Breaks Heart

Being sick breaks my heart. I have always been, overall, healthy. The only thing that stood out was I have been tired for years. I never imagined would be near 30 and be where I am now. I sometimes feel gyped out of so many things.
When I took anatomy and physiology as a prerequisite for nursing, I was blown away by the fact that, technically, the body should not age or be sick. The design of the human body is incredible. We go from a flat disc of cells to what we are today. Our bodies will change bone structure based on use in order to better withstand use, our immune system should always be able to recognize foreign cells.. Yet, with the action of sin, we chose to be gods. And in choosing this, we chose to live a life of death. as our own god, we have no control over.....well, anything. Our control is a lie.    
I look forward to Paradise. Now is a time of great comfort from God as we withstand the trials of a broken world, waiting until such time as when the last prodigal is gathered. Yet a time of infinitely better comfort is to come. I adore the passage regarding every tear shall be wiped dry, for I have shed many many years in my life. 
Cry out to Him for the strength, the peace, the joy, the love you feel is missing from your life. I have found that the more desperate, true from the heart pleas are answered with such swiftness. Remember our every battle is watched by the spiritual relalm----such that in Ephesians it is said that the wisdom of God is revealed through man (4 I think). I know there is a verse somewhere which speaks of angels rejoicing when we make a godly choice. How terrible it must be when we go ahead with ungodly choices!
I write this to strengthen my resolve to call....for too often I sink into despair, depression, and misery at my health and current status. Far too often I think only of myself, not what I might do for others, even in my limited capacity. Sometimes, too, all we can do is something for ourselves, focusing on strengthening our relationship with God.