So, with the addition of methotrexate (an antimetabolite, or "chemo" medication), I think that possibly, with great hesitation, that I may be doing better.
I had a huge victory yesterday. I drove about five miles away to see a friend, visited for two hours and drove home.
I have not done that in over a year.
I talk about facing and fighting fears...as that has been my pet monster all these years. After being so sick for so long, and so used to going from fine to wanting to melt onto the floor with nausea, has made me have an old enemy raise his ugly head.
Agoraphobia. Fear of leaving the house and being in large open areas---generally with people. This one has a different slant, since I am afraid of becoming super sick and not being able to drive, or just being sick in a place that is not home, not my "safe" spot.
My trip to my dear friend's was a wonderful victory--even if I flare next week for some random reason. Any victory over this disease, over the pet monster, is one I celebrate loudly.
There is a song I love because, while not all of it fits my situation, it is a good victory song for many battles fought----no matter how small the victory was. God is with you, He is with me. Hold tightly to Him and take that very scary first step. I imagine that heaven rejoices those victories. After all, they are against the prince of this world.
Independence Day----Martina Mcbride
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