Running Off a Cliff

 Rather than constantly worrying about what you will face, your great challenge is to continually release every area of your life to God's control.---Experiencing God devotional, Henry Blackby

My greatest fear and semi-constant worry is thus: that I shall grow elderly, more ill than I am now due to the course of disease and the likely addition of more autoimmune disease...and be utterly alone. To face days alone and in bed alone, no one at all to check and see if I might want water. No one to help me get to a doctor. No one to help me in the grocery store or to cook if I am too sick to even stand being up long enough to boil water. That fear envelopes me, especially at night, but to the point of crying jags of terror at facing that thought.
As a younger person that thought, although illness hits nearly every elderly person, is often far from our minds. Life is too busy and full of goals to even much have hit upon the thought. 
I have hit on it, and I have hit on it hard. Very hard. It is one of my constant companions. 

Yet I know that it is all in God's hands. I find that we face more "psychological" misery the more we are "against" (in other words forget) God. I do not think that this is so much, or necessarily, sent by God, but more the fact that if we are not constantly in thought of Him. We were created to be constantly in thought of Him, in His presence, in the safety of His garden.
Much like that time in the garden, however, we "decide" whether consciously or unconsciously to march across our time-line without "being still and knowing He is God". It is, after all, so much more fun that way, right? If living like this, we are in complete "freedom"---one with our dreams and aspirations. 

Yeah. Right. 
We then also have absolute delight of facing terror, trials and worries without God. No, do not mistake me; He is still there, walking beside us, waiting to help us (and probably doing so)...but He is waiting too for us to call on Him, to remember, yet again, that to walk without God is to taste the fires of Hell. 

Forget about the false freedom we think that we have, the false freedom we think we are seeking. The only true freedom, the freedom from fears, worries, the help with trials and troubles, comes only when walking in step with God----not pulling sideways against the yoke like an untrained ox or green-broke colt. And, as a life-long farm girl, let me be succinct. There is little as stubborn or stupidly dangerous (like running off a cliff to do what it wants) as a young steer or horse.