This is absolute pure speculation. Anyone fascinated with Israel, and wondering, waiting and watching with clasped hands for the Voice to call, watches Israel.
The rabbis have been getting quite stirred up, claiming that the signs are there for the Messiah to come. The Sanhedrin has its red heifers, needed as a special sacrifice. They have just made the altar. The have made or are making a crown to present the king.
My own opinion is that, of course, they are waiting for the wrong Messiah. And that they will crown the one who comes to deceive. Lastly, I think the Muslim world will declare him as their leader as well, the special 12th.
Who knows but God, but it seems suspicious.
Rheumatoid Awareness
Thursday, January 24, 2019
Sunday, January 20, 2019
A Deeper Look into John 5.16-30 NIV
16 So, because Jesus was doing these things on the Sabbath, the Jewish leaders began to persecute him. 17 In his defense Jesus said to them, “My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I too am working.” 18 For this reason they tried all the more to kill him; not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God.
19 Jesus gave them this answer: “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. 20 For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed. 21 For just as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, even so the Son gives life to whom he is pleased to give it. 22 Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son, 23 that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father. Whoever does not honor the Son does not honor the Father, who sent him.
24 “Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life. 25 Very truly I tell you, a time is coming and has now come when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God and those who hear will live. 26 For as the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son also to have life in himself. 27 And he has given him authority to judge because he is the Son of Man.
28 “Do not be amazed at this, for a time is coming when all who are in their graves will hear his voice 29 and come out—those who have done what is good will rise to live, and those who have done what is evil will rise to be condemned. 30 By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me."
John 5 ( NIV )
The near instantaneous reaction of the Jewish leaders against the healing of the invalid at the pool was less about theological reasons than about authority. One need only look at politics to see how badly it is taken by any and all people involved with any actual or imagined loss of power. Authority and power is a deep weakness with us for we are determined to be the absolute power in our lives. John 5 ( NIV )
The first point used against Christ for His healing was that it was on the Sabbath. If we just quickly glance at this statement, how silly it makes us sound. Here is a group of educated people objecting to someone doing something NICE for someone else, at no cost, no pain, nothing. Rather like clubbing someone over the head for offering to cover the cost of gasoline for another who has lost their wallet.
Christ was not at all ruffled, something that cannot be said by most Jews who were questioned by the leaders. If the leaders so said, a Jew would be cast out of his home and family related to impurity. Admittedly, Christ had that added ability of being God, and knowing what was in these people--a major advantage that they, of course, did not have on Him.
Next Christ pointed out that He had an inability to do anything but what the Father does. This section can cause a lot of issues, as people can read it and think it sounds as if Christ is stating He cannot do things without the Father. It is not a statement of weakness as it might appear, but rather that it is impossible for Him to do anything but what the Father would do, because They are the same Person---rather like it is impossible for me to "stay" here and continue to write this post and send my body to get me a glass of water. Christ has to do what the Father would do, because He is going to do what the Father would do, because He is the Father. It is not a cannot, but a will not.
Christ never states in a full on "I am God" statement, which makes many people spend an incredibly amount of energy and time arguing that He is not, therefore, God. This is not so, and this passage is a good example, though there are many, many other passages which are claiming His Godship. The various ways that He describes Himself in this section is blatantly claiming Godship--I will keep repeating in this section that this is why the Jews were so angry at Him, He was claiming something no one would dare claim: "In Revelation, an angel instructed the apostle John to only worship God (Revelation 19:10). Several times in Scripture Jesus receives worship (Matthew 2:11; 14:33; 28:9, 17; Luke 24:52; John 9:38). He never rebukes people for worshiping Him. If Jesus were not God, He would have told people to not worship Him, just as the angel in Revelation did. There are many other passages of Scripture that argue for Jesus’ deity." ( gotquestions )
The passage then speaks of raising of the dead at the completion of His time here on earth. Only God has ever raised people from the dead--Elisha gave the glory for those raised from the dead to God. A professor of mine used to say during anatomy and physiology that "life can only come from life". Christ claims such ownership by stating that the Son has been granted the ability to give life to whom He pleases. If Christ speaks of things such as this, and means them, as He does, He is either God, or He is not a sane man--are you beginning to see why the Jewish leaders were so angry, unspeakably angry, at Him? Every sentence in this section reiterates over and over again the absolute authority that He, as the Son of God, really has.
Following this is another reaffirming claim of Godship. He discusses the ownership of being the Final Judge, with the determining of the eternal destination of creation. This was pushed with a deeper affirmation by His stating that a human must believe in the Father and the Son, and that having belief in the Son is belief in the Father---again underlining over and over again the fact that He is not merely a "son", He is God. These are important verses to use today and understand because it is so rampant today in churches and teachings that Christ is only a "son" of God, not THE Son of God---which as the firstborn of God, by the cultural implications of the Jewish people, the firstborn son is equal to the father.
For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; it is he who will save us. Isa 33.22 ( NIV )
Next Christ pointed out that He had an inability to do anything but what the Father does. This section can cause a lot of issues, as people can read it and think it sounds as if Christ is stating He cannot do things without the Father. It is not a statement of weakness as it might appear, but rather that it is impossible for Him to do anything but what the Father would do, because They are the same Person---rather like it is impossible for me to "stay" here and continue to write this post and send my body to get me a glass of water. Christ has to do what the Father would do, because He is going to do what the Father would do, because He is the Father. It is not a cannot, but a will not.
Christ never states in a full on "I am God" statement, which makes many people spend an incredibly amount of energy and time arguing that He is not, therefore, God. This is not so, and this passage is a good example, though there are many, many other passages which are claiming His Godship. The various ways that He describes Himself in this section is blatantly claiming Godship--I will keep repeating in this section that this is why the Jews were so angry at Him, He was claiming something no one would dare claim: "In Revelation, an angel instructed the apostle John to only worship God (Revelation 19:10). Several times in Scripture Jesus receives worship (Matthew 2:11; 14:33; 28:9, 17; Luke 24:52; John 9:38). He never rebukes people for worshiping Him. If Jesus were not God, He would have told people to not worship Him, just as the angel in Revelation did. There are many other passages of Scripture that argue for Jesus’ deity." ( gotquestions )
The passage then speaks of raising of the dead at the completion of His time here on earth. Only God has ever raised people from the dead--Elisha gave the glory for those raised from the dead to God. A professor of mine used to say during anatomy and physiology that "life can only come from life". Christ claims such ownership by stating that the Son has been granted the ability to give life to whom He pleases. If Christ speaks of things such as this, and means them, as He does, He is either God, or He is not a sane man--are you beginning to see why the Jewish leaders were so angry, unspeakably angry, at Him? Every sentence in this section reiterates over and over again the absolute authority that He, as the Son of God, really has.
Following this is another reaffirming claim of Godship. He discusses the ownership of being the Final Judge, with the determining of the eternal destination of creation. This was pushed with a deeper affirmation by His stating that a human must believe in the Father and the Son, and that having belief in the Son is belief in the Father---again underlining over and over again the fact that He is not merely a "son", He is God. These are important verses to use today and understand because it is so rampant today in churches and teachings that Christ is only a "son" of God, not THE Son of God---which as the firstborn of God, by the cultural implications of the Jewish people, the firstborn son is equal to the father.
For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; it is he who will save us. Isa 33.22 ( NIV )
11Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister
d
or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.
12There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor? Jam 4 ( NIV)
I, like many people, have feared the idea of facing the Judge. What younger, and often older, Christians are not aware of is the fact that we have already been judged and justified--because our sins are fully covered by the blood of the everlasting sacrifice. Part of this can be better understood by understanding the tenses used in the Word. Younger people today often are not taught how specific some tenses are--especially in languages such as Greek and Latin. These two languages are VERY specific on whether something is going to be done, is being done, or is done, etc.
An example of the fact we are already (completed) justified is the following passage, because the tense have been justified means completed:
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ," Rom 5.1 (NIV )
21 "Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[g] your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation." Col 1.21-22 ( NIV )
Verse 28 mentions the dead hearing the Voice, and raising those who have done good (believed and had His perfection cover them) will be raised. Jay Mack (Authority ) makes an interesting point that those who did not believe will hear the Voice once and only once, and it will be a Voice they spend eternity wanting to escape, while those of us who know Him will spend eternity hearing that Voice. A strange example, perhaps, but it makes me think of childhood, when you knew you had done something wrong, and your mama calls you. There is a tone in that voice of judgement--you know you messed up, you know it is too late, you know punishment is coming. It is a totally different voice than your mama's voice when you are not in trouble, but my point is that one voice falls on the ear with fear, while the other falls on the ear with joy. This reminds me, however faintly, of the Voice that will one day speak to me, a Voice I will know as His, and know His love for me.
As a final slap in the face, to be certain that the leaders of the time, and people today cannot state He was not referring to Himself, Christ switches from third person to first, and reiterates that He cannot do (because one cannot do things without the rest of them there) anything without the Father, which is an extremely powerful statement--extremely.
I, like many people, have feared the idea of facing the Judge. What younger, and often older, Christians are not aware of is the fact that we have already been judged and justified--because our sins are fully covered by the blood of the everlasting sacrifice. Part of this can be better understood by understanding the tenses used in the Word. Younger people today often are not taught how specific some tenses are--especially in languages such as Greek and Latin. These two languages are VERY specific on whether something is going to be done, is being done, or is done, etc.
An example of the fact we are already (completed) justified is the following passage, because the tense have been justified means completed:
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ," Rom 5.1 (NIV )
21 "Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[g] your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation." Col 1.21-22 ( NIV )
Verse 28 mentions the dead hearing the Voice, and raising those who have done good (believed and had His perfection cover them) will be raised. Jay Mack (Authority ) makes an interesting point that those who did not believe will hear the Voice once and only once, and it will be a Voice they spend eternity wanting to escape, while those of us who know Him will spend eternity hearing that Voice. A strange example, perhaps, but it makes me think of childhood, when you knew you had done something wrong, and your mama calls you. There is a tone in that voice of judgement--you know you messed up, you know it is too late, you know punishment is coming. It is a totally different voice than your mama's voice when you are not in trouble, but my point is that one voice falls on the ear with fear, while the other falls on the ear with joy. This reminds me, however faintly, of the Voice that will one day speak to me, a Voice I will know as His, and know His love for me.
As a final slap in the face, to be certain that the leaders of the time, and people today cannot state He was not referring to Himself, Christ switches from third person to first, and reiterates that He cannot do (because one cannot do things without the rest of them there) anything without the Father, which is an extremely powerful statement--extremely.
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Misery Takes All Shapes
I just finished a terrible three and a half hours. And i don't at all think it is done. They have diagnosed me with chronic diaphragm spasms...so basically I have "side stitches". But they are much worse that any side stitch, because these involve all of my diaphragm, not just a smaller section as with the classic side ache. This diagnosis also makes my life make more sense...because I have always had terrific hiccups. If I don't get a sip of water within the first two hiccups, I will have them for up to 6-8 hours. They continue to get more violent as well. This is a similar spasm, but self-limiting normally. I also have terriblee, sudden, out of the blue nausea...this is also related to the spasm, as this upsets the working of the stomach. My pain is also sending spasms into neck and abdomen. I am unable to talk, think or breathe very well in these episodes, which have been falling about every 2 hours or less, and lasting anywhere from five minutes to six hours. It is the worst pain I have felt ever in my whole life, and is totally crippling. If I did drive, I wouldn't dare, because I cannot function when this kicks in.
Since I have been in so much pain, indescribable and unbearable, the idea of Heaven and being with Christ sounds better and better and better.
I have longed for His return since I was 12 years old. It feels like an eternity to wait, but no more than now, with this great pain pulling my body in half, and driving a pike deep within me.
I think of my dream, or vision, whatever you would call it, those years ago...and how magnificent it was to see Him. I wish I could remember what He looked like. And oh! the moment He reached out, looked me in the eye as I sobbed with relief and joy--though I dropped my gaze--touched my shoulder and said:
Well done, good and faithful servant. (And since nothing in this is detracting or different from Scripture, I will take it as a gift of strengthening for me, but I do not believe this was a new revelation.)
Can you imagine? When I think of that blessing sent as a dream, vision or the future, it makes it easier to bear up under the strain of the broken world we remain in. Imagine, if you will, that Christ is indeed standing right in front of you, love and pleasure at your being there flowing from Him, and He tells you well done. Well done! That alone is incredible. The God of all, King of Kings and Lord of Lords said well done to a creation of His. Then---as if it was not enough, He calls us good and faithful servants.
The pleasure of knowing one had pleased Christ with their life--accepted and loved Him--would probably be overwhelming. If it was a real experience, not just a dream, but a true vision, it was overwhelming.
As I suffer daily, hourly, and now without even the escape of sleep and a soft bed, when I get out of an attack, I think now that, if with God's strength, I remain firm in the faith, I will be there, in Paradise, likely after a lifetime (or not, depending on how events turn out in our Lord's plan), no longer sick, in pain, in sorrow of things lost, but free of all that, in in the perfect presence of the One I love. It wouldn't even matter if I got those words, Well done, Good and Faithful Servant, but it certainly is wonderful praise coming from the One who has watched me this last month.
Whatever you walk, limp, crawl or "merely" cry to, cling to Him. He is the One who is always there, always able to actually give you strength, peace, wisdom and healing--though healing doesn't always come when we might wish. Sometimes it is because we will be of more use, even to our own selves as we finish life here on earth. But do dwell on Him, for we are only hurting ourselves, and terribly, by not delving into God. Look at the first couple, and the things that happened with their separation with God. It is a deadly mistake to remove oneself from God, or be too busy---we.will note the loss sooner than we might think. Keep the faith, even as I have not studied as much, it is tooo easy to fall off the trail, and be near it, not on it. Hang in there.
I have longed for His return since I was 12 years old. It feels like an eternity to wait, but no more than now, with this great pain pulling my body in half, and driving a pike deep within me.
I think of my dream, or vision, whatever you would call it, those years ago...and how magnificent it was to see Him. I wish I could remember what He looked like. And oh! the moment He reached out, looked me in the eye as I sobbed with relief and joy--though I dropped my gaze--touched my shoulder and said:
Well done, good and faithful servant. (And since nothing in this is detracting or different from Scripture, I will take it as a gift of strengthening for me, but I do not believe this was a new revelation.)
Can you imagine? When I think of that blessing sent as a dream, vision or the future, it makes it easier to bear up under the strain of the broken world we remain in. Imagine, if you will, that Christ is indeed standing right in front of you, love and pleasure at your being there flowing from Him, and He tells you well done. Well done! That alone is incredible. The God of all, King of Kings and Lord of Lords said well done to a creation of His. Then---as if it was not enough, He calls us good and faithful servants.
The pleasure of knowing one had pleased Christ with their life--accepted and loved Him--would probably be overwhelming. If it was a real experience, not just a dream, but a true vision, it was overwhelming.
As I suffer daily, hourly, and now without even the escape of sleep and a soft bed, when I get out of an attack, I think now that, if with God's strength, I remain firm in the faith, I will be there, in Paradise, likely after a lifetime (or not, depending on how events turn out in our Lord's plan), no longer sick, in pain, in sorrow of things lost, but free of all that, in in the perfect presence of the One I love. It wouldn't even matter if I got those words, Well done, Good and Faithful Servant, but it certainly is wonderful praise coming from the One who has watched me this last month.
Whatever you walk, limp, crawl or "merely" cry to, cling to Him. He is the One who is always there, always able to actually give you strength, peace, wisdom and healing--though healing doesn't always come when we might wish. Sometimes it is because we will be of more use, even to our own selves as we finish life here on earth. But do dwell on Him, for we are only hurting ourselves, and terribly, by not delving into God. Look at the first couple, and the things that happened with their separation with God. It is a deadly mistake to remove oneself from God, or be too busy---we.will note the loss sooner than we might think. Keep the faith, even as I have not studied as much, it is tooo easy to fall off the trail, and be near it, not on it. Hang in there.
Saturday, January 12, 2019
New Issue
I have had a new diagnosis attached to my name...I may have dreamed of having letters after my namw, but instead I add disease processes to my name. My introduction begins with a lost of symptoms and diseases.
They added chronic costochondritis. This is an inflammation of the cartilage of the rib cage. Mine is all over my ribs, to the attachment of my ribs and spine, to my breastbone and those articulations with the ribs. This makes movement and breathing terrible. However, the worst side effect is the diaphragm spasm. This is absolute agony, makes me so ill, and sends spasms up my neck---or triggers anxiety high enough to make me spasm neck and abdomen, finishing off the misery with even less breathing. I am afraid to go to sleep, now, because I will wake in such misery.
The doctors told me there is not much to be done, which is disappointing. Disappointing barely begins to describe how I feel about it. I hate how autoimmune diseases add more and more things as you go along.
Even with all this...I have hope. I don't have much hope in medicine, to be honest, because of so little luck over the past four and a half years. I retain hope in God.
I don't even know that it is His plan to heal me on earth, or if it is more His plan to heal me as I enter Paradise. Whichever, as Joni Earickson Tada stated, being healed in Paradise is still being healed.
It is the waiting for healing that is so dreadful. I ache for Him to return, that I might be saved from this misery all the faster. I have laid in my sick bed and begged God to come and take us from this wicked, wretched world. Waiting for that healing is horrendous.
It makes me think of the Pool healing I wrote about a few posts back. That man had been disabled his whole life...and while they probably felt as we do that medicine was so much further than it had been...one soon finds out that sometimes one has tried everything. That man had been crippled for his whole life. Or the woman who touched His cloak, who had been bleeding for 12 years. Enough to make you a social outcast.
Their wait time must have been nearly unbearable, as I often feel lately...that no more physical pain can be stood.
Then I remember Christ facing the crucifixion. Perhaps He had never even been sick in His life, I cannot recall scripture stating He was or wasn't. But imagine if He had never been hurt or ill...and then He goes and takes on crucifixion plus the shunning of God. This is then rounded up nicely by the fact all the punishment we deserve for our wicked ways are dumped on Him.
That short paragraph nearly makes one shudder.
God knows first had what ultimate agony is...for even at our worst pain, He has not left ua alone. Christ died within 6 hours of crucifixion----an extremely short time period for crucifixion, one that surprised Pilate when he was told Christ was dead. I suspect if any of us were to take on crucifixion with the added punishment against sin, we wouldn't last anywhere beyond a single moment.
He understands misery, and often will help when we ask for relief against the misery of life. He doesn't forsake us, or let us feel lost from Him when our hearts struggle with the worst of moments. He sees us as we sob out to Him during the watches of the night, when we feel the most alone with our trials. He longs, if we will so much as begin to open our hearts in His direction, to love us, and show us the depths of this love.
They added chronic costochondritis. This is an inflammation of the cartilage of the rib cage. Mine is all over my ribs, to the attachment of my ribs and spine, to my breastbone and those articulations with the ribs. This makes movement and breathing terrible. However, the worst side effect is the diaphragm spasm. This is absolute agony, makes me so ill, and sends spasms up my neck---or triggers anxiety high enough to make me spasm neck and abdomen, finishing off the misery with even less breathing. I am afraid to go to sleep, now, because I will wake in such misery.
The doctors told me there is not much to be done, which is disappointing. Disappointing barely begins to describe how I feel about it. I hate how autoimmune diseases add more and more things as you go along.
Even with all this...I have hope. I don't have much hope in medicine, to be honest, because of so little luck over the past four and a half years. I retain hope in God.
I don't even know that it is His plan to heal me on earth, or if it is more His plan to heal me as I enter Paradise. Whichever, as Joni Earickson Tada stated, being healed in Paradise is still being healed.
It is the waiting for healing that is so dreadful. I ache for Him to return, that I might be saved from this misery all the faster. I have laid in my sick bed and begged God to come and take us from this wicked, wretched world. Waiting for that healing is horrendous.
It makes me think of the Pool healing I wrote about a few posts back. That man had been disabled his whole life...and while they probably felt as we do that medicine was so much further than it had been...one soon finds out that sometimes one has tried everything. That man had been crippled for his whole life. Or the woman who touched His cloak, who had been bleeding for 12 years. Enough to make you a social outcast.
Their wait time must have been nearly unbearable, as I often feel lately...that no more physical pain can be stood.
Then I remember Christ facing the crucifixion. Perhaps He had never even been sick in His life, I cannot recall scripture stating He was or wasn't. But imagine if He had never been hurt or ill...and then He goes and takes on crucifixion plus the shunning of God. This is then rounded up nicely by the fact all the punishment we deserve for our wicked ways are dumped on Him.
That short paragraph nearly makes one shudder.
God knows first had what ultimate agony is...for even at our worst pain, He has not left ua alone. Christ died within 6 hours of crucifixion----an extremely short time period for crucifixion, one that surprised Pilate when he was told Christ was dead. I suspect if any of us were to take on crucifixion with the added punishment against sin, we wouldn't last anywhere beyond a single moment.
He understands misery, and often will help when we ask for relief against the misery of life. He doesn't forsake us, or let us feel lost from Him when our hearts struggle with the worst of moments. He sees us as we sob out to Him during the watches of the night, when we feel the most alone with our trials. He longs, if we will so much as begin to open our hearts in His direction, to love us, and show us the depths of this love.
Wednesday, January 9, 2019
Understanding Suffering
I spent part of last night and the night before asking God why He was doing this to me. Why was I having to spend hours writhing in pain, with no relief with anything I tried.
As i lay writing, the same words flowed from my mouth. "Why are you doing this to me?" "Why are You letting this happen to me?"
Today I found out what I suspected. The costochondritis is now diagnosed as chronic, meaning it may never go away. I expected that...but I didn't expect my doctor to say there is nothing that can be done. All of my various providers, with the exception of my eye doctor who would prescribe steroids if he was allowed for better eye control, do not want to give me long term steroids. I am not sure if it is my age, being on the younger side of RA diagnoses...or what. It is bad to take them, but on the other hand.
I feel floored and overwhelmed. I expected this to now be the new me, but the idea of facing it, alone medically, is absolutely terrifying. Thus far everything I have come up with symptom wise I also came up with slight medical assistance. I do have some slight aids, but when all I want are.steroids....
So again, I lay moaning to God, asking Him why this is happening. And you know, I have no answer. I don't know why God has let my life stop, that I literally died four and a half years ago, that every moment is a moment of sickness. I don't know.
Non believers often spout that such things like this are exactly why they do not believe in a 'god'. "Any 'god' that allows misery like yours is no god I want to know. A god that allows suffering is no god of love."
My understanding of how suffering started is based in the Word, another irritation to people. The story of the fall of man points out how misery entered our lives in great leaps and bounds, winding itself around our legs.
We chose this life. We had perfection, all that was needed, but much like we are seen doing today, enough was not enough. We needed more, not even knowing what we wanted it for, but we craved to be more. Doesn't that sound like us today? Reaching and stretching to be, know, own or get aomething? And 99.99% of the time, we were fine without whatever it was we ruined our lives for.
We reached out and took on genetic errors. We embraced not being perfect, with even great glee at times. Through generations, more sin gathering created more genetic damage.
Ever have a prized book? Perhaps even a first edition, unusual book? Or it was gifted to you? A book that warms your heart when you see it. Now, imagine a child got this book, ripped a few pages, and scribbled pen on many others. A wise person would but punish the child, not kill him outright. This same person likely would keep the book that had warmed the heart at sight---and indeed still does---but he will now also receive a quick stab of sorrow each time he sees his book.
Creation was the book...and we, thinking we knew better or could know better, took the book, scribbled and ripped, and objected to the consequences---and yet we still refused to hear the suggestions for an easier life, adding more corruption to our generations. The book still exists, but in a much sadder version.
So no, I don't as yet know what God has planned for me or why these things have all happened. All my other experiences have been made useful for myself and others, yet I see little fruit for this.
Regardless of what we see when we limp through these hard times, we must keep the faith. The thing about being miserable, physically, mentally or emotionally, is that if you look, you will discover that while God may be allowing it, He hasn't left you. You are never writhing in pain, crying in sorrow, or numb with mental strain without Him being right there, unlike Christ's most horrific time. We are never forsaken, left, abandoned or lost. He is right here with me now.
As i lay writing, the same words flowed from my mouth. "Why are you doing this to me?" "Why are You letting this happen to me?"
Today I found out what I suspected. The costochondritis is now diagnosed as chronic, meaning it may never go away. I expected that...but I didn't expect my doctor to say there is nothing that can be done. All of my various providers, with the exception of my eye doctor who would prescribe steroids if he was allowed for better eye control, do not want to give me long term steroids. I am not sure if it is my age, being on the younger side of RA diagnoses...or what. It is bad to take them, but on the other hand.
I feel floored and overwhelmed. I expected this to now be the new me, but the idea of facing it, alone medically, is absolutely terrifying. Thus far everything I have come up with symptom wise I also came up with slight medical assistance. I do have some slight aids, but when all I want are.steroids....
So again, I lay moaning to God, asking Him why this is happening. And you know, I have no answer. I don't know why God has let my life stop, that I literally died four and a half years ago, that every moment is a moment of sickness. I don't know.
Non believers often spout that such things like this are exactly why they do not believe in a 'god'. "Any 'god' that allows misery like yours is no god I want to know. A god that allows suffering is no god of love."
My understanding of how suffering started is based in the Word, another irritation to people. The story of the fall of man points out how misery entered our lives in great leaps and bounds, winding itself around our legs.
We chose this life. We had perfection, all that was needed, but much like we are seen doing today, enough was not enough. We needed more, not even knowing what we wanted it for, but we craved to be more. Doesn't that sound like us today? Reaching and stretching to be, know, own or get aomething? And 99.99% of the time, we were fine without whatever it was we ruined our lives for.
We reached out and took on genetic errors. We embraced not being perfect, with even great glee at times. Through generations, more sin gathering created more genetic damage.
Ever have a prized book? Perhaps even a first edition, unusual book? Or it was gifted to you? A book that warms your heart when you see it. Now, imagine a child got this book, ripped a few pages, and scribbled pen on many others. A wise person would but punish the child, not kill him outright. This same person likely would keep the book that had warmed the heart at sight---and indeed still does---but he will now also receive a quick stab of sorrow each time he sees his book.
Creation was the book...and we, thinking we knew better or could know better, took the book, scribbled and ripped, and objected to the consequences---and yet we still refused to hear the suggestions for an easier life, adding more corruption to our generations. The book still exists, but in a much sadder version.
So no, I don't as yet know what God has planned for me or why these things have all happened. All my other experiences have been made useful for myself and others, yet I see little fruit for this.
Regardless of what we see when we limp through these hard times, we must keep the faith. The thing about being miserable, physically, mentally or emotionally, is that if you look, you will discover that while God may be allowing it, He hasn't left you. You are never writhing in pain, crying in sorrow, or numb with mental strain without Him being right there, unlike Christ's most horrific time. We are never forsaken, left, abandoned or lost. He is right here with me now.
Sunday, January 6, 2019
Surprise!
Big surprise when I got on my blog last night. Between my RA, iritis and frustration at difficulties in using electronics and getting a killer headache from them, I have not posted or much used computers this last year. I get on, check stats, and discover hundreds of hits in a single day.
Up to this point I have clicked along with maybe 30 hits a day at best, so this was a pleasure to discover. I am going to make an effort to write more.
I go see a rheumatologist ophthalmologist tomorrow some 90 miles away. I hope he has an idea, and I hope he has a script to hand me some steroids. I have been in 9-10/10 pain off and on every day with costochondritis--rib cartilage inflammation. Not much helps short of not moving and barely breathing. I am not looking forward to this trip.
Up to this point I have clicked along with maybe 30 hits a day at best, so this was a pleasure to discover. I am going to make an effort to write more.
I go see a rheumatologist ophthalmologist tomorrow some 90 miles away. I hope he has an idea, and I hope he has a script to hand me some steroids. I have been in 9-10/10 pain off and on every day with costochondritis--rib cartilage inflammation. Not much helps short of not moving and barely breathing. I am not looking forward to this trip.
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