Some Christians attest that God cares so much for us, He would never want any hurt or heartache to touch us. "Why if we really trusted in Him," they reasoned, "God would go to any length to release us from our pain. But is this so? While no one is saying God enjoys watching us struggle, Scripture indicates that He has no qualms about allowing suffering to wound us. But it never means He no longer cares. God certainly cared for Timothy, who struggled with frequent illness. He cared for James, run though with Herod's sword because of His testimony, He cared for John, exiled on a lonely island. He cared for Stephan, even though He was dragged away from the synagogue and stones.
God cared about Paul. He told him in his prison cell, "Take courage! As you have testified about Me in Jerusalem, so you must also in Rome." (Act 23.11) With that I'm sure Paul cast all his anxieties on the Lord. Yet he remained in custody for at least two years. Did God stop caring in those two years? Of course not! God answered His servant's prayer by giving him the kid of peace that God allowed him to write: Ph 4.12
God's care for you goes deeper than your comfort zones. The focus of God's care is your soul. And the expression of His care will be peace and contentment. It's a beautiful promise that reminds you of God's intimate concern whether your ill for weeks, bedridden for months or struggling within your marriage for years. Grab hold of that truth and hang on. No matter what.
I am so tired of being sick with RA. We try different therapies, and of course, I ask God to remove or at least lessen the effects of the disease. I am grateful that I have discovered I love God more now than I did eight years ago. I was reading shortly last night from J.I. Packer's Guard Us, Guide Us---highly recommend by the way! Reminds me to put a section listing books on my blog....but back to the book...He was talking about the ever popular yoke of the Lord, and how we can fight it or go along. Well, it must be that the Lord is on one side of me during my "coma" days where I cannot wake up, my nauseated days, my "normal" days. But it is comforting to think that He is right there, step by step, minute by minute. And I know He is, even though many in the world would find me irritating for my peace in Christ.
Oh, that does not mean I do not struggle. Writing this blog reminds me how good God is to me...otherwise I get lost in the murk that is pain and nausea. The fear that I will be in this same shape 2 years from now. 5. 10 years. 20 years. That is what is so hard to take. But...if it His will for me to be like this, then I will bring glory to Him through it.
I thought earlier in this RA battle that it was easier than the depression/anxiety/bulimia I had earlier. But, as time goes by, and I miss more and more, RA is the worse of the two demons. Whether they are demons or not I have no idea.
But God is there. Strong and mighty...yoked with me for every step I take, every breath I take.
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