Love Will Say

From J.E. Tada's More Precious than Silver
il
Love will say, "I'd do anything for You, God, following You anywhere". Obedience will say, "And let me prove it." 
Obedience is not so much for God's sake, but for ours. God wants us to realize the depth of our love for Him. So He tests us...all the while He never withholds His love from us. He love for us drives Him to test us in order to refine us. If we hold on, remain faithful and rigorously obey, our hearts become refined. Obedience melts away pride and prejudice. Obedience crushes into dust self-centeredness, revealing a heart pure and at peace.

So, if Elizabeth and Mr Darcy had merely obeyed, they would have neither been proud nor prejudice. Just couldn't stand it--had to say it.

Before I fell ill, I would have said I had a fairly good relationship with God. I felt more love from Him hat I had previously...and I had studied the Bible all the way through to try and save my faith after a disastrous life event. It worked. God and I withstood that, we withstood anorexia and depression, even nursing school. But there was still a great deal missing. I felt it some then, I would feel it massively now. 
We have to keep growing in our walk with God. Our faith, love and knowledge must grow. And I don't mean by what we can get out of books like college. These things can be partially achieved from the Word, but only because the Word is from God. I hate to say it, but we are not going to grow spiritually from Little House on the Prairie books, and certainly not from 50 Shades of Grey. 
The Word, as I am reading in other books and we shall go into more detail soon(!), is one of the best ways for the Holy Spirit to communicate. But only if you use it. 
I have fallen behind in my Bible reading, being so focused on trying to read books from the library that I am still taking notes from. The books are useful, as they are from people with more knowledge than I have...but the best teacher is still right there, waiting for you to pick up the textbook.       How many many times we pick up the Word, and there is nothing! Nothing stirs in the spirit, nothing jumps out, or makes sudden sense where before it had not. Sometimes I think that is our fault.
From all my experience in 10 months of being sick and bed bound more days than not, God is ALWAYS there. The problem is not with God. It is with us. When we are reading the Bible....sometimes (guilty!) we are just doing so because we are "supposed" to as a"good Christian". Yes! You are supposed to. But not that way! We should open the Word with the idea it is the collection of letters from a loved one away at War. A husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend---we need that amount of attentiveness going into getting and just OPENING our gift of God's Word. 
I never felt so blessed to have the Word everywhere. We have many translations in the house. The Word was everywhere, and while I knew it was important, it was meaningless all at the same time. I did not have the desperation to open it and dwell among the pages like a bookworm might. 
However, even with that dull attitude, God will change it.Either by continued reading and enlightening by the Spirit...or by the arrival of hard times.
This battle with RA and now fibromyalgia has been the hardest battle yet. I actually think if God had not prepared me with so many other battles...I would not have been able to take this one as I have. I have found so much joy in the sorrow of sickness, peace in the throes of severe pain, wonder at His presence...I have found pure joy at being able to hold a copy of the Word, and settle myself deeply into it, and for moments not remembering my illness. 
I will be healed someday. I doubt that it is in this lifetime, but in paradise. What a wonderful, calming thought. And if God heals me sooner here on Earth, that will be wonderful as well. 
Peace to you all.