( I Led You Like A Bride; Vander Laan)
When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods[a] who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”
(Exodus 32 NIV)
When viewing the clip that Ray VanderLaan had set up, and seeing how the mountains of Sinai stand with such a boarder at their bases, and how it set up a definite do-not-cross line for the Israelites, I thought of how it would be to stand there. To know that my God was up at the top of the mountain, yet I was unworthy to step foot on that mountain, by pain of death.
Then, as VanderLaan speaks of the people loosing heart at the length of time that Moses was gone, unseen in the constant fire at the mountain top, and, to all their understanding, dead...I thought suddenly how reminiscent this story really is, how history repeats itself.
While we now stand on the other side of the arrival of the Messiah, there is a slight separation from God. I am paid fully with the bridal price, yet here I wait, wedding garments folded beside my bed every night, my lamps filled with oil, waiting for the shout ringing through the land that my Bridegroom has come to take me home. I am not living yet in the home of my Bridegroom, in the home of the Father of the Bridegroom. I have His wedding gift of His holy Spirit, watching over me as the retainer sent by the ancient grooms to watch over their brides. But I am not yet standing on His holy mountain.
Therefore, in a way, I vaguely feel like I am standing at the foot of a mountain, wanting desperately to be at the top with my King, yet having to wait for any signal that I might rise up.
So many believers feel lost and weary. The time has been so long. We have waited for the Groom to return for us for thousands of years, with each year bringing the newest and weirdest of poisons to devastate the faith of more and more. Old poisons rise up, choking our fellows. Does this weakness of faith not sound so much like what the Israelite said?
" As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him."
We nearly hear this word for word from the people we know. Where is this "God" you speak of? He said He would be back soon, yet where is He? He has not come back, and I don't think He will--not now, not ever! Sure, He did great miracles, He paid a price for us, but we never see Him.
And then, after becoming downhearted over the length of time that it has taken for Christ to return, people turn to other faiths, hoping to feel relief from the struggles of this world, hoping to have a cure all for ailments-both physical and spiritual.
As the Israelites turned inside themselves, formed a golden calf and revealed before it in great sins while the eye of God was upon them, so we do now. We form our own Golden Calves through broken and incorrect discernment of the Word, and by paying more attention to personal reward and satisfaction.
The wait is long and the wait is hard. The Israelites had escaped Egypt after 400 years of slavery and abuse, and saw great miracles on the way to Sinai. Yet it was not enough, they could not wait for Moses to return, not even from a fiery, rumbling mountain.
We must remind each other to stand strong in the waiting period. Whether we see the King return from this side of Heaven or the other is important, but more important is the waiting strongly with great courage and integrity, that our King might see us standing firm before the Golden Calves of the world, and remaining firm before the interminable
Rheumatoid Awareness
Monday, March 26, 2018
Monday, March 12, 2018
A Day in My Shoes
Walk with me today.
I wake up. There is the more often than not 10-15 minute period where I almost always feel good. Don't hurt, don't feel sick. I stand up, the spell breaks. I have building pain, and I climb the stairs. No stiffness today, no walking in cement to my neck. Pain mild. No nausea. A good day, the first in a while...if it lasts. First thing of the day, sit on a recliner, take some meds, wait for the signal that nausea is going to hold back--or the more mild "ill-at-ease" I don't feel well, but can't explain it but if i do anything I will be sick sensation.
When the all clear shows itself, I clear the sink. I sit down again. I wash my hair in the sink, because my body can't take the shower and hair wash. One or the other, kid.
I sit down. Contemplate Petticoat Junction, my latest TV series. I read some nurse continuing education, and boy will I be the widest read nurse ever. After reading several papers, it begins to be extremely tiring---difficult-- to concentrate, to understand what I am reading. I put aside the computer.
The nieces stop by. I have no kids, want kids, but am so sick I have no idea how i would care for them. I struggle their entire visit to be entertaining and involved, figuring this is as close as I will get. The strain is building on me, my fever raises, my brilliant red cheeks flame brighter, and energy shows at an all time low.
The kids leave again, I sink into my recliner, exhausted after these few hours of talking and watching a movie with them. I try to read but my mind won't have it--besides, my left eye is beginning to ache, flinching in the light. I dread if an iritis flare is building.
I've not eaten today, I've not felt hungry. I decide to eat, and become sick. I sit for a few minutes; is this a sick i can deal with, or one that will just get worse and worse and worse unless i lay down and don't move?
The latter. I stagger to my bed, stomach twisting and lurching. I lay on the cold layers of foam and feel such relief at that chill the cold bed gives me. Nausea comes and goes in waves.
An hour later i feel drawn and tired, exhausted further by the depths of sick I felt. I take my evening meds.
I wait for sleep to come to me...for as tired as I am, sleep is often elusive.....
I wake up. There is the more often than not 10-15 minute period where I almost always feel good. Don't hurt, don't feel sick. I stand up, the spell breaks. I have building pain, and I climb the stairs. No stiffness today, no walking in cement to my neck. Pain mild. No nausea. A good day, the first in a while...if it lasts. First thing of the day, sit on a recliner, take some meds, wait for the signal that nausea is going to hold back--or the more mild "ill-at-ease" I don't feel well, but can't explain it but if i do anything I will be sick sensation.
When the all clear shows itself, I clear the sink. I sit down again. I wash my hair in the sink, because my body can't take the shower and hair wash. One or the other, kid.
I sit down. Contemplate Petticoat Junction, my latest TV series. I read some nurse continuing education, and boy will I be the widest read nurse ever. After reading several papers, it begins to be extremely tiring---difficult-- to concentrate, to understand what I am reading. I put aside the computer.
The nieces stop by. I have no kids, want kids, but am so sick I have no idea how i would care for them. I struggle their entire visit to be entertaining and involved, figuring this is as close as I will get. The strain is building on me, my fever raises, my brilliant red cheeks flame brighter, and energy shows at an all time low.
The kids leave again, I sink into my recliner, exhausted after these few hours of talking and watching a movie with them. I try to read but my mind won't have it--besides, my left eye is beginning to ache, flinching in the light. I dread if an iritis flare is building.
I've not eaten today, I've not felt hungry. I decide to eat, and become sick. I sit for a few minutes; is this a sick i can deal with, or one that will just get worse and worse and worse unless i lay down and don't move?
The latter. I stagger to my bed, stomach twisting and lurching. I lay on the cold layers of foam and feel such relief at that chill the cold bed gives me. Nausea comes and goes in waves.
An hour later i feel drawn and tired, exhausted further by the depths of sick I felt. I take my evening meds.
I wait for sleep to come to me...for as tired as I am, sleep is often elusive.....
Saturday, March 10, 2018
RA Post: Long Stretch
This has sure been one of the longer stretches of my being sick. On the plus side, my iritis has eased off enough that I merely have to limit light and be "careful" to wear sunglasses outside. I mainly haven't had to wear then 24/7 as I had been doing. That is a major plus, I really cannot describe how painful and how difficult it was to wear sunglasses all the time. Reading anything was terribly impossible, as it increased my eye discomfort.
I still am having so much issue with feeling very nauseated, spells of being absolutely exhausted--but it is the sick/nausea part that is the most trying.
At this point, I am nearing one month of basically solid illness, though I have not been doing well since about December. Same old story every year, seems to be. I am getting to where I hate Fall and Winter, even though before all this all seasons were my favorite.
Illness has a way of making so much of life negative. And illness has a way of making so much of life positive. I certainly think about how lucky I am to have a safe, warm (and best yet, cold when I need it to be) house, safe people to help me, and kind, patient friends who "wait" for weeks to months between my feeling like visiting.
I am negative about my ability to do what I want to do, the things I am missing out on...and the weather. I never really cared what the weather was, because I saw beauty in it almost always. Now I see clouds and damp with dread--at some point I will feel worse with those two things.
Hopefully summer comes soon and lasts long. Oh, how I should move to a warmer, drier country than here...
I still am having so much issue with feeling very nauseated, spells of being absolutely exhausted--but it is the sick/nausea part that is the most trying.
At this point, I am nearing one month of basically solid illness, though I have not been doing well since about December. Same old story every year, seems to be. I am getting to where I hate Fall and Winter, even though before all this all seasons were my favorite.
Illness has a way of making so much of life negative. And illness has a way of making so much of life positive. I certainly think about how lucky I am to have a safe, warm (and best yet, cold when I need it to be) house, safe people to help me, and kind, patient friends who "wait" for weeks to months between my feeling like visiting.
I am negative about my ability to do what I want to do, the things I am missing out on...and the weather. I never really cared what the weather was, because I saw beauty in it almost always. Now I see clouds and damp with dread--at some point I will feel worse with those two things.
Hopefully summer comes soon and lasts long. Oh, how I should move to a warmer, drier country than here...
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
RA Post: Sick Again
I have been so very sick this last week and a half. I haven't been this sick in years. I am hoping to keep up with my blogging. I am disappointed at how little that I have written.
My computer is dead, so I have to borrow another computer.
And then I am half leading a Bible study, which takes up some time--and then the study time to write a blog post is again more work.
I feel really bad that my posting has not been as active as it was. When I first started my goal was to write every day, and now I barely write three months worth of writing. I need to make a check mark list to write.
Anyway, I have not been doing well. My rheumatologist decided that my fibromyalgia is way worse than had been originally thought. We are trying to get more control over that. I don't know--I don't feel that helpful.
My computer is dead, so I have to borrow another computer.
And then I am half leading a Bible study, which takes up some time--and then the study time to write a blog post is again more work.
I feel really bad that my posting has not been as active as it was. When I first started my goal was to write every day, and now I barely write three months worth of writing. I need to make a check mark list to write.
Anyway, I have not been doing well. My rheumatologist decided that my fibromyalgia is way worse than had been originally thought. We are trying to get more control over that. I don't know--I don't feel that helpful.
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