I am afraid of trying things. I am overall less ill than my first few months of RA. So I want to try to be out of the house and do this volunteer position.
But I am afraid. I am afraid of the consequences of activity on my illness factor. Some days I can feel that physically it is not worth trying. I will then be sick for a week and a half instead of three days.
I am crushed by some of the vanishing of friends of old. I adore my sweet RA friends and those who have stuck by me.
I think, in these experiences I might, by the vaguest of ways, have yet again more understanding for our Saviour.
As we know, throughout His earthly ministry He lost friends and family. His family thought He was mental, the neighborhood knew He was just a carpenter, the religious rulers saw Him as a trouble making man proclaiming to be God (who could also humiliate them in their sins), and on and on. Even at the last, His dearest vanished in the night with fear.
It is truly another amazing sign of His perfection that even with all of this, He still loved these people. He still loves us. He still loves me.
For as much as it may hurt to have chronic illness, it is still amazing to me that I can be foolish enough to not dedicate my day to Him. In other words, I happily ignore the One who is most capable of providing comfort, even pain relief (and healing if that be His will now or at some later point). I may have a "good day" or "good several days" and flippantly March about concerning myself with earthly things. Laundry, cleaning, walks, exercise, reading. I have not set myself down, physically or metaphorically, to be with God. How good He is to either send nudging by the Spirit to do this, or by some other person's actions send a reminder.
For as well I know...life is nothing without God...
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