Over two years ago I was an RN working full-time, newly married, enjoying what I was blessed with---though annoyed at various things that didn't suit.
Then, one day, I wake up with glass shards in my feet and hands. Excruciating. And it spread over the next few weeks to my knees, elbows, shoulders, ribs. Excruciating...but bearable, if one kept moving. Then the nausea, the exhaustion so severe I was afraid I would fall asleep driving. The pain of driving a car for my home health job was too much.
My life ended that day.
When things like this happen we first become shocked, then figure it'll be a short lived thing. An infection, the medications will work! A few weeks, and it will be fine.
Then...Then we start asking God what happened. We may, or probably, escalate into screaming why, why, why? Sobbing the question. Why cancer? Why RA? Why a drunk driver hit my son? Why my daughter is paralyzed? Why, why, why?! the world has cried for centuries.
I have no answer for that. Why these things happen. Why I stricken with a bad version of RA, while a good woman i know has such a lesser case as to forget most days it is there, and yet again, those who have brain manifestations from the RA attacking the brain tissue. I have no answer.
I have a firm statement, a challenge of sorts.
We are all placed in the time we are, for the length of time we are, for a reason.
We each get different struggles. Some seem "blessed" to us because nothing "bad" happens. Some seem "cursed" because the worst always happens.
The thing that matters, regardless of which group we belong to is the stand we are going to take.
When tragedy strikes people show their true colors. Whether they are for God or not.
When the worst happens, are you going to stand with God, take the horrors of paralysis as Joni Eareckson Tada has by finding any and every reason to glorify God?
Sometimes it takes time. And sometimes we have to see that not only are we wounded physically or mentally...but spiritually with attacks left and right for us to remain angry, sad or depressed. Momentarily, this is fine; was not He Himself here in earth angered, saddened etc? We let it control our lives.
No. We must take a stand, a stand like a soldier, preparing to face his enemy. We shake ourselves, shedding all "evil" thoughts, banning them with the power of God. We arm ourselves with the Word of God, with His strength, His joy, His power, His honor, His wonderful, holy, incredible Spirit. And then we walk, facing our length of time on earth. We make sure that we make a difference by who we each are; if I am stricken with RA the rest of my life, i make a difference by showing perseverance with God in the midst of a difficult disease; if I am paralyzed, I make a difference with my foundation (Joni); if I am a recovering alcoholic, I make a difference shining God where I can.
The thing is in any horror not the question why. There is no question; the question is not important. What is important is what sre you going to do now? Are you going to give up on the God who, up to date, has always been there? Are you going to run away, forgetting Him? Or sre you going to cling all the harder, knowing that, however hard chronic illness is....He will use it for good. That you are in this time for a reason. And He will never forsake you. Even if you ran for a time, He will embrace you dearly.
Rheumatoid Awareness
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Thursday, October 27, 2016
No Control Part 2
I have had people speak to me about being healed, which I love---I agree heartily that God does and will heal. It just is not always when we think it ought to be, much like any hardship or difficulty.
I feel that I have not learned all that I am to learn from being sick. It is devastating to be ill, to have people not always believe that I feel bad...to lose so much of what I want to do with my life.
Yet that is part of what I think I need to learn; to let go of the control I "need".
Needing control in our lives, which we all want, is a form of godhood. We are never really in control of our lives, things happen all the time we do not expect even if it is only running out of gas. We crave control, fight for control, argue to be in control of every aspect of life. We want our dreams, we want our life to be just as we dictate.
There are more important things than control. We were purchased to be Christ's, not sin's. Remember that we were slaves to sin (slaves to control) and now we are free of sin (control) and belong to Christ.
Sometimes, quite often actually, we fight the "belonging" to Christ. While sin is dead in us, we resurrect it as frequently as we can. We see the glowing poisonous fruit of sin and walk dumbly towards it. Not surprisingly, the further we get from Christ, the more unhappy we become. We find ourselves without His strength and joy.
Knowing what one's weakness truly is provides the ability to fight it; the ability to ask God for the strength to give up the sin. Sin is not something we can overcome by ourselves---if we could have done so, we would not have chosen so many years ago to pick the knowledge of good and evil, the shame of shames, the poison of false wisdom. We would have chosen to shun sin, shun the evil one, shun all the false wisdom.
Knowing one's weakness, what is to be learned or given up, makes the battle easier in a way. There is then a purpose to what one is facing, whatever that might be.
As I have often said, the most incredible people--to me---are the Christians of some 60+ years. Yes, they sin, but they are so soft, so full of love, kindness, joy, peace. To me they glow with God's presence. Perhaps they really do, and that is a faint example of what Moses looked like in the desert and why he had to veil his face. I digress; they are incredible people of true wisdom---the wisdom that comes only from God.
I love science articles. I love learning; I would go to college the rest of my life if I physically was well enough and had the means to do so. It fascinates me to learn, to see the wonder of the world. However, the wisdom there is false wisdom. Science constantly amends what it says, constantly changes what is really happening. Archaeologists point out errors in their finds, history has to be re-written.
There is no error with God. God is true wisdom. The Word says in multiple places that if anyone wants wisdom, he should ask God. And, in my experience, God usually provides it.It just may not "say" what we want it to. See? Everything turns back to control. We want to be the boss--even when we think we are being so pious as to ask God's help.
Really ask God's help. Give it up; give up sin. Oh, it is so hard...Pet-Sin is like a beloved blanket; we want to snuggle it, take it with us everywhere, or hide it so people don't know that we have it (like children outgrowing baby blankets). We carry Pet-Sin everywhere...sometimes even hating it because of the grasp it has on us, but for the most part we don't even realize it is there. I think that is what Jesus meant when He said take the plank out of your own eye---we do not see our own sins in many cases. Often I imagine sin is control in one form or another, so of course we don't see it. We just think we are protecting ourselves.
Ask to see your own sin-I am telling myself this at the same time. It is hard to do.
The wisdom of God is incredible, ask for that, ask for His love and strength. Really it is so much more valuable, beyond worth, than any old, raggedy sin "blanket".
I feel that I have not learned all that I am to learn from being sick. It is devastating to be ill, to have people not always believe that I feel bad...to lose so much of what I want to do with my life.
Yet that is part of what I think I need to learn; to let go of the control I "need".
Needing control in our lives, which we all want, is a form of godhood. We are never really in control of our lives, things happen all the time we do not expect even if it is only running out of gas. We crave control, fight for control, argue to be in control of every aspect of life. We want our dreams, we want our life to be just as we dictate.
There are more important things than control. We were purchased to be Christ's, not sin's. Remember that we were slaves to sin (slaves to control) and now we are free of sin (control) and belong to Christ.
Sometimes, quite often actually, we fight the "belonging" to Christ. While sin is dead in us, we resurrect it as frequently as we can. We see the glowing poisonous fruit of sin and walk dumbly towards it. Not surprisingly, the further we get from Christ, the more unhappy we become. We find ourselves without His strength and joy.
Knowing what one's weakness truly is provides the ability to fight it; the ability to ask God for the strength to give up the sin. Sin is not something we can overcome by ourselves---if we could have done so, we would not have chosen so many years ago to pick the knowledge of good and evil, the shame of shames, the poison of false wisdom. We would have chosen to shun sin, shun the evil one, shun all the false wisdom.
Knowing one's weakness, what is to be learned or given up, makes the battle easier in a way. There is then a purpose to what one is facing, whatever that might be.
As I have often said, the most incredible people--to me---are the Christians of some 60+ years. Yes, they sin, but they are so soft, so full of love, kindness, joy, peace. To me they glow with God's presence. Perhaps they really do, and that is a faint example of what Moses looked like in the desert and why he had to veil his face. I digress; they are incredible people of true wisdom---the wisdom that comes only from God.
I love science articles. I love learning; I would go to college the rest of my life if I physically was well enough and had the means to do so. It fascinates me to learn, to see the wonder of the world. However, the wisdom there is false wisdom. Science constantly amends what it says, constantly changes what is really happening. Archaeologists point out errors in their finds, history has to be re-written.
There is no error with God. God is true wisdom. The Word says in multiple places that if anyone wants wisdom, he should ask God. And, in my experience, God usually provides it.It just may not "say" what we want it to. See? Everything turns back to control. We want to be the boss--even when we think we are being so pious as to ask God's help.
Really ask God's help. Give it up; give up sin. Oh, it is so hard...Pet-Sin is like a beloved blanket; we want to snuggle it, take it with us everywhere, or hide it so people don't know that we have it (like children outgrowing baby blankets). We carry Pet-Sin everywhere...sometimes even hating it because of the grasp it has on us, but for the most part we don't even realize it is there. I think that is what Jesus meant when He said take the plank out of your own eye---we do not see our own sins in many cases. Often I imagine sin is control in one form or another, so of course we don't see it. We just think we are protecting ourselves.
Ask to see your own sin-I am telling myself this at the same time. It is hard to do.
The wisdom of God is incredible, ask for that, ask for His love and strength. Really it is so much more valuable, beyond worth, than any old, raggedy sin "blanket".
Church
"If a Church lose the Spirit of God, there is no depth of corruption to
which it may not rapidly descend; and a degraded Church is the most
potent factor of national decay."
---The Preacher and His Models, Yale Lectures 1891, by Dr James Stalker
A devastating quote, really. One that hits hard. In today's day and age, much like Stalker's time, and the times before that, what the Church does, says and thinks is literally deadly important. If the Church is corrupted to no longer be following the Word of God...all is lost.
The thing is...the Church is not its own being. We, each of us, make up the Church, the Body, and it is our sin that poisons our bodies as much as methamphetamine destroys physical tissue. Sin cripples our spirit and body as quickly as the images of meth users show the damage of such strong toxins.
When one studies the Word of God, one has to take in the context of the verses. One has to consider the verses in the Old Testament and the New---every part of the Scriptures is telling a very important story; a multi-layered story. A story of our Fall, and best and most important, the story of how God never gives up calling to us, providing salvation.
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12
However...the Scriptures also give us directions. Directions for honoring God first and foremost; as we do those things, our lives may or may not be better. Knowing we bring glory to God, feeling His arms wrap about us, lending us His strength, His joy, His incredible Spirit is indeed worth much more than sin.
Sin is incredibly tempting. It entices us to not read the Word. To be "lazy" and listen only and not check what our teachers are saying, whoever they may be. Remember Acts 17.11: "Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true."
How many of us do this? Are we blindly accepting what we read in "pious" books or from TV, Radio or our own teachers? We must always remember (and I tell this as much to remind myself) that reading "pious" books is NOT enough. The Word is a enormous gift, lasting all these generations to today, and we should take advantage of every moment to study it. Remember that until the printing press people did not have Bibles, and that for years our ancestors in the US treasured the one copy of a Bible that they might have
The Word is alive, it is our direction, our love letter, our pointing to Christ. It is our discipline from a loving Father, pointing out what we shouldn't be doing so that we might honor Him and show ourselves light and salt.
---The Preacher and His Models, Yale Lectures 1891, by Dr James Stalker
A devastating quote, really. One that hits hard. In today's day and age, much like Stalker's time, and the times before that, what the Church does, says and thinks is literally deadly important. If the Church is corrupted to no longer be following the Word of God...all is lost.
The thing is...the Church is not its own being. We, each of us, make up the Church, the Body, and it is our sin that poisons our bodies as much as methamphetamine destroys physical tissue. Sin cripples our spirit and body as quickly as the images of meth users show the damage of such strong toxins.
When one studies the Word of God, one has to take in the context of the verses. One has to consider the verses in the Old Testament and the New---every part of the Scriptures is telling a very important story; a multi-layered story. A story of our Fall, and best and most important, the story of how God never gives up calling to us, providing salvation.
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12
However...the Scriptures also give us directions. Directions for honoring God first and foremost; as we do those things, our lives may or may not be better. Knowing we bring glory to God, feeling His arms wrap about us, lending us His strength, His joy, His incredible Spirit is indeed worth much more than sin.
Sin is incredibly tempting. It entices us to not read the Word. To be "lazy" and listen only and not check what our teachers are saying, whoever they may be. Remember Acts 17.11: "Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true."
How many of us do this? Are we blindly accepting what we read in "pious" books or from TV, Radio or our own teachers? We must always remember (and I tell this as much to remind myself) that reading "pious" books is NOT enough. The Word is a enormous gift, lasting all these generations to today, and we should take advantage of every moment to study it. Remember that until the printing press people did not have Bibles, and that for years our ancestors in the US treasured the one copy of a Bible that they might have
The Word is alive, it is our direction, our love letter, our pointing to Christ. It is our discipline from a loving Father, pointing out what we shouldn't be doing so that we might honor Him and show ourselves light and salt.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Pets
What is a pet? Something beloved, something time is spent with, something important. Not as important, perhaps, as some things, but important enough that one thinks about the welfare of the said pet.
I've doctored many animals over the years, from tropical fish to dairy cows. There is a satisfaction in watching thriving animals eating, drinking water, enjoying the sunshine. A warm pleasure which fills your heart near to breaking.
I imagine this is a look through two way mirrors at what we would have had, had sin not enters our life. The satisfaction of seeing things thrive---animals glossy coats sparking in the sun, birdsong reverberating through the trees, faithful pets wandering serenely at our side as they desire: cheetahs, horses, goats, dogs. Make your list. The plants shimmer with green health, the flowers beyond descriptions. And best of all, there He is.
Our pet today is an ugly creature. A hideous, warty, infected wound of a creature...and yet we give it all of our attention. We feed it daily, hourly, minutes by minutes. It grows, starving us as it does so. Our pet is Sin.
We each have a pet Sin. That Sin may change, too----Sin is a clever creature. It sees when the "food of attention" wanes, and morphs from the caterpillar of disease to the butterfly of destruction. Sin devastated the world to its present state, and continues a path of destruction.
We have all been given the ability to take our pet to the pound, to a place where the pet cannot hurt us nor anyone else.
Pet Sins are hard to get rid of. We don't see the infected part of the pet---we "think" we see great beauty and joy. We don't. We really are looking suffering in the face and encouraging it. Welcoming it into our home.
Mine is fear. Always has been. I suspect it will always be trying to get into my home.
We have the key...God knew we would fall. But He loved us so much He made us anyway, knowing some of us would prefer the Sin-pet. He planned a way to help us be close to Him, to fight off sin.
The verse about not being tempted beyond our strength (reference escapes me) always bothered me. Because I was always failing and being tempted beyond my strength. The thing is...I was always relying on my strength alone. My strength alone is not enough. If there is not enough in me to create my own salvation, how could I withstand temptations?
I don't. We withstand them. There are two "we" methods to putting down Pet-Sin. The first is to ask God for strength and wisdom. As I have said, those two have rarely not been answered for me---strength especially has been provided. God is perfect, and cannot stand Pet-Sin. Of course He will withstand it whatever Pet-Sin says we should do---He is perfect and knows the best. He covers us with His great loving arms, shielding us from the attacks of Pet-Sin, especially when we ask. It is only when we go it alone, sure of our own godhood strength that we will win which finds us falling into the pit of pornography,cheating, stealing, gossip etc. Or when we just don't care and watch out for Pet-Sin that Pet-Sin takes over our lives until we don't even recognize ourselves; neither does anyone else.
The other "we" is adding another person to the Pet-Sin fight. When we share our struggle with another, especially one who has the same trouble, and have the great love of God...a great battle is won against feeding out favorite pet. It is very hard for Pet-Sin to get in our homes when we are speaking to someone who is facing the same battle. The battles are pointed out often enough to disturb any settlement of Pet-Sin. More prayers happen too.
The battles against sin are not easy. Especially when other things are going on to try us all the more: sickness, deaths, joblessness etc.
. With each new battle won, a deeper and more amazing understanding of God is seen. Trials past shine from the glimmer of time with points of God's love and reasoning for it----even while the misery of the time is hard. I guess that makes me think of the story Christ said of a woman in labor, miserable...but so incredibly happy at the end because a new baby was born. Our trials here are sometimes horrendous, but there can be such great joy at the end of it.
RA overwhelms me. I see no point to it, I see no point in being nauseated to the point of not eating for days, having days of pain so bad I lay on my couch bed and sob, going from an active nursing career to struggling to make it a few hours a week to a volunteer job. I've gone from being so active with young couples my own age to talking to (beloved, oh! so beloved) people in their 60s or older because I act like someone in that age group. My health matches someone in that age group...
I see no point.
But!!! I have seen God take me through a "hell" I thought I would never escape. A hell of praying to eat a single mouthful of food and not throw it back up. Counting calories and trying to raise them and barely making 600 a day. I've seen Him give strength. I've seen Him help me. More times than I could count.
This has a point. I just don't see it. My answer to the question posed by the pastor on Sunday, "What do you do when you feel God is distant, or your prayers are not answered?" was perhaps shifted...mainly because God does not forsake us, we ignore Him. He may feel distant, but. He is always there He said he never forsake us...it just is our own sinful location in life. That we are looking for a shout, not a whisper. We aren't listening for His response, we're listing for our wanted response.
. My answer was more to the question of "what do you do when there's no reason to whats happening; when you don't know what God expects?"
I act as if I am going to be hit. A big wind, a big wave. A large dog. I am digging my feet into the ground, leaning forward, clenching teeth and fists, hanging onto my spot. There is no point that I see. But I will walk the straight and narrow, I will not be forced into taking back my Pet-Sin...though the sneaking thing always gets into my house, it does not have to stay here. I will call for the strength of God, and rest in His great love and joy. For He never forsakes us or leaves us. Why would He---He died for us! No one who died for someone would abandon them, they are too dear for words to be left after such a cost. Rest certain He is near, holding you always.
I've doctored many animals over the years, from tropical fish to dairy cows. There is a satisfaction in watching thriving animals eating, drinking water, enjoying the sunshine. A warm pleasure which fills your heart near to breaking.
I imagine this is a look through two way mirrors at what we would have had, had sin not enters our life. The satisfaction of seeing things thrive---animals glossy coats sparking in the sun, birdsong reverberating through the trees, faithful pets wandering serenely at our side as they desire: cheetahs, horses, goats, dogs. Make your list. The plants shimmer with green health, the flowers beyond descriptions. And best of all, there He is.
Our pet today is an ugly creature. A hideous, warty, infected wound of a creature...and yet we give it all of our attention. We feed it daily, hourly, minutes by minutes. It grows, starving us as it does so. Our pet is Sin.
We each have a pet Sin. That Sin may change, too----Sin is a clever creature. It sees when the "food of attention" wanes, and morphs from the caterpillar of disease to the butterfly of destruction. Sin devastated the world to its present state, and continues a path of destruction.
We have all been given the ability to take our pet to the pound, to a place where the pet cannot hurt us nor anyone else.
Pet Sins are hard to get rid of. We don't see the infected part of the pet---we "think" we see great beauty and joy. We don't. We really are looking suffering in the face and encouraging it. Welcoming it into our home.
Mine is fear. Always has been. I suspect it will always be trying to get into my home.
We have the key...God knew we would fall. But He loved us so much He made us anyway, knowing some of us would prefer the Sin-pet. He planned a way to help us be close to Him, to fight off sin.
The verse about not being tempted beyond our strength (reference escapes me) always bothered me. Because I was always failing and being tempted beyond my strength. The thing is...I was always relying on my strength alone. My strength alone is not enough. If there is not enough in me to create my own salvation, how could I withstand temptations?
I don't. We withstand them. There are two "we" methods to putting down Pet-Sin. The first is to ask God for strength and wisdom. As I have said, those two have rarely not been answered for me---strength especially has been provided. God is perfect, and cannot stand Pet-Sin. Of course He will withstand it whatever Pet-Sin says we should do---He is perfect and knows the best. He covers us with His great loving arms, shielding us from the attacks of Pet-Sin, especially when we ask. It is only when we go it alone, sure of our own godhood strength that we will win which finds us falling into the pit of pornography,cheating, stealing, gossip etc. Or when we just don't care and watch out for Pet-Sin that Pet-Sin takes over our lives until we don't even recognize ourselves; neither does anyone else.
The other "we" is adding another person to the Pet-Sin fight. When we share our struggle with another, especially one who has the same trouble, and have the great love of God...a great battle is won against feeding out favorite pet. It is very hard for Pet-Sin to get in our homes when we are speaking to someone who is facing the same battle. The battles are pointed out often enough to disturb any settlement of Pet-Sin. More prayers happen too.
The battles against sin are not easy. Especially when other things are going on to try us all the more: sickness, deaths, joblessness etc.
. With each new battle won, a deeper and more amazing understanding of God is seen. Trials past shine from the glimmer of time with points of God's love and reasoning for it----even while the misery of the time is hard. I guess that makes me think of the story Christ said of a woman in labor, miserable...but so incredibly happy at the end because a new baby was born. Our trials here are sometimes horrendous, but there can be such great joy at the end of it.
RA overwhelms me. I see no point to it, I see no point in being nauseated to the point of not eating for days, having days of pain so bad I lay on my couch bed and sob, going from an active nursing career to struggling to make it a few hours a week to a volunteer job. I've gone from being so active with young couples my own age to talking to (beloved, oh! so beloved) people in their 60s or older because I act like someone in that age group. My health matches someone in that age group...
I see no point.
But!!! I have seen God take me through a "hell" I thought I would never escape. A hell of praying to eat a single mouthful of food and not throw it back up. Counting calories and trying to raise them and barely making 600 a day. I've seen Him give strength. I've seen Him help me. More times than I could count.
This has a point. I just don't see it. My answer to the question posed by the pastor on Sunday, "What do you do when you feel God is distant, or your prayers are not answered?" was perhaps shifted...mainly because God does not forsake us, we ignore Him. He may feel distant, but. He is always there He said he never forsake us...it just is our own sinful location in life. That we are looking for a shout, not a whisper. We aren't listening for His response, we're listing for our wanted response.
. My answer was more to the question of "what do you do when there's no reason to whats happening; when you don't know what God expects?"
I act as if I am going to be hit. A big wind, a big wave. A large dog. I am digging my feet into the ground, leaning forward, clenching teeth and fists, hanging onto my spot. There is no point that I see. But I will walk the straight and narrow, I will not be forced into taking back my Pet-Sin...though the sneaking thing always gets into my house, it does not have to stay here. I will call for the strength of God, and rest in His great love and joy. For He never forsakes us or leaves us. Why would He---He died for us! No one who died for someone would abandon them, they are too dear for words to be left after such a cost. Rest certain He is near, holding you always.
Monday, October 24, 2016
No Control
The worst of my anxiety was often best treated by having complete control. Complete control in every aspect of every part of life. Thankfully for those living with me, these worst days were fewer apart later along my life.
At times I had to have control of the TV, for specific programs were calming, others upsetting, control over the heat of the house, control over driving, control over what i ate. Control control control.
Being in a place such as that, as we all are at one point or another----think about your own "control" needs---shows us the depths of our continued godhood.
"...it is only the man who has a large, varied, and original life with God who can go on speaking about the things of God with fresh interest." ----The Preacher, James Stalker, lectures given 1891 at Yale.
Our walks in our various lives give us the tools to speak to others. Our studies are among the best and most useful tools----but life experiences with battles give us credibility. We listen to those who speak the language we understand.
At times I had to have control of the TV, for specific programs were calming, others upsetting, control over the heat of the house, control over driving, control over what i ate. Control control control.
Being in a place such as that, as we all are at one point or another----think about your own "control" needs---shows us the depths of our continued godhood.
"...it is only the man who has a large, varied, and original life with God who can go on speaking about the things of God with fresh interest." ----The Preacher, James Stalker, lectures given 1891 at Yale.
Our walks in our various lives give us the tools to speak to others. Our studies are among the best and most useful tools----but life experiences with battles give us credibility. We listen to those who speak the language we understand.
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Blood, Fire and Water
i am a professional student. Any day that I feel well, I will read at least one science article or study---some sort of abstract or review of a study completed. It fascinates me. For all that, nothing thrills me to the point of a discovery of God.
I was reading "The Preacher" by James Stalker, a series of lectures he gave at Yale in 1895. He was writing about the three cleansing mehtods mentioned in the Word---water being the most common, then fire and finally blood as being the most sacred.
Funny how things hit you over the head and then devestate you. I have been in a jaw-dropped mode since I read the three "cleansing methods" because I realized something.
Those three words are used to describe God. All the many times I have seen the law used to say this or that was washed, this or that was heated with fire or burned away, this or that sacrifice must be done with this or that covered in blood. The descriptions of God being like fire, the calling of Christ as the blood of th Lamb, the Spirit called as water. All those mentionings of law commandments were telling the people of the complete need of God as their saviour. Not to just follow the rules laid out, but to need Him fully, to have such faith in Him that He would wash us with His Spirit, burn away the sin with the holy fire that He is, cover our sins with His blood.
Those laws about water, fire and blood were screaming for the people to see Him when He walked among them, to hear the words He said as those of the beginning and the end.
I have always loved the symbolism of the Spirit as water. In the more difficult days, the harsh nights of illness, it is indeed comforting to feel His prsence. Oh, far beyond the refreashing feeling of cool water on a hot, sweaty day----but a fulfilling that we cannot find elsewhere in the world.
We were created by God for God. It is not surprising that the discoveries we make about Him are the most meaninful and most incredible. What is amazing to me is the great joy and thrill that is found in those discoveries lasts so long! Most thrills are so short lived...but those of God swell and grow and expand with each thought back to that revelation. A true contentment.
I was reading "The Preacher" by James Stalker, a series of lectures he gave at Yale in 1895. He was writing about the three cleansing mehtods mentioned in the Word---water being the most common, then fire and finally blood as being the most sacred.
Funny how things hit you over the head and then devestate you. I have been in a jaw-dropped mode since I read the three "cleansing methods" because I realized something.
Those three words are used to describe God. All the many times I have seen the law used to say this or that was washed, this or that was heated with fire or burned away, this or that sacrifice must be done with this or that covered in blood. The descriptions of God being like fire, the calling of Christ as the blood of th Lamb, the Spirit called as water. All those mentionings of law commandments were telling the people of the complete need of God as their saviour. Not to just follow the rules laid out, but to need Him fully, to have such faith in Him that He would wash us with His Spirit, burn away the sin with the holy fire that He is, cover our sins with His blood.
Those laws about water, fire and blood were screaming for the people to see Him when He walked among them, to hear the words He said as those of the beginning and the end.
I have always loved the symbolism of the Spirit as water. In the more difficult days, the harsh nights of illness, it is indeed comforting to feel His prsence. Oh, far beyond the refreashing feeling of cool water on a hot, sweaty day----but a fulfilling that we cannot find elsewhere in the world.
We were created by God for God. It is not surprising that the discoveries we make about Him are the most meaninful and most incredible. What is amazing to me is the great joy and thrill that is found in those discoveries lasts so long! Most thrills are so short lived...but those of God swell and grow and expand with each thought back to that revelation. A true contentment.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
RA Post: Infection, Anyone?
Just discovered by pure accident that i have yet another infection.
Today was my monthly go see primary doctor, and he took one look at me and demanded what was wrong. I dunno, I feel awful and sleep all the time? Temper?
Whole schmere of blood work----Chem panel, cbc, ana, crp,the works. So a probable utility until all that other stuff comes back.
Good. At least maybe there is a reason for my.being so sick and miserable. For looking like a ghost, running hot and cold chills, and for the strange periodic loss of temper.
I've always had a temper....but it is usually well controlled. Lately no.
But...low lying uti is often what makes elderly irritable. Remember that. Since I don't show symptoms anyway, and neither do elderly....it ma's sense. So here's to hoping antibiotics work their magic, and I get out of this wretched flare.
Today was my monthly go see primary doctor, and he took one look at me and demanded what was wrong. I dunno, I feel awful and sleep all the time? Temper?
Whole schmere of blood work----Chem panel, cbc, ana, crp,the works. So a probable utility until all that other stuff comes back.
Good. At least maybe there is a reason for my.being so sick and miserable. For looking like a ghost, running hot and cold chills, and for the strange periodic loss of temper.
I've always had a temper....but it is usually well controlled. Lately no.
But...low lying uti is often what makes elderly irritable. Remember that. Since I don't show symptoms anyway, and neither do elderly....it ma's sense. So here's to hoping antibiotics work their magic, and I get out of this wretched flare.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Five Times
Everything is at least five times harder with an illness. Think of the worst cold-flu you've ever had. How hard it was to even answer the phone. Maybe you jus let it ring, declined it, or called the person back later. You wait and wait, counting the days until you finally are better, the day breathing is easier, aches go away. Normal life returns.
The first hard hit you get with a chronic illness or disabling injury is realizing this is no cold; it will like as not....not get better.
The next is the fear that life with disabilities will just get worse and worse. That your illness gets worse. Friends and family abandon you. That you can't get the help you need, living alone and dying alone in a badly run nursing home.
I am a pessimistic person by nature. I state .my worst fears as likely coming true as a coping mechanism according to "self help books". More than likely it's just how I view the world for myself. I tend to be optimistic for everyone else---just not myself.
Yet there is a portion of my thought processing that is very optimistic for my future. I thoroughly believe in my someday entrance into Heaven. I feel, as I mentioned several posts back, that I was blessed enough to see a glimpse once in a dream. For all that glimpse, it is really beyond comprehension to describe in words. No wonder John was told what to write in His Revelation.
I have not read the Bible much, for all this belief, on the actual topic of Heaven. I believe I am saved, therefore, Paradise will be in store for me.
My "study" on the Word tends to be whatever jumps out at me while I read it. I admit to not have been a good student lately, using either health, illness or a studying burn out as my pitiful excuse. Yet when I study, there is that incredible thing of having words seemingly sear themselves across my mind as more and more similar descriptions fill up my mental bookshelves. The Word is indeed a living, breathing One, filling us up with life.
As I said in the opening paragraph, things are five times harder to do with a disability. I thought having depression, agoraphobia, anorexia/bulimia and massive anxiety was tough. This is way worse.
With all that said, it is easier than ever to devote time to study of scripture (in general), to speak to the sick whatever their age, to have compassion.
I am pessimistic. Always have been. But that idea, that vision of Paradise, of standing in His presence and feeling no pain---whether mental or physical---is indeed something to look forward to. It is the reward of standing strong, regardless of the falls when we felt we couldn't go on one more day, the reward for picking God over whatever the evil ones throw at us as a temptation to "curse God and die".
Have you ever considered the watching world? It is mentioned we are watched., and my brain is not working to remember the passage. I just think there must be a lot of joy when we continue to pick God regardless of what happens, regardless of what trials are allowed to be in our paths. There must, better yet, be such pride from our Father that we refuse to give up on His great love. Then, at the same time, if we have been one to give up and then return, the prodigal son, what joy and pride is seen then!
The pessimist says this: we need keep "running the race" even if we are paralyzed like Joni Tada. We need keep making the choice to follow God, for He will never let someone down---we might think so at times, but really, if we choose the other option, we will be let down for a very long time, and feel more emptiness than we thought we ever could. We need to remember that we are so loved, so much treasured. We need to remember that, regardless of how "hell-like" our lives might be now, it is a short, not even full, taste of what it would be like to not be around God. Further, and among my favorites, the fullness of Paradise with God at our side (after all, He is everywhere at all times now, just our sin diseases the view), we will not care what happened here. It will be as dust blowing away on a wind, a passing trouble which left no scars. We will have our tears wiped away, given the crowns we deserve, stand and live in a place beyond descriptions....and here that great, wonderful,magnificent voice say what I so long to hear: "Well done, My good and faithful servant!" What a wonderful, incredible commendation. One to indeed "work" for.
The first hard hit you get with a chronic illness or disabling injury is realizing this is no cold; it will like as not....not get better.
The next is the fear that life with disabilities will just get worse and worse. That your illness gets worse. Friends and family abandon you. That you can't get the help you need, living alone and dying alone in a badly run nursing home.
I am a pessimistic person by nature. I state .my worst fears as likely coming true as a coping mechanism according to "self help books". More than likely it's just how I view the world for myself. I tend to be optimistic for everyone else---just not myself.
Yet there is a portion of my thought processing that is very optimistic for my future. I thoroughly believe in my someday entrance into Heaven. I feel, as I mentioned several posts back, that I was blessed enough to see a glimpse once in a dream. For all that glimpse, it is really beyond comprehension to describe in words. No wonder John was told what to write in His Revelation.
I have not read the Bible much, for all this belief, on the actual topic of Heaven. I believe I am saved, therefore, Paradise will be in store for me.
My "study" on the Word tends to be whatever jumps out at me while I read it. I admit to not have been a good student lately, using either health, illness or a studying burn out as my pitiful excuse. Yet when I study, there is that incredible thing of having words seemingly sear themselves across my mind as more and more similar descriptions fill up my mental bookshelves. The Word is indeed a living, breathing One, filling us up with life.
As I said in the opening paragraph, things are five times harder to do with a disability. I thought having depression, agoraphobia, anorexia/bulimia and massive anxiety was tough. This is way worse.
With all that said, it is easier than ever to devote time to study of scripture (in general), to speak to the sick whatever their age, to have compassion.
I am pessimistic. Always have been. But that idea, that vision of Paradise, of standing in His presence and feeling no pain---whether mental or physical---is indeed something to look forward to. It is the reward of standing strong, regardless of the falls when we felt we couldn't go on one more day, the reward for picking God over whatever the evil ones throw at us as a temptation to "curse God and die".
Have you ever considered the watching world? It is mentioned we are watched., and my brain is not working to remember the passage. I just think there must be a lot of joy when we continue to pick God regardless of what happens, regardless of what trials are allowed to be in our paths. There must, better yet, be such pride from our Father that we refuse to give up on His great love. Then, at the same time, if we have been one to give up and then return, the prodigal son, what joy and pride is seen then!
The pessimist says this: we need keep "running the race" even if we are paralyzed like Joni Tada. We need keep making the choice to follow God, for He will never let someone down---we might think so at times, but really, if we choose the other option, we will be let down for a very long time, and feel more emptiness than we thought we ever could. We need to remember that we are so loved, so much treasured. We need to remember that, regardless of how "hell-like" our lives might be now, it is a short, not even full, taste of what it would be like to not be around God. Further, and among my favorites, the fullness of Paradise with God at our side (after all, He is everywhere at all times now, just our sin diseases the view), we will not care what happened here. It will be as dust blowing away on a wind, a passing trouble which left no scars. We will have our tears wiped away, given the crowns we deserve, stand and live in a place beyond descriptions....and here that great, wonderful,magnificent voice say what I so long to hear: "Well done, My good and faithful servant!" What a wonderful, incredible commendation. One to indeed "work" for.
Saturday, October 8, 2016
RA Post: Disease Changes Everything
October is a horrid month
The weather has changed. I fear that not only is my RA acting up, but that I may truly have lupus to add to my docket. I have suspected that I have had lupus....but after having a violent flush that has lasted all day without rhyme or reason, I think we can probably rule it in. I will mention this to my various doctors.
Even if I have it, treatment is not much different. You roughly take the same medications, feel the same. Depends on what organs your roulette of autoimmune disease lands on.
So I've spent nearly this whole week sick. I hate October. I always loved every season, for I saw the beauty in them all. I don't now. Disease certainly changes who you are.
The weather has changed. I fear that not only is my RA acting up, but that I may truly have lupus to add to my docket. I have suspected that I have had lupus....but after having a violent flush that has lasted all day without rhyme or reason, I think we can probably rule it in. I will mention this to my various doctors.
Even if I have it, treatment is not much different. You roughly take the same medications, feel the same. Depends on what organs your roulette of autoimmune disease lands on.
So I've spent nearly this whole week sick. I hate October. I always loved every season, for I saw the beauty in them all. I don't now. Disease certainly changes who you are.
Friday, October 7, 2016
Mysteries
I am working my way through a new book. I am not exactly sure I like it fully, and while it's writing sparked this idea, I still am not sure about the book. Somehow it isn't helpful for me, personally, while dealing withhardships.
I digress.
My thoughts are about the Garden of Gethsemane, and Christ facing the prayers of the night.
Here is a Man, knowing His fate, knowing what good will come of it all, the salvation for many beloved. Even an angel came and strengthened Him...and even so, the Man sweat blood, a physiological sign of stress beyond endurance.
The Man bled in the Garden, with strikes in the face from the Sanhedrine, lashes from the Romans, and the crucifixion itself. No wonder the Man had too little strength to carry His own cross, and died much sooner than ever would be expected without interference from the soldiers.
He understands the great stress, unhappiness, sorrow, pain, disasters that we are facing. Yet just as He went through the death to end death, we must still face horrors. There is such a depth of "better ending" with hardships we face today that we simply can not see.
How often have you said to yourself "If I only knew why I was going through this. Why I have cancer. Why my child died. Why why why."
It wouldn't be easier, I have discovered. Not necessarily. Perhaps like women face the pain of childbirth "happily" because an infant will be at the end it is possible. But I think that it would not be easier. He knew what would happen, what good it would bring, and yet He sweat blood! Not many of us can claim to have done that.
Hardships are hard. Beyond words or motions at times. My RA has been devastating to me, ripping me in two practically. I feel as if I could sweat blood from it at times. Yet there is always that sweet whisper about my life. The Words of God float through my heart, His arms hold me close, stroke me as a parent does a sick child. Whatever the reason, we are never alone. If we but reach an immeasurably small amount toward God, crying to be held and comforted, it is done. He Himself was strengthened by an angel.in the Garden ( Luke)...I would imagine the same is done for us when we cry out for help.
I cannot answer the mysteries of suffering. I just know that eons back, we brought it upon ourselves. And that God created us anyway, knowing we would turn away, planned the perfect salvation...and is letting time "run out". That He never will leave us alone to handle the harsh, sinful world we live in.
I digress.
My thoughts are about the Garden of Gethsemane, and Christ facing the prayers of the night.
Here is a Man, knowing His fate, knowing what good will come of it all, the salvation for many beloved. Even an angel came and strengthened Him...and even so, the Man sweat blood, a physiological sign of stress beyond endurance.
The Man bled in the Garden, with strikes in the face from the Sanhedrine, lashes from the Romans, and the crucifixion itself. No wonder the Man had too little strength to carry His own cross, and died much sooner than ever would be expected without interference from the soldiers.
He understands the great stress, unhappiness, sorrow, pain, disasters that we are facing. Yet just as He went through the death to end death, we must still face horrors. There is such a depth of "better ending" with hardships we face today that we simply can not see.
How often have you said to yourself "If I only knew why I was going through this. Why I have cancer. Why my child died. Why why why."
It wouldn't be easier, I have discovered. Not necessarily. Perhaps like women face the pain of childbirth "happily" because an infant will be at the end it is possible. But I think that it would not be easier. He knew what would happen, what good it would bring, and yet He sweat blood! Not many of us can claim to have done that.
Hardships are hard. Beyond words or motions at times. My RA has been devastating to me, ripping me in two practically. I feel as if I could sweat blood from it at times. Yet there is always that sweet whisper about my life. The Words of God float through my heart, His arms hold me close, stroke me as a parent does a sick child. Whatever the reason, we are never alone. If we but reach an immeasurably small amount toward God, crying to be held and comforted, it is done. He Himself was strengthened by an angel.in the Garden ( Luke)...I would imagine the same is done for us when we cry out for help.
I cannot answer the mysteries of suffering. I just know that eons back, we brought it upon ourselves. And that God created us anyway, knowing we would turn away, planned the perfect salvation...and is letting time "run out". That He never will leave us alone to handle the harsh, sinful world we live in.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Why the Suffering
It was asked at my Genesis bible study why God created viruses and bacteria. If everything was good, how could they be.
My own mother answered that they were not bad then. We are the ones who wrecked creation.
The whole world groans, the earth rumbles and shudders, the hurricanes and tornadoes scream in agony. The animals cry in pain when caught by predators, the latter dies at the hands of its own kind. Man struggles all his days with work and hardships, illness and disaster.
Perhaps all the bacteria and viruses were once as symbiotic as the ones in our own gut, leading our body to function perfectly. Then, with one godhood moment, we put a stop to their working in perfect harmony to begin perfect discord.
Autoimmune diseases are almost always considered to be linked to a virus. Juvenile diabetes is almost always contracted after a viral illness. A pediatric RN I work with said that Christmas time was always the "season for juvenile diabetes patients to come in. They had all had the stress and excitement of Christmas, had had some illness followed by all the candies of the season. We spent weeks with ketoacidotic children."
Someday the virus may be pinned down, even with viral treatment. Or they will find that such and such bacteria added to the gut, skin or whatever helps the diseases to 've stopped.
The world is a disaster place. Yet why doesn't God just stop the earth now? Zap the would be Christians that are to come into existence, stop the suffering now.
I don't know. Perhaps it is so we will remember what it is like without perfection in the 1,000 year reign. Admit it, suffering is hard to forget, regardless of years past, counseling done. It still haunts.
He knows our suffering. The Lazarus story always sits much more solidly in my mind now, being ill, than it did before. Because, while He had all the power in the universe at His command, the ability to raise a man from death, He wept. He wept tears over a beloved one, even with the power to save him. How much more does He mourn for us, when we are struggling with terrible nausea and pain from RA, nausea from chemo, desperation of a broken marriage, the child announcing homosexuality, the husband who is hooked on pornography.
He is our ambassador, the permanent priest for us. If He mourned for Lazarus, I am sure He mourns for us today.
Lazarus was left to die. Remember Christ did not leave for a few days after getting the news, and left only when He knew Lazarus had died.
Lazarus had to suffer death for the glory of God. And that can be off putting for some people. "I have to be miserable for the glory of God?!"
But it is so much more than that. Yes, these things can be for the glory of God, because of how we handle them. Do we continue to hold onto Him? This is not easy. It is in our nature to groan louder than the earth when bad times fall upon us. We just want to be "happy". And yet...it was not God who set us here to suffer, it is our own godhood, thousands of years ago, when the fruit of sin glowed neon before woman's eyes.
Happiness is fake here on earth; the neon sin of today.We think this is living----that and the perfect husband, children, church, house, job, the list astronomical. We expect everyone else to do and have these things. I myself ache for the children, home and work, to be who I was a little over two years ago. I know several women aching for children, dealing with infertility or stillborns. Life that seemed "perfect" crumples with little to no warning. "Life" destroyed by our reasoning.
The only lasting happiness is God. He is the one that provides true rest, peace, joy, laughter. He does not crumple within a moment's notice----God is the same yesterday, today and forever. Read the old testament. While there are the harsh laws to help protect the people, there are so many outpourings of love.
So while we face the harshest of sin's curse, we must not wriggle free from the yoke. The path is much smoother with that broken leg of sin's curse of the world when yoked to Him. We can go it alone, sure. That path is only full of falling boulders, poisonous snakes, rotten logs. We will only be completely miserable, wishing we had never been born, completely without hope. But sure, we can go it alone, even if that is the worst choice ever made.
No. Hang onto the yoke, keep close as a chick does its mother. We are speaking of the perfect parent---and while I think my parents are outstanding, God is still the perfect parent. He will help us deal with any trial, much like my mother helped proof read paper for the silly typos I automatically fixed while reading it. He says He will never forsake or leave us...and God does not break His word. After all, His Words spoken at creation snapped everything into existence. It seems highly unlikely if He says we are worth more than any sparrow that He did not mean it when you think of His Words making all we see today. You will never need walk alone, sit alone, or lay paralyzed in bed alone. He holds you in His arms as the perfect parent, fixing what needs fixed, whether that means hardships or ceasing them with miracles.---still while holding you in His arms with the deepest love that can be.
My own mother answered that they were not bad then. We are the ones who wrecked creation.
The whole world groans, the earth rumbles and shudders, the hurricanes and tornadoes scream in agony. The animals cry in pain when caught by predators, the latter dies at the hands of its own kind. Man struggles all his days with work and hardships, illness and disaster.
Perhaps all the bacteria and viruses were once as symbiotic as the ones in our own gut, leading our body to function perfectly. Then, with one godhood moment, we put a stop to their working in perfect harmony to begin perfect discord.
Autoimmune diseases are almost always considered to be linked to a virus. Juvenile diabetes is almost always contracted after a viral illness. A pediatric RN I work with said that Christmas time was always the "season for juvenile diabetes patients to come in. They had all had the stress and excitement of Christmas, had had some illness followed by all the candies of the season. We spent weeks with ketoacidotic children."
Someday the virus may be pinned down, even with viral treatment. Or they will find that such and such bacteria added to the gut, skin or whatever helps the diseases to 've stopped.
The world is a disaster place. Yet why doesn't God just stop the earth now? Zap the would be Christians that are to come into existence, stop the suffering now.
I don't know. Perhaps it is so we will remember what it is like without perfection in the 1,000 year reign. Admit it, suffering is hard to forget, regardless of years past, counseling done. It still haunts.
He knows our suffering. The Lazarus story always sits much more solidly in my mind now, being ill, than it did before. Because, while He had all the power in the universe at His command, the ability to raise a man from death, He wept. He wept tears over a beloved one, even with the power to save him. How much more does He mourn for us, when we are struggling with terrible nausea and pain from RA, nausea from chemo, desperation of a broken marriage, the child announcing homosexuality, the husband who is hooked on pornography.
He is our ambassador, the permanent priest for us. If He mourned for Lazarus, I am sure He mourns for us today.
Lazarus was left to die. Remember Christ did not leave for a few days after getting the news, and left only when He knew Lazarus had died.
Lazarus had to suffer death for the glory of God. And that can be off putting for some people. "I have to be miserable for the glory of God?!"
But it is so much more than that. Yes, these things can be for the glory of God, because of how we handle them. Do we continue to hold onto Him? This is not easy. It is in our nature to groan louder than the earth when bad times fall upon us. We just want to be "happy". And yet...it was not God who set us here to suffer, it is our own godhood, thousands of years ago, when the fruit of sin glowed neon before woman's eyes.
Happiness is fake here on earth; the neon sin of today.We think this is living----that and the perfect husband, children, church, house, job, the list astronomical. We expect everyone else to do and have these things. I myself ache for the children, home and work, to be who I was a little over two years ago. I know several women aching for children, dealing with infertility or stillborns. Life that seemed "perfect" crumples with little to no warning. "Life" destroyed by our reasoning.
The only lasting happiness is God. He is the one that provides true rest, peace, joy, laughter. He does not crumple within a moment's notice----God is the same yesterday, today and forever. Read the old testament. While there are the harsh laws to help protect the people, there are so many outpourings of love.
So while we face the harshest of sin's curse, we must not wriggle free from the yoke. The path is much smoother with that broken leg of sin's curse of the world when yoked to Him. We can go it alone, sure. That path is only full of falling boulders, poisonous snakes, rotten logs. We will only be completely miserable, wishing we had never been born, completely without hope. But sure, we can go it alone, even if that is the worst choice ever made.
No. Hang onto the yoke, keep close as a chick does its mother. We are speaking of the perfect parent---and while I think my parents are outstanding, God is still the perfect parent. He will help us deal with any trial, much like my mother helped proof read paper for the silly typos I automatically fixed while reading it. He says He will never forsake or leave us...and God does not break His word. After all, His Words spoken at creation snapped everything into existence. It seems highly unlikely if He says we are worth more than any sparrow that He did not mean it when you think of His Words making all we see today. You will never need walk alone, sit alone, or lay paralyzed in bed alone. He holds you in His arms as the perfect parent, fixing what needs fixed, whether that means hardships or ceasing them with miracles.---still while holding you in His arms with the deepest love that can be.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Inherently Wicked
We hear that Man in inherently good from the world. Man does no real wrong....it is upbringing that causes evil. Or, oddly, genetics, which makes little sense of man in inherently good.
We are all wicked from birth. Consider children you know. There is always the child who runs amok, the child never disciplined or taught right from wrong. Is this child happy? No, this child is the one when usual seems to end up in a psychologist's room. A child who is taught from the beginning, by observation, seems to be the happier child...though it is in every child's heart to escape the control of parents, no matter how lenient the parents may be.
Are we any different as adults? No! The visions we see of ill behaved children in stores, restaurants etc., are the living, breathing examples of how we act toward God. "Mooooom! He's loooking at me!" is the child's cry; ours is "Gooooood! I deserve to be mad at so and so!" Or, better yet, the "I won't believe in you" which is mirrored in the child's "you're not my mommy!" (Even if the mommy is the mommy, it is such a useful shout.)
Oh yes, we are inherently wicked. Have been for generations, spreading sin merrily as we go.
Struggles are like the disciplining of a child. Spankings or time outs are not fun, and the latter seems to last an eternity to a child...yet the child is a smoother copy of himself. Struggles are terrible, I would be the first to say...but infinitely useful..go over your own struggles. What good came of them? Would that good have come a different way?
Reach out for the hand of your Father. Parents are tough. But only because they love so intensely. And God loves us more intensely than we should ever even dream to understand.
We are all wicked from birth. Consider children you know. There is always the child who runs amok, the child never disciplined or taught right from wrong. Is this child happy? No, this child is the one when usual seems to end up in a psychologist's room. A child who is taught from the beginning, by observation, seems to be the happier child...though it is in every child's heart to escape the control of parents, no matter how lenient the parents may be.
Are we any different as adults? No! The visions we see of ill behaved children in stores, restaurants etc., are the living, breathing examples of how we act toward God. "Mooooom! He's loooking at me!" is the child's cry; ours is "Gooooood! I deserve to be mad at so and so!" Or, better yet, the "I won't believe in you" which is mirrored in the child's "you're not my mommy!" (Even if the mommy is the mommy, it is such a useful shout.)
Oh yes, we are inherently wicked. Have been for generations, spreading sin merrily as we go.
Struggles are like the disciplining of a child. Spankings or time outs are not fun, and the latter seems to last an eternity to a child...yet the child is a smoother copy of himself. Struggles are terrible, I would be the first to say...but infinitely useful..go over your own struggles. What good came of them? Would that good have come a different way?
Reach out for the hand of your Father. Parents are tough. But only because they love so intensely. And God loves us more intensely than we should ever even dream to understand.
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