Precious Pennies

From A Place of Healing, J.E. Tada

If you're facing what seems to be an overwhelming situation in your life this week, I want to encourage you to stand firm...and take action. Take it as an opportunity to do a little research of your own into God's Word. 
[ A cancer sufferer wrote:] I have learned that for every one sentence you say to others about your cancer, say ten sentences about your God, your hope and what He is teaching you and the small blessings every day. For each hour you spend researching your cancer, spend ten hours researching and discussing and serving your Lord. Relate all that you are learning about cancer to Him and His purposed, and you won't become obsessed. 
Jesus Christ is 100% certain to meet us, encourage us, comfort us, grace us with strength and perseverance and yes, even restore joy to our lives.

Joy to one's life does not always come quickly, but I doubt that it can come at all without asking God for it. I spent some months in agony before starting this blog, and so I cannot say for certain when I began asking for peace and strength....and for me, those will equal joy, because God was and is here and gave them to me. A chronic illness is like no other battle, but so is no other battle like no other battle. We cannot compare our own battles to another's....we can only compare our own battles with previous battles. And even those are too estranged to really compare. 
I appreciate the cancer sufferer's outlook on research. You have to know your disease, because it makes every test and scan and "huge" dr word make sense. Even as a nurse, it is totally different being on the other side of the chart. You have to know what complementary therapies help you, and which don't, what foods might help, or may not help in you case....and you can only really know that by reading good medical books, and talking with your dr. 
Those readings can be terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. Worst case scenarios are provided...theses aren't "G" rated books....they are "R" rated. The worst of the worst...and the disease can overtake you .Mine is still often at the forefront, mainly because I have not had it long, and it is all I do besides reading about God. So, yes...I can end up on a roll about RA and all the things I have learned. But I have spent many hours, I think even more...reading devotionals, the Word, Biblical books by godly men and women of the past and present and creating a notebook full of passages. I love finding new ways to describe God and how wonderfully amazing He is!

I need all the hope I can get, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm disabled, things aren't easy, and I thrive on hope.   As you and I trust God through the toughest of times, He imparts even more hope, evidenced by joy and peace of mind. We fix our eyes on the trial that looms immediately before us, allowing ourselves to become gripped with fear. 


I don't know if I am disabled or not. At the moment....I probably am. But I want to be free to not have that title. Whatever the case, things are not easy for me. I cannot do arts that I would like to do, and I can barely drive a car. You've seen my other posts...it's a long list. I hope that He lets me to more able---He has blessed me with more ability now than I have had in months, and I cannot thank Him enough! When I first got this, I thought it would go away, in like a month or so. A bad flu. Lay back, watch some movies...read a book or two. Sure, no sweat. Heh, sure. 
I was devastated the more and more I realized that, not only would this not go away poof, it was very likely to get WORSE. WORSE AND WORSE.  Devastated. A few people stated that at least it was not cancer (which, sadly, is on the top ten things not to tell a chronic disease sufferer)....and somehow that was a terrible blow too. Yes, I was and am grateful that it was not cancer....but  in my heart-broken mind, no one cared.  RA is just not as scary as cancer, because RA is not the death sentence that cancer once was....thank God cancer is usually not the death sentence it was. But I digress.
I began to cling to God, what was I to do? He immediately help me closer than He already was, soothing me through many passages in Psalms. I read and read and read the Psalms. I began to find joy in pain because I had this great abundance of time to read and worship God! I was not afraid anymore. 

 I had become "used to" paralysis, if I can put it that way. But I don't know how in the world I can get "used to" constant, driving pain. I need rescuing, I need deliverance. I need healing from this suffering. I need God to do something. As quickly as possible. I used to pray for grace to maximize each day; now I pray for survival.

Joni's suffering changed. The old suffering is still there, but healed enough of the stinger to no longer throb as fiercely. I can say I was in a similar boat when the RA landed. I had learned how to handle anxiety and depression to the point I could stave them off with God's help. I had prayed that God would use me every day that I went out of the house, because sometimes only with that surge of power from His Spirit could I do anything. Now I am back at a starting place, with pain holding me back. Fear, anxiety is gone...depression looms only on the first day back from being in very bad pain, and it dies quickly. Pain is pain. And medication for pain only goes so far. I ask God for the strength needed, and for Him to show me what to do. I was and am a nurse. I cannot work. What is His plan? Does He have a job for me somewhere that is perfect for someone with RA who can sometimes do stuff? I am sure He would, if that was His plan. I prayed a long time last night......and I have a great peace. One of the greatest "peace" moments I have had, and it seems to center at staying home. Well, I obviously cannot work....my visitors even say so, kindly. So I will thank God for giving me the permission to be ill, at home, serving Him the best I can, even if it is one load of laundry for my husband, sleeping all day on the couch because I cannot wake up, but thinking of Him when I do. I think that God knows that is all I can do sometimes. He knows what we can do, and He accepts what we give up as praise as praise. 
Think of the woman who gave two pennies and the rich man who made a fancy show...and Jesus said her two pennies, given with all she had....were worth much more than his much. 
I cannot give much to God now. I can't be a nurse in His name. I can't do much at home for my husband. But what I can do is worth a lot. 
I'm sure whatever you do is worth a lot too. Maybe you're a busy mama....you are raising those children to listen for God? What better praise could He ever hear! A single, hard working girl? You are showing the world how important God is to you, more important than much of the world. Married without kids? You've got that husband to meet the world with as a general according to the Bible...Those "pennies" are amazing to God.