Anderson, Victory Over the Darkness
What happened to mankind emotionally because of the Fall? Gen 3.10
Today fear is a bottom-line emotion in our relationships and activities. If fear is controlling your life, then faith is not.
Fear is a monster in my life. Fear crippled me then before my RA and cripples me now. Fear has dug and continues to dig trenches deep into my life, wherein hides evil, snaking it's way like ever so many enemy soldiers deeper into my mind, soul and body. Fear cripples me into making different choices than I would if I was a braver being---choices to hide and escape rather than stand strongly.
Fear is a monster in most of our lives, if not constantly then in a hidden thing we never think about: cancer, sudden family deaths, disasters of various sources, jobs, future, singlehood, single-parenthood. Fear is a monster we allowed into the World upon telling God we could do it all. That monster has grown over the generations, as mothers teach daughters fear, and fathers teach sons fear, family and friends spread fear with the help of sinful forces by our worries and concerns. (Do not for an instant think I am blaming anyone....Fear is a monster we will not be completely rid of until Paradise)
The world is indeed a terrifying, horrible place. We must remember that the world was not meant to be this, and that our minds, souls and bodies were not meant to be bathed in terror---whatever the cause. I imagine this is yet another reason it is said so many times in the Bible to not fear; that, and the fact that Fear is, to me, another word for devil.
Reading the opening statement I wrote down so many months ago hits hard. Likely my faith is at low tide at the moment, struggling with the efforts of this disease and the things it makes me miss out on...and not being as dedicated in my studies as I was earlier.
If we do not continue in a constant, growing relationship, like any human relationship, it will wither. With a relationship that is forged with God, time away from Him will be quickly filled with attacks from this sinful world and the fallen ones in it. This, my friends, causes toxins to build up so absurdly fast as to create a spiritual sepsis.
Today is one of my lowest days, one I am not managing to perk up by positive thoughts. It is as if all the many things I have refused to mourn about for the last year have come crashing down on me, and I cannot help but weep.
God is with us at those times, times when we have keep painful things stuffed away (not especially healthy, but I do it without noticing) and they burst through a dam. If Jesus Himself wept at the death of a friend, God understands (and cries!) at the pain of this world. He most certainly holds us with a loving we cannot understand when we are most wounded at the world and sufferings.
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