Opinions and Senses

Jonathan Edwards: Thus there is a difference between having an opinion that God is holy and gracious, and having a sense of the lovliness and beauty of that holiness and grace.

I am not entirely certain I have not used this quote before--but alas, it is a new favorite anyway, so we will discuss it.
With a chronic illness that this far has been undeniably rough---I would say even at the opinion of my physicians---is the risk (and positive proof) of depression. Here I am with a disease which has little chance of remission; how fortunate are those with treatable, controlable conditions!
Indeed, depression nearly overwhelms me but for my times of release, such as now: a break from fevers, severe, bed-thrashing, moaning pain, and nausea that would kill a person not still fattened from prednisone...
It is even in those horrible times that I KNOW, with full certainty, God's extent of Love, Grace, Kindness. Oh, the tears fall now as I write, knowing from the last few days spent in Bible work what Love He truly has for us. 
It is not an opinion that God loves me, cares for me...and I believe weeps with me (Book of John, when Lazarus has died) when I weep over illness. No amount of "opinions" would count worth diddly-squat when I am at my sickest. Opinions feel more like someone throwing rocks at my prostrate body....Opinions do not wrap me in the Love of God, as at my weakest and semi-weakest I feel His Spirit "hugging" me with His love, passion, concern. 
No. We must be certain of these things, for one, we are more solid in our own faith, and two, it is more helpul to others.. 
Consider the concrete writings of the apostles. They are firmly convinced of God's love---nothing on this broken earth will convince them otherwise, even up to torture and devilment. The certainty of God's love is the license that ensures we cannot be stopped from being with Him and His Love, Grace, Joy. If we merely have the "opinion", we will be swayed, lose focus, and possibly washed overboard in the storm. 
Faith takes great practice. Practice meaning "doing". much like a nurse or doctor. If a nurse or doctor stop being in the medical field, and do not continue educating themselves about medicine....quite frankly I would be afraid to be in their care. Faith, therefore, requires practice. We may even have to force ourselves when things are "right" with the world. Dedicate oneself to deeper and deeper study of the Word, the prayer-comunication system (my weak spot) and other forms of worship. Better yet, do so with the idea of searching for something----like my recent search to see how all the Word points in some way to Christ. It is becoming a truly amazing experience to witness the Old Testament come so alive, more so than ever before. 
Grace and Peace to you from our Lord an Savior. May He truly be with you and bless you.