My biggest fear is fear. I am terrified most of the time. I have to go to a rheumatologist appointment, and it terrifies me. Any other doctor visit terrifies me. I am getting to where I can go to my primary for med refills without stomach upset, but anything else terrifies me. I am terrified of the dentist.
Fear has controlled me and my life for so many years. It's kind of ironic that for me, one of my biggest fears happened. They always say most things you are afraid of don't happen. I was always afraid of being sick in any shape or form...and now I have a chronic illness, one that can, although usually doesn't, get very nasty to deal with.
The Bible says "do not be afraid" 365 times, I have read. My favorite verse is nearly a command to not be afraid. But I still fear and fear with all my little might.
Why? Why not just stop fearing? After all, I know God is right there, and that I am safe because I believe and love Him.
Emotions can become idols, so I would think fear is one for me. Fear is something I can always remember having, although what I was afraid of remains murky. Fear is my idol, the demon inside capturing me. We all have one.
I need to let it go. To rely on God.
Rheumatoid Awareness
RA Awareness Day
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