Why Questions

"But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what has formed me say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?" Rom 9.20-21

"You turn things upseide down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'He did not make me'? Can the pot say of the potter, 'He knows nothing'?"Is 29:16

"Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds of the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, "He has no hands'? Is 45.9

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand." Job 30.4
(see also the whole of Chapter 30)

I love how, when one reads Scripture, something almost always pops out at one. It may require shuffling around in a few different books of the Bible on certain days to find something...but it really is rare to find absolutely nothing. I fear that those "nothing" days have more to do with our sin nature than much else. Perhaps our hearts are not open to hearing and seeing; perhaps we do not ask for wisdom when we see "nothing".
These last weeks have been especially trying because I just melt. I get up, start to do something for the day, and within 4 hours, find myself laying down. I almost cannot help it---if I don't GO and lay down, I just start half laying down in "my" chair at the kitchen table. Usually staring miserably at the wall, the table, or the floor. May as well lay down, there is some hope a quick nap will restart me.
Such a life is trying. I like to be social, I like to be busy, I loved nursing.
I find myself begging and begging God for healings, for reasons of this magnitude of pain (and sometimes nausea). Why? Why? Why?
Funnily enough, I found the opening verse again on Sunday, after thinking why questions all week. I don't think, necessarily, God minds us asking questions...but the thing is these questions are not the ones that are important. They are the questions that become their own version of a god.
For instance, if I spend my days asking why I am sick, scouring the Scriptures for a reason, I am most likely missing the bigger picture. And I doubt that I ever completely stop asking why on my worst days, or that I stop asking for healing---if nothing else, some relief!
When we ask these why questions, who are we focused on? "Why do I have RA?" etc.
Ourselves. We are then fully occupied with our own little beings. To an extent we need to be, but it cannot overtake our worship and glorification of the Lord. If I spent every day all day for the rest of my earthy days asking about only my RA, never praying for anything nor anybody else, I would be extraordinarily selfish. How much of our prayers, in general, are worshipful anyway? We often just pray for what we want, "need", or feel guilty about.
There is more to a life relationship with God than why questions. And while my why questions of ten years ago have been answered, I doubt my why questions of today are answered immediately.Greater wisdom is available than the answer to such why questions. The point is to walk in faith, "remember[ing] you will never be fatherless" (Little Women, L.M. Alcott, in regards to their sick father and the fact God is always there).