RA Post : I Remember

Sometimes I can't sleep if I don't write my thoughts down. Some end up here, some end up in my ever growing Bible study notebook...where they either end up here or remain silently hidden.
I remember so many things now showing signs of my impending disease. So tired all the time. And now I wonder if I would do things differently if I thought I would be as sick as I am now.
I am massively better than a year ago. A year ago I couldn't even read the Bible because I was too sick to concentrate. I once ran the DVD UP for three days straight and never saw a thing of it. Family members kept asking did I want something else on, or could they put something else on (if sitting with me). I shook my head...the movie was part of my medication, to drug me deeper into a stupor to escape sickness.
I knew RA was coming. I saw my sister's symptoms..and mine were getting more similar. Yet I did not know that RA made anyone this miserable. Everyone knows cancer makes one miserable...everyone knows having a baby is hard. No one knows RA can be this bad. I figured it was all in one's head. Get up anyway. Ignore the pain. Do exercise, eat this eat that ( which does help,  yes). Yeah. No.
So knowing my RA was coming was one thing. Had I known it could be so awful, maybe I wouldn't have worked on nursing. I loved the learning, I loved the job...but maybe I would have had worked at a coffee stand. Always thought that would be fun.
Yet we never know what may happen to us. What happens to us is generations of sin, sin that would be and will be death. Our bodies will be sick. Our bodies will malfunction. Our bodies will die. There is no stopping that.
I think that what accepting Jesus as our savior...heals and solidifies our souls. Before accepting Him, we are doomed to die in a cage of sin. Sin has poisoned the bodies of us for so long, so many generations poisoned by our each sinful choices, that while He could fix our bodies, I do not think that is His plan...we get our "fixed" bodies in Heaven. We still are so surrounded by sin, not even our own, it would perhaps poison us even if we were to be given new, fixed bodies. We would not be born in Paradise, but into sin. So our souls are healed, through Jesus' incredible suffering...and thus a healed self lives in an imperfect body. With the things handed us, we may curse or praise God...Yet the terrible things that come are not from God. We can use our trials, whatever they may be, to show the incredible power of God. how we continue to praise Him with our every breath.
I hate being sick, and missing so much. Yet I know my soul is healed, I shall see paradise, and I praise God for ever being with me, as my sin ridden body suffers from the consequences of sin.