Sin Nature Screams

While finally beginning to possibly reach the goal of nursing again.....there is a tremendous and overwhelming wave of depression beating upon my soul. 
I am on a mission to contemplate that this evening,  wondering at the drives in me at this point and the change in them. Let me attempt to explain. 
We all have someone we would drop anything to do something for the;a parent, a spouse, a child, a niece or nephew, a best friend. If they called in the middle of the night needing the hospital, we would be there. no questions. 
So as I consider the wave of depression, caused somewhat by the terror and sincere thought that when Fall weather hits so goes my health, I have to consider another option. 
Different "drives" are sorting themselves, as happens with us as we are shaped with trials and burdens. The question we have to ask ourselves is this: am I dropping everything when an opportunity presents itself? 
I have the chance, now, to work again.......and yet filled with the age old enemy fear and depression.  I am hindering myself in what "I"want, but also something far more important.  
Am I being the best servant of those about me when I am living in abject fear of something that "might" happen? I am behaving as Peter did while walking on water. Do I look to my own concerns or to God's? 
I am a weak willed, fearful, depressed, angry person. there is nothing I can do without God. I am only fooling myself when I "do" something without God. For we do absolutely nothing without God. There are verses all through the Psalms speaking of His holding the world together. Check out Col 1.15 at the top of my blog. 
We should consider all the endeavors placed before us as a chance to be a servant, both of God, but also, of other people. How can I be anything to anyone wallowing in fear? How can you be anything to anyone because of your weakness ? Yet if I push through my fear with the strength of God, I am able to work for Him, but also show my weakness by stating my fears. If we share how we, with God's help, battled depression, prom, drugs, whatever sin it is, we help others see how God can help. Using our flaws to reach out to others is a great tool to honor God with...for no one can have the mindset of depression and honoring God at the same time. You will pick one or the other to honor. And in personal experience, honoring God is much more pleasant, even as our sin nature screams the opposite.