill she might have been!). If I could but touch the hem of His robe. Not even so much to be healed. But to touch the firstborn of all creation. To touch the Master of my soul, the King of my life, the Shepherd of my thoughts. To hear His voice calling to me, have the tears I've shed wiped dry.
This world is difficult, often beyond words. But there is Something so incredible with us, Something so wonderful, amazing, powerful. And Something that rewards us for sticking with Him through the suffering of the world. Satan tries to break us. Get us to "join" his side...whether through heartbreak, sickness, whathaveyou. Read the parables on the grain, the sowing of wheat. Everything is thrown at us to try and drive us from God. The stronger we hold onto God, the stronger that grip gets, an unbreakable bond. He spilled blood for us, and when we hold on, ask for help to hold on...we are lifted from sinking in the sea. Never alone, never forgotten. Were any of the disciples lost from Christ? Barring Iscariot, who had long loosed his grip on Him. Nothing separated them from the love of God.
Friday, November 18, 2016
Stormy Seas
"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Mt 6.34 NLT
I am a champion worrier. I think I would be able to surpass or at least be even with the top worrier you know. I can worry about anything, from the weather to food to what I said.
RA has changed some worries. I don't worry much about the next day. Or the next moment. I never know how I will feel, so...it changes the stressors I once had. When I was "active" and more mobile, I worried about tomorrow, the day after, the next day, etc. Life was one big worry. And I wonder how much of that influenced my health.
Obviously we are told not to worry, which seems easier said than done. Yet if we are willing to give up some of the precious control we always think we need, we can actually stop worrying! Without the use of anti anxiety meds even! (Though the nurse in me says use them if you've been prescribed them!!!)
If we will call out to God, Who throughout this passage is said to know all our needs, He will help us handle the load we bear. Sometimes it seems like the answer comes in an odd way---maybe someone steps in to help with our laundry while we take a sick family member to a doctor. Or maybe the answer just seems hidden from us, and we don't realize we now have more energy than we did. He will help, if we are willing to let go of our worries, let today be today...and tomorrow just be tomorrow.
I know how difficult it can be to let go of those worries and fears. It takes a lot of effort sometimes to let go. Just let go, cry on His shoulder and admit the fears you have. He knows...and loves you so much. Life may be very hard at times---but we are never left alone or forsaken. He is always there, always reaching down into the stormy sea to pull us up again.
I am a champion worrier. I think I would be able to surpass or at least be even with the top worrier you know. I can worry about anything, from the weather to food to what I said.
RA has changed some worries. I don't worry much about the next day. Or the next moment. I never know how I will feel, so...it changes the stressors I once had. When I was "active" and more mobile, I worried about tomorrow, the day after, the next day, etc. Life was one big worry. And I wonder how much of that influenced my health.
Obviously we are told not to worry, which seems easier said than done. Yet if we are willing to give up some of the precious control we always think we need, we can actually stop worrying! Without the use of anti anxiety meds even! (Though the nurse in me says use them if you've been prescribed them!!!)
If we will call out to God, Who throughout this passage is said to know all our needs, He will help us handle the load we bear. Sometimes it seems like the answer comes in an odd way---maybe someone steps in to help with our laundry while we take a sick family member to a doctor. Or maybe the answer just seems hidden from us, and we don't realize we now have more energy than we did. He will help, if we are willing to let go of our worries, let today be today...and tomorrow just be tomorrow.
I know how difficult it can be to let go of those worries and fears. It takes a lot of effort sometimes to let go. Just let go, cry on His shoulder and admit the fears you have. He knows...and loves you so much. Life may be very hard at times---but we are never left alone or forsaken. He is always there, always reaching down into the stormy sea to pull us up again.
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Boiling point
I had an episode of boiling rage a week and some back. I had reason to be angry.
We often have a reason to be angry. The question is, is it right to be angry.
One thing about RA, I will pay for any emotional upset. Excitement, sadness, anger. If I do not stop an emotion as shortly as possible....I will be much sicker. Crying is the most common fight I get.
Most of the things we are angry about really do not matter. Often it is a misunderstanding, or a bad day on someone's part, yours or theirs.
I was so angry that night that my entire face was red and hot, I had cried in rage, hurrying my face in a blanket to try and stem the tears. And then, it suddenly flashed upon me that I was not angry in a holy sense. It was unholy anger.
I tried for some moments to stem my rage, but had to ask God to take it from me. And I still had to fight to not feed the dying fire.
I was mad at a person, as we all so often are. But while I may have been hurt, my reaction wasn't a holy anger.
From all I have read in the Bible...holy anger comes only in protecting God. Ensuring His honor is intact, such as Jesus at the Temple, chasing off the animal and money changers--who, by the way, were charging too much! That is holy anger...
Anger is a problem in everyone's life in some point or another. Maybe a higher level in one person's, less in another---or displaced into shyness or anxiety. Whatever it is, we have to ask God for the help we need to fight these battles. We were not meant to have these battles in the perfect world....I don't think that we can physically, emotionally, or spiritually expect to manage them on our own in this broken one. Besides...it is so much easier to walk with someone when having to do hard work than alone.
We often have a reason to be angry. The question is, is it right to be angry.
One thing about RA, I will pay for any emotional upset. Excitement, sadness, anger. If I do not stop an emotion as shortly as possible....I will be much sicker. Crying is the most common fight I get.
Most of the things we are angry about really do not matter. Often it is a misunderstanding, or a bad day on someone's part, yours or theirs.
I was so angry that night that my entire face was red and hot, I had cried in rage, hurrying my face in a blanket to try and stem the tears. And then, it suddenly flashed upon me that I was not angry in a holy sense. It was unholy anger.
I tried for some moments to stem my rage, but had to ask God to take it from me. And I still had to fight to not feed the dying fire.
I was mad at a person, as we all so often are. But while I may have been hurt, my reaction wasn't a holy anger.
From all I have read in the Bible...holy anger comes only in protecting God. Ensuring His honor is intact, such as Jesus at the Temple, chasing off the animal and money changers--who, by the way, were charging too much! That is holy anger...
Anger is a problem in everyone's life in some point or another. Maybe a higher level in one person's, less in another---or displaced into shyness or anxiety. Whatever it is, we have to ask God for the help we need to fight these battles. We were not meant to have these battles in the perfect world....I don't think that we can physically, emotionally, or spiritually expect to manage them on our own in this broken one. Besides...it is so much easier to walk with someone when having to do hard work than alone.
RA Post: So Out
I've been so out of it. I did find out that I am no longer Seronegative for my RA. Before there was no real sign in my blood work that I had RA, which is called Seronegative. Now, I do. The only "benefit" is that we can medically monitor my inflammation and see what medications are working.
I am quite frustrated. I've been on two steroid packs...and know how hard it will be to breathe when they are gone. I am having a lot of trouble with costochondritis----inflammation in the ribs. There are joints all up the front, by the breastbone, and all down the back by the spine. So those all get tight and don't want to move. Like having a thirty pound child sitting on your ribs.
My feet are so hot at night that I shift them around constantly trying to keep a cool spot on the bed. My hands are the same way. Just really uncomfortable and ill lately. The pain is still easiest for me. It's the nausea and just worst sick sickness I can describe.
I am quite frustrated. I've been on two steroid packs...and know how hard it will be to breathe when they are gone. I am having a lot of trouble with costochondritis----inflammation in the ribs. There are joints all up the front, by the breastbone, and all down the back by the spine. So those all get tight and don't want to move. Like having a thirty pound child sitting on your ribs.
My feet are so hot at night that I shift them around constantly trying to keep a cool spot on the bed. My hands are the same way. Just really uncomfortable and ill lately. The pain is still easiest for me. It's the nausea and just worst sick sickness I can describe.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
No Myrrh
I am in rolling around the couch-bed, holding my breath, pacing level of pain.
And I can't help think of Christ.
While I have done everything I can medically for my pain, He refused anything pain relieving that they offered Him.
It is mentioned that they offered Him wine mixed with myrrh in Luke 15.23.
Historically, I've read, myrrh was given to those being crucified (presumably other deaths) to help numb the mind to the whole event.
Apparently Christ needed to have His wits about Him, to experience every piecing, throbbing, aching, wretched pain. I do not know why.
But it is something to think about...when I myself am in a bad pain spot.
And I can't help think of Christ.
While I have done everything I can medically for my pain, He refused anything pain relieving that they offered Him.
It is mentioned that they offered Him wine mixed with myrrh in Luke 15.23.
Historically, I've read, myrrh was given to those being crucified (presumably other deaths) to help numb the mind to the whole event.
Apparently Christ needed to have His wits about Him, to experience every piecing, throbbing, aching, wretched pain. I do not know why.
But it is something to think about...when I myself am in a bad pain spot.
Monday, November 14, 2016
Names of God
God. This comes from one word and two of its compound or forms and will mean accordingly: (1) The Strong One used 225 times in the Old Testament; (2) The Strong One as an object of worship; (3) The Strong One who faithful and, therefore, to be trusted and obeyed. This last is a plural term and is used 2300 times in the Old Testament...It was by this name that God the Trinity was covenanted for the good of man before man was created.
--The Bible Book by Book: A Manual for the Outline Study of the Bible by Books. Josiah Blake Tidwell
I love this; that one of God's names means the Strong One.
There are so many fears in this world. Some truly are terrifying---facing cancer, terrorist groups, gang rapes. Some are lesser fears, spiders, looking for a job, etc.,etc. Each of us puts our fear into a different category. Terrifying for me would include dental work, as I hate being strangled. Terrifying for someone in China might be having their home church discovered. Or, in the Middle East, the man walking down the crowded street may have a bomb. Or in Chicago, USA, there might be a murderer standing right next to me.
There are fears everywhere, some cripple us to our knees. Scientifically, we know that stress is hard on the heart, tiring it out as it races to beat no one in a race for life. I sometimes wonder if it is fear that kills us...fear being the sin that seems to be the hardest to escape.
We don't have to be afraid. The Strong One paid the price for us, we belong to Him---every single molecule. When we are facing hard, scary things, all we have to do is call on Him. Ask for His great strength. Ask for His great peace.
There were many times when I drove to college those first years that I drove in circles around different roads, trying to get the confidence to face those who terrified me at college. I prayed. I cranked up "Call on Jesus" by Nicole C. Mullins as loud as the radio would go. I would sing/shout those words until tears streamed down my face, soaking the top of my shirt. Fear was a powerful enemy, nearly strangling me.
I remember the times that He helped me, sent a calming attitude over me. I could face people who had hurt me in the past and present. I could do it, by the power of God.
Something is always frightening in life. The frightening things, though, are often controlled by the Prince of the Air (Satan's other name). We, however, can get strength, peace, wisdom, joy and love from the Strong One---the One who has won the battle and only needs to hang the award on the wall. Then we will all be in Paradise. .........But before that, just remember when you are frightened, and you are asking for help from God--not even sure you will get it---that this is God! This is indeed the Strong One, and He has won the battle and will give you such amazing peace, strength, wisdom, joy, wonder....that fear will vanish like mist.
--The Bible Book by Book: A Manual for the Outline Study of the Bible by Books. Josiah Blake Tidwell
I love this; that one of God's names means the Strong One.
There are so many fears in this world. Some truly are terrifying---facing cancer, terrorist groups, gang rapes. Some are lesser fears, spiders, looking for a job, etc.,etc. Each of us puts our fear into a different category. Terrifying for me would include dental work, as I hate being strangled. Terrifying for someone in China might be having their home church discovered. Or, in the Middle East, the man walking down the crowded street may have a bomb. Or in Chicago, USA, there might be a murderer standing right next to me.
There are fears everywhere, some cripple us to our knees. Scientifically, we know that stress is hard on the heart, tiring it out as it races to beat no one in a race for life. I sometimes wonder if it is fear that kills us...fear being the sin that seems to be the hardest to escape.
We don't have to be afraid. The Strong One paid the price for us, we belong to Him---every single molecule. When we are facing hard, scary things, all we have to do is call on Him. Ask for His great strength. Ask for His great peace.
There were many times when I drove to college those first years that I drove in circles around different roads, trying to get the confidence to face those who terrified me at college. I prayed. I cranked up "Call on Jesus" by Nicole C. Mullins as loud as the radio would go. I would sing/shout those words until tears streamed down my face, soaking the top of my shirt. Fear was a powerful enemy, nearly strangling me.
I remember the times that He helped me, sent a calming attitude over me. I could face people who had hurt me in the past and present. I could do it, by the power of God.
Something is always frightening in life. The frightening things, though, are often controlled by the Prince of the Air (Satan's other name). We, however, can get strength, peace, wisdom, joy and love from the Strong One---the One who has won the battle and only needs to hang the award on the wall. Then we will all be in Paradise. .........But before that, just remember when you are frightened, and you are asking for help from God--not even sure you will get it---that this is God! This is indeed the Strong One, and He has won the battle and will give you such amazing peace, strength, wisdom, joy, wonder....that fear will vanish like mist.
Saturday, November 12, 2016
Pretty Amazing
I spent the last two days in a delirious, fever/inflammation stupor--oh, so very sick. Nausea rose up and down as if I lay not on a couch-bed of cushions, but on a sea-tossed sailing ship. My five-inches of extra padding for my couch-bed, normally exceedingly comfortable, felt as if I was on a rock, jabbing ferociously into my aching bones. Nightmares abound in such times as these, from such sickness as flu.
I cried out to God in my more coherent moments, asking Him how this could bring Him glory. How I, alone and miserable on my bed, too sick to even think properly, could bring Him glory? Is not the point of our existence to bring Him glory and honor? Have a relationship with Him?
Certainly there must be more I should do---not so much in the idea of works, but that I should bring Him more glory by being able to do more than be sick.
And yet, the answer seemingly seems to be "no". For one, it is as yet physically impossible for me to do much---and the frustration of that is nearly beyond description.
I could go an volunteer at every single volunteer position I could find until I spent 16 hours a day volunteering. And it would be an honorable thing; yet to which, God or people? It would not mean that I was faithful in my heart to God. I might think I was, and everyone else might think I was; it would not necessarily be true.
The most glory we give God is by our faith in Him, our worship of Him---and hopefully our showing others His love and helping lead them to salvation.
Our societies push that each person have something he/she attends to that is of value...but that thing of value is not always a valuable thing to God, or rather the most valuable. The most valuable thing is the relationship we have with God--it is eternal, whereas the majority of things we complete on this earth are not.
Right before my RA erupted, I thought things were going so well. (always a bad sign to be thinking that). I was working at a job in which I hoped I was showing myself to be different, showing the love of God, I was beginning to try and focus what little energy I had left on Bible studies. By all standards of the "world" and even the "Christian world" I was at a "good place". Apparently I was not in the place I should have been.
It is either easier to have faith in God during a trial, or harder. Either one clings to God all the more desperately, crying out as Peter did when sinking, or we run, scattered as the disciples were on the night He was arrested.
It is my encouragement that the reader remains clinging to God. That the reader who has been scattered as the disciples were runs back to Him. Even "stuck" in a position of being sick and half-asleep more often than I am well, more time has been spent on knowing God. I thought my "work" for God was to be as a full-time nurse, sharing as opportunities presented themselves; now my nursing is at a volunteer position that I still cannot always attend.
Our main "work", regardless of what our jobs and lives demand, should be God. It is really difficult, even during a trial, to give up the control of wanting to do with our lives whatever we want: have a job we want, have children if we want, have a dream car/home. We want to fill our lives with meaningless "meaningful" things, the things the world says are important.
For me, that is what makes RA so difficult. I can sympathize with Joni Eareckson Tada to a mild extent, because much of what the world says is important is now wrenched from our grasp.
Again, it is either easier to love God during a trial, or harder. Easier because we are so scared, so hurt, so desperate that we cry out to Him more times during the day than we otherwise had in a month. Harder, perhaps, if we are angry, still determined to do it ourselves, or...we just cannot force ourselves to pray, to pick up that Bible, to pick up that devotional, to pick up whatever it is we see and feel like there is a force-field surrounding it. I know---I've had to push through that force-field.
Right now I can't do much in the way of works. But I can do the most important part, the part that we all tend to shuffle off to the side as we actually do works: have faith in God, glorify God, honor God. Being determined to honor God and love Him in the midst of a trial is, I hope, a good testimony towards His love and worth. For it would be indeed foolish to face a lifetime of pain and nausea, or a lifetime of paralysis in a state of love and honor for something that was not there---standing up for Him in the depths of our trials, as Paul did in dungeons, shows something pretty amazing.
I cried out to God in my more coherent moments, asking Him how this could bring Him glory. How I, alone and miserable on my bed, too sick to even think properly, could bring Him glory? Is not the point of our existence to bring Him glory and honor? Have a relationship with Him?
Certainly there must be more I should do---not so much in the idea of works, but that I should bring Him more glory by being able to do more than be sick.
And yet, the answer seemingly seems to be "no". For one, it is as yet physically impossible for me to do much---and the frustration of that is nearly beyond description.
I could go an volunteer at every single volunteer position I could find until I spent 16 hours a day volunteering. And it would be an honorable thing; yet to which, God or people? It would not mean that I was faithful in my heart to God. I might think I was, and everyone else might think I was; it would not necessarily be true.
The most glory we give God is by our faith in Him, our worship of Him---and hopefully our showing others His love and helping lead them to salvation.
Our societies push that each person have something he/she attends to that is of value...but that thing of value is not always a valuable thing to God, or rather the most valuable. The most valuable thing is the relationship we have with God--it is eternal, whereas the majority of things we complete on this earth are not.
Right before my RA erupted, I thought things were going so well. (always a bad sign to be thinking that). I was working at a job in which I hoped I was showing myself to be different, showing the love of God, I was beginning to try and focus what little energy I had left on Bible studies. By all standards of the "world" and even the "Christian world" I was at a "good place". Apparently I was not in the place I should have been.
It is either easier to have faith in God during a trial, or harder. Either one clings to God all the more desperately, crying out as Peter did when sinking, or we run, scattered as the disciples were on the night He was arrested.
It is my encouragement that the reader remains clinging to God. That the reader who has been scattered as the disciples were runs back to Him. Even "stuck" in a position of being sick and half-asleep more often than I am well, more time has been spent on knowing God. I thought my "work" for God was to be as a full-time nurse, sharing as opportunities presented themselves; now my nursing is at a volunteer position that I still cannot always attend.
Our main "work", regardless of what our jobs and lives demand, should be God. It is really difficult, even during a trial, to give up the control of wanting to do with our lives whatever we want: have a job we want, have children if we want, have a dream car/home. We want to fill our lives with meaningless "meaningful" things, the things the world says are important.
For me, that is what makes RA so difficult. I can sympathize with Joni Eareckson Tada to a mild extent, because much of what the world says is important is now wrenched from our grasp.
Again, it is either easier to love God during a trial, or harder. Easier because we are so scared, so hurt, so desperate that we cry out to Him more times during the day than we otherwise had in a month. Harder, perhaps, if we are angry, still determined to do it ourselves, or...we just cannot force ourselves to pray, to pick up that Bible, to pick up that devotional, to pick up whatever it is we see and feel like there is a force-field surrounding it. I know---I've had to push through that force-field.
Right now I can't do much in the way of works. But I can do the most important part, the part that we all tend to shuffle off to the side as we actually do works: have faith in God, glorify God, honor God. Being determined to honor God and love Him in the midst of a trial is, I hope, a good testimony towards His love and worth. For it would be indeed foolish to face a lifetime of pain and nausea, or a lifetime of paralysis in a state of love and honor for something that was not there---standing up for Him in the depths of our trials, as Paul did in dungeons, shows something pretty amazing.
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Communion With ?
Finding and admitting something hurts is part of letting God be in control.
I haven't even noticed until the other day how desperately upset I was at being at my two year anniversary. It's really hard to be in one's twenties and be physically limited.
And yet, when I start to look, I think I see outlines of possible futures with my disease.
I think that is some of the perseverance we are supposed to get during trials. Perseverance in our faith in God, that He never leaves us----but also that good things will be found at the "end" of a trial. For example, Joni Eareckson Tada is well-known for her strength in God, putting her faith into God while her body remains immobile. She is still technically suffering the trial of paralysis; she is not losing the battle of which god to worship, fear or God.
Trials come in all shapes and sizes. A flat tire, a dentist appointment, a heart attack. Life here is sinful, everyone's life is poisoned by sin in some manner. Our job is to make the right choices when a trial hits.
It may be two long, hard years of sickness. I may have many long years ahead. But I can choose to focus on God, to not let the devil get a foothold. Once I continue to choose God, I will notice how much calmer my spirit is. Of course it is! It is the closest it will be outside of Paradise---my soul isn't being weighed down by the poisons of the Prince of the air.
Make an effort with me, force yourself to pick up the word, or read a book on the word. stop that foothold, break it off so that the evil one cannot get deeper into unsettling your spirit. We are meant to be in communion with God, not Satan.
I haven't even noticed until the other day how desperately upset I was at being at my two year anniversary. It's really hard to be in one's twenties and be physically limited.
And yet, when I start to look, I think I see outlines of possible futures with my disease.
I think that is some of the perseverance we are supposed to get during trials. Perseverance in our faith in God, that He never leaves us----but also that good things will be found at the "end" of a trial. For example, Joni Eareckson Tada is well-known for her strength in God, putting her faith into God while her body remains immobile. She is still technically suffering the trial of paralysis; she is not losing the battle of which god to worship, fear or God.
Trials come in all shapes and sizes. A flat tire, a dentist appointment, a heart attack. Life here is sinful, everyone's life is poisoned by sin in some manner. Our job is to make the right choices when a trial hits.
It may be two long, hard years of sickness. I may have many long years ahead. But I can choose to focus on God, to not let the devil get a foothold. Once I continue to choose God, I will notice how much calmer my spirit is. Of course it is! It is the closest it will be outside of Paradise---my soul isn't being weighed down by the poisons of the Prince of the air.
Make an effort with me, force yourself to pick up the word, or read a book on the word. stop that foothold, break it off so that the evil one cannot get deeper into unsettling your spirit. We are meant to be in communion with God, not Satan.
Monday, November 7, 2016
RA Post: I Don't Remember
I don't remember now. I wondered how long it would be before I forgot. I don't remember now.
Two years is apparently the timeframe. I remembered vividly driving when and where I wished. Doing what I wanted physically, for the most part. tiredness was usually what stopped me.
I don't remember now.
It's more like remembering a dream. Or a book. Something that never really happened.
I've been keeping calendars. Blacking out days I'm sick in bed, half a black out for days I'm mostly too sick to do much. Keeping track of what I do do, how much exercise.
Pretty much I am sick two weeks and four to six days a month, from the best I can tell.
I don't remember anymore. There's just a lot of pain, a lot of nausea, and a lot of sleep.
Two years is apparently the timeframe. I remembered vividly driving when and where I wished. Doing what I wanted physically, for the most part. tiredness was usually what stopped me.
I don't remember now.
It's more like remembering a dream. Or a book. Something that never really happened.
I've been keeping calendars. Blacking out days I'm sick in bed, half a black out for days I'm mostly too sick to do much. Keeping track of what I do do, how much exercise.
Pretty much I am sick two weeks and four to six days a month, from the best I can tell.
I don't remember anymore. There's just a lot of pain, a lot of nausea, and a lot of sleep.
Rope of Distraction
Robert Hall used to say that, when the devil saw that a minister was likely to be useful in the church, his way of disposing of his was to get on his back and ride him to death with engagements.
The Preacher and His Models, Lectures at Yale 1891, James Stalker
A definite point of concern for our own lives. What is riding us to the death today, in our own lives? What is it that we do--ever meaning to reach the time and place for study---but simply must complete beforehand? It may very well be a great social life; flitting here and there, cell phone buzzing at all hours. But do we apply this great social life to our faith? Is this social life bettering ourselves and others, or merely fun?
I say this only as an example---we should get to enjoy other people. The problem is when other things become first in our lives; that is, when we put things (and then ourselves) up as gods.
As my health provides better days, my days are less involved automatically with in depth Bible study and research. It might very well be involved in sorting out the closet, laundry or reading some random book. There is nothing actually wrong with those things--in fact, most would consider cleaning a good thing.
The problem is when we do these things as an excuse to NOT be researching deeper into God's Word. Maybe we "met" our quiet time quota of fifteen minutes morning and night. There we go! God got a whopping half an hour--not to mention the fact that my mind wandered the whole half an hour. He got it. I checked it out on the to-do-list.
Wait a minute. God, the creator of the world we stand on, the One who gave us the breath of life, gets a half-hearted half an hour?
You can see the issue here. Time, the tangible, countable span we live in is what we say is most valuable---if someone gives a lot of time into anything, it is viewed with more respect, with more importance.
Our lives are being ridden to death by engagements, deadlines, "things-to-do" and other titles of importance. The longer we are ridden, the more miserable we feel, because the further we are getting from God. We are slowly being suffocated with the rope of distraction...and we don't even know it.
It is really hard to make oneself focus on God all the time. Especially if out of practice. We want to do the checklist routine. Did it, done, onto the next. No relationship that is completed in such a manner is meaningful, or will last.
We must make a concentrated effort to meet with God. To go into the tent as Moses did to sit and talk with God. To listen with the rapture of those who sat at Christ's feet. To absorb every iota of what is said, to absorb all that God shows us. We can't do it cleaning the closet and not thinking about Him. And we can't do it when we read the Word and make lists of what we have to do tomorrow.
Only forcing our hand to pick up the Word, commanding our eyes to read it, and demanding our minds listen. Thinking on His life or topics about Him in spare moments of closet cleaning. Only then are we not being strangled with the rope of distraction.
The Preacher and His Models, Lectures at Yale 1891, James Stalker
A definite point of concern for our own lives. What is riding us to the death today, in our own lives? What is it that we do--ever meaning to reach the time and place for study---but simply must complete beforehand? It may very well be a great social life; flitting here and there, cell phone buzzing at all hours. But do we apply this great social life to our faith? Is this social life bettering ourselves and others, or merely fun?
I say this only as an example---we should get to enjoy other people. The problem is when other things become first in our lives; that is, when we put things (and then ourselves) up as gods.
As my health provides better days, my days are less involved automatically with in depth Bible study and research. It might very well be involved in sorting out the closet, laundry or reading some random book. There is nothing actually wrong with those things--in fact, most would consider cleaning a good thing.
The problem is when we do these things as an excuse to NOT be researching deeper into God's Word. Maybe we "met" our quiet time quota of fifteen minutes morning and night. There we go! God got a whopping half an hour--not to mention the fact that my mind wandered the whole half an hour. He got it. I checked it out on the to-do-list.
Wait a minute. God, the creator of the world we stand on, the One who gave us the breath of life, gets a half-hearted half an hour?
You can see the issue here. Time, the tangible, countable span we live in is what we say is most valuable---if someone gives a lot of time into anything, it is viewed with more respect, with more importance.
Our lives are being ridden to death by engagements, deadlines, "things-to-do" and other titles of importance. The longer we are ridden, the more miserable we feel, because the further we are getting from God. We are slowly being suffocated with the rope of distraction...and we don't even know it.
It is really hard to make oneself focus on God all the time. Especially if out of practice. We want to do the checklist routine. Did it, done, onto the next. No relationship that is completed in such a manner is meaningful, or will last.
We must make a concentrated effort to meet with God. To go into the tent as Moses did to sit and talk with God. To listen with the rapture of those who sat at Christ's feet. To absorb every iota of what is said, to absorb all that God shows us. We can't do it cleaning the closet and not thinking about Him. And we can't do it when we read the Word and make lists of what we have to do tomorrow.
Only forcing our hand to pick up the Word, commanding our eyes to read it, and demanding our minds listen. Thinking on His life or topics about Him in spare moments of closet cleaning. Only then are we not being strangled with the rope of distraction.
Saturday, November 5, 2016
Family Hope
It is good to linger beside one who was so faithful to his charge, so hard a worker and so patient a sufferer. We may learn from these extraordinary labors and sufferings to do honest work and endure hardness ourselves.
The Preacher and His Models, 1891, James Stalker at Yale
Another example at being willing to share our battles, past and present. Of course, there is great danger in doing so---for there are those who will torment you for being so weak as to have a battle and seemingly be complaining about it.
And yet share the battles anyway. So many people who have dealt with or are dealing with difficult things make it easier for me to deal with my RA.
"But as for you, be strong and do not give up for your work will be rewarded." 2 Chro 15.7
Interesting that this verse has been one of "my" verses. This one I have said to myself since first grade Sunday School.
Oftentimes, our work here does not seem worth the unknown wonders we will receive for obeying God. We cry, scream, sob, shiver and moan, all while trying to move forward. Mainly we try this alone, making it harder and more impossible...but sometimes even when we are focused on God it seems an impossible task.
Moses was standing before God, and saying that the task given him was impossible. He was refusing before the presence of God. He couldn't fight Pharaoh and get the Israelites---whether God was helping or not! No sir!
How often are we crying out no, no, no! to God whenever a trial is placed before us? I do not think God sends trials, as it is written He does not test us...but trials are allowed to us. Allowed so that we might be purified, we might show the world (seen and unseen) that we will always chose God.
Sometimes we are standing beside the burning bush and saying no. We see the path we need to follow---maybe "all" it is is to read the Word, or to help out someone who is ill, or, horrors, sign up for some walkathon---and we won't. Like toddlers who just start to cry even though you are putting in the DVD they wanted, they are sure you are doing what they do not want. We think we want a different path than the one before us, and so go to any lengths to get onto our dream path. Our dream path is full of sticker-bushes, cacti, carrion; a miserable place. By golly, we are going that way.
I can set myself up to be miserable about my RA, the life that was taken from me, or I can try and do what I can where I can---no matter how little it is.
If God sees us when we pray alone and quiet in our rooms, the things we do alone, will He not also see the things we do when we can barely manage? Share your battle stories, share what God has done for you---give your "family" something to hope for. After all, don't you feel better meeting someone who survived with God through a tough trial?
The Preacher and His Models, 1891, James Stalker at Yale
Another example at being willing to share our battles, past and present. Of course, there is great danger in doing so---for there are those who will torment you for being so weak as to have a battle and seemingly be complaining about it.
And yet share the battles anyway. So many people who have dealt with or are dealing with difficult things make it easier for me to deal with my RA.
"But as for you, be strong and do not give up for your work will be rewarded." 2 Chro 15.7
Interesting that this verse has been one of "my" verses. This one I have said to myself since first grade Sunday School.
Oftentimes, our work here does not seem worth the unknown wonders we will receive for obeying God. We cry, scream, sob, shiver and moan, all while trying to move forward. Mainly we try this alone, making it harder and more impossible...but sometimes even when we are focused on God it seems an impossible task.
Moses was standing before God, and saying that the task given him was impossible. He was refusing before the presence of God. He couldn't fight Pharaoh and get the Israelites---whether God was helping or not! No sir!
How often are we crying out no, no, no! to God whenever a trial is placed before us? I do not think God sends trials, as it is written He does not test us...but trials are allowed to us. Allowed so that we might be purified, we might show the world (seen and unseen) that we will always chose God.
Sometimes we are standing beside the burning bush and saying no. We see the path we need to follow---maybe "all" it is is to read the Word, or to help out someone who is ill, or, horrors, sign up for some walkathon---and we won't. Like toddlers who just start to cry even though you are putting in the DVD they wanted, they are sure you are doing what they do not want. We think we want a different path than the one before us, and so go to any lengths to get onto our dream path. Our dream path is full of sticker-bushes, cacti, carrion; a miserable place. By golly, we are going that way.
I can set myself up to be miserable about my RA, the life that was taken from me, or I can try and do what I can where I can---no matter how little it is.
If God sees us when we pray alone and quiet in our rooms, the things we do alone, will He not also see the things we do when we can barely manage? Share your battle stories, share what God has done for you---give your "family" something to hope for. After all, don't you feel better meeting someone who survived with God through a tough trial?
Friday, November 4, 2016
Contemptuous Soul
It would only take one contemptuous soul to foul our thinking.
The Preacher and His Models, James Stalker
As I literally forced myself to study today, literally sitting myself in a chair and opening my "textbooks", this quote was among the first I read.
What strikes me from it, on a day that irritation, agitation, and frustration reigns supreme, is the one soul bit.
Stalker writes as though, and from the context, another's soul fouls our thinking. While this is certainly true and able to happen....the worst contemptuous soul to foul our thinking is our own.
Too much pity, too much pride, too much too much too much. Whatever it is, there it is, growing stronger and fouling our thinking.
How often are we told to think of God, of godly things, righteous things----to dwell on these things? And, a horrid question to ponder, how often do we do so?
I am much more irritable about my illness, I have less hope. The two year mark of this fight just hit me hard as if RA shouted in my soul it had won. I'd never be free of it. So, my soul fouled itself, listening to a physical complaint. I have chosen, quite literally to worship my disease, kowtow to its words. I've forgotten, by my own soul's decision, that there is better in the world simply by knowing God.
Even so, with my deafness toward God because I was mistaken by two years of this horrible disease, He is still right there. Prayer is always my weak spot----at least the actually of talking. I adore sitting in silence, or being amazed at His world. Yet even with "forgetting" Him as often as I have, letting anger at my disease run my soul, He is always there the instant I call. it's like He is standing just out of reach, sadly shaking His head that i am choosing to fight all alone. Choosing to struggle with impossible emotions. Then i speak, I see Him. I remember the wonders my soul has experienced away from my control, but from His, even in the worst moments of my RA.
Yes. One contemptuous soul can foul our thinking. And often, that soul is our own.
The Preacher and His Models, James Stalker
As I literally forced myself to study today, literally sitting myself in a chair and opening my "textbooks", this quote was among the first I read.
What strikes me from it, on a day that irritation, agitation, and frustration reigns supreme, is the one soul bit.
Stalker writes as though, and from the context, another's soul fouls our thinking. While this is certainly true and able to happen....the worst contemptuous soul to foul our thinking is our own.
Too much pity, too much pride, too much too much too much. Whatever it is, there it is, growing stronger and fouling our thinking.
How often are we told to think of God, of godly things, righteous things----to dwell on these things? And, a horrid question to ponder, how often do we do so?
I am much more irritable about my illness, I have less hope. The two year mark of this fight just hit me hard as if RA shouted in my soul it had won. I'd never be free of it. So, my soul fouled itself, listening to a physical complaint. I have chosen, quite literally to worship my disease, kowtow to its words. I've forgotten, by my own soul's decision, that there is better in the world simply by knowing God.
Even so, with my deafness toward God because I was mistaken by two years of this horrible disease, He is still right there. Prayer is always my weak spot----at least the actually of talking. I adore sitting in silence, or being amazed at His world. Yet even with "forgetting" Him as often as I have, letting anger at my disease run my soul, He is always there the instant I call. it's like He is standing just out of reach, sadly shaking His head that i am choosing to fight all alone. Choosing to struggle with impossible emotions. Then i speak, I see Him. I remember the wonders my soul has experienced away from my control, but from His, even in the worst moments of my RA.
Yes. One contemptuous soul can foul our thinking. And often, that soul is our own.
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Glorifying in Infirmiries
"And so he [Paul] glorified in his infirmities, that the power of Christ might rest upon him."
the Preacher and His Models, lectures at Yale 1891---Dr James Stalker
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs then all." 2 Cor 4.17
7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations.Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.----2 Cor 12
So many times I have asked for healing, to be healed right now. Not tomorrow, nor next week, nor whenever I enter heaven. Just to be who I was before. At least in the abilities section of life. I'd rather not lose the knowledge I've picked up.
I still want to be healed.
How often do we look at difficulties at think to ourselves how when we are weak, He is strong? I have to say i only think it in four instances: when writing a blog post, speaking about trusting God with people, studying the Bible and godly authors, and when I have cried out to Him during difficult days or moments and been answered so quickly and well.
The thing is, we never want to give up. Just like the garden of Eden, we keep reaching out for the scintillating view of delicate, poisonous sin. We will just manage all alone, thank you very much.
And how well do we manage, in the long run?
Our problems in life are just the genetic curse of generation upon generation upon generation of sins. Somehow they are all related to sin.
We may not get the answer we want "today" when we pray, but we do get an answer. Sometimes, thankfully it it no. I have read old written down prayers and thanked God He didn't answer it the way i had hoped. So thankful.
He never ignores our cries. We are His children, and no good Father, as He is, would leave a crying child of His. Not now He paid the ultimate price of death.
As we go about our day, we should try and focus that it is not our strength that we are running on, we are really running on God...the glory we get should all go-to Him. We are servants, and commendations for servants who work well usually go to the master of the house.
On my worst days it is hard to impossible to imagine that I am .a source that makes His power perfect. Imagine that I am at all useful.
The thing is, our determination to keep God as our God, King of kings in our individual lives gives Him such glory and honor. We may not be the prodigal son, but we are still something God values much. Our battles keep us from being distracted completely by the glitter of sin, forcing us to look for strength outside of ourselves. Some do so with more sin, digging a deeper hole. The only lasting option of strength is God.
the Preacher and His Models, lectures at Yale 1891---Dr James Stalker
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs then all." 2 Cor 4.17
7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations.Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.----2 Cor 12
So many times I have asked for healing, to be healed right now. Not tomorrow, nor next week, nor whenever I enter heaven. Just to be who I was before. At least in the abilities section of life. I'd rather not lose the knowledge I've picked up.
I still want to be healed.
How often do we look at difficulties at think to ourselves how when we are weak, He is strong? I have to say i only think it in four instances: when writing a blog post, speaking about trusting God with people, studying the Bible and godly authors, and when I have cried out to Him during difficult days or moments and been answered so quickly and well.
The thing is, we never want to give up. Just like the garden of Eden, we keep reaching out for the scintillating view of delicate, poisonous sin. We will just manage all alone, thank you very much.
And how well do we manage, in the long run?
Our problems in life are just the genetic curse of generation upon generation upon generation of sins. Somehow they are all related to sin.
We may not get the answer we want "today" when we pray, but we do get an answer. Sometimes, thankfully it it no. I have read old written down prayers and thanked God He didn't answer it the way i had hoped. So thankful.
He never ignores our cries. We are His children, and no good Father, as He is, would leave a crying child of His. Not now He paid the ultimate price of death.
As we go about our day, we should try and focus that it is not our strength that we are running on, we are really running on God...the glory we get should all go-to Him. We are servants, and commendations for servants who work well usually go to the master of the house.
On my worst days it is hard to impossible to imagine that I am .a source that makes His power perfect. Imagine that I am at all useful.
The thing is, our determination to keep God as our God, King of kings in our individual lives gives Him such glory and honor. We may not be the prodigal son, but we are still something God values much. Our battles keep us from being distracted completely by the glitter of sin, forcing us to look for strength outside of ourselves. Some do so with more sin, digging a deeper hole. The only lasting option of strength is God.
Carrying
Tonight, actually nearly morning, as i lay on five inches of foam padding in a couch which allows me to support my elbows properly to avoid increased pain...I think. I lay before an electric fan, blowing to cool my hot-with-inflammation hands and feet. I have those wonderful, amazing super soft silky blankets all about me. Three pillows. I have my water. I have my medications----however ineffective they may seem at times. My nausea and pain circles up and down.
I have rheumatoid arthritis, and a more active than some case, a less active than others.
And yet, as I lay here in my described position, I am blessed. God has seen fit to allow this difficulty, a blessing in some ways as you know, such as my chance to study deeper, but also has seen fit to show me my other blessings. I am able to not work, at least not more than my volunteer job and have food and medications, a home. A safe home. A chance to build up my strength after the worst year of my ra to date. A chance to see where I am in error as a sinner, something we avoid far too often and far to easily.
This train of thought hits me after a conversation at work today...so I suppose in just had to make a point that we all need reminding of. There are always blessings all about us, everywhere. It's harder to see them at some times versus others. When I feel my worst and hurt the worst I cannot see beyond the next breath I have to take. The next time I should take water to not get dehydrated whether I wantto drink or not. I cannot see my blessings then.
However, we must take steps to see our blessings when we can---as often as we can.
I know my Abba Father has not abandoned me. There are too many times He has answered my prayers for strength and peace during the worst moments of pain and nausea. Funny how I can forget, having some better days, to remember to cry out to Him when bad days hit again. Funny how we all.do that.
Just remember the blessings you have. Ask for wisdom from God as to why a trial or difficulty has been placed in your path. The answer is sometimes more surprising that you might think. Or even more obvious than you thought. Mainly remember He is always so very willing to hold you close and carry the weight of the burden. More than anyone ever thinks He would; we neverthink that He died to be close to us sinners, the "lepers", we think He only died to save us. He did it all for a love we may never comprehend. You are so loved. So loved....and He is waiting to walk with you or carry you.
I have rheumatoid arthritis, and a more active than some case, a less active than others.
And yet, as I lay here in my described position, I am blessed. God has seen fit to allow this difficulty, a blessing in some ways as you know, such as my chance to study deeper, but also has seen fit to show me my other blessings. I am able to not work, at least not more than my volunteer job and have food and medications, a home. A safe home. A chance to build up my strength after the worst year of my ra to date. A chance to see where I am in error as a sinner, something we avoid far too often and far to easily.
This train of thought hits me after a conversation at work today...so I suppose in just had to make a point that we all need reminding of. There are always blessings all about us, everywhere. It's harder to see them at some times versus others. When I feel my worst and hurt the worst I cannot see beyond the next breath I have to take. The next time I should take water to not get dehydrated whether I wantto drink or not. I cannot see my blessings then.
However, we must take steps to see our blessings when we can---as often as we can.
I know my Abba Father has not abandoned me. There are too many times He has answered my prayers for strength and peace during the worst moments of pain and nausea. Funny how I can forget, having some better days, to remember to cry out to Him when bad days hit again. Funny how we all.do that.
Just remember the blessings you have. Ask for wisdom from God as to why a trial or difficulty has been placed in your path. The answer is sometimes more surprising that you might think. Or even more obvious than you thought. Mainly remember He is always so very willing to hold you close and carry the weight of the burden. More than anyone ever thinks He would; we neverthink that He died to be close to us sinners, the "lepers", we think He only died to save us. He did it all for a love we may never comprehend. You are so loved. So loved....and He is waiting to walk with you or carry you.
Sunday, October 30, 2016
The Stance of Choice
Over two years ago I was an RN working full-time, newly married, enjoying what I was blessed with---though annoyed at various things that didn't suit.
Then, one day, I wake up with glass shards in my feet and hands. Excruciating. And it spread over the next few weeks to my knees, elbows, shoulders, ribs. Excruciating...but bearable, if one kept moving. Then the nausea, the exhaustion so severe I was afraid I would fall asleep driving. The pain of driving a car for my home health job was too much.
My life ended that day.
When things like this happen we first become shocked, then figure it'll be a short lived thing. An infection, the medications will work! A few weeks, and it will be fine.
Then...Then we start asking God what happened. We may, or probably, escalate into screaming why, why, why? Sobbing the question. Why cancer? Why RA? Why a drunk driver hit my son? Why my daughter is paralyzed? Why, why, why?! the world has cried for centuries.
I have no answer for that. Why these things happen. Why I stricken with a bad version of RA, while a good woman i know has such a lesser case as to forget most days it is there, and yet again, those who have brain manifestations from the RA attacking the brain tissue. I have no answer.
I have a firm statement, a challenge of sorts.
We are all placed in the time we are, for the length of time we are, for a reason.
We each get different struggles. Some seem "blessed" to us because nothing "bad" happens. Some seem "cursed" because the worst always happens.
The thing that matters, regardless of which group we belong to is the stand we are going to take.
When tragedy strikes people show their true colors. Whether they are for God or not.
When the worst happens, are you going to stand with God, take the horrors of paralysis as Joni Eareckson Tada has by finding any and every reason to glorify God?
Sometimes it takes time. And sometimes we have to see that not only are we wounded physically or mentally...but spiritually with attacks left and right for us to remain angry, sad or depressed. Momentarily, this is fine; was not He Himself here in earth angered, saddened etc? We let it control our lives.
No. We must take a stand, a stand like a soldier, preparing to face his enemy. We shake ourselves, shedding all "evil" thoughts, banning them with the power of God. We arm ourselves with the Word of God, with His strength, His joy, His power, His honor, His wonderful, holy, incredible Spirit. And then we walk, facing our length of time on earth. We make sure that we make a difference by who we each are; if I am stricken with RA the rest of my life, i make a difference by showing perseverance with God in the midst of a difficult disease; if I am paralyzed, I make a difference with my foundation (Joni); if I am a recovering alcoholic, I make a difference shining God where I can.
The thing is in any horror not the question why. There is no question; the question is not important. What is important is what sre you going to do now? Are you going to give up on the God who, up to date, has always been there? Are you going to run away, forgetting Him? Or sre you going to cling all the harder, knowing that, however hard chronic illness is....He will use it for good. That you are in this time for a reason. And He will never forsake you. Even if you ran for a time, He will embrace you dearly.
Then, one day, I wake up with glass shards in my feet and hands. Excruciating. And it spread over the next few weeks to my knees, elbows, shoulders, ribs. Excruciating...but bearable, if one kept moving. Then the nausea, the exhaustion so severe I was afraid I would fall asleep driving. The pain of driving a car for my home health job was too much.
My life ended that day.
When things like this happen we first become shocked, then figure it'll be a short lived thing. An infection, the medications will work! A few weeks, and it will be fine.
Then...Then we start asking God what happened. We may, or probably, escalate into screaming why, why, why? Sobbing the question. Why cancer? Why RA? Why a drunk driver hit my son? Why my daughter is paralyzed? Why, why, why?! the world has cried for centuries.
I have no answer for that. Why these things happen. Why I stricken with a bad version of RA, while a good woman i know has such a lesser case as to forget most days it is there, and yet again, those who have brain manifestations from the RA attacking the brain tissue. I have no answer.
I have a firm statement, a challenge of sorts.
We are all placed in the time we are, for the length of time we are, for a reason.
We each get different struggles. Some seem "blessed" to us because nothing "bad" happens. Some seem "cursed" because the worst always happens.
The thing that matters, regardless of which group we belong to is the stand we are going to take.
When tragedy strikes people show their true colors. Whether they are for God or not.
When the worst happens, are you going to stand with God, take the horrors of paralysis as Joni Eareckson Tada has by finding any and every reason to glorify God?
Sometimes it takes time. And sometimes we have to see that not only are we wounded physically or mentally...but spiritually with attacks left and right for us to remain angry, sad or depressed. Momentarily, this is fine; was not He Himself here in earth angered, saddened etc? We let it control our lives.
No. We must take a stand, a stand like a soldier, preparing to face his enemy. We shake ourselves, shedding all "evil" thoughts, banning them with the power of God. We arm ourselves with the Word of God, with His strength, His joy, His power, His honor, His wonderful, holy, incredible Spirit. And then we walk, facing our length of time on earth. We make sure that we make a difference by who we each are; if I am stricken with RA the rest of my life, i make a difference by showing perseverance with God in the midst of a difficult disease; if I am paralyzed, I make a difference with my foundation (Joni); if I am a recovering alcoholic, I make a difference shining God where I can.
The thing is in any horror not the question why. There is no question; the question is not important. What is important is what sre you going to do now? Are you going to give up on the God who, up to date, has always been there? Are you going to run away, forgetting Him? Or sre you going to cling all the harder, knowing that, however hard chronic illness is....He will use it for good. That you are in this time for a reason. And He will never forsake you. Even if you ran for a time, He will embrace you dearly.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
No Control Part 2
I have had people speak to me about being healed, which I love---I agree heartily that God does and will heal. It just is not always when we think it ought to be, much like any hardship or difficulty.
I feel that I have not learned all that I am to learn from being sick. It is devastating to be ill, to have people not always believe that I feel bad...to lose so much of what I want to do with my life.
Yet that is part of what I think I need to learn; to let go of the control I "need".
Needing control in our lives, which we all want, is a form of godhood. We are never really in control of our lives, things happen all the time we do not expect even if it is only running out of gas. We crave control, fight for control, argue to be in control of every aspect of life. We want our dreams, we want our life to be just as we dictate.
There are more important things than control. We were purchased to be Christ's, not sin's. Remember that we were slaves to sin (slaves to control) and now we are free of sin (control) and belong to Christ.
Sometimes, quite often actually, we fight the "belonging" to Christ. While sin is dead in us, we resurrect it as frequently as we can. We see the glowing poisonous fruit of sin and walk dumbly towards it. Not surprisingly, the further we get from Christ, the more unhappy we become. We find ourselves without His strength and joy.
Knowing what one's weakness truly is provides the ability to fight it; the ability to ask God for the strength to give up the sin. Sin is not something we can overcome by ourselves---if we could have done so, we would not have chosen so many years ago to pick the knowledge of good and evil, the shame of shames, the poison of false wisdom. We would have chosen to shun sin, shun the evil one, shun all the false wisdom.
Knowing one's weakness, what is to be learned or given up, makes the battle easier in a way. There is then a purpose to what one is facing, whatever that might be.
As I have often said, the most incredible people--to me---are the Christians of some 60+ years. Yes, they sin, but they are so soft, so full of love, kindness, joy, peace. To me they glow with God's presence. Perhaps they really do, and that is a faint example of what Moses looked like in the desert and why he had to veil his face. I digress; they are incredible people of true wisdom---the wisdom that comes only from God.
I love science articles. I love learning; I would go to college the rest of my life if I physically was well enough and had the means to do so. It fascinates me to learn, to see the wonder of the world. However, the wisdom there is false wisdom. Science constantly amends what it says, constantly changes what is really happening. Archaeologists point out errors in their finds, history has to be re-written.
There is no error with God. God is true wisdom. The Word says in multiple places that if anyone wants wisdom, he should ask God. And, in my experience, God usually provides it.It just may not "say" what we want it to. See? Everything turns back to control. We want to be the boss--even when we think we are being so pious as to ask God's help.
Really ask God's help. Give it up; give up sin. Oh, it is so hard...Pet-Sin is like a beloved blanket; we want to snuggle it, take it with us everywhere, or hide it so people don't know that we have it (like children outgrowing baby blankets). We carry Pet-Sin everywhere...sometimes even hating it because of the grasp it has on us, but for the most part we don't even realize it is there. I think that is what Jesus meant when He said take the plank out of your own eye---we do not see our own sins in many cases. Often I imagine sin is control in one form or another, so of course we don't see it. We just think we are protecting ourselves.
Ask to see your own sin-I am telling myself this at the same time. It is hard to do.
The wisdom of God is incredible, ask for that, ask for His love and strength. Really it is so much more valuable, beyond worth, than any old, raggedy sin "blanket".
I feel that I have not learned all that I am to learn from being sick. It is devastating to be ill, to have people not always believe that I feel bad...to lose so much of what I want to do with my life.
Yet that is part of what I think I need to learn; to let go of the control I "need".
Needing control in our lives, which we all want, is a form of godhood. We are never really in control of our lives, things happen all the time we do not expect even if it is only running out of gas. We crave control, fight for control, argue to be in control of every aspect of life. We want our dreams, we want our life to be just as we dictate.
There are more important things than control. We were purchased to be Christ's, not sin's. Remember that we were slaves to sin (slaves to control) and now we are free of sin (control) and belong to Christ.
Sometimes, quite often actually, we fight the "belonging" to Christ. While sin is dead in us, we resurrect it as frequently as we can. We see the glowing poisonous fruit of sin and walk dumbly towards it. Not surprisingly, the further we get from Christ, the more unhappy we become. We find ourselves without His strength and joy.
Knowing what one's weakness truly is provides the ability to fight it; the ability to ask God for the strength to give up the sin. Sin is not something we can overcome by ourselves---if we could have done so, we would not have chosen so many years ago to pick the knowledge of good and evil, the shame of shames, the poison of false wisdom. We would have chosen to shun sin, shun the evil one, shun all the false wisdom.
Knowing one's weakness, what is to be learned or given up, makes the battle easier in a way. There is then a purpose to what one is facing, whatever that might be.
As I have often said, the most incredible people--to me---are the Christians of some 60+ years. Yes, they sin, but they are so soft, so full of love, kindness, joy, peace. To me they glow with God's presence. Perhaps they really do, and that is a faint example of what Moses looked like in the desert and why he had to veil his face. I digress; they are incredible people of true wisdom---the wisdom that comes only from God.
I love science articles. I love learning; I would go to college the rest of my life if I physically was well enough and had the means to do so. It fascinates me to learn, to see the wonder of the world. However, the wisdom there is false wisdom. Science constantly amends what it says, constantly changes what is really happening. Archaeologists point out errors in their finds, history has to be re-written.
There is no error with God. God is true wisdom. The Word says in multiple places that if anyone wants wisdom, he should ask God. And, in my experience, God usually provides it.It just may not "say" what we want it to. See? Everything turns back to control. We want to be the boss--even when we think we are being so pious as to ask God's help.
Really ask God's help. Give it up; give up sin. Oh, it is so hard...Pet-Sin is like a beloved blanket; we want to snuggle it, take it with us everywhere, or hide it so people don't know that we have it (like children outgrowing baby blankets). We carry Pet-Sin everywhere...sometimes even hating it because of the grasp it has on us, but for the most part we don't even realize it is there. I think that is what Jesus meant when He said take the plank out of your own eye---we do not see our own sins in many cases. Often I imagine sin is control in one form or another, so of course we don't see it. We just think we are protecting ourselves.
Ask to see your own sin-I am telling myself this at the same time. It is hard to do.
The wisdom of God is incredible, ask for that, ask for His love and strength. Really it is so much more valuable, beyond worth, than any old, raggedy sin "blanket".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
RA Awareness Day
