Small Words

Fear. 
What a small word that honestly does not describe the depths of what fear feels like. 
When I am last my sickest, delirious from fever swings, pain and nausea, fear builds and swoops in at my most logical moments. 
I begin to fear being alone. That my family dies, abandons me for some reason. That. I lay alone for days, no food even in the house because I've been too sick to go out myself for food, medication gone that gives me at least some relief. Absolute terror fills my very soul until I lay shivering in my bed, tears soaking my pillows and blankets. I cannot describe the terror of this. 
I did imagine, once, the terror that would be magnified if I had been or became paralyzed. Home alone, no way for me to eat, no way for me to move should a fire break out. 
I am a champion of fear. Always have been. 

I remember being around six. I loved, as I do now, to sing. I sat on the bumper of my father's work truck in the late summer afternoon belting out my own more-than-likely-dreadfully-done song. I sang over and over and over and over this:
"What would I do without Jesus? What would I do without Jesus? what would I do without Jesus? What would I do without Jesus?......I would be afraid! Oh, what would I do without Jesus, what would I do without Jesus? I would be afraid!"

Honestly I don't know what.it was I would be afraid of, then, that prompted my song. Death and no heaven? Or...what I mean towards, fear in general. I was terrified often even then in life, OCD working  overtime in most parts of my life. 

Incredible, though, that God influenced a six-year-old to sit and sing the same words for over an hour, until my voice gave out. Perhaps He sent me a message, since that memory is emblazoned on my soul as if in fiery letters. 

The Word tells us from the Old Testament to the New not to fear anything. The only thing we are to fear is God; I tend to think that is a fear-respect type fear. Like what we might have for our earthly father. This is God, the creator of all, of course we should fear Him. Yet the littlest children wanted (I always thought) in the story to climb on Christ's lap, lean against Him, tell Him their little child stories of their lives, the kitty next door, the way they gather eggs, or "help" mama or papa with whatever work as they grow and learn to do those jobs. He obviously wants us near, respecting Him, but oh! talking to Him about every little detail, trusting Him with our whole being. Are we not told to come to Him as little children? Do we not in faith, but also in our knowledge of Him and the scriptures? Oh, to lean against Him, cry tired joyful tears of being by His marvelous side, to tell Him things or say nothing at all; best of all, hear Him speak, explain the wonders of creation we do not know, or the works He did that were not written down. (See the last verse in the book of John). 

We are not to fear, but fear or worry or stress or whatever word you pick is altogether too easy to start. It's as if there is a broken record, skipping, skipping, skipping. The stress continues, the fear builds, the worry changes to a different worry or adds a worry. 
Those things come from the evil ones. Much like one cannot serve two masters, God or money, as Christ tells us, we cannot serve two masters, fear/worry/stress and God. 
How often has stress become a full focus? Worse, maybe for women, as stress comes out differently for most men 've met. But as a woman, and one with OCD, I will think something like "the boss 's going to be mad at me. The boss will be mad at me---the deadline is tomorrow, I won't make it. Oh no! I've got to go back and get groceries. Did I remember to pay that Bill? I better check. Oh, I need to make an appointment for a checkup. There's the phone ringing---hello? The car has a flat? No jack. Ok, I will come get you, but I need to come get groceries. And stop at your office?..." see? No where in that thought process or dialogue was God. 

Fear is a distraction. Fear will overwhelm us until we stop thinking about God. 
The incredible thing is, so often our stress and fear will be relieved---at least diminished---if we talk to God. If we go lean against the side of our heavenly Father, tell Him how scared we are. He knows of course...but what parent doesn't listen to the dearest of children when scared? Even when they know what the child is scared of? And this is our perfect Father!
Oh, dear reader, speak to Him. Ask for help with the stress, worry or out and out fear. Fear has no power in the realm of God, fear does not come from God. He is so very willing to lend strength to fighting fear, or He will banish the  Fear that very instant. He loves us so much, more than we can understand...
Fear has so often just left me, as if it went out a door and drove home. When I remember to ask for help against these things, the results are wonderful. Do not give up hope, or let worry destroy you. As much as we live in a cursed world...the medical world is linking more and more disease to stress and worry. Scientifically it is a bad thing. Spiritually it is a very bad thing. 
Call upon Him. He answers.