A Miracle

From J.E Tada's More Precious than Silver

"A miracle will not do the convincing." That the Holy Spirit's job. For me, the real miracle means sitting in this wheelchair and smiling. Everyday I experience miracles of patience and perseverance, endurance and self-control. The ordinary (which is so very extraordinary) work of the Spirit is sufficient.

I said to Steve (a very mature Christian), "I can't face a life of paralysis with a happy attitude. It's just too big."   He had a wise reply: "God doesn't ask that of you. He only asks that you take one day at a time."   The truth set me free, along with other truths like leaning daily on God's grace and realizing God's children are never victims. 

We miss every day miracles. It is a miracle to face sitting in a wheelchair. It's a miracle to face having days on end of laying on a couch. It's a miracle to face using breathing assistance and suction machines, such as those with cystic fibrosis.---all of these with a smile rather than the depths of depression It's a miracle to have a job. Maybe blessing is a better term...but we still miss so much. 
One of my other readings mentioned how we miss answers to prayer. I think he is right...most of us pray for things without ever noticing if there was even an answer. We get asked to pray for other people, which we do, perhaps diligently, perhaps not...but we usually don't look to see if anything happened to that prayer. Even in our own life, we do not remember what we prayed for/how we asked...so do not know that prayer has been answered. Again, it was maybe not as it was asked, it is said "God answers the prayer you should have said." I imagine that is true, and praise God for that. We so often think we know what is right for us, and quite frankly I doubt that is ever true. So when we do pray, God often gives us something better. Even if we don't think so. 
It was suggested by that author to write prayers down...which I do to not get  distracted. You do tend to be able to see, then, that God in fact has answered prayer. Little prayers, big prayers, He does listen. He is there, helping and loving...however we think He is silent in the hard times. I think that is because we are not listening and are too busy yelling; yelling at family, yelling at friends, yelling at God. 

The second section tore me to pieces when I read it. I am, like most chronic illnesses, facing a lifetime of RA and fibro. They may get better, and more managed, but, like the monster under a kid's bed...it will lurk there, under the surface. I have many days still where I scream silently in my mind, "I can't do this! I can't do sixty years of swollen joints, pain and sick, and being alone!" But I do only have to face and worry about today. And in the chronic illness world, it is often down to the second. 
Things are often easier now. I am not overall as sick as I was (again, praise the Lord!), but I am still very limited. More than I want to be. I want to be a nurse, and a wife who can go on dates with her husband, see friends and have children. Most of these I cannot do at this point. And it can be heartbreaking. 
God, however, is there. He is calling me to continue forward, Jesus walks beside be as we are yoked, and the Spirit is within. (a paraphrase of a wonderful thought). If, when I have that horrible, terrible unspeakable feeling of fear of facing the next sixty years...I usually spare some tears, but I can feel God's presence (most times) begin to envelope me. 
We are all such beloved children. Look around at the world! Not the big cities and whatever...but all the beautiful plants, animals to be pets...even though the world is such a broken place, if you take even a moment to look, you can just see everything screaming out about God. This is a mirror of what we should have had and what we will have, but what peace and love you can see and feel with the glories of creation. God is love. He cares so much for us that I can't even really think of a way to describe it. May you walk in peace with God.