I just finished a terrible three and a half hours. And i don't at all think it is done. They have diagnosed me with chronic diaphragm spasms...so basically I have "side stitches". But they are much worse that any side stitch, because these involve all of my diaphragm, not just a smaller section as with the classic side ache. This diagnosis also makes my life make more sense...because I have always had terrific hiccups. If I don't get a sip of water within the first two hiccups, I will have them for up to 6-8 hours. They continue to get more violent as well. This is a similar spasm, but self-limiting normally. I also have terriblee, sudden, out of the blue nausea...this is also related to the spasm, as this upsets the working of the stomach. My pain is also sending spasms into neck and abdomen. I am unable to talk, think or breathe very well in these episodes, which have been falling about every 2 hours or less, and lasting anywhere from five minutes to six hours. It is the worst pain I have felt ever in my whole life, and is totally crippling. If I did drive, I wouldn't dare, because I cannot function when this kicks in.
Since I have been in so much pain, indescribable and unbearable, the idea of Heaven and being with Christ sounds better and better and better.
I have longed for His return since I was 12 years old. It feels like an eternity to wait, but no more than now, with this great pain pulling my body in half, and driving a pike deep within me.
I think of my dream, or vision, whatever you would call it, those years ago...and how magnificent it was to see Him. I wish I could remember what He looked like. And oh! the moment He reached out, looked me in the eye as I sobbed with relief and joy--though I dropped my gaze--touched my shoulder and said:
Well done, good and faithful servant. (And since nothing in this is detracting or different from Scripture, I will take it as a gift of strengthening for me, but I do not believe this was a new revelation.)
Can you imagine? When I think of that blessing sent as a dream, vision or the future, it makes it easier to bear up under the strain of the broken world we remain in. Imagine, if you will, that Christ is indeed standing right in front of you, love and pleasure at your being there flowing from Him, and He tells you well done. Well done! That alone is incredible. The God of all, King of Kings and Lord of Lords said well done to a creation of His. Then---as if it was not enough, He calls us good and faithful servants.
The pleasure of knowing one had pleased Christ with their life--accepted and loved Him--would probably be overwhelming. If it was a real experience, not just a dream, but a true vision, it was overwhelming.
As I suffer daily, hourly, and now without even the escape of sleep and a soft bed, when I get out of an attack, I think now that, if with God's strength, I remain firm in the faith, I will be there, in Paradise, likely after a lifetime (or not, depending on how events turn out in our Lord's plan), no longer sick, in pain, in sorrow of things lost, but free of all that, in in the perfect presence of the One I love. It wouldn't even matter if I got those words, Well done, Good and Faithful Servant, but it certainly is wonderful praise coming from the One who has watched me this last month.
Whatever you walk, limp, crawl or "merely" cry to, cling to Him. He is the One who is always there, always able to actually give you strength, peace, wisdom and healing--though healing doesn't always come when we might wish. Sometimes it is because we will be of more use, even to our own selves as we finish life here on earth. But do dwell on Him, for we are only hurting ourselves, and terribly, by not delving into God. Look at the first couple, and the things that happened with their separation with God. It is a deadly mistake to remove oneself from God, or be too busy---we.will note the loss sooner than we might think. Keep the faith, even as I have not studied as much, it is tooo easy to fall off the trail, and be near it, not on it. Hang in there.
I have longed for His return since I was 12 years old. It feels like an eternity to wait, but no more than now, with this great pain pulling my body in half, and driving a pike deep within me.
I think of my dream, or vision, whatever you would call it, those years ago...and how magnificent it was to see Him. I wish I could remember what He looked like. And oh! the moment He reached out, looked me in the eye as I sobbed with relief and joy--though I dropped my gaze--touched my shoulder and said:
Well done, good and faithful servant. (And since nothing in this is detracting or different from Scripture, I will take it as a gift of strengthening for me, but I do not believe this was a new revelation.)
Can you imagine? When I think of that blessing sent as a dream, vision or the future, it makes it easier to bear up under the strain of the broken world we remain in. Imagine, if you will, that Christ is indeed standing right in front of you, love and pleasure at your being there flowing from Him, and He tells you well done. Well done! That alone is incredible. The God of all, King of Kings and Lord of Lords said well done to a creation of His. Then---as if it was not enough, He calls us good and faithful servants.
The pleasure of knowing one had pleased Christ with their life--accepted and loved Him--would probably be overwhelming. If it was a real experience, not just a dream, but a true vision, it was overwhelming.
As I suffer daily, hourly, and now without even the escape of sleep and a soft bed, when I get out of an attack, I think now that, if with God's strength, I remain firm in the faith, I will be there, in Paradise, likely after a lifetime (or not, depending on how events turn out in our Lord's plan), no longer sick, in pain, in sorrow of things lost, but free of all that, in in the perfect presence of the One I love. It wouldn't even matter if I got those words, Well done, Good and Faithful Servant, but it certainly is wonderful praise coming from the One who has watched me this last month.
Whatever you walk, limp, crawl or "merely" cry to, cling to Him. He is the One who is always there, always able to actually give you strength, peace, wisdom and healing--though healing doesn't always come when we might wish. Sometimes it is because we will be of more use, even to our own selves as we finish life here on earth. But do dwell on Him, for we are only hurting ourselves, and terribly, by not delving into God. Look at the first couple, and the things that happened with their separation with God. It is a deadly mistake to remove oneself from God, or be too busy---we.will note the loss sooner than we might think. Keep the faith, even as I have not studied as much, it is tooo easy to fall off the trail, and be near it, not on it. Hang in there.
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