Contemptuous Soul

It would only take one contemptuous soul to foul our thinking. 
The Preacher and His Models, James Stalker

As I literally forced myself to study today, literally sitting myself in a chair and opening my "textbooks", this quote was among the first I read. 
What strikes me from it, on a day that irritation, agitation, and frustration reigns supreme, is the one soul bit. 
Stalker writes as though, and from the context, another's soul fouls our thinking. While this is certainly true and able to happen....the worst contemptuous soul to foul our thinking is our own.
Too much pity, too much pride, too much too much too much. Whatever it is, there it is, growing stronger and fouling our thinking. 
How often are we told to think of God, of godly things, righteous  things----to dwell on these things? And, a horrid question to ponder, how often do we do so?
I am much more irritable about my illness, I have less hope. The two year mark of this fight just hit me hard as if RA shouted in my soul it had won. I'd never be free of it. So, my soul fouled itself, listening to a physical complaint. I have chosen, quite literally to worship my disease, kowtow to its words. I've forgotten, by my own soul's decision, that there is better in the world simply by knowing God. 
Even so, with my deafness toward God because I was mistaken by two years of this horrible disease, He is still right there. Prayer is always my weak spot----at least the actually of talking. I adore sitting in silence, or being amazed at His world. Yet even with "forgetting" Him as often as I have, letting anger at my disease run my soul, He is always there the instant I call. it's like He is standing just out of reach, sadly shaking His head that i am choosing to fight all alone. Choosing to struggle with impossible emotions. Then i speak, I see Him. I remember the wonders my soul has experienced away from my control, but from His, even in the worst moments of my RA.     
Yes. One contemptuous soul can foul our thinking. And often, that soul is our own.