My day. My day never starts and my day never ends. It seems never ending....
Last night was a hard night for me. There are days I just have to mourn the fact I can't do what the normal person does, what I could do months earlier.
So some tears were shed, and I cried out to God. I don't know that I got an answer except in that all my readings have been on how sufferings iron us into being more like Christ. Sometimes that makes me think I don't want to change at all...but it's like a child, I suppose. Most children do not want to go to bed, be potty trained or change in any manner at all that is not totally their ideas...yet if children completely controlled their lives they would kill themselves with some accident.
Therefore, some great change must be needed in my life. My table manners are not adequate or some such thing--and whether this disease will lighten or not remains to be seen.
It's always easier facing this struggle in the light of day, following sleep. Sleep makes such a difference in one's ability to face suffering, whatever it might be. Now, at this point, my depression of yesterday's pain/exhaustion seems ridiculous in a way. Why be so upset? Yet I know that I will swoop into another phase of depression--however short lived it may be. I have fought that demon too many times to let it catch me, but it will catch me momentarily.
So, I have not read my Bible yet, no verses to share...just a question from my devotional: Are you willing to take your own suffering to become more like Christ? Can you say yes and remain faithful as you walk through your fiery trial, whatever it may be?
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