A Battling Soul

Finding God.   Larry Crabb

I knew that I could not survive life outside the Garden unless I knew God better. The battle raging in my soul was one I knew I could not win. 

RA is, for me, not a battle raging in my soul, more my mind. As I discussed previously, I am leaning on God differently than when I was anorexic/bulimic. I need comfort from God, a strength to provide comfort to deal with the pain and the idea of a lifetime of illness.

When I was battling the anorexia (no other definition fits, but by the diagnosis terms, I had anorexia NOS---not otherwise specified--which means it is not in the same category as "normal" anorexia.) At that point, with massive clinical depression and severe anxiety disorders, I needed God's strength to battle the turmoil in my soul. A time of terror had entered my life, caused by many many things that will remain secret as they are not needed for this discussion. (However, let it be said that the things that helped develop my issue(s) are no longer in place).
That time was a time that showed me, in even more depth, how we need God to survive. This place, this broken, sad world is horrible. It is nearly Hell, but for the presence of God. We need to lean on Him, listen to the Counselor sent us. That is the only way to find a place of emotional, mental, spiritual and physical rest----even in the worst of the worst experiences.
I watch the world about me, and see so many hurt people, trying to find comfort and strength. Drugs, illicit and legal, exercise, projects to "better" the world (a good thing, some of these), friends, family, rampant sex, even hatred. These things fail us...drugs cause damage when in excess (or not as well), projects fail, we age and fall apart, friends and family abandon us. There really is only one answer.
The time I spent with God in battling my depression, anorexia, and anxiety issues was terrible; something I would never wish upon anyone. Yet, it has been a blessing. I have always been super attuned to the emotions of others---total strangers nearly have signs on their faces that scream at me whether they are sad, mad, depressed, scared. With the battle I have fought, and within a few years was very open about, I can help those people who have such deep hurts as I had. 
God was so good to me, He gave me such strength to handle one of the hardest times in my life, and to then use that experience to help others in similar hard times. I was the nurse who was not afraid of patients with "mental health" diagnoses. Those people just hurt, really really badly. 

I have come to believe that there are many things that God can help us with---more than we maybe realize. As I said, I am relying on Him in a different manner than previous difficult times. God has many different sides...different ways that we can get strength, comfort, love and discipline. He cares for all parts of our lives...not just when cancer hits. He cares for us as we clean our homes, or walk the dog. We can call on Him, talk to Him, listen, read the Word and absorb knowledge from the Counselor at all times. If a parent is interested in the aspects of the child's day...why would not our Heavenly Father care? He listens. Sometimes we are just told no, or to wait. But He is there, does listen and oh, how much He loves us.