Magnifies

I've been so sick. I still never knew people could feel so terrible all the time. Not without facing cancer treatments or death. I haven't even been able to read...sick enough to not understand what I am reading. Too much effort to hold a book. Kindle light too bright for tired eyes. Worn out body and spirit with sick, sick, sick. 
Went to the hospital with terrible stomach  pain and sickness. I figured my gall bladder was going. So did the drs. All tests came back ok. So I am on carefate, which coats the stomach. Helps a lot. Until I eat. 
The point I'm making is I feel terrible most of the time. My thoughts are scattered, tears fly easily to my eyes from it all. I feel terrible, and the strain of my sickness hits my housemates hard. 
Even with all this, unable to hold or read the Bible--only recently been able to understand what I am reading, even in the most often read books----my "soul magnifies the Lord". 
I read of the prophets of old looking forward to the time of Christ. Looking forward and dreaming of the sights and sounds they might have seen and heard. And I dream of hearing His voice, seeing those things as however we might in Paradise as living glorification...videos if you will. All the miracles He did, the stories not told as mentioned in the last verse of the book of John. Can you imagine hearing His voice? Seeing Him? Oh! That we might hear and see today! That paradise, His second coming was this very millisecond!
My dreams for this are strong, probably because of my illness and suffering. My soul magnifies the Lord. If I could but tell the world in so many words what has been done in my own small life---what blessings. And those are only the ones I've seen and noticed! How many blessings do we have we do not see? I never saw the terrors of panic attacks and anorexia as being useful, ever...and yet they were extraordinary useful to this day. For myself and other people. I look forward to seeing what blessings and wonders have been done since the beginning of man someday, assuming we get to see such things. 
I feel like the woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years (can you imagine how ill she might have been!). If I could but touch the hem of His robe. Not even so much to be healed. But to touch the firstborn of all creation.  To touch the Master of my soul, the King of my life,  the Shepherd of my thoughts. To hear His voice calling to me, have the tears I've shed wiped dry. 
This world is difficult, often beyond words. But there is Something so incredible with us, Something so wonderful, amazing, powerful. And Something that rewards us for sticking with Him through the suffering of the world. Satan tries to break us. Get us to "join" his side...whether through heartbreak, sickness, whathaveyou. Read the parables on the grain, the sowing of wheat. Everything is thrown at us to try and drive us from God. The stronger we hold onto God, the stronger that grip gets, an unbreakable bond. He spilled blood for us, and when we hold on, ask for help to hold on...we are lifted from sinking in the sea. Never alone, never forgotten. Were any of the disciples lost from Christ? Barring Iscariot, who had long loosed his grip on Him. Nothing separated them from the love of God.