Carrying

Tonight, actually nearly morning, as i lay on five inches of foam padding in a couch which allows me to support my elbows properly to avoid increased pain...I think. I lay before an electric fan, blowing to cool my hot-with-inflammation hands and feet. I have those wonderful, amazing super soft silky blankets all about me. Three pillows. I have my water. I have my medications----however ineffective they may seem at times. My nausea and pain circles up and down. 
I have rheumatoid arthritis, and a more active than some case, a less active than others. 
And yet, as I lay here in my described position, I am blessed. God has seen fit to allow this difficulty, a blessing in some ways as you know, such as my chance to study deeper, but also has seen fit to show me my other blessings. I am able to not work, at least not more than my volunteer job and have food and medications, a home. A safe home. A chance to build up my strength after the worst year of my ra to date. A chance to see where I am in error as a sinner, something we avoid far too often and far to easily. 
This train of thought hits me after a conversation at work today...so I suppose in just had to make a point that we all need  reminding of. There are always blessings all about us, everywhere. It's harder to see them at some times versus others. When I feel my worst and hurt the worst I cannot see beyond the next breath I have to take. The next time I should take water to not get dehydrated whether I wantto drink or not. I cannot see my blessings then. 
However, we must take steps to see our blessings when we can---as often as we can. 
I know my Abba Father has not abandoned me. There are too many times He has answered my prayers for strength and peace during the worst moments of pain and nausea. Funny how I can forget, having some better days, to remember to cry out to Him when bad days hit again. Funny how we all.do that. 
Just remember the blessings you have. Ask for wisdom from God as to why a trial or difficulty has been placed in your path. The answer is sometimes more surprising that you might think. Or even more obvious than you thought. Mainly remember He is always so very willing to hold you close and carry the weight of the burden. More than anyone ever thinks He would; we neverthink that He died to be close to us sinners, the "lepers", we think He only died to save us. He did it all for a love we may never comprehend. You are so loved. So loved....and He is waiting to walk with you or carry you.