I can't begin to describe the terror that "gets" me sometimes with my illness. I can be so sick, so shaky, so asleep and out of it. I always wanted so much control over everything to be safe, and now I can't control anything. No one really can, we fool ourselves into thinking that we know more and can control things. That we are so powerful over our lives. Little gods. No wonder we are so selfish---we can run everything and fix everything. Nothing will truly hurt us, nothing would dare. We are as perfect as perfect could be.
I never thought that I thought highly of myself....I'm not even sure what way---but I am ashamed of who I was.
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