Moments of Time

I managed to go to a friend's house last night. It was a short drive, and I pretty much laid down the whole time I was there. But I went for the first time since the last time I went.

"I've clung to [God] in countless storms, like a strong rope when I feel myself slipping." J. E. Tada.

How comforting it is to know God is there and sturdy to take my constant pulling and nagging for help. He is there 24/7, never sick, never tired, and always willing to listen to me. 

"In those mad, midnight moments when hope recedes, worries mount, sleep refuses to come, I have t remind myself God is not sleeping either. He sits up with me ALL night. He hears me when no one else hears me, bending down to listen to my whisper. He knows every tear that falls." 

As discussed in an earlier post, things are so much worse at night. I often face my worst crisis in the middle of the night, when the house is silent with sleeping people. I smother my tears of frustration and pain to hide them...I don't want to wake anyone because there is nothing anyone can do for me, and I don't want to hash over the same thing again. And again. It's always the same...the fear of being invalided the rest of my life. 
So I turn to the One who is always awake. 

Peace is often given to me with some simple prayers. J.E. Tada says she often lost her temper with God, practically yelling at Him, much like Jonah did. Somehow I can't do that...and I am not even mad at God. I do not understand why He has allowed this, but if He will give me His strength to take it, I will be able to take my RA. 

"Allowance of pressure and suffering to the point of suffocation is to complete one thing--reliance on God."
I am having to rely on God with my life more than I have in some time...and having God near me is quite the reward for suffering. I still wish that I would simply heal up and be able to run in the field again with my dog.


How abundant are the good things
    that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
    on those who take refuge in you.
Psalm 31:19