More Precious than Silver, J.E. Tada
Peter's denial is a well known story...it serves as a vivid reminder of the ability of all of us to deny our Savior.
Dr. Craig Barnes: I think Peter denies he is a disciple because it is the truth...Peter has tried hard to save Him from the cross, to talk Him our of it, even raising his sword in an act of heroism. But Jesus has turned His face toward the Cross...Peter simply cannot follow Him to the cross...This isn't Peter's moment of denial. It is a moment of confession. He is not a disciple. He never has been. What he has been following is not Jesus, but his expectation of Jesus.
The day we recognize the difference between our expectations of Jesus and the real Jesus is the day our true journey of discipleship.
I am not sure...It may be true that Peter did not follow Jesus without expecting Him to be a warrior and take down the opposition, as everyone expected the Messiah to do. But maybe it is more like the story of Aslan and Lucy...when Lucy say him as being larger. "Every year that you get bigger, so do I" he told her.
God seems larger to me than He did a year ago. More comforting. More loving. More committed. More strength. Honestly I could not fully describe how much and how big and how everything God is.
We all deny Christ. At some point in our lives we deny Him. We may verbalize to someone in a panic of rejection that we do not know Him (as I often viewed Peter's rejection of Christ--a full action of panic, and one in panic does not thing clearly). We may deny Him with our actions...premarital sex, driving over the speed limit and flipping people off (all while having a Christian fish on the back of the car, or other symbols of Christiandom). We deny Him with our talk, our songs, our actions. Thankfully He remains ever so much more faithful to us as we do to Him. We must remind ourselves through prayer and Bible studies (and good, solid authors to read) in order to remain steadily faithful ...and remember NOT to deny Him through our actions. Without that intensity of commitment, we forget and are swayed by the evil ones to act in denial. Think of your human relationships. If you are not in contact with them, the relationship soon dies and fades. So much more so we must remain in communication with our Lord and Savior.
Rheumatoid Awareness
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Friday, May 29, 2015
Best Thing
More Precious than Silver, J.E. Tada
Have you noticed that we treat a person or an object sentimentally because of emotiion, not reason? [We have] the sentimental pictures of Jesus, sentimental hymns about Him. I know those thoughts can comfort us. But they are more reinforcement of a romanticized image. We have guilded the real Jesus with so much "dew on the roses"that many people have lost touch with Him. Why do we prefer a sentimentalized picture? It requires nothing of us, neither conviction nor commitment. Because it lacks truth, it lacks power. Erase the images of syrupy sweetness. Replace them with the mental picture of a powerful God who overcame the harshest foe---death itself. Then you will begin to grasp how amazing God is.
Somehow I don't exactly agree...I would agree that some images stated, shown and acted by believers are not "right" in showing God...but He is, after all, the Great Shepherd.
Sheep can be timid creatures, ones that need a gentle touch. And sheep can be stubborn creatures that need a harsh touch. It all depends on the certain sheep. I imagine the same is true with us.
I have always seen God as a kind being, but one that radiates so much power, strength and love as to almost be devastating. Indescribable, really. But so amazing that no "picture" painted by man, described by man can even come close to Him. Think of the descriptions of His very throne...it is really rather a picture that cannot be imagined, and that is only His throne!
The thing to remember is that God is an amazing God, He loves us beyond description...and He is always there for you, so long as you open the door for Him
Have you noticed that we treat a person or an object sentimentally because of emotiion, not reason? [We have] the sentimental pictures of Jesus, sentimental hymns about Him. I know those thoughts can comfort us. But they are more reinforcement of a romanticized image. We have guilded the real Jesus with so much "dew on the roses"that many people have lost touch with Him. Why do we prefer a sentimentalized picture? It requires nothing of us, neither conviction nor commitment. Because it lacks truth, it lacks power. Erase the images of syrupy sweetness. Replace them with the mental picture of a powerful God who overcame the harshest foe---death itself. Then you will begin to grasp how amazing God is.
Somehow I don't exactly agree...I would agree that some images stated, shown and acted by believers are not "right" in showing God...but He is, after all, the Great Shepherd.
Sheep can be timid creatures, ones that need a gentle touch. And sheep can be stubborn creatures that need a harsh touch. It all depends on the certain sheep. I imagine the same is true with us.
I have always seen God as a kind being, but one that radiates so much power, strength and love as to almost be devastating. Indescribable, really. But so amazing that no "picture" painted by man, described by man can even come close to Him. Think of the descriptions of His very throne...it is really rather a picture that cannot be imagined, and that is only His throne!
The thing to remember is that God is an amazing God, He loves us beyond description...and He is always there for you, so long as you open the door for Him
Thursday, May 28, 2015
RA Post: Possible relief?
My dr diagnosed me with fibromyalgia, so I have started treatment with gabapentin (anti-epileptic), and since day one I have been my old self, just with achy joints periodically.
I am hoping this lasts long term, and if so....I am back. Praise the Lord (I know, I told people I wouldn't talk faith on the RA Posts...but this one needs it)
So I am going for lots of walks (trying to drop this prednisone weight) and enjoying the early Washington sunshine. Lots of talking and visit planning. Should be good.
I will plan on being back later with a faith message. Peace to you.
I am hoping this lasts long term, and if so....I am back. Praise the Lord (I know, I told people I wouldn't talk faith on the RA Posts...but this one needs it)
So I am going for lots of walks (trying to drop this prednisone weight) and enjoying the early Washington sunshine. Lots of talking and visit planning. Should be good.
I will plan on being back later with a faith message. Peace to you.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Meant the Most
From J.E. Tada's A lifetime of Wisdom
What meant the most to me in my suffering is that God never condemned Job for his doubts and despair. God seemed ready and willing to take on the hardball questions. Ah, but the answers? They weren't the ones Job had expected. Likewise, when it comes right down to it, I'm not sure if it would have suffices to find the answers to all my questions anyway. Could I have handled it? It would have been like downloading the entire Internet onto an old laptop...my poor brain wouldn't have been able to handle it.
For some reason, however, it comforted me to realize God did not condemn me for plying Him with questions. He wanted me to express the true contents of my Heart, to dump out all the jumbled, jagged shards of my Soul before Him.
We bottle up op our troubling questions, and unspeakable feelings toward God, hiding behind an unorthodox evangelical glaze as we "give" it all to God [Like Adam and Eve hiding in the garden]. Except we don't. It's a lie and a ruse and He knows it too.
Why would God rather have our anger, our venom, our rage, our cry of desolation than our measured, controlled, even-tempered and theologically correct prayer? [Think about it...would you want a spouse, child or best friend who hid everything hard from you? No! It is the hard things that bring you closer together!]
It's all about the Heart. Over and over in Scripture you can hear God saying: "Give me your Heart or nothing at all.
He heard a scream from the back of a crowd. No measured tone. No well-considered, finely modulated words. Just a dry, raspy yell from the back of a crowd. An anguished cry for help: "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"
And it STOPPED the SON OF GOD mid-stride.
After this, I became even more open with God...I was not angry and I am still not angry that I have RA. I have had many trials...it was just another. But I did cry out for mercy. Mercy to sleep, mercy to be able to at least keep house a little for my husband.
At this point, I am more in love with God than I ever have been. No..in love isn't exactly the right word....the emotion is love, I will agree, but it is such a different, deep, powerful love, that saying I am in love with God is not right. I don't know what word is. I am extremely grateful for the connection I have at this time.
I have spent many times keeping emotions bottled up, from probably everyone. Like it says at the beginning of my blog, I worked on forgiveness of people for a while...I hid those hurt feelings too long. But did I tell God about them? No. I kept them (the hurt feelings and pain) as a prized rotten fruit, refusing to let it be pried from my fingers. I let those go, and have learned to tell God more. I had to, with the RA, because I have been up so often in the middle of the night---so I talked to Him. And He was there. Willing to listen, soothing my Soul, Heart and Spirit...giving me rest even from pain. Praise be the Lord.
What meant the most to me in my suffering is that God never condemned Job for his doubts and despair. God seemed ready and willing to take on the hardball questions. Ah, but the answers? They weren't the ones Job had expected. Likewise, when it comes right down to it, I'm not sure if it would have suffices to find the answers to all my questions anyway. Could I have handled it? It would have been like downloading the entire Internet onto an old laptop...my poor brain wouldn't have been able to handle it.
For some reason, however, it comforted me to realize God did not condemn me for plying Him with questions. He wanted me to express the true contents of my Heart, to dump out all the jumbled, jagged shards of my Soul before Him.
We bottle up op our troubling questions, and unspeakable feelings toward God, hiding behind an unorthodox evangelical glaze as we "give" it all to God [Like Adam and Eve hiding in the garden]. Except we don't. It's a lie and a ruse and He knows it too.
Why would God rather have our anger, our venom, our rage, our cry of desolation than our measured, controlled, even-tempered and theologically correct prayer? [Think about it...would you want a spouse, child or best friend who hid everything hard from you? No! It is the hard things that bring you closer together!]
It's all about the Heart. Over and over in Scripture you can hear God saying: "Give me your Heart or nothing at all.
He heard a scream from the back of a crowd. No measured tone. No well-considered, finely modulated words. Just a dry, raspy yell from the back of a crowd. An anguished cry for help: "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"
And it STOPPED the SON OF GOD mid-stride.
After this, I became even more open with God...I was not angry and I am still not angry that I have RA. I have had many trials...it was just another. But I did cry out for mercy. Mercy to sleep, mercy to be able to at least keep house a little for my husband.
At this point, I am more in love with God than I ever have been. No..in love isn't exactly the right word....the emotion is love, I will agree, but it is such a different, deep, powerful love, that saying I am in love with God is not right. I don't know what word is. I am extremely grateful for the connection I have at this time.
I have spent many times keeping emotions bottled up, from probably everyone. Like it says at the beginning of my blog, I worked on forgiveness of people for a while...I hid those hurt feelings too long. But did I tell God about them? No. I kept them (the hurt feelings and pain) as a prized rotten fruit, refusing to let it be pried from my fingers. I let those go, and have learned to tell God more. I had to, with the RA, because I have been up so often in the middle of the night---so I talked to Him. And He was there. Willing to listen, soothing my Soul, Heart and Spirit...giving me rest even from pain. Praise be the Lord.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
To the Back Burner
From J.E. Tada's A Lifetime of Wisdom
What do we do when repress our disappointment and anger before the Lord? All we've done is shove the problem to the back burner. And we naively think "things will work out". But they don't. Hope is abused, then deferred. It revives, then gets snuffed out (Pro 13.12)
Affliction will either warm you up toward spiritual things or turn you cold, Strong emotions open the door to asking really hard questions. More to the point, our deep emotions reveal the spiritual direction in which we are moving. Are we moving toward the Almighty, or away from Him? Anger....makes Someone the issue of our suffering rather than something.
I thankfully was one who found herself going closer and as fast as she could to the Lord. But I have known many people who simply turned their back on the Savior. "He isn't doing anything for me!" they tell me. Oh...injured one, He is. He is right there with you, if you just let down the angry guard post of thoughts shouting in your mind (which I would say from readings are part of spiritual warfare). You do have to listen for and seek Him. Not that He isn't right there, ready the grab your hand, you have to ask. He will be right there.
Think of Peter walking on water. We are all doing that. Yet something "shiny" catches our gaze from our Lord and Savior, and we are flailing in the water. Now, we have two options. We can continue to flail (run from God) in the water, or we can cry out, "Jesus, save me!" Was there any time gap in the story? No. Jesus grasped Peter from the water, with the admonition "Oh you of little faith." I don't think He said that harshly, just as a statement. Because we so often are of little faith.
We are often called sheep. And sheep are easily frightened. They scatter at the faintest sound of danger (sometimes running right into the danger) when the safest place is with the Shepherd...regardless of what happens. With Him, you can expect some healings if He wills it, or comfort at least. Alone? Nothing....just complete emptiness. People try and fill that emptiness with buying things, drinking and drugs to cover the pain of that hole...so forth and so on.
And all I have to say is "Lord" and I know He is with me. All you have to do is that as well. Because He is there and here and everywhere.
What do we do when repress our disappointment and anger before the Lord? All we've done is shove the problem to the back burner. And we naively think "things will work out". But they don't. Hope is abused, then deferred. It revives, then gets snuffed out (Pro 13.12)
Affliction will either warm you up toward spiritual things or turn you cold, Strong emotions open the door to asking really hard questions. More to the point, our deep emotions reveal the spiritual direction in which we are moving. Are we moving toward the Almighty, or away from Him? Anger....makes Someone the issue of our suffering rather than something.
I thankfully was one who found herself going closer and as fast as she could to the Lord. But I have known many people who simply turned their back on the Savior. "He isn't doing anything for me!" they tell me. Oh...injured one, He is. He is right there with you, if you just let down the angry guard post of thoughts shouting in your mind (which I would say from readings are part of spiritual warfare). You do have to listen for and seek Him. Not that He isn't right there, ready the grab your hand, you have to ask. He will be right there.
Think of Peter walking on water. We are all doing that. Yet something "shiny" catches our gaze from our Lord and Savior, and we are flailing in the water. Now, we have two options. We can continue to flail (run from God) in the water, or we can cry out, "Jesus, save me!" Was there any time gap in the story? No. Jesus grasped Peter from the water, with the admonition "Oh you of little faith." I don't think He said that harshly, just as a statement. Because we so often are of little faith.
We are often called sheep. And sheep are easily frightened. They scatter at the faintest sound of danger (sometimes running right into the danger) when the safest place is with the Shepherd...regardless of what happens. With Him, you can expect some healings if He wills it, or comfort at least. Alone? Nothing....just complete emptiness. People try and fill that emptiness with buying things, drinking and drugs to cover the pain of that hole...so forth and so on.
And all I have to say is "Lord" and I know He is with me. All you have to do is that as well. Because He is there and here and everywhere.
Various Bible Verses
1 Corinthians 1:18New International Version (NIV)
Christ Crucified Is God’s Power and Wisdom
18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.1 Corinthians 1:24New International Version (NIV)
24 but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.1 Corinthians 2:7-8New International Version (NIV)
7 No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. 8 None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.1 Corinthians 2:10New International Version (NIV)
10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.
God Cares
From J.E. Tada's More Precious than Silver
Some Christians attest that God cares so much for us, He would never want any hurt or heartache to touch us. "Why if we really trusted in Him," they reasoned, "God would go to any length to release us from our pain. But is this so? While no one is saying God enjoys watching us struggle, Scripture indicates that He has no qualms about allowing suffering to wound us. But it never means He no longer cares. God certainly cared for Timothy, who struggled with frequent illness. He cared for James, run though with Herod's sword because of His testimony, He cared for John, exiled on a lonely island. He cared for Stephan, even though He was dragged away from the synagogue and stones.
God cared about Paul. He told him in his prison cell, "Take courage! As you have testified about Me in Jerusalem, so you must also in Rome." (Act 23.11) With that I'm sure Paul cast all his anxieties on the Lord. Yet he remained in custody for at least two years. Did God stop caring in those two years? Of course not! God answered His servant's prayer by giving him the kid of peace that God allowed him to write: Ph 4.12
God's care for you goes deeper than your comfort zones. The focus of God's care is your soul. And the expression of His care will be peace and contentment. It's a beautiful promise that reminds you of God's intimate concern whether your ill for weeks, bedridden for months or struggling within your marriage for years. Grab hold of that truth and hang on. No matter what.
I am so tired of being sick with RA. We try different therapies, and of course, I ask God to remove or at least lessen the effects of the disease. I am grateful that I have discovered I love God more now than I did eight years ago. I was reading shortly last night from J.I. Packer's Guard Us, Guide Us---highly recommend by the way! Reminds me to put a section listing books on my blog....but back to the book...He was talking about the ever popular yoke of the Lord, and how we can fight it or go along. Well, it must be that the Lord is on one side of me during my "coma" days where I cannot wake up, my nauseated days, my "normal" days. But it is comforting to think that He is right there, step by step, minute by minute. And I know He is, even though many in the world would find me irritating for my peace in Christ.
Oh, that does not mean I do not struggle. Writing this blog reminds me how good God is to me...otherwise I get lost in the murk that is pain and nausea. The fear that I will be in this same shape 2 years from now. 5. 10 years. 20 years. That is what is so hard to take. But...if it His will for me to be like this, then I will bring glory to Him through it.
I thought earlier in this RA battle that it was easier than the depression/anxiety/bulimia I had earlier. But, as time goes by, and I miss more and more, RA is the worse of the two demons. Whether they are demons or not I have no idea.
But God is there. Strong and mighty...yoked with me for every step I take, every breath I take.
Some Christians attest that God cares so much for us, He would never want any hurt or heartache to touch us. "Why if we really trusted in Him," they reasoned, "God would go to any length to release us from our pain. But is this so? While no one is saying God enjoys watching us struggle, Scripture indicates that He has no qualms about allowing suffering to wound us. But it never means He no longer cares. God certainly cared for Timothy, who struggled with frequent illness. He cared for James, run though with Herod's sword because of His testimony, He cared for John, exiled on a lonely island. He cared for Stephan, even though He was dragged away from the synagogue and stones.
God cared about Paul. He told him in his prison cell, "Take courage! As you have testified about Me in Jerusalem, so you must also in Rome." (Act 23.11) With that I'm sure Paul cast all his anxieties on the Lord. Yet he remained in custody for at least two years. Did God stop caring in those two years? Of course not! God answered His servant's prayer by giving him the kid of peace that God allowed him to write: Ph 4.12
God's care for you goes deeper than your comfort zones. The focus of God's care is your soul. And the expression of His care will be peace and contentment. It's a beautiful promise that reminds you of God's intimate concern whether your ill for weeks, bedridden for months or struggling within your marriage for years. Grab hold of that truth and hang on. No matter what.
I am so tired of being sick with RA. We try different therapies, and of course, I ask God to remove or at least lessen the effects of the disease. I am grateful that I have discovered I love God more now than I did eight years ago. I was reading shortly last night from J.I. Packer's Guard Us, Guide Us---highly recommend by the way! Reminds me to put a section listing books on my blog....but back to the book...He was talking about the ever popular yoke of the Lord, and how we can fight it or go along. Well, it must be that the Lord is on one side of me during my "coma" days where I cannot wake up, my nauseated days, my "normal" days. But it is comforting to think that He is right there, step by step, minute by minute. And I know He is, even though many in the world would find me irritating for my peace in Christ.
Oh, that does not mean I do not struggle. Writing this blog reminds me how good God is to me...otherwise I get lost in the murk that is pain and nausea. The fear that I will be in this same shape 2 years from now. 5. 10 years. 20 years. That is what is so hard to take. But...if it His will for me to be like this, then I will bring glory to Him through it.
I thought earlier in this RA battle that it was easier than the depression/anxiety/bulimia I had earlier. But, as time goes by, and I miss more and more, RA is the worse of the two demons. Whether they are demons or not I have no idea.
But God is there. Strong and mighty...yoked with me for every step I take, every breath I take.
1 Corinthians 1:4-9New International Version (NIV)
Thanksgiving
4 I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. 5 For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge— 6 God thus confirming our testimony about Christ among you. 7 Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. 8 He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.Thursday, May 21, 2015
RA Post: Gotta love it
So. Prednisone. We love it, we hate it. It takes down swelling and inflammation. You know what else it does? It turns everything you eat into fat. So add in some sedentary lifestyle and boom: 50 pounds overweight...when you already wanted to drop twenty. So I am at 70 pounds more than I want. But I am getting some more med therapy which will help.
My fibromyalgia {What is Fibromyalgia?} was "confirmed" as much as you can get it confirmed...so we are going to try gabapentin. http://www.drugs.com/gabapentin.html. I am hoping that with my RA treatment, the FIB therapy will be the kicker to get me further in the world than a little laundry on a "good" day. Man....I envy the CNAs out there at the moment. Working hard.
But I digress.
After leaving the Dr this morning, my ever faithful chauffeur (my mother) was quite ill with a migraine. And we needed gas for the car. So we stopped at a gas station, and I went in to get her a Pepsi, myself a diet Pepsi, and because a sugar rush helps a migraine, a small packet of donuts. As I waddled my fat way up to the cashier, I had to think what a picture I made...my still moon-face from the steroids (Moon Face?). Some overweight woman is buying two 24 oz sodas and donuts. "She OBVIOUSLY doesn't need those." thought the super thin girl at the counter. Oh well.
I laughed all the way home.
My fibromyalgia {What is Fibromyalgia?} was "confirmed" as much as you can get it confirmed...so we are going to try gabapentin. http://www.drugs.com/gabapentin.html. I am hoping that with my RA treatment, the FIB therapy will be the kicker to get me further in the world than a little laundry on a "good" day. Man....I envy the CNAs out there at the moment. Working hard.
But I digress.
After leaving the Dr this morning, my ever faithful chauffeur (my mother) was quite ill with a migraine. And we needed gas for the car. So we stopped at a gas station, and I went in to get her a Pepsi, myself a diet Pepsi, and because a sugar rush helps a migraine, a small packet of donuts. As I waddled my fat way up to the cashier, I had to think what a picture I made...my still moon-face from the steroids (Moon Face?). Some overweight woman is buying two 24 oz sodas and donuts. "She OBVIOUSLY doesn't need those." thought the super thin girl at the counter. Oh well.
I laughed all the way home.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Questioning the Thorn
From J.E. Tada's More Precious than Silver
Suffering deflates self. At least, it's supposed to. The apostle Paul inferred in this verse 2 Cor 12.7 tjat affliction was given so that his focus might not be on self but on the Savior. Paul said that when he was weak, God was strong. He added that his suffering helped him know God better. We would only say the same. So why do we squirm when we feel the thorn in our flesh? Why do we keep asking why? The clue is hidden in the questions we ask when we suffer: will I? Can I? etc. The questions themselves are technically me-centered. Even when we hit upon good reasons why, those reasons can be centered around self; me me me statements.
The main point of suffering is to know God better. The subpoints are benefits.
This was astoundingly powerful to me when I read it in March. I spent every day asking why? Why me? Why this, why that? why why why?? It was a waste of time.
Suffering is a result of our choice centuries ago to have a love affair. A love affair with evil. So we receive suffering. True, God could stop all suffering at this point, but suffering is often what makes people look toward Him. That is not to say He enjoys suffering, and He does not send suffering. I believe that every bit of suffering we have has to go through the Job idea: demon asks to torture person, God may or may not give the approval.
Many people would say that this is cruel, horrid! What sort of God is this?
Well...from all my findings thus far, He is the only God who will adopt you as sons, complete with birthright. It seems like any other god does little for the followers...
And knowing God better. Oh. I cannot tell you the wonders of that. I have always wanted to study the Word and God as I studied college subjects. That is what I do now. Any day that I am well enough to sit up and take notice of the world, I am devouring solid Christian authors, the Word, Bible studies, devotionals. I am at the very beginning of a huge project. And I love it. God is so much bigger than anything. Bigger than RA, or fibromyalgia or anything. And the love He has for us is incredible. So yes....the thorn is worth it. Even though I still ask God to remove mine, or make it less.
Suffering deflates self. At least, it's supposed to. The apostle Paul inferred in this verse 2 Cor 12.7 tjat affliction was given so that his focus might not be on self but on the Savior. Paul said that when he was weak, God was strong. He added that his suffering helped him know God better. We would only say the same. So why do we squirm when we feel the thorn in our flesh? Why do we keep asking why? The clue is hidden in the questions we ask when we suffer: will I? Can I? etc. The questions themselves are technically me-centered. Even when we hit upon good reasons why, those reasons can be centered around self; me me me statements.
The main point of suffering is to know God better. The subpoints are benefits.
This was astoundingly powerful to me when I read it in March. I spent every day asking why? Why me? Why this, why that? why why why?? It was a waste of time.
Suffering is a result of our choice centuries ago to have a love affair. A love affair with evil. So we receive suffering. True, God could stop all suffering at this point, but suffering is often what makes people look toward Him. That is not to say He enjoys suffering, and He does not send suffering. I believe that every bit of suffering we have has to go through the Job idea: demon asks to torture person, God may or may not give the approval.
Many people would say that this is cruel, horrid! What sort of God is this?
Well...from all my findings thus far, He is the only God who will adopt you as sons, complete with birthright. It seems like any other god does little for the followers...
And knowing God better. Oh. I cannot tell you the wonders of that. I have always wanted to study the Word and God as I studied college subjects. That is what I do now. Any day that I am well enough to sit up and take notice of the world, I am devouring solid Christian authors, the Word, Bible studies, devotionals. I am at the very beginning of a huge project. And I love it. God is so much bigger than anything. Bigger than RA, or fibromyalgia or anything. And the love He has for us is incredible. So yes....the thorn is worth it. Even though I still ask God to remove mine, or make it less.
Abandoned
From J.E. Tada's More Precious Than Silver
Does it mystify you tat one day you can be on top of the world, in love with the Lord, soaring in His Spirit, having faith to see into eternity, and the next day go splat? It happens to you and it happens to me. And it happened to the Lord's three best friends, Peter, James and John.Mark, Chapter 9....they got an up-close-and-personal, snow-blinded look at the dazzling glory of the Lord as He revealed Himself in a way He never had before. They dropped to their knees, jaws agape, dumbstruck with wonder.
Now, you would think an experience like that would carry the disciples for years to come. But a short time later in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus revealed another part of Himself. He showed them how distressed and troubled He was. You know what happened next. Peter, James and John yawned, then fell asleep.All that spiritual go got up and went.
We would do it too. There are very few people who, when you are distressed, will stay up the entire night for you. Look to Facebook, and the amount of people who state their husband/wife, sister/brother, best friend or whoever wasn't there at the hardest time of life.
I have been blessed---I could ask my husband to stay up with me, and he will. Since we are right in my parents' home for the time being, I can ask them to stay up with me, and I know they would. I rarely ask either to do so, because I want them to get the rest they need. The knowledge of knowing they would be there is enough.
How devastating it must have been, even though He knows the heart of man, that His closest disciples could not stay awake with the Lord. I imagine we would all likely do the same, for whatever reason.
One of the things I stress so many times on my blog posts is how God is always with me, through the long watches of the night. My sleeping schedule is so strange from the pain and the weather changes. I most often spend time with God and do my "work" in the middle of the night, for His presence in His Word soothe my worried mind and help me sleep. "The law of the Lord is renewing to the mind"---this is so very true.
That is another reason I rarely ask for anyone to keep me company through the night. My King is here. He will listen to me rage over being sick, hurting, not being able to do what everyone else is doing. He will wipe the tears from my soul over these things, and give me His strength to face another day.
We are so lucky that He remains as that still, quiet voice. Even when we have fallen asleep on the job. He will whisper at us until we remember to pay attention. Ever notice how people whispering brings so much more attention to them than if they just talk normally? I think His whispering is almost like that.
Does it mystify you tat one day you can be on top of the world, in love with the Lord, soaring in His Spirit, having faith to see into eternity, and the next day go splat? It happens to you and it happens to me. And it happened to the Lord's three best friends, Peter, James and John.Mark, Chapter 9....they got an up-close-and-personal, snow-blinded look at the dazzling glory of the Lord as He revealed Himself in a way He never had before. They dropped to their knees, jaws agape, dumbstruck with wonder.
Now, you would think an experience like that would carry the disciples for years to come. But a short time later in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus revealed another part of Himself. He showed them how distressed and troubled He was. You know what happened next. Peter, James and John yawned, then fell asleep.All that spiritual go got up and went.
We would do it too. There are very few people who, when you are distressed, will stay up the entire night for you. Look to Facebook, and the amount of people who state their husband/wife, sister/brother, best friend or whoever wasn't there at the hardest time of life.
I have been blessed---I could ask my husband to stay up with me, and he will. Since we are right in my parents' home for the time being, I can ask them to stay up with me, and I know they would. I rarely ask either to do so, because I want them to get the rest they need. The knowledge of knowing they would be there is enough.
How devastating it must have been, even though He knows the heart of man, that His closest disciples could not stay awake with the Lord. I imagine we would all likely do the same, for whatever reason.
One of the things I stress so many times on my blog posts is how God is always with me, through the long watches of the night. My sleeping schedule is so strange from the pain and the weather changes. I most often spend time with God and do my "work" in the middle of the night, for His presence in His Word soothe my worried mind and help me sleep. "The law of the Lord is renewing to the mind"---this is so very true.
That is another reason I rarely ask for anyone to keep me company through the night. My King is here. He will listen to me rage over being sick, hurting, not being able to do what everyone else is doing. He will wipe the tears from my soul over these things, and give me His strength to face another day.
We are so lucky that He remains as that still, quiet voice. Even when we have fallen asleep on the job. He will whisper at us until we remember to pay attention. Ever notice how people whispering brings so much more attention to them than if they just talk normally? I think His whispering is almost like that.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
RA Post: Add a Joint!
It's sort of like playing musical chairs. Only it's musical joints. A lot less fun. I was a killer musical chair player...just about guaranteed to win.
My jaw has joined the lineup. Not too surprised considering the swelling I have had from the prednisone. So my face is a wee bit swollen, and achy. What fun!
Maybe my diet will be easier, this way. haha.
My jaw has joined the lineup. Not too surprised considering the swelling I have had from the prednisone. So my face is a wee bit swollen, and achy. What fun!
Maybe my diet will be easier, this way. haha.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
The Size of Action
From J.E. Tada's More Precious Than Silver
The Society {polio victims in Ghana} is just a couple of cinder block huts...no running water. But you should have seen the boys' smiles when we gave three wheelchairs. They stopped in the middle of their work at the sewing machines to sing and clap for us with that wonderful African harmony [such a small gift for so many!] But then I remembered the words of an African pastor I met earlier that day: "No gift given to the Lord is ever too small. No action is unimportant, no effort to tiny."
The last sentence was so so powerful to me when I read it nearly two months ago...I was struggling so mightily with the idea of being bed ridden since September. How could I be worth anything??
Yet the small praise and worship I give out to God is worthwhile! It means something to Him! The days I can manage a load of laundry, or sweep the floor---that effort is worthwhile to God. The days that I can't, that I lay in bed too nauseated to do anything...those days are ok too. Because I can pray (although I may forget to)...I can pray for myself, I can pray for my support groups and my support people. I can pray for the world. And that means something.
The Society {polio victims in Ghana} is just a couple of cinder block huts...no running water. But you should have seen the boys' smiles when we gave three wheelchairs. They stopped in the middle of their work at the sewing machines to sing and clap for us with that wonderful African harmony [such a small gift for so many!] But then I remembered the words of an African pastor I met earlier that day: "No gift given to the Lord is ever too small. No action is unimportant, no effort to tiny."
The last sentence was so so powerful to me when I read it nearly two months ago...I was struggling so mightily with the idea of being bed ridden since September. How could I be worth anything??
Yet the small praise and worship I give out to God is worthwhile! It means something to Him! The days I can manage a load of laundry, or sweep the floor---that effort is worthwhile to God. The days that I can't, that I lay in bed too nauseated to do anything...those days are ok too. Because I can pray (although I may forget to)...I can pray for myself, I can pray for my support groups and my support people. I can pray for the world. And that means something.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
RA: Sleep
After what seems like possibly three weeks of sleeping nearly 24 hours a day...I am maybe waking up. And maybe the Enbrel is making my joints less stiff.
I hate this chronic sleeping. It is NOT like depression. I have had depression induced sleep. This is full out unconscious sleep. Sleeping so hard that people scare you when they suddenly appear by your side after "thundering" down stairs. Sleeping so hard that when you wake up you don't know if it is Tuesday, Wednesday of the same week, night or day of the same day you last woke on, and when and if you are supposed to take medication.
I have never had sleep like this RA induced sleep.
I used to say, over the last seven years or so, that I always seemed to be more tired than everyone my age. I could never go as long. People would stay out late at little movie and game night things, and I would weigh what I had to do the next day with whether I could go at all. I desperately wanted to do those things, but I couldn't. I would be so sick the next day ( talking near vomiting sick) that it just wasn't worth it. And these were not alcohol drinking parties, either!
I guess I really was more tired than everyone else!
I hate this chronic sleeping. It is NOT like depression. I have had depression induced sleep. This is full out unconscious sleep. Sleeping so hard that people scare you when they suddenly appear by your side after "thundering" down stairs. Sleeping so hard that when you wake up you don't know if it is Tuesday, Wednesday of the same week, night or day of the same day you last woke on, and when and if you are supposed to take medication.
I have never had sleep like this RA induced sleep.
I used to say, over the last seven years or so, that I always seemed to be more tired than everyone my age. I could never go as long. People would stay out late at little movie and game night things, and I would weigh what I had to do the next day with whether I could go at all. I desperately wanted to do those things, but I couldn't. I would be so sick the next day ( talking near vomiting sick) that it just wasn't worth it. And these were not alcohol drinking parties, either!
I guess I really was more tired than everyone else!
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Washing Off the Dust
From J.E. Tada's More Precious Than Silver
Jesus made a point of wash[ing] the dust off the disciples' feet. If you'll recall, the disciples protested at first. But Jesus reminded them that unless they washed their feet, they could have no part of Him. The Lord went on to explain that a person who has had a bath [baptism] needs only to wash his fet, since the rest of him is clean. As Christians, you and I have been made clean by our salvation. Yet we can't help but gather dust from walking around in a world dirtied by sin. It's a fact: your soul gets dusty. If we don't watch it, the dust builds up into a layer of dirt.
What dust do I need to "wash" off of my "feet'? Complaining and bitterness is my big two. Some days I am so bitter and snappish about my RA. It's not fair to hurt so much I can't sleep, to either be too thin because I can't eat or too heavy because I can't stop eating in an attempt to cover pain. It's not fair to not be able to do what everyone else is doing in their lives. No, it isn't.
But neither, as I have often said, is it fair for me to treat loved ones as verbal punching bags.
I must wash my feet of this dust often.
But there are other "dirty roads" we walk on. We gossip about someone...whether or not their marriage will last, and oh, my goodness, did you hear about....
We watch questionable tv programs. Well....sure they swear, but it's not THAT bad. They don't have premarital sex THAT often in the show...besides, you can hardly see anything.
We make excuses to make whatever we "think" we want to do ok. That it really isn't that bad.
You know what? It really is that bad. We are the ambassadors of Christ. Yet we stand out as no different than anyone else. Except maybe we go to church on Sunday. If there isn't a game. Or that season finale we've been dying to see.
The Jewish faith was made to stand out as different from all others in the area. Christianity is supposed to stand out as well....stand out as a loving community that does its' utmost to appear holy. We don't. We don't appear holy, and I am ashamed to say it.
We say such unkind things--even as a joke. We watch so many programs on TV that are really not godly at all. How is "Family Guy" (which I have not seen but have heard of) godly? I watch Grey's Anatomy, and I can assure you that the show is not godly...premarital sex and cheating appear on various episodes.
The more dust we allow to gather, the dirtier we will be. We need to remember that we are ambassador's, that we need to stand out. I don't mean being legalistic. I just mean attempting to show the world that life is different as one of the faith.
I have heard many many many stories of people who watched a Christian buy a certain TV show/movie, swore, cheated or some other sin....and the person watching said they never wanted to have anything to do with that faith. It was fake anyway. The Christians weren't any different than anyone else.
And yes, we are sinners...but that doesn't mean we should continue with our love affair of sin. We are of a higher calling, and should honor that. To show that God is so important to us that we honor Him with washing dust off of our feet.
Jesus made a point of wash[ing] the dust off the disciples' feet. If you'll recall, the disciples protested at first. But Jesus reminded them that unless they washed their feet, they could have no part of Him. The Lord went on to explain that a person who has had a bath [baptism] needs only to wash his fet, since the rest of him is clean. As Christians, you and I have been made clean by our salvation. Yet we can't help but gather dust from walking around in a world dirtied by sin. It's a fact: your soul gets dusty. If we don't watch it, the dust builds up into a layer of dirt.
What dust do I need to "wash" off of my "feet'? Complaining and bitterness is my big two. Some days I am so bitter and snappish about my RA. It's not fair to hurt so much I can't sleep, to either be too thin because I can't eat or too heavy because I can't stop eating in an attempt to cover pain. It's not fair to not be able to do what everyone else is doing in their lives. No, it isn't.
But neither, as I have often said, is it fair for me to treat loved ones as verbal punching bags.
I must wash my feet of this dust often.
But there are other "dirty roads" we walk on. We gossip about someone...whether or not their marriage will last, and oh, my goodness, did you hear about....
We watch questionable tv programs. Well....sure they swear, but it's not THAT bad. They don't have premarital sex THAT often in the show...besides, you can hardly see anything.
We make excuses to make whatever we "think" we want to do ok. That it really isn't that bad.
You know what? It really is that bad. We are the ambassadors of Christ. Yet we stand out as no different than anyone else. Except maybe we go to church on Sunday. If there isn't a game. Or that season finale we've been dying to see.
The Jewish faith was made to stand out as different from all others in the area. Christianity is supposed to stand out as well....stand out as a loving community that does its' utmost to appear holy. We don't. We don't appear holy, and I am ashamed to say it.
We say such unkind things--even as a joke. We watch so many programs on TV that are really not godly at all. How is "Family Guy" (which I have not seen but have heard of) godly? I watch Grey's Anatomy, and I can assure you that the show is not godly...premarital sex and cheating appear on various episodes.
The more dust we allow to gather, the dirtier we will be. We need to remember that we are ambassador's, that we need to stand out. I don't mean being legalistic. I just mean attempting to show the world that life is different as one of the faith.
I have heard many many many stories of people who watched a Christian buy a certain TV show/movie, swore, cheated or some other sin....and the person watching said they never wanted to have anything to do with that faith. It was fake anyway. The Christians weren't any different than anyone else.
And yes, we are sinners...but that doesn't mean we should continue with our love affair of sin. We are of a higher calling, and should honor that. To show that God is so important to us that we honor Him with washing dust off of our feet.
Praise to Fight
From J.E. Tada's More Precious than Silver
When it comes to frontline defense against the Devil's attacks, we often bypass praise and scramble to do something--anything---to remedy, rectify, or resolve the problem. Make lists, set goals, get counseling, go shopping, raid the fridge, read a book on the subject or talk about it with others. But praise? Yet we learn from Jehoshaphat that praise must always be the first line of defense. 2 Chron 20.6, 12
To be honest, how many of you when distressed beyond anything pop on praise and worship music and, once singing along...have whatever distressed you still bothering you? To praise God will simply destroy most "bad" thoughts.
When I was a small child, worried or scared about whatever, and I began to sing my favorite worship songs, I saw in my mind's eye the devil squirming and melting away, much like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz.
Perhaps it is somewhat like that. The evil ones certainly can't stand to be around us when we turn and praise God. It is too revolting to them. And while you are singing (whether aloud or in your soul), they cannot influence your thoughts.
I have found, too...that while I may still hurt, may still feel sick. my thoughts about RA change drastically with praise of God. Writing out verses has been my recent thing with the Psalms (and other passages), and it does help.
Which goes to prove I need to do this more--praising God to win the fight. I have felt very discouraged the last week, but especially the last three days. I have been couch-bound again, too tired to really care to do much. I pretty much have forced myself to write blog posts, try to read books and try to do my "work". I try to take a walk. But I hurt so much, and every time I eat I feel like throwing up (well, not every time, but most meals are not sitting well again). I pretty much want to eat popsicles because they sit ok. I cannot sit up very long again without getting some joint kinked wrong, breaking into a rolling sweat and trying to lay down "just so" to stop the agonizing pain driving my nausea. My insurance doesn't want to give me more than 9 anti nausea pills per fill, so I have to send someone to the pharmacy all the time......
And it hurts to see the broken look on the faces of my family, because I am in a worse spell. I am not up talking to everyone, cleaning house a little, discussing God with great enthusiasm. I am just existing. And I can't help that....because I feel to terrible to care. So I will work on my "work" and wait for God to help me out of this flare up.
When it comes to frontline defense against the Devil's attacks, we often bypass praise and scramble to do something--anything---to remedy, rectify, or resolve the problem. Make lists, set goals, get counseling, go shopping, raid the fridge, read a book on the subject or talk about it with others. But praise? Yet we learn from Jehoshaphat that praise must always be the first line of defense. 2 Chron 20.6, 12
To be honest, how many of you when distressed beyond anything pop on praise and worship music and, once singing along...have whatever distressed you still bothering you? To praise God will simply destroy most "bad" thoughts.
When I was a small child, worried or scared about whatever, and I began to sing my favorite worship songs, I saw in my mind's eye the devil squirming and melting away, much like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz.
Perhaps it is somewhat like that. The evil ones certainly can't stand to be around us when we turn and praise God. It is too revolting to them. And while you are singing (whether aloud or in your soul), they cannot influence your thoughts.
I have found, too...that while I may still hurt, may still feel sick. my thoughts about RA change drastically with praise of God. Writing out verses has been my recent thing with the Psalms (and other passages), and it does help.
Which goes to prove I need to do this more--praising God to win the fight. I have felt very discouraged the last week, but especially the last three days. I have been couch-bound again, too tired to really care to do much. I pretty much have forced myself to write blog posts, try to read books and try to do my "work". I try to take a walk. But I hurt so much, and every time I eat I feel like throwing up (well, not every time, but most meals are not sitting well again). I pretty much want to eat popsicles because they sit ok. I cannot sit up very long again without getting some joint kinked wrong, breaking into a rolling sweat and trying to lay down "just so" to stop the agonizing pain driving my nausea. My insurance doesn't want to give me more than 9 anti nausea pills per fill, so I have to send someone to the pharmacy all the time......
And it hurts to see the broken look on the faces of my family, because I am in a worse spell. I am not up talking to everyone, cleaning house a little, discussing God with great enthusiasm. I am just existing. And I can't help that....because I feel to terrible to care. So I will work on my "work" and wait for God to help me out of this flare up.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Shattered
From J.E. Tada's More Precious than Silver
[A dropped cup] didn't shatter, but the fall to the counter was enough to cause a crack. I wondered whether to save it, but in the end decided to trash it. God, on the other hand, saves broken cups. In face, broken vessels are often His most useful tools. 2 Cor 4:7 tells us God pours His treasure into fragile vessels that are prone to shatter. That way everyone knows God is living in us. A broken neck taught me this. But so has a broken heart. At time, whether in my paralysis pain or emotional pain, I have gone to God sighing, "I give up. I can't do anything right. I have no idea how to pull myself out of this mess."
But God says, "I've been waiting for you to come to Me in your brokeness. Here, let me heal you. You need My help, for without Me, you can do nothing."
Don't be ashamed of being shattered. God is looking for broken vessels like you through whom He can showcase His splendor. Remember, when it comes to God's grace, even broken cups can be filled to overflowing.
There is a Christian movie I adored as a teen. Joshua was the title...and supposedly Jesus had come to earth as this man...a woman snatched up a vase one evening, threw it to the ground and said that it was her life, and no one could fix it...Joshua left the town shortly after, but not not without leaving a package. Inside was the vase, glued back together into a faceted vase of great beauty. Sometimes things have to be broken to show true beauty. And sometimes the glue being used to make that new thing is really slow drying and it takes some time.
In the meantime, one waits and prays. Because God is there, making sure that shattered vase becomes something beautiful. And really...broken glass is beautiful; it's just more useful when the project is complete.
[A dropped cup] didn't shatter, but the fall to the counter was enough to cause a crack. I wondered whether to save it, but in the end decided to trash it. God, on the other hand, saves broken cups. In face, broken vessels are often His most useful tools. 2 Cor 4:7 tells us God pours His treasure into fragile vessels that are prone to shatter. That way everyone knows God is living in us. A broken neck taught me this. But so has a broken heart. At time, whether in my paralysis pain or emotional pain, I have gone to God sighing, "I give up. I can't do anything right. I have no idea how to pull myself out of this mess."
But God says, "I've been waiting for you to come to Me in your brokeness. Here, let me heal you. You need My help, for without Me, you can do nothing."
Don't be ashamed of being shattered. God is looking for broken vessels like you through whom He can showcase His splendor. Remember, when it comes to God's grace, even broken cups can be filled to overflowing.
There is a Christian movie I adored as a teen. Joshua was the title...and supposedly Jesus had come to earth as this man...a woman snatched up a vase one evening, threw it to the ground and said that it was her life, and no one could fix it...Joshua left the town shortly after, but not not without leaving a package. Inside was the vase, glued back together into a faceted vase of great beauty. Sometimes things have to be broken to show true beauty. And sometimes the glue being used to make that new thing is really slow drying and it takes some time.
In the meantime, one waits and prays. Because God is there, making sure that shattered vase becomes something beautiful. And really...broken glass is beautiful; it's just more useful when the project is complete.
Managable Size
From J.E. Tada's More Precious than Silver
Psalm 97.2 Clouds of thick darkness surround Him, righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne
1 Tim 6.16 who alone is immortal and lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To Him be honor and might forever. Amen.
Notice a problem? Well, not really. More of a paradox. On one hand, God is pictured as being cloaked in thick darkness; on the other, He lives in unapproachable light. So which is it? It's both. And there's a reason.
"Left to ourselves we tend immediately to reduce God to manageable terms. We want to get Him where we can understand Him or explain Him in naturalistic terms. We want to get Him where we can use Him, or at least know where He is when we need Him. We want a God we can in some measure control. We need a feeling of security that comes from knowing what God is like." (A.W. Tozer).
Our minds are helpless before the great, incomprehensible God. And although we yearn to know what can't be known and to touch and taste the unapproachable, we can reach for the Lord Jesus.
How often I have probably done this, although I cannot think of a specific example. I know I have heard other people try and put God into a box. This is what He does when this happens. He will do this because I did that. He really just does not work that way.
People love to tell those with chronic illnesses that if they really had faith, they would be healed from the illness. And if they aren't healed and seem to have an appropriate amount of faith (whatever amount deemed necessary by the observer) then there must be some unconfessed sin.
My sister once said to me...."God sometimes says, "No,"...and has a reason for saying "No". I likely do not know, and may never know why I need to have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I never understood why I had to battle more or less bulimia, depression and severe anxiety and PTSD. But I did. I found it very useful over the years, and still find what I learned very useful. But I certainly didn't think it was useful at the time.
What might I learn from RA...I consider this often, daily even. I have a massive increase of sympathy for pain sufferers. I understand the frustrations of battling insurance to get a medication your doctor has chosen as the best therapy. I understand a new fear, a fear my older patients had....being alone in old age, dying slowly alone. I understand people who cannot have children, because at this rate I cannot have children. And all of those things are devastating.
God is in control, though. He has a purpose for this, even if I never know what that purpose is. I will continue to praise Him until my last breath.
Psalm 97.2 Clouds of thick darkness surround Him, righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne
1 Tim 6.16 who alone is immortal and lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To Him be honor and might forever. Amen.
Notice a problem? Well, not really. More of a paradox. On one hand, God is pictured as being cloaked in thick darkness; on the other, He lives in unapproachable light. So which is it? It's both. And there's a reason.
"Left to ourselves we tend immediately to reduce God to manageable terms. We want to get Him where we can understand Him or explain Him in naturalistic terms. We want to get Him where we can use Him, or at least know where He is when we need Him. We want a God we can in some measure control. We need a feeling of security that comes from knowing what God is like." (A.W. Tozer).
Our minds are helpless before the great, incomprehensible God. And although we yearn to know what can't be known and to touch and taste the unapproachable, we can reach for the Lord Jesus.
How often I have probably done this, although I cannot think of a specific example. I know I have heard other people try and put God into a box. This is what He does when this happens. He will do this because I did that. He really just does not work that way.
People love to tell those with chronic illnesses that if they really had faith, they would be healed from the illness. And if they aren't healed and seem to have an appropriate amount of faith (whatever amount deemed necessary by the observer) then there must be some unconfessed sin.
My sister once said to me...."God sometimes says, "No,"...and has a reason for saying "No". I likely do not know, and may never know why I need to have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I never understood why I had to battle more or less bulimia, depression and severe anxiety and PTSD. But I did. I found it very useful over the years, and still find what I learned very useful. But I certainly didn't think it was useful at the time.
What might I learn from RA...I consider this often, daily even. I have a massive increase of sympathy for pain sufferers. I understand the frustrations of battling insurance to get a medication your doctor has chosen as the best therapy. I understand a new fear, a fear my older patients had....being alone in old age, dying slowly alone. I understand people who cannot have children, because at this rate I cannot have children. And all of those things are devastating.
God is in control, though. He has a purpose for this, even if I never know what that purpose is. I will continue to praise Him until my last breath.
Friday, May 8, 2015
RA Post: Enbrel 2.9
Went to rheumy, got the go ahead to take Enbrel anyway---the swelling was linked to the steroid use I had had. I hadn't thought of it, which made me feel stupid because it is a MAJOR side effect. The problem is....when you yourself are the patient, you don't see things.
Discussed fibromyalgia, but didn't get very far...He seemed to think I have it, but not sure if he officially thought so. My muscles hurt so much. My skin hurts! It is a little better this AM, but was making me quite ill most of yesterday. I don't want another medication, but I won't be able to stand this...so if by the start of next week it is still this bad, I will go back to the dr. Ground glass in muscles is not a pleasant feeling.
Discussed fibromyalgia, but didn't get very far...He seemed to think I have it, but not sure if he officially thought so. My muscles hurt so much. My skin hurts! It is a little better this AM, but was making me quite ill most of yesterday. I don't want another medication, but I won't be able to stand this...so if by the start of next week it is still this bad, I will go back to the dr. Ground glass in muscles is not a pleasant feeling.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Pure Fear
My biggest fear is fear. I am terrified most of the time. I have to go to a rheumatologist appointment, and it terrifies me. Any other doctor visit terrifies me. I am getting to where I can go to my primary for med refills without stomach upset, but anything else terrifies me. I am terrified of the dentist.
Fear has controlled me and my life for so many years. It's kind of ironic that for me, one of my biggest fears happened. They always say most things you are afraid of don't happen. I was always afraid of being sick in any shape or form...and now I have a chronic illness, one that can, although usually doesn't, get very nasty to deal with.
The Bible says "do not be afraid" 365 times, I have read. My favorite verse is nearly a command to not be afraid. But I still fear and fear with all my little might.
Why? Why not just stop fearing? After all, I know God is right there, and that I am safe because I believe and love Him.
Emotions can become idols, so I would think fear is one for me. Fear is something I can always remember having, although what I was afraid of remains murky. Fear is my idol, the demon inside capturing me. We all have one.
I need to let it go. To rely on God.
Fear has controlled me and my life for so many years. It's kind of ironic that for me, one of my biggest fears happened. They always say most things you are afraid of don't happen. I was always afraid of being sick in any shape or form...and now I have a chronic illness, one that can, although usually doesn't, get very nasty to deal with.
The Bible says "do not be afraid" 365 times, I have read. My favorite verse is nearly a command to not be afraid. But I still fear and fear with all my little might.
Why? Why not just stop fearing? After all, I know God is right there, and that I am safe because I believe and love Him.
Emotions can become idols, so I would think fear is one for me. Fear is something I can always remember having, although what I was afraid of remains murky. Fear is my idol, the demon inside capturing me. We all have one.
I need to let it go. To rely on God.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
RA Post: Enbrel
I had emailed the rheumy because my face is swelling up. Just my cheeks, across the cheekbones. Enough to be annoying to "look" over, and annoying enough to talk with. But I couldn't get the internet to work in the afternoon, so missed the RN wanted to ask me more questions. SIGH.
So I will call in the AM and get the low down. After all this fighting to get it, when it didn't bother me earlier, is it going to bother me?
There is the possibility that it is some sort of autoimmune reaction against my salivary glands, causing swelling.
Have an appointment Wednesday, regardless, so we will see what we see.
Can I just stop playing this game? It's not fun.
So I will call in the AM and get the low down. After all this fighting to get it, when it didn't bother me earlier, is it going to bother me?
There is the possibility that it is some sort of autoimmune reaction against my salivary glands, causing swelling.
Have an appointment Wednesday, regardless, so we will see what we see.
Can I just stop playing this game? It's not fun.
Monday, May 4, 2015
What Can a Stump do?
From J.E. Tada's More Precious than Silver
A stump [stood] above ground...mortally wounded...the owner then grafted into the stump a sprig bearing the flower of a golden delicious apples. In time, a sturdy sapling had grown from the base of a stump and bears....what? Crab apples? No way. The fruit took on the identity and distinctiveness of the living graft, not the old stump. It was a new fruit from a new tree. This delighted the farmer of the orchard. But his work wasn't over. He had to continually snip off crab apple shoots that would sprout out of the stump....how [we are] new creatures in Christ, we are dead to sin, yet alive to God.
Rom 8:12-13 12 Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
We, who have taken on the identity and distinctiveness of Christ, have an obligation to put to death those sucker shoots of sin that, if we're not careful, will rob us of fruit that pleases God.
I have watched my dear Daddy graft apple trees as long as I can remember. Early in the springtime, before the trees are really thinking of "waking up", he gathers twigs of other apple varieties, and then, when the trees are more "awake", he marches out there and mangles a small tree branch. He has to. The new twig is set firmly against the tree-side, newly injured branch and held together for several months, usually by a rubber band wrapped 'round and 'round to allow the sap to cross over and feed the new branch. 9 times out of 10...we walked out later and the new twig was fully attached to the tree with leaves and sometimes a flower budding.
I never thought about the passage of "I am the vine, you are the branches" in this manner, but it actually makes it make more sense.
I also never thought about the fact that both parts had to be mangled for the whole procedure to work. Jesus had to die a terrible death of agony for our sins....and we had to be willing to accept Him as the Son of God and work on not being such horrible people. We had to die to sin.
How wonderful it is that God was willing to die for me. I often feel like the most wretched creature on the face of the planet---more so in a way since the RA has thus far taken so much away from me in what I can accomplish in a day. While my Bible study time and other time spent with God IS worthwhile, the world screams at me that I am lazy and useless, even though I cannot make my body do any more than it already is. It just will fall asleep. I can't do more. I guess maybe doing things for other people and doing lots of extra other things was maybe becoming a "god" for me. I am not sure. I don't know that my work was pulling me from God, as I often prayed during my work day, but I did not spend as much time in the Word. I think maybe I could call my work then, before RA was so active, as a "god". I certainly would skip any Bible study or church if I was on call, but mainly because I would not have phone service.
Either way, I am here now, and may be this way the rest of my life. If that is to be the case, I intend to dedicate my life to Bible studies; reading good authors, good commentaries, learning as much as I can about God, learning as much of the Word as I can. That is my work now, that is what I do...and I do love it. I just wish I could do a few more things without ending up so dreadfully ill.
A stump [stood] above ground...mortally wounded...the owner then grafted into the stump a sprig bearing the flower of a golden delicious apples. In time, a sturdy sapling had grown from the base of a stump and bears....what? Crab apples? No way. The fruit took on the identity and distinctiveness of the living graft, not the old stump. It was a new fruit from a new tree. This delighted the farmer of the orchard. But his work wasn't over. He had to continually snip off crab apple shoots that would sprout out of the stump....how [we are] new creatures in Christ, we are dead to sin, yet alive to God.
Rom 8:12-13 12 Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
We, who have taken on the identity and distinctiveness of Christ, have an obligation to put to death those sucker shoots of sin that, if we're not careful, will rob us of fruit that pleases God.
I have watched my dear Daddy graft apple trees as long as I can remember. Early in the springtime, before the trees are really thinking of "waking up", he gathers twigs of other apple varieties, and then, when the trees are more "awake", he marches out there and mangles a small tree branch. He has to. The new twig is set firmly against the tree-side, newly injured branch and held together for several months, usually by a rubber band wrapped 'round and 'round to allow the sap to cross over and feed the new branch. 9 times out of 10...we walked out later and the new twig was fully attached to the tree with leaves and sometimes a flower budding.
I never thought about the passage of "I am the vine, you are the branches" in this manner, but it actually makes it make more sense.
I also never thought about the fact that both parts had to be mangled for the whole procedure to work. Jesus had to die a terrible death of agony for our sins....and we had to be willing to accept Him as the Son of God and work on not being such horrible people. We had to die to sin.
How wonderful it is that God was willing to die for me. I often feel like the most wretched creature on the face of the planet---more so in a way since the RA has thus far taken so much away from me in what I can accomplish in a day. While my Bible study time and other time spent with God IS worthwhile, the world screams at me that I am lazy and useless, even though I cannot make my body do any more than it already is. It just will fall asleep. I can't do more. I guess maybe doing things for other people and doing lots of extra other things was maybe becoming a "god" for me. I am not sure. I don't know that my work was pulling me from God, as I often prayed during my work day, but I did not spend as much time in the Word. I think maybe I could call my work then, before RA was so active, as a "god". I certainly would skip any Bible study or church if I was on call, but mainly because I would not have phone service.
Either way, I am here now, and may be this way the rest of my life. If that is to be the case, I intend to dedicate my life to Bible studies; reading good authors, good commentaries, learning as much as I can about God, learning as much of the Word as I can. That is my work now, that is what I do...and I do love it. I just wish I could do a few more things without ending up so dreadfully ill.
The Touch of Wind
From J.E. Tada's More Precious than Silver
Jesus must have loved the wind. I can picture Him feeling a cool breeze touch His face and then hearing it in the murmur of the leaves, gesturing toward a nearby tree and commenting: "The wind blows. You hear its sound. You can't tell where it comes from. So it is with the Spirit,"
No wonder Jesus likened the wind to the Spirit. Wind moves. So does the Spirit...He never stays still. He is always moving and making His presence known. And if this Holy One lives at the center of our lives, we will see, feel and at times almost smell and hear the effect. The Spirit is constantly doing something in us. Just as we can see the effects of the wind in the trees (although we cannot see the wind itself), others will observe and appreciate the effect of the Spirit in our lives. It's absurd to suppose you can have the Spirit of Christ within you and not see, feel and experience His presence. The Holy Spirit will produce holy living. Gal 5:22-23 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
When I read the Old Testament I always feel bad for people because the Spirit came and went at that time. There was a time in which Abraham did not hear anything for 24 years! That's nearly my entire life....to have nothing to help solidify that He is real, He cares, He is there would be hard to take. Maybe it isn't so surprising that the Israelites fell off the wagon so often and worshiped other "gods", if they did not have the Spirit as a seal.
But then, even so, we often fall off the wagon when we have that very seal. We start "worshiping" people and things. Our biggest concern of every day life becomes our god, be it children, work, chronic illness etc etc.
Then when we look at the fruit of the Spirit....oh boy. We are likely really missing out there. Maybe we are still hanging onto that grudge so not showing love. Or maybe we are chronically depressed or angry, not showing joy or peace....the list can go on and on of how we are not as Spirit filled as we could be.
Thankfully, the Spirit is always doing something, and His Something helps get us closer and closer to being like Jesus.
Jesus must have loved the wind. I can picture Him feeling a cool breeze touch His face and then hearing it in the murmur of the leaves, gesturing toward a nearby tree and commenting: "The wind blows. You hear its sound. You can't tell where it comes from. So it is with the Spirit,"
No wonder Jesus likened the wind to the Spirit. Wind moves. So does the Spirit...He never stays still. He is always moving and making His presence known. And if this Holy One lives at the center of our lives, we will see, feel and at times almost smell and hear the effect. The Spirit is constantly doing something in us. Just as we can see the effects of the wind in the trees (although we cannot see the wind itself), others will observe and appreciate the effect of the Spirit in our lives. It's absurd to suppose you can have the Spirit of Christ within you and not see, feel and experience His presence. The Holy Spirit will produce holy living. Gal 5:22-23 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
When I read the Old Testament I always feel bad for people because the Spirit came and went at that time. There was a time in which Abraham did not hear anything for 24 years! That's nearly my entire life....to have nothing to help solidify that He is real, He cares, He is there would be hard to take. Maybe it isn't so surprising that the Israelites fell off the wagon so often and worshiped other "gods", if they did not have the Spirit as a seal.
But then, even so, we often fall off the wagon when we have that very seal. We start "worshiping" people and things. Our biggest concern of every day life becomes our god, be it children, work, chronic illness etc etc.
Then when we look at the fruit of the Spirit....oh boy. We are likely really missing out there. Maybe we are still hanging onto that grudge so not showing love. Or maybe we are chronically depressed or angry, not showing joy or peace....the list can go on and on of how we are not as Spirit filled as we could be.
Thankfully, the Spirit is always doing something, and His Something helps get us closer and closer to being like Jesus.
Saturday, May 2, 2015
RA Post: How??
I never know when it will hit. Or where. Sometimes I get a warning and can kinda do something about it...but mostly no.
What am I talking about? The terrible terrible nausea I get.
This morning, for instance. I was just finishing up a faith based RA blog post...and suddenly was so sick that I posted and ran for it. I managed to not throw up, but was so terribly sick. I took BOTH of my antinauseas, which I hardly ever do...and lay down stiff as a board, hoping if I did throw up I did so after sitting up and not all over my shirt. I really have not ever thrown up because of RA, but the sickness I get from the pain is the worst nausea I have ever had. Worse than the two stomach flues I had in nursing school.
Heck, I thought I was hungry and was trying to eat when those flues made me throw up. Didn't really feel ill at all.
This is what stops me. That nausea that just has me melting onto the floor. If I sit wrong, or my jeans are too tight on my knees, or something is too tight on my hands, wrist, elbow, feet. I've had SHOES make me sick. I would go anywhere with the pain. Do anything with the pain. Work with the pain. Read, write whatever with the pain. It is easier to ignore. I can't do anything with the nausea, not even reading.
And it's the pain causing the nausea.
Oh...make that Enbrel work, please. I want to be able to go somewhere with my husband. See people. Go to the library with ease. Please work.
What am I talking about? The terrible terrible nausea I get.
This morning, for instance. I was just finishing up a faith based RA blog post...and suddenly was so sick that I posted and ran for it. I managed to not throw up, but was so terribly sick. I took BOTH of my antinauseas, which I hardly ever do...and lay down stiff as a board, hoping if I did throw up I did so after sitting up and not all over my shirt. I really have not ever thrown up because of RA, but the sickness I get from the pain is the worst nausea I have ever had. Worse than the two stomach flues I had in nursing school.
Heck, I thought I was hungry and was trying to eat when those flues made me throw up. Didn't really feel ill at all.
This is what stops me. That nausea that just has me melting onto the floor. If I sit wrong, or my jeans are too tight on my knees, or something is too tight on my hands, wrist, elbow, feet. I've had SHOES make me sick. I would go anywhere with the pain. Do anything with the pain. Work with the pain. Read, write whatever with the pain. It is easier to ignore. I can't do anything with the nausea, not even reading.
And it's the pain causing the nausea.
Oh...make that Enbrel work, please. I want to be able to go somewhere with my husband. See people. Go to the library with ease. Please work.
Loving Light
From J.E. Tada's More precious than silver
It's in our nature to love light. Well....not all of us. Jn 3:19 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.
I've traveled around the world and am always amazed at how dark they make hotel bars in the daytime (and how many people frequent them). When you pass by lounges or adult bookstores, you can't help but notice: no windows. It is the nature of light to expose and to show things for what they are. It is the nature of light to heal and nurture, to warm and soothe. It is the nature to push back darkness ( have you ever noticed how a room can be illuminated by just one candle?) Darkness does not overtake light; light invades darkness. Light is always on the offensive. Light is a little like God. No, it is a LOT like God! Heaven will shine by the Lamb who is the Lamp. Light will so much be in heaven that the sun will be ashamed. The Lord Almighty will reign gloriously. God's glory and His light go hand in hand. Heaven is a place full of light and glory. In heaven we will, like diamonds, give off prism like praise as every facet of our being reflects and refract His light and glory.
I pretty much loved this whole passage. Light. Wonderful, glorious light! No matter how sick I feel, a well lit, sunny day makes me feel better. Nighttime is the signal, and not just for me but most RA sufferers, to feel worse. I sleep so poorly (from 1-3am last night, and then 3-5am last night for example, and not until 6 am to 7 am the day before) that I spend more time, in my minds eye, alone and sick at night. Night thus means being alone and miserable. Night means worse fevers. Night is evil, even with lamps lit....an oppressive force pressing in on all sides.
Yet it is true...a single candle makes a whole room lighter. I love candlelight when the power is out, for a small light goes a long way.
Our attitudes go a long way as well. How toxic is it to your day when someone is crabby at you? It may take several snide comments to change your mood, or one. Then there are two of you. Two spreaders of darkness, merrily going about infecting people with their bad mood and poor attitude.
Asking God for strength when around such a person is incredibly helpful--can make those comments slide right off of your skin. And...if they are of the faith, you may be able to mention to the original darkness infested person to shine a little light in their life at this moment...or quietly pray that God does so, if not a person you can approach. To be honest even some Christians are too scary to approach when in a foul mood----and how toxic that is to those who don't believe!!!
It's in our nature to love light. Well....not all of us. Jn 3:19 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.
I've traveled around the world and am always amazed at how dark they make hotel bars in the daytime (and how many people frequent them). When you pass by lounges or adult bookstores, you can't help but notice: no windows. It is the nature of light to expose and to show things for what they are. It is the nature of light to heal and nurture, to warm and soothe. It is the nature to push back darkness ( have you ever noticed how a room can be illuminated by just one candle?) Darkness does not overtake light; light invades darkness. Light is always on the offensive. Light is a little like God. No, it is a LOT like God! Heaven will shine by the Lamb who is the Lamp. Light will so much be in heaven that the sun will be ashamed. The Lord Almighty will reign gloriously. God's glory and His light go hand in hand. Heaven is a place full of light and glory. In heaven we will, like diamonds, give off prism like praise as every facet of our being reflects and refract His light and glory.
I pretty much loved this whole passage. Light. Wonderful, glorious light! No matter how sick I feel, a well lit, sunny day makes me feel better. Nighttime is the signal, and not just for me but most RA sufferers, to feel worse. I sleep so poorly (from 1-3am last night, and then 3-5am last night for example, and not until 6 am to 7 am the day before) that I spend more time, in my minds eye, alone and sick at night. Night thus means being alone and miserable. Night means worse fevers. Night is evil, even with lamps lit....an oppressive force pressing in on all sides.
Yet it is true...a single candle makes a whole room lighter. I love candlelight when the power is out, for a small light goes a long way.
Our attitudes go a long way as well. How toxic is it to your day when someone is crabby at you? It may take several snide comments to change your mood, or one. Then there are two of you. Two spreaders of darkness, merrily going about infecting people with their bad mood and poor attitude.
Asking God for strength when around such a person is incredibly helpful--can make those comments slide right off of your skin. And...if they are of the faith, you may be able to mention to the original darkness infested person to shine a little light in their life at this moment...or quietly pray that God does so, if not a person you can approach. To be honest even some Christians are too scary to approach when in a foul mood----and how toxic that is to those who don't believe!!!
A Little Faithfulness
From J.E. Tada's More Precious Than Silver
Hb 11.6 6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
The same is true in human relationships. When somebody believes in you before you've earning their trust, you have been honored! When they trust you even though you didn't display your credentials, faith is born. God knew what He was doing when He developed a faith system. When you strip away all the mystery and leave the truth naked and mathematically scientific, something sweet and attractive is lost. There will always be the unknown.
This puts me in mind of the Psalms---various ones. Ones that speak of how far God is from us understanding Him, how magnificent He is above anything else....it is no wonder we will forever be finding out things about God.
Faith in God is supposed to be childike. It mentions it in John. We are supposed to have the blind faith that children have for trusted adults. A toddler will cling to anyone and everyone deemed "safe", and doesn't it give you a thrill when you are the chosen one? The one that they have 100% put faith into to protect them from scary things.
We need to have that faith in God. That 100% faith in Him, that He will protect us, keep us safe. Even if something scary and hard does come along. (Which in this fallen world, it will).
Faith comes easier to some people than others. Some have an easier time with the child like 100% faith, and others have to work at it. I don't know why that is. The only thing to increase faith is to pray about it, spend time with God in a "be still" type of mode, and the Word.
Faith is easier (for some) during crisis. We feel (or feel less) more of God's presence...and I think it depends on the attitude of the heart. Do you throw open the gates of your heart to let God in ASAP when things get tough? Or do you tighten security with the inane questions of who was your brother's best friend's least favorite teacher's name (?) before you let anyone in? Probably so tense if you can't let God in that no one else can comfort you either. So your feelings of being alone escalate.
There are days with RA, not as many...but there were several where I really had to force myself to read the Word, to spend any time with God. I felt sick. Exhausted. I didn't want to open the gates and possibly have to deal with emotional things too. Or maybe I am even somewhat irritated---why can't I just be healed like some other people?
Taking that step, though, to open my heart and approach with child-like curiosity and wonder delights Him. And really....why wouldn't I approach Him that way? He is so incredible. We are so blessed, because our God is real, and He wants a relationship with us. If we make the least effort, He often adds just the right extra special something to show His love...like a sudden easier time in the Word, or just having His presence near.
Hb 11.6 6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
The same is true in human relationships. When somebody believes in you before you've earning their trust, you have been honored! When they trust you even though you didn't display your credentials, faith is born. God knew what He was doing when He developed a faith system. When you strip away all the mystery and leave the truth naked and mathematically scientific, something sweet and attractive is lost. There will always be the unknown.
This puts me in mind of the Psalms---various ones. Ones that speak of how far God is from us understanding Him, how magnificent He is above anything else....it is no wonder we will forever be finding out things about God.
Faith in God is supposed to be childike. It mentions it in John. We are supposed to have the blind faith that children have for trusted adults. A toddler will cling to anyone and everyone deemed "safe", and doesn't it give you a thrill when you are the chosen one? The one that they have 100% put faith into to protect them from scary things.
We need to have that faith in God. That 100% faith in Him, that He will protect us, keep us safe. Even if something scary and hard does come along. (Which in this fallen world, it will).
Faith comes easier to some people than others. Some have an easier time with the child like 100% faith, and others have to work at it. I don't know why that is. The only thing to increase faith is to pray about it, spend time with God in a "be still" type of mode, and the Word.
Faith is easier (for some) during crisis. We feel (or feel less) more of God's presence...and I think it depends on the attitude of the heart. Do you throw open the gates of your heart to let God in ASAP when things get tough? Or do you tighten security with the inane questions of who was your brother's best friend's least favorite teacher's name (?) before you let anyone in? Probably so tense if you can't let God in that no one else can comfort you either. So your feelings of being alone escalate.
There are days with RA, not as many...but there were several where I really had to force myself to read the Word, to spend any time with God. I felt sick. Exhausted. I didn't want to open the gates and possibly have to deal with emotional things too. Or maybe I am even somewhat irritated---why can't I just be healed like some other people?
Taking that step, though, to open my heart and approach with child-like curiosity and wonder delights Him. And really....why wouldn't I approach Him that way? He is so incredible. We are so blessed, because our God is real, and He wants a relationship with us. If we make the least effort, He often adds just the right extra special something to show His love...like a sudden easier time in the Word, or just having His presence near.
Friday, May 1, 2015
Interest in Others
From J.E. Tada's More Precious Than Silver
Phil 2:20
20 I have no one else like him, who will show genuine concern for your welfare.
The Scripture reminds us that taking a genuine interest in the welfare of others---taking part in their activities, contributing to their efforts, cheering them on from the sidelines---will place you in a league like no other. In what ways do you encourage others? How do you strive to use all the gifts God has given you? And how do you stop complaining?
I have been so blessed by so many people. Many people have called, visited, sent cards, flowers...and I could never ever thank those people enough. I never realized how encouraging those sorts of things can be when you are ill---and dealing with the idea of chronic illness and the possibility of not finding a stabilizing therapy makes those thoughtful gifts and encouragement thousands of times stronger to me. So thank you again.
Being here, ill....makes it difficult to use the gifts I was given. I was a good nurse, empathetic and such, as I have been told. But I am home, alone, most of the day. My outreach to others is in words, either here or on social media support groups, helping those who are ill with RA and struggling stand up again. It really is amazing how much a "hang in there" or "gentle hugs" or a heart emoticon posted as a comment on a person's Facebook post really helps. You wouldn't think that it would help pain and nausea, but it does. It helps to know you are not alone.
So that is where I help now. And if God wills it, I will go back to nursing and help again where I once did. If He will I stay where I am, I will do so, although I will miss my nursing.
I try not to complain. Even when I speak of illness, I try to think of it in terms to fact rather than annoyance. But there are days I complain. Generally in my own mind---but how is that helpful? The negative thoughts are not beneficial to my disease process; creating muscle tension is not going to ease my pain...
The best way to not complain is to pray and be thanking God for specific blessings...the list gets longer, and longer, and longer as you struggle to not forget a blessing. Each blessing on that list makes your complaint seem more and more insignificant. Reading the Word helps me to not complain....or even complaining to God Himself helps me to not complain to others around me. After all, He is there with me, and understands how I feel better than probably anyone...He will listen with love, and point out blessings and then I will forget the reason for my complaint. How good He is, letting us vent and then making us feel more blessed, even in the midst of a darkest hour.
Phil 2:20
20 I have no one else like him, who will show genuine concern for your welfare.
The Scripture reminds us that taking a genuine interest in the welfare of others---taking part in their activities, contributing to their efforts, cheering them on from the sidelines---will place you in a league like no other. In what ways do you encourage others? How do you strive to use all the gifts God has given you? And how do you stop complaining?
I have been so blessed by so many people. Many people have called, visited, sent cards, flowers...and I could never ever thank those people enough. I never realized how encouraging those sorts of things can be when you are ill---and dealing with the idea of chronic illness and the possibility of not finding a stabilizing therapy makes those thoughtful gifts and encouragement thousands of times stronger to me. So thank you again.
Being here, ill....makes it difficult to use the gifts I was given. I was a good nurse, empathetic and such, as I have been told. But I am home, alone, most of the day. My outreach to others is in words, either here or on social media support groups, helping those who are ill with RA and struggling stand up again. It really is amazing how much a "hang in there" or "gentle hugs" or a heart emoticon posted as a comment on a person's Facebook post really helps. You wouldn't think that it would help pain and nausea, but it does. It helps to know you are not alone.
So that is where I help now. And if God wills it, I will go back to nursing and help again where I once did. If He will I stay where I am, I will do so, although I will miss my nursing.
I try not to complain. Even when I speak of illness, I try to think of it in terms to fact rather than annoyance. But there are days I complain. Generally in my own mind---but how is that helpful? The negative thoughts are not beneficial to my disease process; creating muscle tension is not going to ease my pain...
The best way to not complain is to pray and be thanking God for specific blessings...the list gets longer, and longer, and longer as you struggle to not forget a blessing. Each blessing on that list makes your complaint seem more and more insignificant. Reading the Word helps me to not complain....or even complaining to God Himself helps me to not complain to others around me. After all, He is there with me, and understands how I feel better than probably anyone...He will listen with love, and point out blessings and then I will forget the reason for my complaint. How good He is, letting us vent and then making us feel more blessed, even in the midst of a darkest hour.
Being Different
From J.E. Tada's More Precious Than Silver
But I believe that being different---even having a stigma----can drive us closer to God....God has a special love for you, so look to Him in your pain. Whether it be physical or emotional, you may find that you'll be as blessed as Jabez
1 Chron 4:9 9 Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez,[a] saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.”
I have always been, at least it seems like it to me, quite different from everyone else around me. Less so now that I am an adult, but as a child and teenager, vastly different in some ways. There was a time in my life in which I hated that I was different, yet I did not want to change, either, because I did not want to be anyone else. My "difference" at that time did indeed drive me closer to God. I leaned on Him, although maybe not the same way I do now. I felt His love for me as a dear, beloved daughter...someone important to Him, who held a special place in His Holy heart, like all of us do. That's one thing that is so amazing about God. He has so much love to give...so much time to give. He can be completely 100% with all of us all the time because He is not constrained by time. He has unconditional love, something we all crave deeply, whether we admit it or not...and He can give it to us! All we need do is believe Him, and love will wash over us, be available at all watches of the night, the worst illnesses, the worst financial crisis. God is love, and He just gives us Him. What a wonderful blessing!
With my physical pain, leaning on God is different than emotional pain. And I still lean with emotional pain, because of the frustrations of the limitations I have with RA. Yet God is there with outrageous support for physical pain too. The depths of God are unfathomable; He has so much strength to give out, ways to help us with any trial, suffering. All we need do is ask.
But I believe that being different---even having a stigma----can drive us closer to God....God has a special love for you, so look to Him in your pain. Whether it be physical or emotional, you may find that you'll be as blessed as Jabez
1 Chron 4:9 9 Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez,[a] saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.”
I have always been, at least it seems like it to me, quite different from everyone else around me. Less so now that I am an adult, but as a child and teenager, vastly different in some ways. There was a time in my life in which I hated that I was different, yet I did not want to change, either, because I did not want to be anyone else. My "difference" at that time did indeed drive me closer to God. I leaned on Him, although maybe not the same way I do now. I felt His love for me as a dear, beloved daughter...someone important to Him, who held a special place in His Holy heart, like all of us do. That's one thing that is so amazing about God. He has so much love to give...so much time to give. He can be completely 100% with all of us all the time because He is not constrained by time. He has unconditional love, something we all crave deeply, whether we admit it or not...and He can give it to us! All we need do is believe Him, and love will wash over us, be available at all watches of the night, the worst illnesses, the worst financial crisis. God is love, and He just gives us Him. What a wonderful blessing!
With my physical pain, leaning on God is different than emotional pain. And I still lean with emotional pain, because of the frustrations of the limitations I have with RA. Yet God is there with outrageous support for physical pain too. The depths of God are unfathomable; He has so much strength to give out, ways to help us with any trial, suffering. All we need do is ask.
Old Life
From Abundant Life by Guthrie
2 Cor 5. 17-18
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:
in your old life you lived for yourself---for what brought you pleasure, for what made sense in your worldly way of thinking and had value in your worldly way of measuring worth. I love you too much to let you linger in that old life. That life is gone for good. The old you is gone for good. I've made you into a completely new creation---fresh and new on the inside---blessing you with a fresh perspective about what really matters.
I was thinking of all the wounds I have dealt with as a nurse....how much time it can take to heal wounds, to get the dead tissue all out.
Some wounds it is best if the doctor debrids them; or, in other words, pretty much does surgery to remove all the nasty that is there. And some wounds the doctor only takes some of the nasty out....the rest is slowly removed by day after day after day of dressing changes.
Some of these are painless; the nerves are already destroyed. Some of these are painful; the nerves are very much there, and screaming in distress.
How life is like this. I think that our salvation can vary between the painless and the painful. I do not remember NOT believing in God. I was always assured of His presence, watching my father, who rarely reads any book, read the Bible or listen to studies....and ditto for my mother, except she is an avid reader. God was just there, and I knew it. I guess that way my salvation was "painless"....while those who struggled and finally decided to believe had a "painful" salvation.
I have many "painful" wounds that have had to heal over the years, hindered by my refusal to "change" the dressing by fuming and holding onto grudges. With a willing heart, the "painful" wounds can become "painless"; and take less time to heal.
Now, quite literally, I have a "painful" wound---learning to deal with the limitations of a very uncontrolled, unpredictable chronic illness. A wound of a different color, you might say.
2 Cor 5. 17-18
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:
in your old life you lived for yourself---for what brought you pleasure, for what made sense in your worldly way of thinking and had value in your worldly way of measuring worth. I love you too much to let you linger in that old life. That life is gone for good. The old you is gone for good. I've made you into a completely new creation---fresh and new on the inside---blessing you with a fresh perspective about what really matters.
I was thinking of all the wounds I have dealt with as a nurse....how much time it can take to heal wounds, to get the dead tissue all out.
Some wounds it is best if the doctor debrids them; or, in other words, pretty much does surgery to remove all the nasty that is there. And some wounds the doctor only takes some of the nasty out....the rest is slowly removed by day after day after day of dressing changes.
Some of these are painless; the nerves are already destroyed. Some of these are painful; the nerves are very much there, and screaming in distress.
How life is like this. I think that our salvation can vary between the painless and the painful. I do not remember NOT believing in God. I was always assured of His presence, watching my father, who rarely reads any book, read the Bible or listen to studies....and ditto for my mother, except she is an avid reader. God was just there, and I knew it. I guess that way my salvation was "painless"....while those who struggled and finally decided to believe had a "painful" salvation.
I have many "painful" wounds that have had to heal over the years, hindered by my refusal to "change" the dressing by fuming and holding onto grudges. With a willing heart, the "painful" wounds can become "painless"; and take less time to heal.
Now, quite literally, I have a "painful" wound---learning to deal with the limitations of a very uncontrolled, unpredictable chronic illness. A wound of a different color, you might say.
RA POST: Tired of It
Every once in a while...which is probably every few days for everyone else, but feels like five years to me....I really get tired of this. I miss so much stuff. I thought I missed a lot of things when I was in college. Lies! I miss so much now...and I can't push any harder than I am now.
I've been miserably half asleep for 24 hours. Finally have enough pain control to look at FB and congratulate my friends who are now a couple, be happy about a baby's change in health.....
but it is so hard. I cannot express how hard it is to miss all this stuff. I want to see the new happiness shining in my friends' eyes, see the baby I have seen so many photos but not seen. I want to do so much stuff. And I just can't. And it breaks my heart. I know you guys each know that I would be there if I could, and desperately want to. I am so sorry that I am not. Know that I am celebrating here on my couch.
I want those shots to work. Enough so that I can at least stand car rides places. I am ok with not being able to do other things...but I want to be able to ride in a car and sit at someone's home. Maybe I will get the med combo right, somehow....
I've been miserably half asleep for 24 hours. Finally have enough pain control to look at FB and congratulate my friends who are now a couple, be happy about a baby's change in health.....
but it is so hard. I cannot express how hard it is to miss all this stuff. I want to see the new happiness shining in my friends' eyes, see the baby I have seen so many photos but not seen. I want to do so much stuff. And I just can't. And it breaks my heart. I know you guys each know that I would be there if I could, and desperately want to. I am so sorry that I am not. Know that I am celebrating here on my couch.
I want those shots to work. Enough so that I can at least stand car rides places. I am ok with not being able to do other things...but I want to be able to ride in a car and sit at someone's home. Maybe I will get the med combo right, somehow....
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