Then Balak said to Balaam, "Come, let me take you to another place. Perhaps it will please God to let you curse them for me from there." Num 23.27
Here is a perfect example for us today. Balak was the King of the Moabites. The Israelites had been traveling along, asking permission to go through various kingdoms---and usually the kingdoms seemed to decide it would behoove them to attack and kill the Israelites. However, this did not work well, as the Israelites were completely destroying any kingdom that attempted the feat.
Balak was worried, and all of Moab with him; therefore, he contacted Balaam. Balaam came, and having been warned by an angel (remember Balaam's donkey talking?) to only say what God had said, refused each time and place that Balak took him to curse the Israelites.
This, as I said, is a perfect example for us today. As we march about in life, we ask God for certain things. Now, we may not get an answer right away, or we may not get the answer we like, so we ask again and again--changing our words, or the way in which we ask to "force" God's hand, much as Balak did by asking Balaam to simply move to another location.
We may even be behaving in a sinful manner, and be completely aware of the sinfulness, yet we will figure that if we just shift it around in some secret, special way, we too will get the answer of "Yes! That is ok! It is no longer a sin!" to our sin. (Hate to say it, but it never works that way...the sin will catch up to you, and yes, it remains a sin...) Let us just say such-and-such about our sins, or let us change this, or let us pray that way and it will all be sinless.
We may even go about things which are overall good...but not, as we even know in the deepest parts of our souls, the part of life that is our area of work. We will just work harder, force it! It is what must happen! Let us arrange the altars and the cattle for sacrifice just so, and it will be right!
We know, really, that all prayers are answered (just keep a prayer journal and you will indeed be surprised at the answers---also in relief that some things WERE NOT answered as you wished!), yet we, feeling "trapped" in time become infinitely impatient and strive to force a quick answer. Or worse, make an answer. We know God is listening, deep in our hearts...yet we rush headlong into things without hardly a second-glance.
We know, really, the sins that haunt us and that they are sins. Those things that make us cringe, either in defiance and stouthoodedness that it is righteousness after all, or those sins that make us cringe in fear someone will find them out.
We know, really, that this particular thing we are trying to achieve is not in our gifts, yet by pride want praise for filling a hole in service, or else want praise for being "so amazing, why didn't you before?". We know...we just do not think of God.
God is a just, holy, loving Father. And as such, He answers prayers as what is best for us, even if it does not seem like it. I certainly cannot understand why God does not remove and heal my RA, yet it has crushed much (if not all) of my pride, smashed my independence, obliterated my self-righteousness in knowledge, and destroyed my wordly dreams (to an extent, of course). I have had more time for Bible studies than ever in my life...strangely, as I have said, something I prayed for right out of RN school...
God sends us that cringing-feeling so that we may honor Him by upright lives. Ignoring that is shunning the Spirit...Another time of choosing to be our own little gods, sitting on His throne. Which, of course, works so very well.
God sends us all gifts, so that we may work in the world and body well for Him. He does change and send people on missions they do not want to do (Moses, for example, dreaded having to go get the Israelites, and had a horrid time being the leader until his death). We are often stretched, and this is indeed a good thing. However, as I know of myself...we LOVE to stuff ourselves into holes we do not belong. I am not, for example, a great leader. I am not one to command respect or attention. Perhaps someday, but not now. I am, instead, a good helper; a side-line worker. The quiet one. And if I do try and stuff myself, a circle, into that triangle hole, I end up looking a fool, and the whole thing flops. We need to pay attention to our gifts, and things we naturally gravitate too---all the while paying attention for times to stretch and grow. For God uses us in places we never expected to be; all the while we were looking in one door, He was leading us to another.
Praise Him that He knows where we best fit!
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