There are still moments, especially when RA symptoms recede to an annoying on-hold song, that I forget I have it. Glorious moments of escape----shopping at a local thrift store, laughing uproariously at the stories my husband finds on the radio and internet.
Then...as the joy of the moment leaks away, and the on-hold song turns into something more annoying: increased pain in the knees, the dreaded ache of the TMJ being filled with angry RA crazed cells that undoubtedly cause a severe migraine lasting days. A flare sends me into near coma-nauseated stupidity.
A crash from joy into sorrow.
While not always as "noticed", we manage a similar crash when go back to our dear little godlett selves.
When in a deeper communion with Christ, Spirit and Father, joy is a more solid investment. The joy is sometimes one of a girl becoming engaged, being accepted into the long-dreamed of college, etc.; that is, a high and quicker joy, but the joy is also a steady warmth of a good marriage---or being tucked safely into a favorite couch with a grand book and cup of something to drink. A long-burning joy that is never lacking, never failing, never fading.
Our main issue is that it is a constant struggle to maintain a deep commitment. It is not the fault of the Rock, as one of the earlier posts discussed. The failure of joy is purely a human concept. I can decide to sit and bemoan my illness when it becomes worse and worse, or I can swallow those words and refuse to dwell on them. Admittedly, being human and weak, it gets the better of me.
If, however, I have maintained my relationship with God, I find that the disappointments of life are so much easier to swallow. Meaningless and petty.
In some ways, the verse mentioning the spiritual battles all about us make me thing of something beyond the normal ideas floating about. I suddenly think that it is also about making certain that our spirit is in contact with the Spirit. If I give,say, the disappointments regarding running and leaping as I did in days of old (and hopefully in days of future) the power to sadden and overwhelm me, I have created a god. I have given power to devilment by not choosing to dwell on things above. Slowly the creature I create from sadness, fear and worry grows into a monster to kneel before in worship as it demands even more sadness, fear and worry.
God is really so very easy to reach out to. Confessing sins is a big part in making a deeper relationship I have found. Even sins long, long ago and nearly forgotten. After all...it is our "best of the best" friend who knows the secrets of our hearts---and rarely do they know them all. He already knows every single thing about us, right down to our very cells. Imagine knowing someone that well...can you honestly feature NOT caring for them? Knowing God is a life-long experience...but the joy that can be found and held during the hardest and the best of times---the good, long-burning solid joy, is irreplaceable.
No comments:
Post a Comment