Invalid

While I have read the word hundreds of times in many books and in the Bible...I hate the word invalid now. 
I suppose if you get right down to it, at many stages of this disease of mine, because it is out of control, I am an invalid...I can no longer drive a car, etc...which seems to classify as that. Especially compared to the independence I demanded a few short months ago. I even often demanded to drive rather than my husband, to be that independent and that in control of what was happening. 
Gee, seems not surprising I have to be so dependent on others at this point, in a way...my greatest fault could be the fact I wanted 100% control of everything to keep my anxiety and stress under control. I cannot have that control now, because I cannot control my own body. 
 I have to rely on others more than I have in years. I am inordinately grateful I have people who will drive me to dr appointments, pick up library holds and medications, or buy more colored pencils and candy to make my time easier. I cannot express my gratitude in a million years. 
I am grateful beyond words to my God, Who has not healed me, though I still ask faithfully, but does often grant answers to my requests for less pain, less nausea and more strength and peace...and honestly, with those answers, it makes my RA bearable. I can never ever thank God enough for His answering those requests for me...or for answering requests I have made for my RA support friends to have peace when scarier, worse health issues appear. He is so good to us, even in the midst of our pains from this sinful fallen world.

I still hate the word invalid now. Because I read it In-Valid...as in, I am no longer valid. I have become a burden to others, and I am no longer the nurse, the wife, the homemaker, the friend I was. While this sounds like self pity, it isn't exactly...more how I hate the word. Because I do feel no longer valid. Somehow I am further from the world than I was before. An outcast. 

 But we of the faith really are all outcasts...we do not belong of this world. In a way, being an "invalid" shows you how much we are not of this world. How much life really is the book of Ecclesiastes; the world is meaningless. I see that so much more now than I did before...I had merely glimpses of the meaninglessness of the world before being invalided. Unless God is the main focus of our every breath, we are nothing. Maybe we are all not valid to the world, because we are crazy to have faith in God. In that case, I will gladly take the title of invalid...I do not want to be considered valid in the world...it is such a wicked and sad place, groaning under it's load of sin and destruction and longing for the end. I only want to be Valid in the Land of the Lord.
I think we forget and get so wrapped up in this world that we do not actually belong here. What a wonder our real home must be.