Goals Met

From J.E. Tada's A place of Healing
"Oh boy! We get to serve Jesus today!" But hey, it's the way I have to wake up, pain or no pain. I can't be glum or sour or peevish, even if I am a little tired of paralysis, and even if I am weary of chronic pain. God has ordained this day for me to bring Him glory the best I can and to serve Him with joy. As a son or a daughter of God, whatever He has you doing is serving in His name.

At my nearly sickest points, this sort of thought floated vaguely in and out of my mind. How do you serve God when you cannot even get out of bed? I think that my studying His Word could be considered one way, praying and forgiving people who had hurt me---that I was holding grudges against and wasn't really aware of it...thanking people for bringing me water. Attempting to be thankful wherever you are---really, just trying to be Christ like, which is impossible for us to fully manage, but I think that that honors God, and brings Him glory. 

There's something sweet and precious about cracking open your heart and giving your affection to the Savior in the midst of a difficult or painful situation....what are you holding onto tightly? What are you saving or holding back from being poured out as a sacrificial offering of praise and thanksgiving? Don't save your smiles and your friendship for those you know or like or feel "comfortable" with.

So many people get angry at God during tough times. They simply shun Him, when, after a time, He has not performed as they think He ought to have. We treat Him as if He were human. There are so many family stories spread about of one member or another or maybe several completely shunning the rest of the family because the members did not act "as they should".  God is not human, though, and can do so much more for us than any human. I am extraordinarily thankful for the people who have helped care for me, check on me and visit me....but God is the one Who is able to give me true peace, carry me through the darkest, stormiest nights and soothe my soul. Humans can only give a shadow of this comfort, however much I love the comfort they have provided. Shunning God means having to face the hardship alone. 
I found great delight, when well enough to think more clearly, in praising God--singing worship songs in my mind, praying to Him with all the silliest of my worries. Sometimes, where I am doing slightly better the last few days, I am becoming "busy" again, and do not spend as much time as I would like in worship. I am so grateful to be feeling that much better for the moment, but I feel guilty as I have neglected my King more than I wanted. Somehow, though, I am sure He knows how I love Him, and how I am delighted to spend time with His Word, or what others have found in His Word. It is truly thrilling what we can learn about our Father!

Karen (blind) said that night: "Joni, my disability is worsening, and I know that one day I might not be able to do this stuff---fly by myself and have a dinner with a friend. So I'm going to make the most of the time I've got and do what I can with the little I've got left. "
He is the one Who will make the most of the little I've got left.

I wish I had taken advantage more of my pre-RA life. I was too afraid to do so many things. Like the so many movies of afraid people...they learn that they should have just done things regardless of the fear. I wish I had tried to do more things...but each time I tried and failed to be able to do it, made it that much harder to try the next time. Some things were "safe" and others were "not safe". Traveling was always a big one...bad things happened on many trips, therefore, trips were not "safe". I still wish I had taken more advantage of my not aching body then.
But now I am here. So I try and make the most of the time I have. RA may present in many different courses; some get worse, some flare and get worse, some flare once and never get it again. You just don't know. If I was as stable as I could be...I would join a women's Bible study, be a housewife and only work a day or two, and generally spend more time with people. There are too many lonely people. I've been visited by some people, but there are many no one will see. Maybe I would volunteer someplacce. 
I expect God to direct me where He wants me. I do not know if nursing is any longer something He has plans for me in. But wherever He places me, I will do my best with what He has given to me. Isn't it exciting! I want to start right now! 
However, I figure I am already making good use of my time...I just do not really know how, other than spending time with God. And really....it doesn't matter if I see how I may or may not be making the most out of my time here--good things have happened to me, and I hope for others. Therefore, good time is being spent, because I spend it with God.


Today was BIG. BIG BIG. I drove to the local library. This is the first time I have driven since September because I was just too sick to pay attention to the road. I cannot tell you how happy and filled with praise at being able to do something I was beginning to think would never happen. God really has been so amazingly good to me. He is always there with me, soothing my crying soul...and today, giving me the strength for driving. Thank you, Father! Thank you for letting me be able to do what I have done the last several days! I can never ever thank you enough!