We have all experienced losses; some small, some great. And it is remarkable how losses, regardless of how small, come back over and over to haunt us. Deep reminders too, that we lost our safe home in Paradise.
Losses and how we respond to them show how we are deeper---are we rooted solidly enough to withstand losses (with God's help, naturally)? If we are not, there is major risk that will lead to total destruction on our part. We cannot take on losses ourselves, because losses are so unnatural to the world, and what it was supposed to be like. It is wrong, it is not how it was supposed to have been. There should have been the sort of life that only dreams now barely touch the surface of.
I think that thus far, rheumatoid arthritis is one of the hardest losses I have encountered. I have lost the ability to function as a nurse due to my inability to drive. I either sleep constantly because of a flare, or cannot sleep at all. I cannot stand car rides most times, and I cannot sleep in a bed even with a foam topper on it. I lost who I was, and doing that is never an easy thing, nor an enjoyable process.
The waves of loss are sometimes more apparent with a physical issue---maybe even to other people. But the losses that are not seen are incredibly hard.
Most of the losses we have that really haunt us are those related to love or other emotions. A lost engagement, divorce, death of a parent, child, spouse. Or even a pet, as I have felt very upset about many of my pets.
Losses that include jobs, homes and other things can also create waves of remorse. And even this is emotional.
We crave something that is permanent, never changing. We do not like the unpredictable, we want to have full control and make sure that every appointment we make, ever commitment to a person we love, remains forever. We do not want to think about the other option: loss. We work our best to make certain that there is this constant, and that everyone follows the program.
It can't happen. There is no consistency on this broken planet. The weather is insane and ever-changing, hurricanes and earthquakes pop up, and we ourselves as humans wreck havoc on the world.
What we really are longing for is Home. We are longing for the time when we are with Him, even if we do not know it, or even think about it in so many words. We long so desperately in our hearts and spirit to be in the Garden once again, strolling in the afternoon by His side. We know, even those who do not have faith, that this world is wrong. It was not meant to be like this.
Even with our worst losses...we are not alone. Those losses mean nothing, and are meaningless when we start focusing in on God.
I have watched a lot of people with RA on support groups...and those with faith appear stronger in spirit. They may be in agonizing pain or a sudden divorce, but they have Him by their sides, they know they will see Paradise.
How are we supposed to be in a position that we, with God, are handling losses? Honestly, I think it is not something that is done, per se, but something that can happen as the relationship between God and ourselves develops. The better you know someone, the better you know if the person should be trusted or kept at arms' length. Each trial that comes by offers two choices: Will you call out to God and make the choice to lean on Him? or will you make the choice that God is obviously not loving since He didn't make the house not burn down? With each successive "lean" choice, the relationship with Trinity deepens, and relying becomes easier. A hardening of the heart away from the slandering tongue or the liar of liars. Make your choice. Stick with it. And those waves of loss will lessen...often to the point that, even when it is hard, the hardest thing to have to face yet.....it barely shows on your mind. The emotions are gone; He is holding you too tight for them to knock you flat.
So. Which choice are you making today?
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