Well, I wrote my new rheumatologist, who I DO like, though we haven't had more than one appointment in person. In this game, if you LIKE a doctor the FIRST visit, and it continues that way, you should count yourself LUCKY.
Many doctors end up with a "god" complex. I suspect that it is somewhat necessary to maintain sanity. If you think about it, all doctors are fully responsible for your health. They need to make right diagnoses, they need to choose the right medication for your disease and your other conditions....and face the thought that they might possibly cause the death of a patient. It might not even be the doctor's fault---I had many patients who were taking herbal things that do not mix well with modern medications. Believe it or not, medical providers need to know what vitamins, supplements and other remedies you use. St John's Wart for example mixes BADLY with many drugs, as well as many other herbal things.
Anyway, I wrote to my doctor. We are going to go ahead and start Remicade. I am less apprehensive about it than I was. I just...I dunno. I was really worried about taking it. Partially because I need to take methotrexate with this medication, and I thought, oh, great, even if I get well, I can't have kids. However, the doctor and I have a plan in case I respond well to Remicade, to do a different medication, so I could have children. At this point, it really doesn't matter.
Imagine, really, spending five and a half years basically being a child again yourself. Its awful facing the fact you need other people to do so much for you, help you get places.
Should I manage to go back into home health, or whatever nursing I might go back to, I sure will have a different view of medical care. Ignorant friends and family, ignorant medical providers, the insane stupid feeling one gets when needing help with stuff one has been doing on their own for ages. It would be maybe better if one was elderly---feel that you have had a life, it was expected. Being young makes it hard. However, I've learned not to belittle anyone's health struggle, and I am sure it not easy to be older and be ill, either.
Overall, reader, maranatha. Amen
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