Never Alone, Even in the Deepest of Deeps

I have not been able to write. I have not been able to write this tale...because the experience is so incredibly horrible to describe, so incredibly miraculous and incredibly one of the strongest shouts of love from God to me. I am sobbing trying to write this. 

I was sent into a depression worse than I have ever have with pain spiraling out of control. I have never wanted to die so much in my entire life---no one can live through such misery as I was in physically by pain, mentally by suffering, emotionally by despair. 

Anyone who has been in deep depression knows the mind shuts down. That is the only way to describe it. Thoughts begin to vanish, or are a garbled version of oneself.
In a moment of desperation, I gather what mental thought I could muster and cried out to God, "Help me! I can't stand this, I can't do this, I can't live this way!" It was such a scream of anguish in my mind as to not even be those words---there were no words, just a scream of emotions and suffering, one sob, moan, cry after another.

While my depression reigned strongly, and thoughts remained scattered...I got an answer. 

I was not healed of my pain and suffering. I was just wrapped into the arms of God, and rocked as a father might a sick child...a child who must wait out the disease of flu, or a earache. In the midst of the worst agony I have ever felt, the scream I uttered was answered with the biggest outpouring of love, compassion and empathy I have had in some time. In a time of deepest, darkest misery...He answered and held me close, dear, loved beyond all reason.