My worst crisis of Faith. I find people never talk about these things, and after continuing my reading of Phillip Yancey's "Search for the Invisible God", I thought it would be great to share mine.
I was in a relationship with someone who drastically changed their own faith. How poisonous that was for me. The person argued with every word in the Bible, as to whether that word really was the word being used, or what it meant...but the thing that just about ruined everything for me was the insistence that God and Jesus were not the same person.
I had always believed that every word in the Bible is God-breathed, and what it says is exactly what it means. Jesus says multiple times in the Gospels, "I AM"...but the person said that wasn't said in Hebrew, so it did not mean Jesus was God. Now, looking back and writing this, it seems so foolish that I was swayed and disturbed so much by this, but I was.
Everything I came up with as proof the person shot down with poison. I got more and more confused, more and more distraught, and nearly lost all faith.
I was determined not to loose my God, my King, my Savior. The Being who had helped with my anorexia years ago, dealing with abuse and terror. I delved into the Word deeper than I ever had to that time. I found my answer.
15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19 For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him
Phillip Yancey discussed people leaving Jesus and Jesus asking the Disciples if they were leaving too. Peter answered: "To whom would we go?" I thought that was so true, in that moment of crisis and of my walk today. Where would I go if I left God? To leave my King and perfect Family and go to what? Absolute emptiness? To be alone with my suffering in the watches of the night? To have no purpose in this life, even with my RA limiting what I can do---if I had not the purpose of praising God and loving Him, there would be nothing. Nothingness. Yes, I have human obligations, but I cannot do many of them from my bed. I can always praise God and honor my Lord to the fullest. I pray that I do.
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Sicker the last couple of days. Having a really hard time feeling like eating or getting up at all. It's an effort to make it to the bathroom, or even write at all. Have had a hard time reading the Word at all from feeling bleh. Exhausted. Sore. Ache.
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