Never Told Why

I am barely creeping about after spending...I honestly don't know how long asleep or mostly asleep. On the good side, I should have lost some weight because I rarely eat during those times, but another bad point is the ever increasing loss of muscle from my frame---which can lead to more pain. I squeezed in a couple of yoga poses to make certain of stretching some muscles to try and keep them in place. 
I am not in a super great place. Taking some steroids as a last-wild attempt to make it to a wedding...and while I think it is working and may work enough for me to stand to be there and see their joy...depression is creeping steadily in on me because I know once those medications wear off, I will be swamped again with fully swollen joints. I intend to spend more time the next days in Bible studies, because only by the strength of God can I take this illness on. 

Reading Oswald Chamber's Baffling something or other (brain is not working too well today---apologies) earlier speaks fully on Job. (Paraphrasing) It said that in all of Job, people with trials find comfort in the fact that Job continued in his belief of God even though throughout the entire book there is not an answer to "why?" questions. Although, as I recall, God speaks the last chapter(s) and states that who is man to ask of Him why, was man there when He created all about us etc etc. 

Now, then, I do not feel in my soul that God minds when we cry out to Him why things happen. After all, He is our heavenly Father...and Jesus asked, in great misery, why He had forsaken Him on the cross. I think it is more the attitude---are we asking as children or as "adult sinners" who really are so angry with God they do not fully believe. There I believe is the difference. 
I often ask God why I am sick. Why, when I seemed to almost be "told" by life occurrences to be a nurse that I am now so ill that that work is impossible. Why I am so ill that the thought of trying to be a mother would make me cry harder because I know how alone and abandoned they would feel at my sudden illnesses. Why I am missing things in my family's, friends' and in the world. 
I do not get an answer. And I may not ever get an answer. I do know that the other horrific times in my life could easily have primed me so that this battle is easier. I know that the other battles I have faced head on with my Lord were and are useful to those about me. 
I also know that Job was stripped of everything he had. And as Chambers pointed out, Job says he can see Him with his eyes; that is, he can still see God even with all the horrible and terrible things that have happened. Job, too, received an over-abundance of possessions after all of this, because of his determined faith in the Lord. (showed Satan did he not?)
Chambers also points out how Jesus said we must let go of our possessions to be His disciples, and really, if we do not let "go" of our possessions, when those possessions are ripped from our hands....we will go with them. If we do not have God as our number one thing in life, we will be destroyed by the loss of health, wealth, family, friends, etc., etc.
I cannot say why these things happened to Job ages ago, nor why they happen now. I am very grateful for those who share their battle stories with me, and how God has been with them, for that gives me deeper hope in my King.
I also know that someday all of us who have lost so much will meet Job's reward; some here, but most certainly in Paradise. I imagine it will be by far more than what Job was listed as having, for many of the people we have lost (and I hope animals) will be there. Best of all will be being in the glory of the Lord. Go in the peace of the Lord.