The Most I Have to Do

One can feel incredibly worthless when chronically ill. My sister, who has children and RA, says she focuses on telling her kids that she will love them always no matter what...because she cannot do as much with them as she would like. 

I spent the few thinking-able days while bed ridden feeling so worthless. Unable to work or even walk is devastating. 

Really, though, as I read today in my Bible Study by Henry Blackwell, it doesn't matter what I do. I don't really have to do anything. I only have one thing that is important. Here are some passages from the day's work and my thoughts:

"Your walk with God (Father, Son, and Spirit) is the single most important aspect of your life...If you knew all you had was a relationship with God, would you be totally and completely satisfied?...Scripture leads us to understand that God is saying "I want you to love Me above everything else. When you are in a relationship of love with Me, you have everything there is"...you do not need to do anything to feel fulfilled. You are completely fulfilled in a relationship with God."

Having been sick in bed these last five months, unable to do anything...having God with me has been so important. I cannot even begin to express what having God constantly with me as I lay day after day alone in bed means. I had Someone there, I could imagine Him holding my hand, holding ME in His arms and rocking me as if I were His dearest child through the pain and the nausea, talking constantly to me with His Word and peace. I have been given such joy in the midst of suffering.
 Knowing that I do not need to do anything, a job or career to be completely fulfilled is so helpful, and makes me know I am not worthless. God loves me because I am His child, His beloved child. He is pleased with me because I strive to know Him and love Him so very much. I am never alone, my Father is always with me and will never leave me. 

"God did not create you for time; He created you for eternity." 

I realized something today as well. Whenever something "bad" happens, we ask God to take it away. Fear, sickness, poverty, struggles. Often we are extremely frustrated when God seemingly does NOT take it away. Some leave Him because of this supposed unanswered prayer. 
He does answer...it just is not in our "time frame". I will not be in pain forever. My pain will be healed with entrance to eternity. 
Why doesn't God take it away now? I think it is because we can be a light through our suffering to others. Those who remain faithful to the King and Master through the worst of the worst are the most powerful to watch. Who, besides our God, encourages the most? Not those who have easy lives;if anything it is more frustrating. Instead, it is those who suffer the most who mean the most. Those who have had hard walks help us the most...I do not look to those who have walked a blissful life, I look to those who have faced trials seemingly beyond hope. We cluster to them. 
We also ask God to completely take something away. Maybe it would be better to ask for the strength to bear up under it. Paul asked to have his thorn removed, yet it was not...Jesus asked to be spared, yet by His willingness, He saved us all. Is our willingness to suffer sufferings possibly something that will "save" someone by showing them our strength through God---that they will look to the Savior because we withstand our own difficult walk? Would that not make any suffering worth it all? 

I do, always, wish my Healer would take my burden...but I changed my prayers slightly...I still ask for healing, but I now also ask for strength if it is not God's will to remove my illness. And since then, it has been easier to be in pain, and I have been blessed with better days. Praise be to the King! 

 

Psalm 103

Of David.

¹ Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

⁶ The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.

⁷ He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel:
⁸ The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

¹⁹ The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰ Praise the Lord, you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his bidding,
    who obey his word.
²¹ Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
    you his servants who do his will.
²² Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.