I don't feel good. Every time I eat I know it was a bad idea. Tonight even popsicles are not sitting well. I get the sugar free ones...when I feel bad they help me keep hydrated, give me a few calories by the juice in them, and sometimes help me feel a little better. Popsicles are an RA girl's best friend. That and zofran.
I don't want to do this. I don't want to be sick. I watch the world spinning by, and I miss everything: weddings, babies, jobs, careers. I get the joy of taking cancer medications without an end date of treatment, or, as it appears to not happen in my family, remission. I am missing what should be the healthiest time in my life, and spending it instead in a fog of pain, nausea and fevers. I am missing so much, and yet so often do not realize or notice because of how bad I feel.
I find out more every day how this disease was tainting my life from childhood. I am so tired, so tired of being tired, tired of being sick.
I won't give up, no. This is just a glimpse into the torture of rheumatoid arthritis.
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