Selfish Beyond All Measure

Spirit Filled Life.   C. Stanley

We are inescapably selfish. Awareness of God's forgiveness makes us gratefully amazed that we are accepted by Someone who sees us at our worst. 

We aren't always amazed. We often have that creeping evilness that makes us think, "Well, I deserved my salvation. Much more than Larry over there. He cheated. On his wife of only two years."  Or "I do so much for missions work, obviously I am a good person." 

We make lists and lists and more lists of how wonderful we are. Mentally, I assume, as wandering about talking to yourself and verbally bashing other people really gets odd looks. I have walked past people just talking to myself---not verbally bashing anyone that I recall. Oh dear... We compare and rate ourselves to everyone we know, and in this tech age, people we don't know! We are kinder, we are more generous! They are wrong! They lied! It goes on and on.

We spend large amounts of time attempting to prove to others that we are as wonderful as we think we should be. That we are worthy of their praise. (Mini-god syndrome or what?!). We cry out of our struggles with adultery, lying and stealing.
We do not cry out bout things that we are doing wrong: we do not speak of being in a clique, or the slight fact that we fibbed on the 10% tithe, or that we pickpocket, have porn DVDs in the closet at home or other sexual items that are not practicing that action the way God had intended. In these instances, our selfishness has taken on a new monstrous form, managing to even more cleverly hide itself as a good thing. 

So what are we to do then? How do we improve?

We really are the most selfish beings. Nearly everything that happens, we can rig a way to make it someone else's fault. We failed a test; the teacher was a terrible teacher. We ran over and killed a dog; the people were stupid and did not have a fence for their stupid dog. We got sicker on a medication; the doctor should be sued because they are an idiot. The list can go on and on 
We demand, with all these desires of being perfect, to be loved. To be accepted, to be normal. To reach these ends....we will go to any length of sin. We must be loved! At all costs!

It really is no wonder we are so desperate to be loved. With the loss of the Garden, we also lost the feeling of God's perfect and endless love. It is truly that love that we try and recreate by the aforementioned things, and many others you can probably picture that fit in your own mind. When we know that we are trying to fill a God-sized whole, maybe during the recent loss of a loved one, hurtful words and/or actions of a dear friend, being fired from a position that seemed like everyone was satsified with your work....we finally know that nothing can fill it but God.

When I was an awkward teenager, terrified of 90% of anything, and 75% of the things the other kids wanted to do---camping trips with youth group, sleepovers for the girls at church, bus rides to some-or-another place---made me seem pathetic, spoiled, and whiny to the other teens, they being lost in their own concerns. 
However, whatever the reason, I became and outcast and a bit of a recluse. I gave up going to vountary things because it was too painful to be at an event and stand in the corner by myself. There was such a hole in my heart and spirit. The stress of this time was beginning to mess with my high school homework and eating. By the 10th grade, I refused to go to church. 
I studied God at home, found books about God for teens at my counselors' office, did Bible Studies at the womens' Bible Study group. (helps being homeschooled!) 
God was filling that whole for me. I had a cross necklace I wore...and if a panic attack hit me, or I was just scared, I squeezed that poor cross hard enough to leave endents in my palm. I imagined I was hugging Him, or holding His hand. It was the only way for me to face the terrifying.
Once God was more settled into my heart, because of my focus....He began to bring things to mind. Things that would have come to my mind, but only so I could rehash how I was so right, the other person so wrong. 
There is a major difference when God brings our selfishness to life. He brings to mind the same image you always had before when mulling over something. The difference is, His Spirit asks you softly about it. That softness starts making us squirm, even want to hide. Maybe even try and explain and then slowly peter out....all we see is blatant sin. Evilness that now looks as if we had been zombies running about, inflicting pain on others. We had been taken over, by allowing the prince of the world to tempt us into not being in God's presence---just like Adam and Eve. We didn't need God. 

We do friends. Not just so we don't hurt the people we know, but so that we aren't hurtin ourselves with things that do not need to be said and apologized more than once. 
We are very selfish. We have such self love. All we need is the love of our Father, and then we have more love than we  woul ever hope to dream about.
  Now, thank the Lord, that with our salvation, He gives us the Counselor to help now, giving us a glimpse at His total love---the love that we will experience with such overwhelming fullness at the end of this age.