RA Post: Loss

I seem to have picked up a cold. It is not very bad, but I am so tired. I have slept most of each day from Friday on. Some on Thursday, I believe. 
So naturally I am flared up. My knees and elbows and jaw, hands and feet are killing me. Imagine knives stuck in each joint.....a bad sprain. That sort of describes it. But with more radiating pain. 
This always makes me depressed. I see the years stretching out before me, the additions of other autoimmune diseases. The shortening time I have left to try and work and keep my RN license. 
I find life very confusing. Nursing was something that seemed to be forced upon me...........and yet here I am. Half bed ridden. True, i work half heartedly on a research project in hopes of changing the autoimmune world for patients.....but this illness after the seeming goal of nursing. Is very confusing. I really thought I was to be a nurse, yet it seems now that I am not to be. 
My purpose is God. My purpose is this blog. My purpose is my husband and family. For there is little more I can manage.....I still find the possible loss of my license heart breaking. Like a literal chunk of my heart is being ripped out.